I found this..it was only 3 pages from 5/26/03 to 7/18/03...

I've come such a long, long way...

Check out these entries...

"I'm turning my face towards God..Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding and He will dirct your paths..."

"Jesus understands suffering /rejection: Jesus "came to His own and his own did not receive him " (John 1:11)

"What God has joined together, let man not separate..the words of Jesus in Mark 10....

"The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. (Romans 8: 6-8)...Christ is not in the sinful person."

"Not your way (my name) but God's way"...

"In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)

My Revelations:

"Contact results in yearning/panic! I function significantly better with no contact. Contact is only CRUMBS."

"I will need to get stronger in order to be prepared for the recovery process if he does come back."

"I can and will be with someone who wants to be with me and acts like it. If not, I'd rather be alone."

Important concept: (Is what i called it on 7/18/03)

"I am the one that needs to understand and believe how bad I am being treated. Don't need for him to understand and believe which is me being controlling."

Today...12/16/06:

I just got all prettied up to go out with my H who is soooo IN LOVE with me.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

An inspiration to me, too. Thank you for sharing. I'm getting there! I'm really beginning to believe in myself--probably for the first time in my life. I still need validation, though. For example, my therapist told me this week that he knew I was going to make it and I skipped out of there feeling like I just got an A on a really hard exam--even though I already knew I was going to make it. Why isn't believing in myself enough for me? Does that come, too? or wasn't that an issue for you?

Why does it mean so much to me what others think? I'll admit it matters much less today than it did a year ago, but I'm not where I want to be yet.

BTW...I can't imagine you needing to get prettied up. Your beauty and generousity and compassion must shine through on even the worst bad hair day. No wonder your H is so in love with you.

LilSis

Thanks for your words they help to put hings in perspective for me.

Mimi...

I am just stopping by to see what is going on.

This is a very poignant journal summary here. You say a lot in those very few words....

Georgia

Mimi-found this today thank you...plan b is just around the corner for me and your word made me fill like I'm doing the right thing.

I also thought this might help someone else.