One thing I'd include in your chat with Steve is your own shortcomings in the marriage, and what you have done to change them. Give him the "big picture" as best you can. He cannot give you the best advice if there are parts of the puzzle left out.

Wishing you the best of luck, pHB. This has been tough on you, but we are seeing you get tougher as things progress. Prepare yourself to be at peace with yourself whether your marriage works out or not. This is critical. You need to be a survivor, regardless of the outcome.

Best wishes,
SD

I will keep that in mind while I am talking. I am a survivor, she is the one losing. I may be crazy at times but overall I am getting much better.

The next time I get on here I hope to have an outlined Plan and a hope that gets me where I want to be.

I'll be supportively waiting.

Thinking of you, PHB!

I can't wait to hear how it went for you.

~ Marsh

PS: 24 was terrific! Although I can't stand watching 'us' make deals w/ the terrorists. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

good luck with Steve today, PHB. He is great! I have talked to him twice so far in my sitch.

I am waiting for him to call me back or answer. My nerves are shot right now. I feel that God has lead me to this point to make me a better Person, Husband and Father that he would have me to be.

Can you beleive Jack shot Curtis. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

OH thanks alot - I DVRed it - now you blew it for me.

Just kidding man, I don't watch it. Have a laugh on me, I;m sure you need it.

Yeah, that was tough to watch.

I really couldn't buy into the belief that Curtis would behave that way though. He has always been very professional. I was angry that the writers wrote that into the script. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I saw my 14 year old son wipe his eyes after that scene. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> You don't watch 24?

M2L, you don't know what you're missing.

Check it out next week...they do a recap at the beginning of every show, so it's easy to just jump into it.

I'm sure it is very good and I know a lot of people who watch it, but this was one issue with my FWW. I watched too much TV and didn't spend enough time with my family. So I have about 4-5 shows I watch and I try to limit the TV time.
As it is with 2 kids, 5 and 2, there is little time after work with dinner, dishes (I have always done the dishes BTW), baths, books / playing with the kids and bed time for them. 10ish is when I head to bed. Lately it's been bed time with no TV for me and the misses - Ahem!! (sorry pHB) - See another goal for you!!!!

He told me I had no hope.

Just kidding but he really helped me out a bunch and even used his strategy Quickly. As soon as I hung up with him WW called to ask me some thing and while it was still fresh and she was receptive I laid it all out. Cool, calm and collective. I don't think she knew who she was talking to. She wasn't accepting to what I had to say but I just sowed the seeds, I'll let God take care of the rest. I will put more on here later but I am at work and then off to the gym. Thanks again friends. I will check beck before I leave work.

Just a reminder...every time you issue a single Love Buster, it totally negates 10-15 deposits you have made in her Love Bank.

Love Deposits are like seeds in a garden. Plant healthy seeds whenever you can. Eliminating the LB's gives them a healthy environment in which to grow. Plan A is about preparing a garden spot, planting seeds and hoping something will sprout. Plan A is totally concentrating on making the ground as fertile as possible for those seeds.

Love Buster's are drought, flood, hail, wind and insect infestation.

Looking very much forward to hear what you learned. I hope we haven't been misleading you all this time!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

SD

Getting ready to leave work so I don't have alot of time and I left all my notes at home. I will tell you this about call with WW, she was trying to talk me into seeing another woman and I told her through my consuler I have learned the we all need healing and greiving. If we don't take the nessacary time to do these things we carry over to many things into future relationship that will cause turmoil in them also. SH didn't tell me that, it just came to me as I was telling her the things that SH said to say. She started defending her cause and I said I don't want to talk about that, I am trying to help myself here, ain't that what you wanted. She was speechless for a momment then said well yeah. It was great. I will get back on here later tonight and update some more.

I'm glad Steve could help and made you feel better about your sitch so far.

Nice first opening line!!!

PHB,

I can't wait to hear ALL the details. ALL of them! Don't leave a single one out!!!

You sound VERY strong...confident!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

~ Marsh


M2L, You Rock! 24 isn't better than a happy M! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

OK here we go.. a brief over view

Things to say to WW
1-I am not ok with divorce
2-it's not because of commitment
3-I believe there is a way for us to be happy
or for you to be happy with me
or for the parents of our children to be in love
4-Because it can happen
5-There is a way to be great together
6-You and I taught DD right from wrong and we did a good job
7-I will continue to raise DD the same way she has been so far. If you want to do otherwise, it is up to you.

The following I was able to put to use as soon as I hung up with SH...Her answer are in () my replys in []

1-I believe there are some info that has been absent that may help us understand what we could do different.(I don't want that)[I know but I am asking for myself so I can learn from this so that I will be the husband you wanted. Will you help me with that](I have already told you what all you have done and the past 5 months have proved I am right)[Does it really?]
2-There is some options for us.(not interested0
3-Do you agree that this would be the BEST thing for our kids(yes)
4-Do you agree that your happiest sitch would be to be in love w/the father of your daughters(yes it would have been)
5- Do you see that? What will it take to get there? If it isn't impossible, why not explore it?(she said it was impossible)
6-Either way I want to see so I can help myself.(you need to find someone that you can talk to and will leave me alone) [in talking with my cons. he has showed me that all couples who divorce need to go through a Anger phase, Greiving Phase and a healing phase. I think I may be thru the anger phase and now starting to grieve and maybe even heal. But if we don't go thru these phases then we carry baggage into the next relationship and it will not be long until your in the same sitch. I am very vunerable right now and I don't want to fall for the first thing that comes along. I want to be ready so I can allow myself to be able to allow the right one to come into my life. Not just something that meets my needs](i didn't say you had to marry the first one but just get someone) [I don't think that would be the best thing for me or our DD. I think the more time I take the better off I will be.]
7-I would like to revisit what it was like to be a husband and wife and being in love.(not me)[I didn't say you]
8-I just want to know what the map would look like, not take the trip, but what it looks like.
9-I am only trying to understand you, and what got us to this point so I will never let it happen again.(I have alrready told you why)[I know but I never listened,now I am in a position to listen. We all learn from our mistakes and we should try our best to correct them if we can.Do you agree if I would have done a few things different then I would have been a great husband?] (yes but that is the past)[I know its the past, now I am trying to build my future and make myself the best I can be.](If you would have only stood up for me)[I realize that but I can't change it now, I can only prevent it from happening in the future]
10-Will you talk to my cons that i have been talking to to show him where you are and what he can help me with?(why do I need to talk to him) [He said he would like to get your view on things so he would be able to help me better myself and help me understand. Because I really don't understand.]( i don't think I need to talk to him, you can tell him where you failed)[I know but i tend to be blind at times and you wouldn't, you would be able to tell him things that I don't see and then he could help me more. I really want to be a husband that no wife would ever want to leave. And he is helping me with that. And not only a husband but a father and person. I want to be all I can be.](I think on it)[Thanks I really would like that](got to go)[ok](bye)[bye]

That was the best I could remember of our conversation.DD just called Be back in a minute

I know that is kinda hard to follow but that was almost the entire conversation.

SH wants me to get back with him before I move to plan B but he said I was very close to moving to it.
Some highlights of our talk.

DD is not against you, but what you are doing. DD bases her decision off of scripture.That how we taught her.
Be fact baised when talking with WW and as a matter of fact as I can.
Drag feet on legal stuff.
I have 1st right of refusal. this means if WW wants to go do something she would have to ask me to keep the kids before anyone else. I will probably exercise this right.

Basically the talk I had with WW was alot we talked about.
He did say there was a difference between stalking and gathering eveidance or info.

Any questions?

American Idol is tonight!