Yup, I think Plan B letter is still a go. I've thought more about what a judge might think of it. But I think it's worded okay. I've made the suggest change and think it looks pretty good.

It is DELICIOUS! I probably shouldn't say so...but it was FUN! I sooooo needed that.

And yes, he brought her.....he was coming with or without her so she came along. To protect her H, maybe? I know it wasn't for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'll do a full blow-by-blow this afternoon.

she is trying to manipulate both your WH and her BH. I wonder how the convesation went with the two of them aftwards.

I know what you mean by feeling good. But of course you need to be careful. You are very vulnerable now.

About 2 years into my WH's affair, I met up with a family friend at a benefit. He had always told me my WH was crazy to leave me. Anyway, he was so concerned and thoughtful, and it felt so good after 2 years of nothing, that I jumped into the sack with him. BIG mistake.

But we absolutely MUST have more details about OW. Your WH is now probably thinking OM's husband is after YOU. LOL, sorry, I'm not feeling very MB like reading your thread. I think other BS's can relate.

Hi Fox,

....I agree with B.....probably not a good idea to go out with OWH... as WS looking for reasons to 'blame', etc. to justify HIS actions!



...you are 'wasting time' to try and make sense of what a WS says.... just know that all a WS is looking for is a way to NOT be responsible for his own choices.... by 'going out' with OWH... you are 'giving him' the excuses he is looking for...by legitimizing his!


Yep...

Fox...what's done is done... know that it's not a good idea to go out with OWH....or any other man, for that matter, while you are still married!

As far as PLAN B goes.....I think you should still go ahead.. but you also don't want your WS to think it's ONLY a reaction to the weekend incident....but rather a choice you are making due his A continuing....

...up to you to decide if you want to hold off a bit and let WS cool down...

..WHEN to go into PLAN B is really decision....are you ready for N\C with WS?

Fox - Busy weekend huh? Lots of excitement!


To turn him on you of course! If she had told him sooner, WH would have confronted you and probably never would have went. Then would never have got "caught in the act".
My guess is the A is on shakey ground and he was considering that lighthouse. I also think she is the one who planted the seed to your WH that you were sleeping with her BH.


womanoffaith5 called this one!


Fog, fog, fog, all of it! This was his way of trying to turn the tables onto you and take the focus off of himself for being a WH. Finally something he could he thinks vindicates what he has done to his family. And OW fed it to him in spoonfuls.

There is no better time than now to carry out you Plan B! You wanted to take his power away? Take it now! Give him the letter. GO DARK. Do not communicate with him any longer! Poof...no more power WH.

MB

*****************************************************************
Each decision we make, each action we take, is born out of an intention.
*****************************************************************

The two of which? I know what the conversation with her BH and OW went.

If you mean between WH and OW.....I'm sure it was just griping between them. I KNOW WH did not feel better aftwards. WH friend drove...thank goodness. WH was in no shape to drive.

I think we are asking about how the conversation went between WH and OW. She can't have been happy that he was so upset about you and her husband. After all, why should it matter? Unless he still cares for you.

I'm just loving this turn of events.

I think she opened a whole can of worms that she was not expecting. She doesn't know WH well enough to know what he is going to do. I knew exactly what he would do...and he did it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It might not be very MB of me but I too am LOVING this turn of events. Who the he!! does he think he is? It's not all bad for him to believe I am moving on...... and maybe I am.
Not with OW H but just moving on, knowing that good things are coming no matter the outcome of my M.

I'll get the blow-by-blow to you ASAP, I have some things I have to do around the office. But I can't resist checking back here every little bit to see what you all think. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thank you for not beating me up too badly. I knew I shouldn't really go out with OW H but it's so nice not to have the relationship pressure and just go do something we both like to do. We both know neither one is ready for a relationship, especially with each other. Support and information that's what we get from each other. And if it messes with OW and BH a little bit, that's just frosting on the cake.

Gosh, funny how work gets in the way of MB posting. I'm home today though.

Before my slip, WH used to make comments about me being unfaithful. I have a lot of males that are just friends, and have been for years. A couple times, WH came over when some were around, and made nasty remarks. But he was never ANGRY about it. And during this time he was LIVING with OW.

I just told WH that I was married, and intended to keep my vows. Wow, wish that I did.

So enjoy this, but be very careful. You don't want to regret any of your behavior, especially if your husband comes back.

Fox,

I leave for a little bit of time and you go and get all exciting on me... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Wow! This would be a great time to implement Plan B! With all of this uproar, the tide may help YOU to get past your own withdrawal, after seeing his behavior, it will remind you why you are doing this...

Please do tell when you have the time...this is so not MB of me, but dang this is juicy... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I actually developed a nice friendship w/ OM's BW. She's a very nice woman, 8 years older than me and undeserving of the chit her serial cheating, lying, POS STBXWH gave her for almost 26 years. We have shared invaluable information and she even testified for me at the trial as to this man's character (lack thereof), obsessive compulsive personaliy, sex addiction referral and much much more that was useful to be in custody battle w/ EX WW. I have also shared things with her that will most certainly assure her of getting a fairly handsome piece of his POS financial hide in the end.

Do not involve the children around the OW' H at any time and to someone's point always make it a public place if you meet at all (preference would be to talk by phone).

Is it wierd or what that the WS somehow thinks you should be sitting home pining for him while he's out w/ OW having fun. Idiots!

Actually - me personally - I think you need to wait a few more days for Plan B now. Let me give my opinion, and then see what others think.

If you hand him a plan B letter now, the first thing he is going to say is "Aha! She IS having an A with OWH, and she wants me out of the way!!".

In fact, I think he will show your plan B letter to OW, and to all his family, as his "proof" that YOU are indeed having an A, that you do not want anything to do with him, and you have even told him that he is not allowed to call you unless it is an emergency. I don’t think he will see it as a heart felt plea to save your family. Furthermore, when he shows it to OW, she will tell him that you are playing more games, that this is just more proof that you are trying to win him back, and then dump him, all as revenge. After all you are the “scorned woman”.

Again, that is just my opinion. Based on experience.
Remember a few posts back, when you said that you were going to tell your WH that you have been talking to OWH and she is not filing for D even though he offered to pay,etc. I said that your WH would claim that you are sleeping with OWH, and that OWH's is a lunatic, that he has abused his wife, and that his wife has no choice in all this -she had to leave him to protect herself and her child. OW knew exactly what she was doing. She set your WH up to see you with her own H at the rodeo, so that she could “prove” that she is the only one who really cares about him. After that little incident she told your WH things like “I’ll bet they have been sleeping together for months, they are planning to screw us in the D, they get together all the time and plot their attack on us, your W is planning to have your kids around my WH – and you know how horrible he is! I have told you how bad he is! And now look – you saw them with your own eyes!

I would guess that part of the reason your WH was so upset is because OW has made her own H out to be some sort of monster. Your WH has never heard anything good about him. That is how OW makes herself look better. Your WH thinks he has just saved this woman from a life of abuse. And now he thinks that his own children are going to be exposed to him as well.

And what is that bit about you telling your WH to “go ahead and hit me”? Don’t go there. Do not take your R down that path where your arguments escalate to that sort of stuff. Is that the sort of thing you want to show your kids? I know your kids weren’t there the other night, but honestly, once you start saying things like that, you just get into a bad pattern that is hard to break out of, and eventually it gets back around to your kids.

You need to be the bigger person. The sane one. The mature one.

I think you need to let a little time go by now, before you give your WH the plan B letter. I just don’t think it would have the right impact now. I think he and OW would just pick it apart as their proof that you and OWH are playing some game.

Wow. I think WOF is hit the nail on the head.

B-
Thank you. I was afraid I may be off base

But it sure seems like the Fox’s WH has followed the typical script – to the letter.

Fox – I have heard all the same crap you are hearing right now.

My WxH is a security guard at a junior college. His first OW is a cop – sort of. She wears a uniform, but her job is to schedule neighborhood watch meetings, community involvement, stuff like that. The two of them thought they were sooooo cool. Two “law enforcement officers” so in love. Soul mates. She told him all about her horrible, abusive BH. He told her similar things about me. I was never a good wife. Oh, I did all the right things, but I just didn’t UNDERSTAND him like her. And besides, he was looking for someone who had the same interests as him. And here she was – a cop, like him! (of course , he isn’t a real cop, but that is what he thought he was when she was around) Plus – he wanted a woman to go fishing and hunting with him. And she told him that “even though she never went fishing, hunting, or camping before, she always wanted to – but her own abusive H wouldn’t let her. (big fat lie – turns out that she refused to do anything of an outdoors nature – so her H sold all his own camping gear)

I too became friends with OWH. And honestly, I think that is when I really lost all love for my WxH. When I got to know that man, and realized how nice he was, and how devastated he was when his wife left, I began to feel like “wow. I don’t care that my WxH has hurt me – but he has also hurt my boys – AND he has devastated this other H and his two children- that is really bad” I too got some good “dirt” on the OW from her H, and tried to share it with my WxH. After all, I had been married to this man for 18 years. I was mother to his children. Surely he would appreciate hearing me tell him the truth about OW.

But he didn’t appreciate hearing any of the truths I tried to share. He said her H was lying about her. Her H was abusive. No one understands her the way he does……just like no wants understands him the way she did. I was a scorned woman (yes, he really said that). And a woman scorned would do anything to seek revenge. He was convinced that I was sleeping with OWH.

In fact, at one point, OW had her own attorney write a letter and send it to her H, that said “we understand that you are in a R with Womanoffaith, you are being advised that your two minor children are not allowed to call Womanoffaith “Mom”. If you allow the children to call her Mom, you will face repercussions”

Of course I never even met their kids. And would NEVER consider allowing them to call me mom. That was just further proof of the sick mind that enters into an adulterous R, and then continues it with more lies and manipulations. Your OW is no different. You have seen it all ready. She knows you are talking to her H but she doesn’t say anything – until – now. She has not filed for D. None of this stuff is by accident. She is carefully planning every move.

I would predict that her own H will get tired of it all –very soon – and file for D.

I also promise you that this A will not last. In fact. OW is probably searching for a replacement. I would imagine that your WH is just not as much fun as he used to be. And her involvement is all about fun. All about how many men she can keep on a string. She wants to keep her own H on a string too – just in case.
Does that look like someone who is madly in love with your H?

The question is: can you wait this thing out? The A will end. But will you still be interested in your WH by then? The more of this dramatic garbage you witness form your WH – the drunken arguments, bringing his OW to the rodeo to confront you – all that stuff will chip away at your last shreds of love for him.

I speak from experience. I was the one who filed. I have no regrets – it was the right thing for me.

I still recommend that you wait a few more days before you give him the PBL.

FH1,

Ok, so now you best concentrate on making their lives miserable. Whoz lives? WS and OW. You already know how. LOL!!!

Yes, be happy and move forward. If plan B helps, then send the letter. Be ready t/d the D walk with U R ready.

Be honest with your children so you both can be a part of each other's support group.

take care,
L.

Hi FH1,


WSs are so self-absorbed...that it really doesn't hurt for them to get a taste of their own medicine...and definitely confirms to WS that he does NOT control situation....

In my case, PLAN B has been 'messing' with WS's mind for awhile now!

....sounds like you will enjoy the 'relief' of PLAN B.....because then your WS will STOP being able to mess around with YOUR mind!

I really need to take a day off of work to get you all updated! I have had 5 more contacts between yesterday and today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I am working on an update in Word and getting back to it any chance I can get. Soon! Work really gets in the way of my life! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I've read all your posts and will respond soon. Thank you all so much for sticking with me. I'm sure there are more 2/4s to come....I didn't handle some of this as well as I should have but I have to accept that I'm human too.

I can say that I my head and heart are finally in sync. He has done some things in the last couple of days that really showed me what kind of a dad he is.....he did use the kids in this and it backfired on him. They see right through him. He has lost all credibility with them....which is just sad. I know one day he will have deep regrets for his behavior, especially in regards to DDs. But how badly will those bridges be burned? Terribly sad.....

FH1,

I don't know if B can take the 'cliffhangers'! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hugs to the DD's...

Hugs to you, you ARE human, and we will understand, but I am chomping at the bit here...

Be careful with the jealousy card. It speaks of a relationship in high school. I had that option, as most BS's do... but, I wanted to be sure and stay 'clean' during that period. When my fww came home, I didn't want there to be any reason/excuse except for her choosing to because she wanted to. (It makes it easier for me to sleep at night too.)