This is true. I think my best bet is to just avoid her all together. That shouldn't be hard for me as I really have a lot going on right now.

Have you thought about calling SH again? Get his input.

I really don't have the money to do that. But I ahven't thought about it because I am not wanting to reconcile right now.

Plus WW has me pi$$ed off right now because she don't want to do anything. I am trying to separate assets and she would rather wait. That ticks me off because she will ruin my credit.

Not much has changed other than me and WW trying to work out separation agreement on our own instead of having to pay a lawyer something that we can do civily. I made my demands and I have stuck with them. She has been bending here and there and still trying to get me to bend. I am not budging. The one thing we are stuck on beleive it or not is in my requests I put that anyone of the opposite sex would not be allowed overnight stays and had to be gone by bedtime. WW has held ground on that one giving on others but I still haven't budged. I told her that judges would not allow that and if she wanted to go to court and pay the money for them to tell her the same thing we could. Last night she called me and agreed to no overnight but she said she didn't agree on OS had to be gone by bedtime. I told her then we will let the judge tell her. That is pretty much all that has been going down lately. pHB is doing as Tony the tiger would say "Grrrrrrrrrreat" Until next go around.

pHB is doing as Tony the tiger would say "Grrrrrrrrrreat" Until next go around. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

See how stong you've become.

Proud of you

AMEN, AMEN and AMEN!!!!!!!!! By God in heaven do not bend on this. She wants to confuse your child and legitimize this immoral, twisted affair R with this ahole OM. Don't you let her. Next time tell her that you are perfectly willing to let the Judge decide but that if it goes that far your demands may increase from where they are now.

Great job pBH! I was just wondering how you've been doing. Lawyers cost money, but so do affairs. If the OM has to cough up some dough to help the little lady in distress, so he can stay over later, or stay overnight, it may test his "love" a little bit. Continue to do whatever you can to make the A difficult, but that's just a byproduct of standing for your kids. You have grown so much. You have much to be proud of!

Stand Tall!
SD

Next go round was tonight and I stood like a rock. Totally pi$$ed WW off and I swept it off my shoulder. She called me a redneck and I let out a YEEEEE HAWWWWW. That was classic in my book. One thing I tried to get across to her was that I was fighting for my DD not my M. I told WW what DD had said and WW said she said the same things to me last night. WW said do you want me to come home just to make DD happy? I said I would do whatever it took to raise my DD to where one day she sees that her dad took a stand and didn't back down. WW asked again do you want me to come home? I answered the question with a question "Are you saying you want to come home." WW said Do you want me to come home? I said DO you want to come home? WW hung up.

WW called back few minutes later and said YOu wouldn't let me come home after I've done. I answered What have you done that couldn't be covered by the blood. WW said thats not what I am talking about. I said then "WW, if you are the person you are right now, the answer is no I don't want you to come home. But if your the person that we all knew and loved then the door would be open for talks." WW said for me to get over it and stop dreaming. I told her I was no longer dreaming that I was living and I am living good right now, but I will not go agains't what God has planned. She hung up called right back blessed me out for a good 2 minutes and I just listened, WW said are you not going to say anything? I said if I say something will you listen? she said it depends. I said WW for 15 yrs you have depended on me and now you are dependant upon someone else. I have proved to myself that I can make own my own but you haven't. Until you prove that to yourself you will never know or appreciate life. WW said I never depended on you for anything and I am happy. I said why do you feel the need to keep telling me that then. WW hung up and called right back and said I can make it own my own I have did it for 15 yrs. I said you don't have to prove it to me you have to prove that to yourself. She hung up again guess what. Yep called right back changed subject and said you hate me for what I have done and I dispise you for the things you have done. I said OK so we both agree that we are not happy with eack other right now. WW YES. I said well lets just let things be and move on. I can move on alone and make it. Can you make it after he moves on to his next fetish? she hangs up.

Later tonight I was taking DD back to WW's and we stopped by Wal-Mart to pick up a B-Day present for DD1 who will be 2 tomorrow. I dropped DD off and DD asked WW if I could come in and see DD1 open her present. WW agreed and I walked in and DD1(who I hadn't seen in 2 months)screams DADDY DADDY over and over again. She paid no attention to the present I bought for her she only wanted me. WW looked disgusted. I smiled hugged kissed and held DD1.Then loved on DD8 some and left. Felt good walking away knowing WW was upset but felt bad because I had to walk away.

Why have 2 months gone by without seeing DD1? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Yeah I guess it's a 2x4.

Other than that it looks like you are being still. Very good.

PHB,

Stand strong. Gosh, 2 months net seeing DD1? Man, 3 weeks for me not seeing my kids was horrible.

I'm in the same battle as you. We can make it, God will get us through it.

Job 23:10-11

But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

My feet have closely followed his steps;
I have kept to his way without turning aside.

DD1 is a foster baby that we had since she was 5 months old. I decided it was in the childs best interest not to be going from house to house. Since she was taken from a broken home I didn't think it was fair to her to put her in another one. I have seen her from time to time but not like I seen her last night.

On a side note I am going honky tanking again tonight and I promise to be as good as I can be. LOL JK I will be good.

I am Standing. When all else fails Just Stand!

PHB - when you're out and about, remember the faith and devotion to God that your DD7 has - how she has chastened her mother for her behavior. Make sure you make your little girl proud in your actions tonight!

Wow...obviously DD1 doesn't "get" that she is a foster child and thus should somehow fall into a different category than DD7. She sees you as Daddy. I don't understand your explanation as to why you think it is easier on her to be so separated from you and stay w/your WW.

Hey PHB,

I'm so glad to hear you are sticking to your guns about OM.

Your story about DD1 calling out for me made me cry. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

~ Marsh

I know I haven't been here in a while but I have checked in periodically. So here's the latest update:
WW and OM have called it quits again and he is headed back home. WW called me again this time to "just be with her" She said you have always been there for me.

Now that being said, she isn't sure whether she has anything left for me and I am not sure if I have anything left to give her or whether I want to subject myself to this kind of hurt again. I don't feel as if she was completely broken or if she wanted to make right. So my decision is to continue on my path and just see what it is she wants to do. She had planned a cruise for them to go on and actually asked me about it. I told her I wasn't sure. She is still hung up on OM right now and the things he would say to her.I do not feel like being compared to OM and will not.

About me, I have still been going strong and have not gotten into a relationsip yet. I have been talking(which I know I probably shouldn't be doing)to a W but have not taken her out on an official date yet. I talked with a few more before this one and could feel my vunerability kick in and would back off because I actually didn't feel anything. I just don't know if I can trust WW anymore. Any suggestions.

Hey pHB,

Just thinking about you this weekend.

Do you still want her in your life as a W? Maybe yes, maybe no? If so then take it slow and see where she is. You don't need for to her run to OM if he calls her again. You will need to get to a place where you can set your boundaries with her if you two are to be together.

Lets wait for others to come along.

good to hear from you again.

Tell your W exactly how you feel. Up front, point blank, with no anger or grief, simply straightforward about where you're at now with how you feel about her/a relationship with her.

Be honest with her...if you're not sure that you want to 'be there' for her anymore, tell her that, and gently tell her why.

Bluntly, if she wants to be return to being part of your life, then let her work for that opportunity. Let her know that SHE'S the one who's going to have to work at rebuilding things (if you're willing to give her that chance.).

Its up to you...but regardless of what you decide (to give her the chance or not, either way) take is SLOW.

pHB!!!

Just when I think I've officially "quit posting", someone in whom I've invested some time and care pops up again! Good to hear from you.

So, if I understand you correctly, WW and the OM have "called it quits" and she's once again looking to you as a safe harbor? All because you "have always been there for her".

Well, that's a good thing, if you still have any interest in her. I agree with Owl completely. Here's what I would do, if I were in your shoes...

Write down a list of what you expect of her, down to the last detail, and present it to her, person to person, without judgement, without attitude, without Love Busters.

Some of the things you might ask for would include, No Contact, first and foremost, and all that comes with that, including giving up her cell phone for a new replacement you have account information on, marriage counseling, preferably with the Harleys, a minimum 90 or 120 day committment to the marriage, pickup up the pieces and trying to make them fit, etc. The list is yours, make it what you need it to be, without selfish demands, etc.

Have a sit down, heart to heart discussion and tell her "where you are at". Speak from your heart. Tell her the pain has been overwhelming, but you have stood by your marriage and tried to become the man she would cherish in a perfect marriage. Tell her you will be able to forgive her if she can find it in her heart to take responsibility for her choices, and change her behaviors to be suited to rebuilding a marriage.

This is all your call, and only you can know where your boundaries should be set, but IMHO, sometimes they (WW's) have to be told their chances have been used up. If you are ready to take this step, and make it clear to her that you are not capable of receiving any more pain, any more lies, any more deception, then that's what I would recommend. It should not be delivered as an ultimatum, rather as boundaries you have set that you simply must adhere to in order to protect your well being.

Perhaps she's seen that you have come to the point where her leaving no longer will devestate you, and will sense your ability to move on without too much personal disruption. If that's the case, then this would be a good time to deliver your message to her.

pHB, you have been at this a long time. Only you know what's best for you. I am offering these suggestions, only as suggestions and not telling you what to do. Life is short, and to be tied up in a limbo because of the bad choices of a spouse is a horrible thing. At some point in time you must challenge her position. If she's planning on just using you until the OM becomes "available" again, and she'll continue to run to him if he cracks the door a bit, you will be in a living ******, not that you haven't been for several months. Sometimes one has to decide whether to fish or cut bait. I get the feeling you should put your WW in the position to make that choice.

Wishing you nothing but the very best...
SD

pHB,

This is the break you have been waiting for and that we told you would eventually come. If there is even a sliver of you that wants to save your M, you need to take advantage of this opportunity. I wouldn't even push for a complete commitment to the M, but rather a commitment to your marital boundaries. You don't want her to feel to much pressure right away, so tell her if she commits to your boundaries, you are confident that the love will come back. She should have to move back in with you, and I would watch her like a hawk. If she breaks NC immediately go to plan B. If you do choose to try and work it out, realize that you need to be VERY patient and your needs will not be met for a VERY long time. However, my WW is slowly starting to defog, and I am thinking of putting a lowercase f in front of WW. It will take every bit of 6 months before she will start to fall back in love with you. No R/M talk, just having fun and courting her like you did when you first met. Keep her busy because withdrawal will be tough. I'm very optimistic about your chances if this is the path you choose.

SD wrote : "when I think I've officially "quit posting", someone in whom I've invested some time and care pops up again!"

That hurts SD. Lunch is just around the corner for me and now I don't even feel like eating.

thanks


joking aside:
pHB - What do you want to do at this point? I would be careful not to think of your OW/friend as a replacement to your wife just yet. That could cloud your judgement right now.