I think it's MAJOR that he wants to shop for you. He sees your change, in wanting and receiving HELP from him, which is IMPORTANT to him. He BELIEVES that your PLAN A is sincere and is now allowing YOU to meet the ADMIRATION NEED..IMO, THIS IS MAJOR!!!

Make sure the go overboard in your expression of APPRECIATION. Some may disagree with this but I GUARANTEE YOU that your WH will love this. "Thank you so much..so wonderful of you to think of ME while shopping at Sam's and I'm glad you liked the granola..made it especially for you..cause I knew you would like it"..I continue to be SHOCKED by how much my H LOVES this..after so MANY YEARS of neglecting to say such things...."What was I thinking?"..he will lap this up like a puppy dog..this is what he has wanted from you FOR YEARS..and he is giving you that second chance....


"SCORE A HOME RUN" tonight on the PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS....

Yes now she may become desperate and try to pull some tricks out of her hat..AND he may become mean again..but YOU ARE CREATING MEMORIES OF THIS TIME THAT HE CANNOT FORGET.... Let's pray that this GRANOLA RECIPE will be written down in the MR. AND MRS. SIS HISTORY BOOKS....

The scenario I like to imagine----

RT yells at WH: What was LilSis doing at your house? After all the horrible things she did I can’t believe you would do that to me! You don’t care about my feelings...and on and on ad nauseum.

Meanwhile, WH hears: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and blah all the while thinking: I need to go to Sam’s and pick up some things. (after all – sorry guys - he is a male. Do you really think he will hear her words?)

While at Sam’s WH subconsciously comes up with a reason to call LilSis. Because she will sound pleasant. She will listen to him. He can do something nice for her and be her hero.

Yea, LilSis! You are going to make SOMEONE one heck of a wife!

and continue to play that

"I trust you to do the right thing" card

just the fact that he was at SAMs and he thought about you....and then called you.
speaks volumes!

If it were me, I would be more casual when i see him tonight...not over the top....THAT always scared MY H away... he just didn't buy it. wasn't raised that way...he was always suspicious of anybody who came on too strong.
I had to make the first move when we met....i had to flirt w/ him, but not overtly.... he would have ran....or thought he should slip me a tip.(lol)

look nice, smell nice, be friendly, thankful,confident...sexy w/ your expressions...but, be yourself. IMHO.

Ok...I agree with Nia..NOT OVER THE TOP...

BUT..do express lots of APPRECIATION...

AND.pay attention to how you DRESS...

This can be VERY SUBTLE and is not necessarily SEXUAL...

Does he prefer to see you in JEANS for example?

Again I say..you are wanting to CREATE MEMORIES of you for PLAN B...

Men are VERY VISUAL...by nature...

Continue to NUDGE and to OFFER YOURSELF...

He definitely seems to like being the PURSUER..TAKING THE LEAD...

Well... now he's pi$$ed at me.

It's been snowing again and there is icy chunkage accumulated at the end of my driveway. My neighbor had snow-blown last night, but the plows must have come through today while I was at work and there's a bunch more, mostly frozen. I came home from work this afternoon to quickly change clothes before I went to pick up the boys.

As I was backing out of the driveway, one of the mud flaps must have caught on the snow and snapped off.

I called WH, left a VM telling him what had happened and asking him what he wanted me to do about it. I was very apologetic. A little later he called back, and he's mad. "I warned you about those mud flaps," he says.

"I didn't know it would happen...there is all this ice built up at the end of the driveway. I didn't do it intentionally or carelessly. I was just backing out to go get the kids."

"Well, it needs to be shoveled, then. I told you to be careful because it's a low profile vehicle. You can't go out two-tracking."

"I wasn't. It was shoveled last night, but the plows must have come through today. If you drove past the house you'd see how bad it is."

"Well, you need to keep that shoveled."

"I'm really sorry."

"Well, it's your vehicle. I'll see you around six."

Great. So much for scoring points. I'll let you know how he is tonight. Typically, he gets mad and then it dissapates...we'll see. Again, any way to spin this into a positive??

Passion...

Part of the ALIEN SCRIPT...

Go forward as I have instructed you above...

Pretend like this latest event did not happen...

He remains ADDICTED and does not want the affair to end..does not want to be DRAWN to you by your BEACON..but he is...

DO NOT BE DETERRED BY THIS...

PART OF THE SCRIPT.....

CARRY ON, SOLDIER!!!

THE TROOPS HAVE YOUR BACK HERE!!!

i agree mimi,
men are very visual....and my H definitely responded when i looked good.
and smelled good too.
when i wanted to get his attention i would moisturize w/ a particular oil he bought for me on a very memorable vacation....he later told me how it drove him crazy...he would picture me on that vcation, smelling like that....he even remembered the outfit i wore 1 afternoon.

os there a particular scent your H associates w/ YOU, LS?

Just to add, as I was thinking...

This is one of those issues in our M. WH always responded so harshly to any mistake I would make, or if I did something in a way that he didn't want me to. Like with the boat, tying off at the dock, or launching...if I didn't do something JUST so, he'd explode.

I'm very sensitive to that, and I would just feel so hurt by his reactions. It's not as if I were deliberately screwing up, I just don't always KNOW how he wanted it, or I wasn't strong enough...whatever. To me, it's no wonder I wasn't as vulnerable as I should have been....

I guess I need to have a tougher skin.

BTW...that was one of the things that RT did have...he told me that...she wasn't phased by his pissy nature because she had all brothers and "her dad was an a$$, too." That's admirable. I guess she would just tell him off when he was a jerk...???

So this may be an example of what Orchid talks about then..you got to see a glimpse of your H..not your WH...

Oh, RT..she responds in whatever way she feels will please him..ALL AN ACT..HE'LL SOON LEARN..

Well, I don't know why you felt apologetic about it in the first place, as that sort of thing happens in Northern climes (as I well know....).

B.U.T.

......Don't worry about it. That wasn't anger talking on the phone with you, it's guilt. Guilt because he knows you are keeping his home and heath running and he has left you to take care of his responsibilities. He knows that the snow is an issue (esp. since you drive a pretty little car), and he feels GUILTY. Too bad for him.

I think you can blow this one off.

Be cheerful. Be nice. Be yourself. You can't lose that way.

You are doing great! And he is sure noticing that and it places him in turmoil. Keep it up!!

well, that's interesting.
any other info like that you can share?


well, how do you respond these days?
there is no reason to pretend you are not hurt if you are....maybe learn how to respond in a different way....don't let him get away w/ being a [censored]....look him in the eye and tell him to back off....tell him it's hurts your feelings when he is impatient and rude...then smile and ask him to help show you how he'd like it done.

Well, Maybe you could buy another mudflap, take it with you and lightly make fun of yourself for pretending the Rave was a RAM2500 and ask him if he could help you put it on?

Just a little glimpse down your shirt whilst you're helping wouldn't hurt either. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Ah...LS..

whenever my H would get pi$$y like that.... a sure sign he needed to get laid. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

LS I have to say I have the same problem with my H. Our counselor told me to say ouch whenever he did that and walk away. It's your way of letting him know that he has hurt you and it keeps him from becoming defensive because you LBed him for hurting you. It will make him feel empathetic towards you and you make you point w/out LBing. It works. I have been doing it and my H is less critical. Hope this helps.

MB

LMAO!!!

Yeah, mine too.

~ Marsh

There a poster here who once said that whenever she screwed up, and her H snapped at her, she'd just explain that she had been thinking some naughty thoughts about him when it happened.

LOL

That certainly changed the type of tension that was in the air.

~ Marsh

MB: I really like the suggestion! Where were you four years ago? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

nia: he's not the only one....

And the thing about being thick-skinned...it might be one of those things that wasn't an issue until the A, and he began to get resentful of my "hurt" because he knew he was a cause of it (read: guilt).

Earlier in our M, when he would get pi$$y or blow up over something, he would recognize how hurtful it was TO ME and stop or apologize and we'd move on.

My impression how RT would interact (what I SAW), he would JOKINGLY be mean to her, and she would JOKINGLY be mean back. It was total flirting. Gross.

But maybe not...maybe there's more to it...??? Like he wanted me to stand up to him more, to confront him?

AGAIN...an issue for RECOVERY. For now...get purty for my drop-off.

A positive spin:

He was perversely happy to FINALLY have SOMETHING to complain at you about. SEE? SHE'S NOT SO PERFECT!!!!!!

Two positives to that. He has to grasp at straws these days, because he hasn't been able to truly find fault with you for a while, and even thinking about you madly is still thinking about you and not her.

Thanks for that tip!!! My H is this way too, much worse pre-d-day though. Plan A helped me learn to set my boundaries so now on the rare occasion he acts like that I restate my boundary and walk away. I guess it has worked b/c (along with the more frequent SF <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) like I said it is a rare occurrence now. But next time it does happen maybe I'll try your tip.