I have never asked not to be told the truth. I have never asked for people to keep their opinions to themselves. Maybe I should have asked more specifically for understanding and sensitivity...particularly in those times when I am very vulnerable.

What do you mean by this? Please tell me SPECIFICALLY. Pep is right. Can you tell me LITERALLY how this would be communicated? I understand that you are a BS and I am sensitive to that. I don't want you to continue to be a BS so I provide you with direction based on my experience on how to do PLAN A. How is that NOT BEING UNDERSTANDING AND SENSITIVE

I'm just pointing out that this isn't the ONLY way and if LilSis strayed from the MB way... it doesn't necessarily mean failure for her or her marriage and she shouldn't be made to feel like she screwed up royally. That's all.

Of course MBer's is not the ONLY WAY..but it is THE WAY one should EXPECT to be focused on in this forum...

Will my revealing to OWH make some amends? Probably.

Be the right thing to do? Certainly.

Will the OW H be crushed and cruising for other woman, married or not? Interesting speculation, that's all.

All the points you make, in context, make sense. And I would never disagree with you proposing that for others.

But in our situation now, and where we stand, it's water under the bridge.

My BS really wanted to go up to the OW 18 Year Old son and tell him is explicit detail how his mother was rutting on my office floor. She even told OW that on the phone about 10 days after Dday when OW attempted to contact me, and BS got to answer the phone. That stopped all contact from OW.

There is a reason why there are so few Waywards that post around here. Because if you come by early, you get bashed because you may be in the FOG/Lost/stupid/Whatever. And if you come by later, you get bashed because "you haven't done it right"

By whose measure? If we are recovering, in a manner and at a pace that is comfortable for us, whose to say if it is wrong?

I wanted out of my A long before Dday. I stopped erasing emails, text msg's and phone calls.

And then my BS found this website, and told me to come here. I didn't spend anytime on the discussion boards, I went through the information first. Ordered HNHN and SAA the next morning. Dday was one day away. Because what I had read on this Dr Harley's website. Not the discussion boards. How special my A really was. How I ended up in a affair. The path we took. EN's and the stages of an A. And the next morning I told OW it was over. She called BS and off to the races we went.

But that morning, my A was over. I had made my choice. No long, dragged out, WH fence sitting, with a pleading BS, begging me to come home. BS having to formulate a Plan A. I plan Aed. I gave her what I hadn't been giving her for a long time.

I almost destroyed my W because of my A. And I have slowly spent the past 18 Months building her back up. As a matter of fact, today is an anniversary date. We will have our customary bottle of wine tonight in the hot tub after the SB.

Did she tell me last night that she is thankful for these 18 months? Yes. Was she blowing smoke? No. Does she still trigger, and have terrible thoughts about the A? about me? about the missing time? Yes.

Are we fully recovered? No. Will talking to OW H have any effect on that. I really believe that the answer is no. But I will bring it up with my BS. And we will use POJA to decide what to do. And the JA is biased in her favor.

Recovery can mean alot of different things to people. Your recovery will not be like mine, or someone elses. And we may have different expectations of what the recovery will look like.

So, I came to these discussion boards about a year into recovery. Learned a number of things. Who to respect, who to ignore, and real disappointment of the treatment of Waywards, who, although lost in the FOG, were looking for a way out. But generally got 2x4's. So back to the fog they go.

I was cheered by the treatment of the Betrayed. They find alot of support. Which, obviously, they really need. But after a while it became plainly obvious to me that some of the BS were probably lousy people as well. Maybe they would get a few 2x4's, but they generally would get a pass. And could take swings at will.

This discussion board needs as many Waywards as it can get. Especially members who have traveled far on the recovery path. Because if they stay around, they can offer assistance and guidance to others with a perspective that Betrayed can not give. Ever. I do not care how many posts you have around here.

And I offer the following proof. There are 956 pages of threads on this GQII board alone. With about 35-40 threads per page. That's 35,372 potential threads of someone searching for help. Many are comedy threads, or observation threads, of the morning coffee types. The vast majority of threads never get to a second page. Why is that? And then we have threads that go for over a hundred pages. Because the original poster hangs around and begins to change. And grow. And we all want to help that growth.

So, Mrs W, no response is required. This thread will die. Maybe even the Moderators will pull it on Monday. Like they most certainly will the other thread about Integrity. That started all this.

And another voice is silenced, "In the Choir" all because it wasn't exactly in harmony with some preconceived thought pattern.

And yes, some may just may claim I am "Still in the FOG" but isn't that justification for the view in the mirror you don't like?

LG...please don't go! I'm hanging around, I'm changing, and I need you to keep helping me.

You are my friend, one of my cheerleaders, and I really rely on you. You see, I'm sitting here crying right now because of some stupid, selfish thing my WH has done. I feel like I'M THE ONLY ONE DOING THE CHANGING...I'm doing all of this growing, becoming a better person, and I just end up with a kick in the face.

Tonight, I feel like I'm trying to save something that's already gone. I need you to keep telling me what it's like on the other side...that all of my changing and sweat and tears aren't for naught. Keep telling me to hang in there.

Please?