He has 1 child by my sister and 2 more from Wife #2. Wife #2 wants nothing to do with him anymore. She asked him if he was happy and that was it!

Yep you are right he went back to his wife and she came back to me. Funny thing is I found out that his MOM called my WW and told her she needed to call him because he was upset. That is what brought them back together. Great mom there.

Is sister on your team???

If so, she MAY take this opportunity to take him to court to modify his custody and/or child support. To carry on an affair he must have some extra money laying around. Just one more wrench turning the screws on OM (on top of the screws that XW#2 is likely pushing. If she's been considering pursuing such claim NOW would be the best time to do it. If he has any custody she could even require he not expose her child to any overnight guests not his wife as such is exposing the child to immoral conduct OR try to take away the limited visitation he already has. Expose him in open court. If it makes sense to her.

I find it odd WW would think that YOUR sister would chew YOU out for spying on your WW and her XH. Is your sister in any way alright with this affair with Aunt _____????

BTW, did Uncle OM cheat on your sister too????

Mr. Wondering

Yes


She is considering that now. But like I said I haven't talked with her only hear what mom tells mom. Me and sis don't have a great relationship.


She is only doing court stuff. She does not want him back, she even told me that she would not even file AOA against my WW because he wasn't worth it.


That was why I asked this question. I couldn't figure out WW reason for asking me that.Why would she care if my Sis chewed me out or if I apologized. Unless OM told her that and she knew that wouldn't be right. She may have seen the lie. I don't know though. Can't figure this one out. Any thoughts?

No way, shape or form

yes twice, same with wife # 2

Your sister will make a great witness at any custody/divorce proceeding you eventually have. You should mend that relationship to the extent possible. Like I said, getting OM to end things (or from what I know now seek out another woman to cheat on your wife with) is another angle to getting the affair to end.

Does OM have ANY criminal history or anything in his background you can use against him, legally or otherwise. Since he was married to your sister you must know all his weaknesses. I'm sure you've said some things to your WW about him and likely been met with hostility (as if that line of discussion was getting you no where)...however, remember this, whatever you say to her gets repeated to him. They may mock it...but OM is a spinless insecure peice of crap. It hits home...subconciously.

Money, job, family, anything about his insecurities you learned from your sister over the years is fair game. Even Johnson size or vitality. Sexually, your ww is in fogland, she THINKS it's great...but OM doesn't KNOW it and since YOU are her perfect mate in reality HE can't compare. Waywards do a lot of comparing and though they deny it they often MISS certain things that only YOU know what to do. They try REAL hard to push those thoughts aside but they exist. This IS war.

Last question...was Wife #2 the OW (i.e.-did OM leave your sister for his affair partner whom he then married and is now divorcing). If so...Wife #2 got what she deserved but her attitude about OM being a piece of crap is a little "hello, pot, you're black".

When are you filing your lawsuit against Uncle OM. That disturbing fact...that he's related...is likely to taint any judge/jury very much in your favor.

Mr. Wondering

We have been working on it, but it takes time after all of this. I am not blaming my Sis for this but she certainly hasn't helped any over the past 15 yrs.


None that I know of.
I have tried some of this but you are right, it is met with WW saying to me You are lying. She beleives everything OM says

No but he was with her 2 mts after separation.

Soon very soon

Did you think of any reason why WW called to ask me the question about my Sis?

I have a guess. I'd usually tell you it worthless to spend your time speculating about every little thing WW says and does because it's all foggy nonsense anyway...but I've got a reason to speculate that I'll get to at the end.

A couple of guesses:

Preamble - To the addict EVERYTHING is looked at through the lens of their addiction. If it feeds it; it is goobled up. If it threatens the addiction it is vehemently opposed. If it is inconsequential to the affair it is discarded, avoided, ignored.

1. Waywards like to think that everyone eventually will be OK with their relationship. They simply MUST have the relationship but it is troubling to think and see other people react to it negatively. They fantasize that it will all just end up fine and everyone will be happy for them. Perhaps, WW has expressed, hesitantly, some difficulty with the concept of becoming her neice/nephew's Step-mother. I presume your sister and Uncle OM's kid is a little older and perhaps Sister and/or Neice/Nephew don't like the idea of them all being together. This puts pressure on the affair.

In the interests of alleviating such feelings of doubt and feeding the affair addiction OM treats the insecurity with lies about a conversation he had with his Ex-wife/your sister. He either makes it up out of thin air or contrives it out an actual conversation he had with your sister/his ex-wife wherein he exaggerated AND lied to your sister/his ex-wife about the events that occurred 2 friday's ago.

Now, his ex-wife/your sister MAY have actually said some things along those lines but NOT to condemn you but to say..."sounds like my brother is acting like an idiot...I ought to kick his butt" ...meaning she thinks you are being played the fool chasing around your WW and her exhusband Uncle OM because that's what people outside MB think. In the alternative he told your sister that you did something, said something and/or involved/endangered your neice/nephew, her and OM's kid to keep you and her separated on the issue (sis MAY have even been attacking him on this affair issue and he just reacted by making stuff up to her). OM then twisted the words she did say to suit his needs. This isn't his first affair. He KNOWS how to play this game.

Now...what's interesting and good is...WW KNEW he was lying. She called you to confirm her suspicion. She believed him but NOT hook, line and sinker. Perhaps she sees a little bit about OM's true nature, though you won't get her to admit it anytime soon. If this is the case, I'm guessing she'll drop it. It does not feed her addiction to investigate it any further. You may have an opportunity to DRAMATIZE the situation by continuing the question ... nonchalantly OR even (just came up with this one) calling your sister to discuss it (she will then talk to her ex-husband uncle OM about it). Another good plan MAY be to get your sister on the phone and have her be silent then 3 way in your WW on the line to discuss it further. Maybe even do it when OM is there and he gets on the line too.

If you don't pursue it. Non-aggressively I suspect the whole thing will drop.

2. Uncle OM has insecurities. This may be a part or all of it. He has an underlying fear that your WW may be backing out on the relationship. His wife #2 is NOT taking him back. He is in it to win it. WW still has you trying. OM is a practiced wayward. He KNOWS how to separate WW from her husband and family. OM knows that you and your sister aren't particularly close. SO in order to make himself look better even though it was HIM that escalated the almost fisticuffs 2 weeks ago...he wants to make it all YOUR FAULT. Hence, relaying the message to WW that even your own sister thinks you were in the wrong and should apologize for YOUR actions to everyone. He's saying "I'm a great guy that can do no wrong, this relationship is so special and others just don't understand our love, I'm getting sick of being made out as the bad guy...I'm a lover not a fighter...your husband is the bully...even his sister agrees".

Again, your WW smelled bullcrap and called you to confirm it. She still wasn't convinced. So then prodded you a bit because she couldn't accept that OM had flat out lied to her. Further, she prodded you because she can't be certain of any truths right now and she can't question OM about it because that would be contrary to the addiction because it would make OM insecure, upset, unhappy, etc...and he may pull back and stop giving her the good affair stuff. The commodity is fantasy...you can question a fantasy...just go with it.

Like I said, now she likely wants to drop it but I suggest you cunningly NOT let it drop. Play the drama up a bit with the seeming intent of clearing your name without trying to draw any attention to the fact you are calling OM a liar. This may be a culmination of sevaral or many lies that she's catching OM in...you never know. That's my call and that's why I went through this speculation exercise.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - what does OM do??? If, as you say, his bosses don't care about what he does just maybe one of his customers will. There is more than one way to skin a cat. Any chance OM is has other girlfriends??? Maybe a backup booty call girl??? Maybe he solicits women when away on business and will do so even while dating your wife (assuming your wife is not with him). You could decoy him and get it on tape. There are PI's all over that have decoy girls that work with them to catch serial wayward husbands/boyfriends like Uncle OM.

OK I stirred the pot again with a text message to her asking why she asked. She replied back " I don't know why I even asked. It really doesn't matter to me" I then replied back to her with "It matters to me because it didn't happen. I have since asked and nothing along those lines was said. It must have mattered to you too or you would not have asked. I will find out some more and I will make sure you know the truth."

Have not heard back from her yet. I will let it simmer for a while before I ask again.

Good job, PHB.

Mr. W is a genius!

~ Marsh

Hey pHB, if your lawyer still hasn't called you back, you can hire Mr.W. Tax guy or not he is good with this sitch!!

He is and has such a great way of using his words. Thanks MR. W

Anything else you see that will help let me know and I will put it into action.

WElcome back M2L

No...no...no

don't follow up on this until you've talked to your sister and gotten her involved in "clearing your name". She's likely to then talk to her ex-husband uncle OM about it. You don't even want to ask her to do it. Let it happen naturally.

You see...OM lies to your wife because he can. He lies to her, she lies to him. It's part and parcel to the fantasy. He thinks and hopes he's got her total trust and loyalty. It will likely tee him off that she even called you to confirm his statements. If OM had his way...your WW wouldn't speak to you at all. WW sharing details with you is not a good sign and his insecurities will come flowing out.

Then if sister doesn't follow through with OM, you call or text WW about the issue and your follow up conversation with your sister when you know that OM and WW are together. This MAY cause love busters and instill some reality into their relationship. Throw in a "I wonder what other things you haven't told me that OM has lied about, I don't claim to be the perfect husband but at least you know I'm honest". Then, drop it. Let OM go off.

Interesting she reacted today to your text messages exactly how I said she'd react..."It doesn't matter to me". Of course not, in the fog she is unable to see much of anything true about OM's character why would one simple lie be any different. But texting her without OM there does you no good cause she won't discuss the "lie" with him as it doesn't feed the addiction.

Mr. Wondering

10-4 Mr. W
Problem is I never know exactly when they are together. I will talk w/sis aboutt his to see if I can get her heated at OM to call him and let him know that WW called me questioning his statements. Hopefully he will do as you say and LB. We will have to wait and see......

Thanks

I gone a few days and now everyone in the south is/was M to each other??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

What happened??

Not a whole lot has happened. I think Mr .W had missed the part earlier about the OM being married to my sister at one time. So I was catching him up on that. And he is a wealth of knowledge. So when he gets on here I try to pull as much as I can from him. Mainly the insight he has bu also the wording he uses, because my grammer ain't to good. It helps me look smarter than I am. LOL

YOu did catch up on the post and see that my WW called me to ask about something she heard didn't you.

I missed that part. Where is it???

Page 56 middle ways down

BTW, you can change your personal settings to show more posts per page than the default. For example, on my computer your thread is on Page 15. You don't have to change your post above as most, I think, still use the default setting; however, referring to the date and time, linking it, or quoting it is usually a safer bet.

I like not having to flip pages as often to keep up with a thread or page back to see if I missed a post. Not as much computer downtime as it pulls up each page.

Mr. Wondering

here is WW's reply to my last message."As I stated before I don't know why I asked. I know how your sister is. She does not bother me."

what do you think?

I think it's VERY interesting.

And I think Mr. W theory is probably very close to what happened.

I also think his advice to you to patch things up w/ your sister is a very good idea. You two could become great allys.

~ Marsh