So did you ask for a day off work?

foxy??? you ok?????

Fox, where are you?

Fox...how are you doing?

Yup, I'm ok....just incredibly busy at work. Bad timing for a huge project to have to go out! My modem went out of my computer at home so I'm having a heck of a time getting back on here.

I have most of my update in Word and will post it today. Thanks for sticking with me. I really appreciate it.

Hello foxnhound, I've been reading your thread for some time. I've always thought you were doing an excellent job in your dealings with your WH. I, like the others, find this response from your WH over you going to the rodeo with OWH very interesting.

He's the one that left you and is living with someone else while still married to you. I agree MB principles are great, but sometimes you can't adhere to them 100%. Your going to the rodeo was innocent on your part. And even if you thought the fact you went might get back to your H, so be it. A little jealousy just might do him some good, he gets to see what it's like to be on the receiving end.

Some of my observations... If I may

1) I think your WH was enjoying the knowledge you were continuing to be his little insurance policy. In the event things with him and OW didn't work out, he could come back to you with his tail between his legs and all would be forgiven. You being out with OWH blew his thinking out of the water, you were moving on, how dare you!!!
2) I'm betting one reason he spazzed on you being with OWH in particular is he is probably imagining the worst in his mind. What if you and OWH fell madly in love and rode off into the sunset only to have his R with OW turn sour and into something he doesn't want at all. For the rest of his days he would have to pick up DD's from you and OWH. WORST NIGHTMARE material for the WS.
3) WTF was OW thinking as he stood there railing you? Doesn't she see that as a slap in her face?? Come on...
I hope it has put a huge damper on their R. He's probably stewing.

Well, that's my 2 cents. I'm anxiosly awaiting the blow by blow myself!

k, here is the blow by blow, as best as I can remember. I got so wrapped up in the moment and just the ridiculousness of it, I forgot some! I truly did not go to make WH jealous, I didn't think he would be. He had his 'perfect' little woman in OW already. It was OW choice to tell him who I was with....and she made a bad choice. I do have to admit that I get a little kick out of his reaction. She can't be very happy about it. Although she is justifying to her BH that WH was just trying to make me admit that I did something just as bad as he did so I wasn't any better like I supposedly thought I was.

It did make me feel better to see OW. Not what I would have expected. Must make WH feel STRONG. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Anyway:

OW H and I were sitting in the stands watching the rodeo. He was sitting back a little, resting on the back of the seat and I was leaning forward with my elbows on my knees, intent on the action of the rodeo. For some unknown reason, I glanced to the right of the grandstands and then looked back at the arena. (I must have felt the heat from WH gaze that made me glance his way) I thought “huh, that kind of looked like WH”. I watched the arena for a couple more seconds and then looked that way again. It WAS WH. He continued to stare and I looked back innocently (thinking “aw chit, this isn’t going to be good”.) Finally, I shrugged my shoulders and mouthed the words “what?” He shook his head in what I assume was disgust and turned to walk away. I thought to myself “tough chit, I’m not running after you”. I turned back to watch the rodeo and leaned over to OW H and said “WH is here.” He asked if I wanted to go talk to him and I said “no, I don’t answer to him anymore”. We both began watching the rodeo again. WH must not have gotten the point, because the cell phone I was carrying (borrowed from DD13, since WH shut mine off) started vibrating. I glanced over again and WH was standing there with his phone to his ear looking at me. I told OW H I better go talk to WH and headed over to WH. WH started walking away, down the stairs. I was a little uncertain about how far I should follow him. If he headed outside, I knew I wasn’t going there. I wish I had known at the time what OW looked like, I didn’t know it, but as I went down the stairs, OW passed me on her way up to her BH. Later I found out she went to her BH and sat beside him, asking him what the he!! he was doing to which he replied, "watching a rodeo, what are you doing?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> She got up and went downstairs alone.

When we got downstairs, WH turned to me and said “what the he!! do you think you’re doing?” I said, “watching a rodeo” <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> WH turned a bit red and gritted out “who with?” I said “OW BH. Any other stupid questions?”
WH got redder…….and pretty much lost his mind. First thing he made a comment about was about me bring OW BH into our DDs lives. I asked him why would I do that…I was just at a rodeo with a friend, that’s it. DDs were supposed to be safe with him…..”WH, where are DDs?” I got no response from that one…but he did pause in his tirade for a moment. I know he thought he “caught” me and he made a comment about how I wasn’t any better than him. I couldn’t help myself and I said “at least his hand wasn’t on my azz and his tongue down my throat like when he caught his wife and YOU”. WH got a little redder……. And off he went yelling, accusing, threatening, etc. Shortly after WH and I had gone downstairs, OW BH came down, too. WH turned a little redder……and said how nice that was the OW BH came down to protect me, he glared at OW BH, and took a step toward him. I stepped between and told WH to back the f… off. I said there were strangers all around who were willing to protect me, he was acting like a mad man. I had enough and started walking back towards the stairs to return to my seat, WH walked right with me and blocked my way. Luckily someone else was coming down the stairs and he stepped aside just enough to let me by.

Then I was upstairs by myself. &#61516; I stood there for a couple of seconds, thinking, “what the heck do I do now? I can’t leave OW BH down there with WH by himself but I don’t really want to go back down there.

So….I headed back downstairs. As I got to the bottom and turned the corner, I saw WH, WH BF, and OW standing kind of in a row. I would have to pass through them to get to OW BH. &#61516; Not being one to run like a scared rabbit, I walked right through them and headed for OW BH, who was quite a ways away from this little group. As I passed through them, I turned to WH BF and said, “It’s appropriate that you are here, Chris, you’ve been in on this from the beginning. Running around with them and covering for WH. I don’t know how you can even look at my girls and I” He said “he’s my best friend, what am I supposed to do?” He sounded pretty sheepish. I told him he better find better friends, then I turned and walked away. I was intending on going to OW BH and leaving, the rodeo was mostly over anyway. WH, WH BF, and OW had to wait until it was almost over so they could get in without paying.

WH was right behind me, I could almost feel his breath on my neck. I decided I better not go towards OW BH as maybe they would start throwing punches. I turned to face WH and he almost ran into me. I told him he need to leave and asked what the heck he was thinking, bringing his married girlfriend that he has been living with for months to confront his wife that he thinks is seeing someone when he should be spending his first weekend with his girls. WTF? That didn’t even seem to register. Off he went again, yelling, accusing, nasty sexual comments, etc. For some of the time, I was reading the menu that was above his head and wasn’t really listening to his tirade. I remember thinking during part of it….churro, what’s a churro? I thought about interrupting WH to ask but decided maybe not. A few of the things WH said, I responded to. Yelling back and getting right into his face, then I’d calm down and just stand there looking around while he had his temper tantrum. WH BF was there to “hold him back” WH spent most of his time half laying against WH BF shoulder because he was leaning aggressively towards me. I don’t imagine it helped, when I would laugh and tell him what a joke this whole scene was, bringing your married girlfriend that you have been living with to confront your wife who you “think” is seeing someone when the divorce YOU wanted would be final in a couple of weeks. Just ridiculous.

I had told him once at the beginning of his accusations that there was nothing romantic between OW BH and I and I wasn’t going to keep repeating it. I’m sure that is where some of the nasty comments came from, to get a reaction from me trying to make me either admit or deny. After the first time I said it, I didn’t do either. I do not have to explain myself to him, I just said “whatever”. Except for one explicit nasty sexual comment to which I replied “that’s what is in your head, not mine”

While WH was screaming at me, OW BH tried to talk to OW. She wouldn’t talk to him. So he went turned so he could see part of the rodeo and WH and I. He watched for a couple of minutes and then tried to talk to OW again. She still wasn’t talking, so he stepped away again. Eventually, she went to him and I could hear her griping at him. She couldn’t really say much, she’d known that we talked and were going to the rodeo for weeks and had already jumped her BH about it. I don’t think she expected what she got from WH when she told him that day. He went absolutely ballistic and ran after me. I wonder what OW thinks of that? It had very little to do with DDs, it was about ME.

WH was talking quieter for a little while and said that everything he said to me the other night (3 ½ hour conversation) was the god honest truth and I told him the same was true for me. I think he IS feeling very betrayed right now, I think he was having second thoughts and coming out of his fog a little bit. I think he expected me to sit and wait and cry for him forever, that he could come back anytime he decided. Now, I think he believes that option is gone. But he can blame it on me now. I looked at him at one point when he was just quiet, standing there, thinking of what to do next. And I said “look in your heart WH, you KNOW me better than that.” No reply, but much emotion in his eyes.

I know there were things I said that I shouldn’t have and that I probably shouldn’t have been there in the first place. But… I was proud of myself in how I handled it. I did not cry, I didn’t scream back, but I didn’t back down either. I stood firm and did not let him bully me or break me down. Even in the chaos, WH gained respect for me. I saw it….he didn’t agree with it but he saw MY line drawn in the sand and my willingness to stand up for it.

There was a point where he was screaming and leaning towards me aggressively through his friend and I did lose my temper and tried to goad him into hitting me, if nothing else it would prove the kind of man he has become. He has never acted this aggressively before. It was wrong, I shouldn’t have done it. It’s never been done before and it won’t be done again. However, it did look like he considered it and moved a little closer to me…at which time a few cowboys standing around took a step closer to me too. WH then said that wasn’t the kind of man he was, I said I could see the kind of man he had become and I wasn’t sure where the changes ended. WH told me “as of today, I have NO MORE feelings for you, I’m DONE.” According to his actions and words before “today” I thought we were already done. All I said was “goodbye”. He said "I mean it were DONE, I said “goodbye”, he said it again, so I said goodbye”. This went on like 5 more times. OW and WH BF then pushed him away and out the door. Before, she got to WH, OW stepped closer to me and pointed at me and said “you better watch it”. I took a step closer and very calmly said “what the F…are you going to do about it?” She stepped back and moved to WH. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

The look in his eyes was kind of creepy…he looked insane and enraged and hurt and desperate, all rolled together. So close to losing his mind…… I actually felt bad for him.

While I was reading the menu above his head when he was yelling, one of his comments was that I could pick the girls up Tuesday 01/16 after school. I said no, that was not our original agreement. I would pick them up Sunday, 01/14, when I returned from Great Falls. He insisted that I could not…he was keeping them until he dropped them off at school on Tuesday 01/16. I stopped talking about it deciding I would let the situation cool down and talk to him about it the next day, Sunday. I knew DDs were safe at his mother’s house for the time being.

More to come……I’ll give you this to start the 2x4s. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I've come to the point where ENOUGH is ENOUGH.

Thank you, familycomesfirst, for your thoughts. I always come away from my interactions with WH wondering if I did it just "right". I appreciate your validating that I'm doing it okay.

I think your observatios are spot on. WH was using me and I was starting to feel like an OW. He'd lean on me and then go home to OW. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

It did seem like he imagined the absolute worst, like OWH and I would be together forever. He was as obsessive as I was about trying to get dates, details, etc. And still is. OW is riding her BH pretty hard. There aren't any details to give, but they sure think there are. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> I know WS, in general, don't reason and can't see that irony of something like this. But I think OW is starting to, as well as WH. He was coming enough out of the fog, he may just be thinking clearly enough to understand that this pain, anguish, and desperation is what I went through too. And I'm sure he is worried about DDs to a certain degree. In his head he may think I am dating OW H for payback. I am not dating OW H and contact with him is not about payback to WH or OW. He may think the biggest payback I could have would be to have OW H in DDs life. That is not healthy for them and I know it. They do know that I talk on the phone to him and they did know I was going to the rodeo with him. They also know why...support and friendship in this mess we are both in.

Yeah, what is OW thinking? When she is talking to her BH, she dumps all of WH bad reactions on me because I "give him a reason"....but what does she REALLY think, when she is alone with herself? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> WH has told me derogatory things about OW BH and OW has told her BH husband derogatory things about me. Desperately trying to get us to distrust each other. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> It is actually funny to watch them scramble.

It had to have put a huge damper on the A. Right now, it is all about ME and OWH. WH and OW are digging, accusing, anything the can do.... not much time for THEM. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I bet right about now, she is sick to death of hearing about ME!

Again, thank you! More to come.....

Well, no 2x4's from me. The whole scene was really rediculous IMO. Like you said, you've been served with D papers, he's living with his OW even though she's not even in the process of getting a D. It's amazing how much energy some WS's spend attempting to catch BS's in a slip up and demonize them so they don't have to feel like such scum for doing what they have done. He is worried about DDs being around OWH yet OWH has to deal with his DS being in the same house with your H??? They WAY jumped the gun by moving in together so soon. None of the children should be exposed to anyone at this point.

I think you are amazingly strong and you handled it the well. As for OW saying you better watch it??? That is hilarious!!! What, you BETTER stay away from her H yet she's living with yours??? UNBELEIVABLE.

I have to admit one more thing I did today...that I probably shouldn't have but did. It was for ME. Today is OW and OWH 10th anniversary. While reading a post on MB, I noticed the quote that I included in an email to WH, OW, and OW H. This quote was read at H & I's wedding. I doubt he recognized it when he read it today but...I did. I also added my own little snide comment. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> 'Cause I wanted to.


I do have more updates coming about contact this weekend and the power play for DDs that happened this weekend.

After the scene at the rodeo, I called DDs to check on them. All was fine, they thought WH was at a meeting and I was at the rodeo. I spoke with DD13 and told her WH and come to the rodeo and was mad at me. I told her to call me if he came there and she was uncomfortable or worried about WH behavior. I told her I was sure he would be fine but just in case, to call me. He did end up going there and spent the night at his mother’s house with them, DD13 told me the next day. I believe he stayed there because he thought I was going to go pick them up. He had not stayed the night before, he went “home” to OW.

I chatted with DDs again in the morning and told them I would talk to them when I got back to town. I decided to wait to speak with WH when I returned. I didn’t want him all fired up again while spending the day with DDs.

I called DDs again that afternoon. They were having an okay time and everything sounded pretty relaxed. They said WH had rented them some movies to watch this evening. I asked if they wanted to stay the night at their grandma’s again and both said yes. I was hoping to diffuse the situation a little more by offering another night (non-school night) but didn’t want WH to make the decision that they COULDN’T come home. I then asked to talk to WH. He got on the line and I told him I told the kids they could stay another night and asked if that was okay with him. He agreed and I said I would pick them up Monday after work. He said we would discuss that tomorrow (Monday), to which I said, no, I will pick them up after work on Monday, as per our original agreement. Again, he said we would discuss it tomorrow. I let it drop, planning on calling my lawyer in the morning and finding out what I could do if he didn’t let me pick them up on Monday. WH stayed Sunday evening with DDs at his mother’s. Again, I’m assuming it was so I could not go pick them up, which I did not attempt.

I had borrowed DD13’s cell phone for the weekend so that DDs could reach me. WH purchased cell phones for DDs in late October and he had mine shut off in December. When WH came to the rodeo he told me to give Lakyn’s phone to him. I refused, many times, saying I would return it to the person I borrowed it from (DD13). He brought DDs to my office on Monday and made DD13 ask for her cell phone, I returned her phone to her. I laughed and talked to DDs for a little bit, while they raided my cupboards for candy. DD13 asked how my weekend was and I enthusiastically said “it was great! How was yours?” I think she set me up for that one…she knew what had happened (kinda). I asked WH what the plan was for the girls that night, was I picking them up or was he dropping them off. He said he was going to leave it up to the girls where they wanted to stay and then he asked them where they wanted to stay. I didn’t even let them answer, I said no, they needed to come home, the next day was a school day and they had things to take care of at home. I did not want them put in the position of choosing between us, so I decided even if they got mad at me, I’d make the decision for them and relieve the pressure. They said ok, they’d plan on coming home. DD13 later thanked me for doing that. She wanted to come home but didn’t want to say so in front of WH.

DD13 took the girls to his house (his married live-in girlfriend was at work) and immediately called me at work angrily saying he thought we were going to talk this evening about where DDs would stay that night. I said no, the agreement was that they would be home on Monday night to prepare for school the next day and I was sticking to the agreement. He got angrier and starting yelling, swearing, etc. Finally, he got mad enough that he hung up on me (after saying “f u”). Before he did so, I told him he needed to have them home by 8:00. He said, if he brought them home it would be by bedtime. I said again, by 8:00pm. He asked if I was going to talk to DDs. I said, yeah, I’d talk to them when they got home. I thought that was a weird question. Then he said, no, are you going to TALK to them? I asked what he was talking about. He said about you and OW H. I said there is no me and OW H and again he insisted that I had to talk to DDs about OW H or he was going to. I told him I didn’t need to talk to them, they already knew I talked to OW H, that OW H was WH’s married live-in girlfriends husband, and that I was going to the rodeo with him as a friend. That’s all there is to say about it. WH sat DDs down and grilled them about what they knew about OW H and what I did when I went out of town, asked them what they would think if OW H was my boyfriend, etc.

He brought them home shortly after 7:00pm. I was on the phone and was making dinner for myself. DDs brought their overnight bags and backpacks in and he followed them in. I asked them if they had dinner yet and they said no. So, I added more to what I was making. He said goodbye to DDs and then stood around. I was still on the phone, making dinner. I was on the phone on purpose, so I wouldn’t have to speak with him. I also had a video camera running, just in case his behavior got out of hand again. He stood there for quite a while and finally I turned and asked if he was waiting for something. He said, yeah, you. I said I was busy. He said it was about the girls and I told him I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. He said he saw I was going to play it that way. I said, I guess. And he said he wanted to have the girls on Saturday, 01/20 from 4-6. I said I’d have to see what we have planned and I would let him know. He said fine, told the girls goodbye again, and left.

On Tuesday, I received this email from WH

WH email Tues afternoon: Have you thought about if you'll let me have the girls on Sat.

BS email Wednesday morning (I made him wait on purpose): I need times.

WH email: It will be from 3:00 to around 8:00.
I've come up with a schedule for the girls.On Mon.,Tues.,and Wed.of every week I'll pick them up on cold days or if it's nice the girls can walk to my mom's and I'll be there shortly after that. I'll get the girls back to your house around 6:30-7:00 on those days. we can start this next week on the 22nd of Jan.

BS: It isn't about whether or not I will "let" you, either. It's about doing what is right for the girls and not pulling the power play bullchit that went on with you this weekend. Your first weekend with them and you pulled that crap, really makes me want to trust you with them again. You used them as payback and that is absolutely unacceptable. The girls need to have an opinion (but not a choosing between the two of us, like you set up at my office on Monday) and I am willing for them to do things with you but there has to be a parent in here somewhere. They need to be HOME on school nights, there needs to be a balance between what kids want and what is appropriate. Your living arrangements and recent behavior are not appropriate for our children or anyone else's. THINK of them. Why haven't you wanted to spend time before this, and if you did, why didn't you ask? Where was all the concern before? I don't want an answer from you....you need to ask yourself those questions. You're little "talk" with them about me backfired by the way, as it should have, you should never have done that to them. But again, it was payback to me, about YOUR feelings, not their's. You are burning bridges with them.........you need to calm down and THINK of your relationship with them before you do things like that. You didn't make me look bad, you made yourself look bad in their eyes. Don't burn your bridges so badly that there is no repairing your relationship with them. They are growing up fast and you are quickly losing that time. They will remember the destruction of their family and how we acted forever. YOU chose to destroy our family, WE did not.

You originally told me from 4-6, why is it now 3 to "around" 8?........and there will be no "around". When you are setting times, set it, and then be there when you say you are going to be there. The girls and I have lives too and won't be sitting around waiting for you. You had them all last weekend plus a day, you should have done what you needed to do then instead of hunting me down to throw a temper tantrum. I have plans that include them this weekend.

YOUR after school schedule is not acceptable at this time, we need to let a judge decide the details, I've already talked to my lawyer about it. The girls have too much homework, after school activities, and other responsibilities at their HOME.

After your behavior this past weekend, I think it is in the best interest of DDs for us to limit our contact with each other. We do need to contact each other in any way possible for emergencies and I will do so. Otherwise, when you pick them up, I will send them out to you. When you drop them off, they can come in without you. There is too much tension between us and it is not good for them, no contact is better than bad contact. Please don't call them and ask to speak with me, do not come to my office, if they need to come to me when you have them, they can come in without you. I will no longer be taking your calls at the office unless it is an emergency. For anything but emergencies, I prefer email between the two of us...that way it is clearly laid out what each said and there is no confusion about what someone "meant" or thinking we said something when we didn't. It all needs to be documented so we both know what happened..

WH email Thursday morning:

I'd like to have the girls from 3-8 skating is from 4-6.


This was not what he originally told me. But it doesn't really matter. He should have done those things on the weekend he had them instead of hungting me down.

Now I'm wondering if I should let them go or not. They will want to, I don't really have other plans, and he is asking.......there is no really good reason why not other than the bull he pulled last weekend. Will he bring them back when he says he will? If not, what do I do?

I received another email from WH a little bit ago asking again if he can take the girls on Saturday. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I would let them go. He sounds like he is paying attention, and giving you the hours. If there continue to be problems, let the attorneys handle it.

Fox,
I would let the kids spend the time with their dad. As you said yourself, their time with him is not about YOU. His visitation is a separate entity, and, as long as you have no plans, last minute changes can only benefit the kids.

Fox,

You handled yourself VERY WELL...you may have done some damage, but nothing that his CRAZED antics did not bring you to. Considering the craziness, you handled yourself with grace and class...



Bwaaaaahahahahahahah!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Churro...

A churro is a fried-dough pastry-based snack which originated in Spain, and is popular in Latin America, France, the USA, and Spanish-speaking Caribbean islands. It is sometimes referred to as a Spanish doughnut or Mexican doughnut. Porras are similar but with a round thicker cross section, so named due to the fact that they usually resemble the form of a club.

Some claim that the churro is named after the shape of the horns of the Churro breed of sheep which is reared in the Spanish grasslands. This may be true as it is possible that the churro was initially invented by the shepherds of this region.

The churro is typically fried to a crunchy consistency. Its surface is ridged due to being extruded from a churrera, a syringe with a star-shaped nozzle (round for porras). Churros are generally prisms in shape, but instead of being straight they may be curled or spirally twisted.

Fox!
What are you doing??


Since when, in this life, do we just do things that are for ME that involves hurting other people? Isn't that EXACTLY what your WH is doing? He is doing something for HIM with OW that has brought hurt to you, your kids, OWH, their kids, and ultimately a whole lot of hurt to himself and OW. so you respond by sending an email to WH, OW, and OWH that is just to make you feel good? That doesn't sound like you. it doesn't sound like the sort of thing you want to teach your girls.

You need to be the bigger person. the one who is above board. A year from now, you will look back on this email and think "did I really do that? What did I hope to prove with that?" Maintain a life of integrity, and a year from now you can look back and say "what I went through, really sucked, but I am proud of myself, and how I reacted"

I don't want to beat you up - but you are slowly headed down a very bad path.

I would suggest that for the girls sake, for now, you and WH need to come up with a fairly rigid plan and stick to it. No more of this back and forth with 6 emails talking about you are going to let a judge decide, becuase you can not trust him after they way he acted. Keep your written words short, business like, and simple. Becuase later on he will show a judge that you wrote "I am not sure if you should have the girls" and he won't say a word about how he was a drunken idiot who tried to hurt you. and the judge is going to say "Mrs Fox, why were you threatening to keep the girls away from their father?"

I remember one time saying to my Ex "I should not have to spend one single night away from my boys. I did not give birth to my sons to ship them off for the weekend"
that statement had a huge impact on him.
I said "they have school, they have all their homework here, they WILL be sleeping in their own beds, in their home, on school nights." I didn't threaten, I didn't cry, I just spoke with conviction. Our agreement now is that he gets them every other weekend and 1 night a week. he has never taken that 1 night a week with them, and maybe one weekend each month. (Of course the oldest is at college now, so that doesn't apply to him!) Just come up with a plan, and be firm.

As for this Saturday - if this is not a special skating party - like a youth group activity or soemthing, I would have probably said no to him. I would have said "this is my time, it is precious to me, please arrange to take them skating on your own weekends" At this point though - with all the back and forth - I would porbably let them go skating with him. Otherwise he will make you out to be bad the guy,and you don't need that right now.

In the future I would suggest that if he wants them for a few hours, on your day, ask him why, what the occasion is. If it is a special function, then it is ok to agree to it. If it is just to go skating with him, nicely suggest that he reschedule so that you can have your babies with you on your weekend.

Fox- please take a deep breath and re-think your current actions. You are acting like him, and you don't need to do that! you are far better than that!!

Man O Man... he is acting like such a child. I can't believe the way he's acting with your girls, but then look at who we are talking about. He felt it was perfectly fine to rip apart their world and move straight in with a married woman and her child. He gave one of your DD's a four wheeler (buying love) only to allow the OW's son to ride it more than her. He isn't exactly the king of bright moves at this point.

The problem that has now arose from you going with OWH to the rodeo is he probably feels entitled to do what ever the he77 he wants as far a introducing DD's to the OW. I'd say keep communication with him at a minimum and allow the lawyers to do their work. Once visitation has been set, if he postures you can nail him for not following court orders. Speed up this process as much as you can, it will help you out a lot.

You are correct that he did have them all last weekend and he could have had more quality time with them if he wasn't so wound up over you going to the rodeo with OWH. Which, btw, is really none of their business. You weren't at the rodeo with OWH and your DD's. You haven't had OWH around your DD's, which is what your WH is acting like has happened. Good greif, he's acting like you are living with him already, get a grip dude!!

As far as letting him take them this weekend... hard for me to give you advice. He is acting extremely unstable now, as a mother myself, I'd be warey.

I'll never understand this kind of behaviour... he's got what he wants, right??? Anyway, I've found that time and silence calms people down usually. Give him time to cool and examine HIS actions, and remove yourself from the drama. You can still share info if you like with OWH, but no outings until you are officially D'd. Just to keep the drama low. I believe you should be able to do what ever the he77 you want, but since you have DD's to consider, you have to tread lightly.

womanoffaith5,

Thank you for your thoughts. All of what you have said, I've already said to myself. However, you can only turn the other cheek so many times. Eventually, you start to be a wimp and allow people to treat you poorly. I believe that you teach people how to treat you to a certain degree. If I allow it, there is no reason not to do it. There is a point where enough is enough and you have to stick up for what you believe is right and stop allowing the poor treatment.

The email was not mean, cruel or threatening. It was a love poem, wishing her H and her a happy anniversary. Hoping she would THINK..and she did....she called her H. It had the desired effect. I didn't expect her to go running back to her H, but I did expect something. And she did something.

Now I will step back and be still again. I'm not getting in the gutter with them, but when they attack me, I will step to the curb.

I have alread talked to DDs about skating with their dad this weekend. I wasn't sure after his behavior with them last weekend if they would want to go. They do, so they can go. I didn't like how he kept changing times. He needs to set them and stick with them. One of my concerns with them going was whether or not OW would be there and whether he would bring them back. I do know that when they are with him, they are not in any danger (other than second hand smoke and exposure to OW).

I'm doing the best I can do with DDs. Even through this mess of a weekend, I've continued to tell them that their dad is a good man, just very confused right now, and tried to convey the addiction analogy with them. I did reassure them that things would eventually calm down and would not be so tense. I told them how much we both loved them.

He isn't doing the same. When DD13 came home she told me that he had a talk with them and she "could totally tell he was trying to turn us against you". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> They didn't believe and it only made him look bad to them.

Who is this man? I'm fed up, absolutely fed up with the whole thing. DDs are the biggest losers in this mess and it ticks me off that he keeps adding to it. But I know...I can only control my own actions. (but it is still irritating)

I wanted to add you were wise to video tape your interaction with WH. He's in full lie to make myself look good mode. He want's to demonize you so bad. He's truly feeling the sting of his actions and he's lashing out at you like some crazed teenager who's mad at mommy cuz she won't let him do something everyone else is doing. I really wish he would step back and think about how he is handling the girls. They are at a tough age as is it... last thing they need is to realize they can manipulate their parents to get their way. It will cause you guys many headaches in dealing with them if they think that because one parent says no they can go to the other to get a yes just to spite the parent that said no.

familycomesfirst,

I too wish he would step back and take a look at what he is doing to DDs. He was starting to, I think, and then went over the edge a bit this weekend and lost sight of that again. I think he does feel like he is justified now in what he has done because he "caught" me. But again, it is about what HE feels..not what actually is...it is his perception and what his mind makes things that keep him all fired up. No matter what he thinks I did, there is no excuse for his behavior. He will see that...in time, but will it be too late?

DDs are already taking advantage of the situation to a certain degree. Not with me because I won't allow it, but with him. He's trying to buy them, he knows I don't have any money and is trying to use that. DD13 told me that she has him buy her stuff that she doesn't really need...just to make him spend money.

"DD13 told me that she has him buy her stuff that she doesn't really need...just to make him spend money."

Okay... am I bad because I laughed out loud at this???