Printed and in back pocket. Tks M2L, I wish I had the gift of words

Whatever you do, don't Love Bust. Let her do the talking, and let her "unload" the whole volcano without interruption. Take notes if you can, so you can correct anything that is a complete falsehood, but do it with complete control of your emotions. No hint of tone in your voice and no attitude. Just the facts.

Stick with your mantra, I'm doing this because I believe in you, I believe in me and I believe in our marriage.

Regarding the crap she wrote and sent out to others... let it go. The quickest way to stop a rumor is not to respond to it. This is no different. Otherwise it turns into a Donald/Rosie public shootout, and both of you lose respect and credibility. Tuck it in a file and 2 years into recovery see how your W reacts to it then <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Best wishes,
SD

Haven't heard from her yet. May not. She may being fuming over it right now or she may have just blew it off. Either way I am staying clear of LB's. The bad thing is its almost like I don't even care.

See how much you've grown in such a short time? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

The good thing is...you do care! The bad thing is...you are tired and losing patience, your Taker is demanding some attention and your Giver is tuckered out!

The other good thing is...when you reach that point "like I don't even care" is when you are able to emotionally detach, and it makes the hard decisions easier to make and execute, because in a sense, you have less to lose. And, the actions your W makes do not impact you so greatly, and you are not compelled to react to everything.

Use that "feeling" to stick with the program. You still love your W, you're just sick and tired of the WW!

Best wishes,
SD

This was the changing point with me too. Things were just as bad, but easier to handle.

None of us here could have pushed you to this point. You had to reach it on your own.

Just another step on this chitty path.

I don't know if its growth but distancing myself from WW. I don't know if that is God moving me away se he can work without me getting in the way or God releasing me from her so I can move on because of her will not to return.

tonights update:

Not much happened. DD called and was pitching a fit again for me to come pick her up. WW can't blame this one on me because I have not been around DD since Monday morning. DD is doing this on her own. WW still found a way to blame me for this and my reply was "I can see why you feel this way and I understand". WW had a few more words for me and I just agree with her. I talked again with DD(WW put me on speaker so she could hear me) and I begin to just talk with DD. I told her the things we were going to do tomorrow including picking out the exact colors she wanted for her room. She calmed down and said ok I will see you tomorrow. I said ok and remember WE love you. Then the phone hung up. WW made no mention of papers. Really the only things she was saying was how "I" have messed things up. I never commented when she was babbling.

One funny thing was WW wanted to know where I was. I told her I was out with some friends. She said where? I simply replied with some friends. She said OH. Then while talking to DD I heard her whisper to DD ask him where he is? she knows I tell DD everything. I knew I was on speaker and I said DD I am out with some of my male friends. DD moved on from that. I don't want to read into to much of this, but is she worrying that I may be moving on.

Or maybe she'd like to catch you out w/ another woman so she can turn the tables on you.

Anyway, stuff is brewing in A land.

You did great tonight.

~ Marsh

I wouldn't read too much into it. Just another day on the old messed up road.

I seem to have found these kinda days harder than if something major happened, good or bad. How? If it was good or bad, I had something to aim at. Days like these just seem to drag on with no real clear path.

All in all just part of the story.


Are you still saving $$$ to call Steve H? He will be your best bet for getting a plan together for you. Better than us.

She won't catch me doing that because I pray that I will stay clear of that.

I am not sure whether things are brewing or not. I think WW was trying to dish DD off to me tonight to have time w/OM to talk about the paperwork. Not sure but a hunch.

I did ok, I still feel like I am not doing enough but I can see where sometimes doing less is more.

Exactly!

You got it!

I'm outta here for the nite.

Laters.

~ Marsh

Yeah I don't like days like this.



Yes I am and I should be good to go by end of next week as long as nothin major happens.

You may want to know this or you may not but I am an avid sports guy. I spend a lot of time playing and watching just about anything. Since all of this started I have not had much interest in them. But I was at choir pratice tonight and the music director(who also received the email from WW) asked me if I was ok. I shared with him a little bit of info and I made the statement "I have turned this into a game." Then i thought for a second about what I just said and it hit me. This is a game. I am going to do everything in my power to win this game(I don't like to lose). My game is this, to drive WW crazy with the things I am learning and will continue to learn from MBer's. I will drive her insane with kindness and Love and what ever else I can do. I am going to disrupt the A in a way that OM & WW turn against each other. Then WW will be able to see the firm changes in me and want to reconcile. Now I can go out and play the game at all times, what I have to learn how to do is to coach the game. Right now MBer's are my coach, and I am just playing, But I don't want to play long, I want to be a Coach. Just like you guys. Thanks again for the coaching.

Hey, I'm just a cheerleader for the Harleys. They are the coach and they own the team.

Funny you mention the sports thing. I always watched the news before my dday. Now - not so much.

I hate not having anything to report on. I can't learn as well if nothing happens

I disagree.

You are learning the fine art of being still, my friend.

~ Marsh

I hope I don't need to be still for long or I will need some Ridelyn.

You have found a time for resting and healing. These quiet times are not your enemy, they are your friend. These are the times you can think about your plan and how to execute the plan. You are at the point of removing yourself from your WW's chaos. This is when you start to become more attractive, because she will see and sense your calm with envy.

Her life is utter chaos, and she has no plan. She is drifting aimlessly. When she senses your emotional detachment, she'll begin to think you may just be moving on. This was not part of her plan, regardless of what she's said or done. Contemplating life totally without you will give her a great deal of inner conflict. She's now doubting her every move.

You are doing great... we've all been through this. You'll see it posted here a lot that recovery is much harder than the initial snooping, exposing and D-day. It requires more grit on the BS's part to sustain the Plan A through this time period. That's why you rest and plan during these quiet moments. You will still need to be ready for action as the circumstances evolve...and they will!

Stay steady and confident. You'll make a fabulous coach! Keep the "game" concept alive and develop it. It is no less than a high stakes game, once you've reached the emotional detachment, because you have NO stake in the WW, the person you W has become. Your only concern is your W, the one you knew and loved, Pre Affair. This concept will work wonders for you in your efforts.

Best wishes,
SD

LOL

You're gonna be plenty busy painting DD's room tonight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

BTW: Are you on AD's?

~ Marsh

Just got some bad news form a lady from our church that had a talk with WW and I will report on it in few. But it isn't good.