has he ever tanned before?

tanning is something i sure can't picture my H EVER taking the iniative to do.

does RT tan?

It's very encouraging that he is so concerned about your car and that he let Georgia run all over you.

No, last time he tanned was I think before our wedding (we got married in December and we wanted to look less pasty in our pics). So we're talking 12 years.

RT does not tan...at least not that I've known of or noticed in the past. Maybe it's something they decided to do together. gross.

I asked if his IC recommended it, and he said no. Tanning beds don't work for SAD, anyway...it's just a google away...so that's a crock.

Sis, maybe I missed this . . . but does Turd know that your WH keeps coming into your house?

If she does know, does she just think it's to see the kids?
Mulan

Georgia could be come a connection between you like Daze was speaking about...

"Is Georgia missing me like I'm missing her?"...etc...

With the car stuff, you are meeting the Domestic Support and Family Commitment Needs..

Yes, I think in terms of EMOTIONAL NEEDS... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I have no idea...

MIMI! IT'S A RAT!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Oh well, I suppose its better than a CAT! ugh! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

NOT

Mimi:

I think it plays better with the DOG.

The RAT is new, and something that happened out of the marital house.

Did it arrive after MIL/FIL left for AZ? If so, could Georgia be looking for a new home soon???

Also, I thought that today went quite well for LilSis.

Seems that was the longest time in IL's house since FIL went to someplace sunny....

Good, Good, Nudge, Nudge....

Till tommorrow night!

LG

I'm thinking either he heard something about SAD recently and pounced on that being the reason he's been so depressed lately.

Or....perhaps he has been telling RT how depressed he feels and SHE told him he might have SAD, and told him he should try a tanning booth.

~ Marsh

Listen here, lady, you need to get a REAL PET!! I have seen your silly CATS! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

interesting that he still feels comfortable enough in the house to make himself a cup of tea....

and do things around the house for you

Hi, LilSis!

I haven't been posting, but I've been keeping up with your situation. You're doing GREAT! I really can't add to the advice you're getting, which is fantastic!


I've been wondering about this trip to Phoenix...and trying to think the way RT might think.

I gather she DOES know that your MiL does not like her, right? And, that your MiL does not want her setting one foot inside her house, right?

Now, if I was an OW who hoped to marry a MM who is close to his family...I'd be trying to think of a way to get "accepted" into the family. If I knew that his parents didn't approve of me, there's no way I'd let him go visit them for a week without me. I don't think RT would want to take the chance that they might actually talk some sense into him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Soooo....with them being so far away from home, she MIGHT think she'd have a better chance to "win them over" if she goes down there...away from YOU, ESPECIALLY if she knows they don't like her. (Also might be why WH is taking the van.) She MIGHT think that if she just shows up on their doorstep with your WH, they will let your WH AND HER stay with them...since they've come such a long way and all. (GAG!) Then, she MIGHT think that if she can just spend a little time with them so they get to "know her", she will win them over with her feral lil' rat-toothed smiles and her best behavior. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

So, LilSis, do you think she would have the GALL to go to Phoenix with your WH? Once there, would your in-laws tell your WH that she is not welcome and they need to go elsewhere?

I am hopeful that your WH is going to visit them because he needs some time away from RT...some time to think everthing over. But, I think you ought to consider the possibility that RT may be aware that he is drawing away from her and toward you...and think that getting his mother's approval will clinch the deal for her.

If she does go with him...and considering how your MiL feels about you, I'll betcha that would be a show to see! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Wouldn't it be nice if MiL could be prepared and have a video camera all set up so you could enjoy the show? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, I guess you'll find out soon enough.

lilsis

i have been keeping up with your thread

there was a time after my H left that he was seriuosly considering his choices and was open to the possibility of returning home for the first time since he left

at that time, he was again acting like he was trying out the possibility that the home and life he left could be his again

it reminds me of your H now

so comfortable with you and in your home

I see this scenario as potential for a disaster.

It would do nothing to help LilSis' situation, instead it would stop any real talk (which it would be designed specifically to do), and it would probably set up LS' Wayward Husband for a "choice of rebellion" pitting him and OW "against the world" again just like when he first left for her. Adultery thrives on drama.

Since LS's WH went alone last year I'm hoping that's his plan.

About the tanning. When you start serious weight training at a gym it is often suggested that you use the tanning beds. (Vitamin D I was told.) I'm too scared of getting wrinkles to do it. But it is a service they sell. He's eating like a man who has been to the gym. Just saying--This was my concern before with the cookies, when someone starts weight training you have to eat a certain way if you are serious about building muscles. It's hard to change your eating habits with food, people try to sabatage it all the time, and that is right annoying when you're serious. Feels like disrespect.

I am NOT saying I think LS has disrespected him!! Don't go twisting my words. LS your best bet is to poke around on that one. He went for the (healthy) granola, after all.

I've never looked up tanning beds and SAD on the internet. My husband does actually get SAD though and we have a tanning bed in the basement, (I could go and get my vitamin D there, if I wanted to.) It has been helpful for my husband. In the spring I will use it before we start going out on our boat, and it is very relaxing and you do feel good when you get out of it. I just don't use it much because I get a lot of sun in the summer, and I don't care for a tan in winter for myself.

Edit: Just looked it up. There seems to disagreement among the experts. I'm not convinced it isn't helpful: the tanning bed does deliver bright light and UV rays, which in turn are used in the manufacture of melatonin..

I do think your WH's problem is SAD but it's probably not Seasonal Affective Disorder, it's Sorry About Divorcing.. Wikipedia also says it raises endorphins, which means the two year affair buzz is very likely diminishing!

I did consider that...but I'm very skeptical. For one, she has kids, and it would be really hard (I imagine) for her to be gone for that period of time.

And I can't imagine that WH would be THAT disrespectful to his parents. He KNOWS beyond a shadow of a doubt that they would NEVER EVER endorse any kind of realtionship with RT, especially NOW, while he's still married.

And he did go alone last year...so...

But you are absolutely right. If I were RT, I would NOT be AT ALL happy with this trip. I would be conniving like crazy for a way to make sure that he did NOT go. If he does actually escape her claws long enough to get to AZ, I would take that as a good sign.

BTW...I'm dropping off some granola this morning...it is very healthy, so hopefully I can score the DS points without "disrespecting" his wish to be healthy.

Oh yeah....I didn't notice the roses in the house yesterday (I delivered on Thurs.). I'm thinking they went in the trash when he got the notice from FOC.

I did see the book, though...and the bag with the nightie still on the floor.

If he's having to go tanning to get an endorphin fix that's a great sign LS! I didn't want you to miss that edit, because that means the affair buzz is diminishing! It normally takes about two years for the brain "infatuation cocktail" to diminish, which puts you in a very strong position right now, especially with his current level of responsiveness to you.

It's your time to SHINE YOUR LIGHT BRIGHT.

Please someone spin this to a positive for me. I called WH as I was running the boys to school to give him a courtesy “head’s up.” He actually answered, and I told him that before he took off for the morning I thought I’d let him know that I’d be dropping off some granola. He kind of gave a sigh, and a reluctant okay. I asked if it was a problem and he (sighing again) said no. I told him I would just leave it by the back door, no big deal.

I get to the house and his truck is there. As I am walking up the driveway…I am about 80% RT drove by (again, those stupid Chrysler minivans are EVERYWHERE). Anyway, a dark-haired woman was on a phone and looked right at me as she drove past. It was hard to see as I was almost to the house by that time, and I didn’t want to stare (why is it that that stupid sense of propriety pops up at such an inconvenient time? I probably should have).

I was carrying the little container of granola and had stopped to pick up the paper that was laying in the driveway.

I got to the back door and knocked…just to see if he was there. No answer, and the dog didn’t run to the back door, either, which she always does upon hearing a knock…so maybe he was taking her for a walk so as not to have contact with me??

I am going to call MIL tonight and tattle on WH…telling her that I am QUITE sure that RT was driving by. They would be FURIOUS if they found out that she was coming into the house.

I did notice yesterday that the picture/poem that I dropped off there several weeks ago was still stuck up on the kitchen cabinet door. He wouldn’t have THAT up if she was coming over…no way. Plus the book was on the counter yesterday, too.

Okay…sooo…possible positive spin: RT sees me and LBs like crazy. I don’t haven ANY idea if she knows what I’ve been doing. What are the opinions? Would WH tell her?

Anyway…ouch. I had a few moments of wanting to cry and feeling defeated. The dark, dark, awful feelings I have about RT are so overwhelming, and I REALLY box those feelings up…which I shouldn’t do. I’ll have to ask my therapist about that, because I KNOW I have not dealt with/deal with those feelings in a healthy way. I’d love to hear from BS’s about how they deal with those feelings long term.

hmmm....you called and told him you'd be dropping by.....you get there and he's not there.....and SHE drives by....a little odd, dontcha think?


all speculation here...
maybe THAY had plans this morning and he called her to tell her he'd be late....she threw a fit and was driving by to CHECK on him.
if that's the case....she is REALLY ticked now.
but, why wasn't he in the house?
maybe he anticipated both of you dropping by at the same time and he thought it would be a good time to take the dog for a walk.

That's why the R between waywards cannot be compared to a NORMAL RELATIONSHIP. Their relationship was established based on LIES and DECEIT. So they don't TRUST each other. RT is sensing that your WH is DIFFERENT..that ST is up with him..they are FIGHTING..whatever..all is NOT RIGHT in TURDLAND..so she is doing DRIVEBYS...and yes there will be LBing..I THINK..but who knows with them..THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS SO SICK AND ABNORMAL..Normal folks like us will find these relationships difficult to comprehend...just so WEIRD...