Sorry for crashing the thread (WH myself). I'm confused in
similar situation as far as out of the house but re-visiting.
When I left (very difficult, but obviously helped her) I wasn't going to be in her hair. But, kittens break legs, lights need hanging, trees need putting up etc. I realized I'd been there every day, only sleeping elswhere. That (and her wanting me not to participate in family activities.... since we're not a family, etc.) prompted me to re-establish the original boundary, and so I was gone all last week. But that brought an accusation of abandoning the kids (not living where I can take them on weekend, not calling etc.). So when I think I'm honoring a boundary, I'm too distant, and when I am trying to be helpful, I'm too present.
If I just need to accept that it's confusing and I'm not going to figure it out, I'm okay with that. But, I'm curious if you have insight if there really is an over-riding factor I'm missing. What's the real desire over having the seperation? Besides I make her sick to look at me, how to honor her wishes... all of them...?
I desire reconciliation. My talk-affair stopped over 1.5 years ago but telling her only 6 weeks old. (14+ yrs married, 5 kids)
Also, you mentioned financial concerns. Curious what that really means. I'm in a job that will go away by Mar 08. That may seem a long way out, but right now it's a hard deadline. Previous attempts (before the present crisis) to talk about it and pursue other work seemed to leave her more unsecure about a job search than about sitting in a job at risk (she may not believe it's at risk, possibly believes I have ulterior motives for seeking other work?). That discussion was dropped and I settled in to my present work. All of this hasn't been discussed under present circumstances, but would seem relevant. I've avoided it because I don't think it's wise to come across like there's this financial threat that should make her want to reconcile (not that it would). I'm seeking financial advice to paint a black-&-white picture to discuss all this objectively by early next month. Just wondering what to expect as far as how she'll see all that. It was confusing to me before the crises.... I can't imagine it will be simpler now.
tx