The short answer is because of the hardness of her heart toward God.




About 6 years + a few months.

It didn't really happen until the day that I told her to leave (meaning that the marriage was over). When she left, she thought (so she has told me) that she felt "I'm free!!" But during the 10 minute drive to her apartment where the OM was waiting for her she began to feel the weight of the reality of her choices and how they were going to change everything in her life. About a month later she was "ready" to attempt recovery, even while still deeply emotionally attached to the OM. It took 4 more years to finally get fully extricated from the OM.




Perhaps you answered your own question. I know in my case I think God was preparing ME to be able to handle the affair and to use it to draw me closer to him, and subsequently because of that, to draw my wife back to him. Today, my wife is really, truly, strongly "in love" with me and has admitted that she still doesn't know how I did it (stay with her) because she doesn't think she would have been that strong. I'm not that strong, but God is and makes His strength available to us. What did God withhold from us? Nothing, including the life of Jesus Christ, while we were yet lost in sin and separated from Him. Now that is strength that overcomes. That is sacrificial love.

And some will never accept the gift that He offers.

God bless

Thanks for all the info. Continue to pray for me and my WW and my family. I know that God has a plan(Jer.29:11)and i just need to let him prepare me for it. It don't get any easier though, does it? I also need to learn how to receive all that he has given me.

Consider it done.

God bless.

Ok what should be my next move in dealing with a WW. I gave her a NC letter yesterday and started Plan B. Have not heard from her since. She has my D that I should be getting tomorrow. In which my D did not stay with WW last night she stayed with her Aunt so my WW could sow her wild oats. How can I move on from this? Should I call or should I wait and let her call me?

Tks M2L and FH for all the help getting to this point. I wish I could have stayed in recovery.:(

Bump Need help!!!

pHB,

If you are in plan B then you don't want to talk to your wife at all.

She is/was getting some EN from you and some from OM. With you not talking to or being around her then she has only the OM. Now he has to be verything to her ALL the time. It doesn't work that way. The OM is not her H, you are and only you can meet all of her EN.

Stay quite with her. You will see that refferred to as "dark" around here. Let her feel what it is not to have pHB in her life. Do all you can with your DD, be the best father you can to her - she will need it. Have a go between lined up to handle the child hand offs and such so you don't have to talk to your wife at all.

This is not easy, it sucks, but it is the best shot at saving your M I think.

Like I said before, it is slow today and others with many more posts than I have next to my name will come along soon. If not, please keep bumping.

Best wishes,

M2L

read up on Plan B

I'm not sure I was supplying any EN's for her. The only time I was able to talk with her reasonably was 12/20 when she aasked to try to make things work. I was able to listen to her and console and hold that day, but it was back to Dr. Jeckell 2 days later. All of our other meetings have not been to well received by either of us. It will be hard since we have a D involved and we have no one set up to be the go between.

Any other ideas or thoughts?????????? Need as much help and support as I can get.Tks in advance.

When I was in my very short-lived Plan B, my H would beep when he was to p/u the children & then just drop them off. I wouldn't have to see him or talk to him. He was not permitted inside the house. This killed him b/c he wanted to be able to come in, say what he wanted to say & then leave. After a while, he started to miss our conversations; he started to miss the friendship we had before. Don't know if that would work for you or not.

That may work. The only problem is since I gave her the NC letter I have not talked to her. I really don't know if she has read it. She told me to leave it in her mailbox and that is what I did. But i really don't know whether she has read it or not. Don't really matter as long as she gets it.

StandingTogether hadn't heard from you in a while glad to see you are still around. When you say shortlived Plan B how long do you mean. This is only my first day and I am about to drive myself crazy. Thank God for Bowl games to keep my mind off of it some of the time.

As for others how long did some of your Plan B's last and what can I do to make them a little easier. And even quicker if possible.

WOW! That sums things up doesn't it

Believe it or not eav1967 that was the message my pastor preached on 2 months ago. My WW was in that service. I was at work but my friend gave me the notes. She must have had ears full of cotton.

Your plan B needs to be much more well planned than your haphazard attempt. Change the title of the thread to need plan B help. I don't have any experience with plan B other than to tell you you need more help with it. Post enough catchy titles to get ML or Marsh's attention.

I know its kinda Haphazard but that is kinda how my life goes. I fly by the seat of my pants most of the time and don't have the time to plan anything. Been that way for 15 yrs. Guess that got me to where I am today.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Plop down the $185, call SH, and get a PLAN!

I did call for an appointment but haven't nailed it down yet.

Looking for answers I can do in the meantime.

pHB...Are you aware that Plan B is supposed to follow a very well executed Plan A. Have you finished reading Surviving an Affair? Have you made at least 3 very consistant positive changes in yourself that would make you a better husband?

Do you know what the content of a Plan B letter is supposed to contain? Do you know that Plan B is to protect yourself, because you have exhausted your ability to deal any longer with your W because your Love Bank is empty? Do you know what Harley's concept is, regarding the Love Bank and deposits therein?

I think you are looking for a shortcut, and quick way through this, and haven't realized how HARD it is, and HOW much WORK YOU have to do.

There is no EASY button.

Back to basics...have you read "surviving an affair"?

Best wishes
SD

Not quite finished with SAA but I know I have made more than 3 changes in myself.


I read quite a few of the plan b letters that are on this site before I wrote mine. I needed to act quickly because my love bank was depleted. To much info came my way(from WW) and I almost overreacted and just ended it myself by looking for me someone to cover my hurt and loneliness. If I hadn't already read about Plan B I probably would have tried to get even. God is always watching over me.

Have you made arrangements on custody of your daughter? Are you still living in the marital home?

And another question, why are you thinking Plan B? It is a bit early for that.

I don't think you should be in Plan B yet either.

It was only a few days ago that you had your WW in your lap.

She is still connecting w/ you....letting you meet her ENs.

You should be meeting them, PLUS looking to meet MORE of them.

Tell us what you wrote in your Plan B letter.

~ Marsh