http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;gonew=1#UNREAD

Have you read this tread? I thought since both of you are dealing with WH's trying to force C during Plan B it might be helpful.

I found this on salmonella http://www.about-salmonella.com/page3.htm

We had a jar of that peanut butter too, and it is almost all gone. I suppose there is a chance she got some of the bad peanut butter, but I'd say the chance is small. I think millions of people had that PB.

He's gonna use any excuse he can to get contact with you. Some observations about your WH if I may...

He said in your blow up convo a few days ago, well yelled, why won't you let me go? It seems he's the one that won't let go. You'd think if he truly wanted you to "let him go" he'd be happy with plan B. It all comes down to a matter of control IMO... which brings me to the next observation.

He likes to control you and incite drama. He is mad about having to do email correspondence with you so he sends you visitation schedules and then tacks on a short deadline for response when he KNOWS that with email that is not realistic. He calls your DD's relentlessly because that is a window into your life, therefore giving him a sense of control. He acts as if you and MOW's H are already living together or something. He talks to your DD's about it to stir up trouble and attempt to make you look bad. He can't stand you being on higher moral ground than him. Him showing up at the rodeo proves to me he is likes the drama. Come on, if you guys are O-V-E-R then who cares who you are at the friggin' rodeo with??

I get the feeling that the more you pull away from his drama-fest and let him stew in his own juices the R with OW will begin to loose it's luster. He moved out from living with you straight into living with her. Not a bright idea. She still has lingering issues with her H too. I think if both of you started ignoring them, there is a good chance the house of cards would start to fall. There will be no more "forbidden romance" to fuel the fire.

Of course, the question is, if he ever did come back around, would you want him at this point?

Bravo on turning off the phones, the man needs to get a grip. It's on thing for you two to be going rounds, but he needs to let his DD's have some peace. Geesh...

Being around a WS and OW is enough to make anyone sick. Tell you D, we hope she gets well soon. Not to worry....the germs from the OW are not contagious. Ow just needs to be sprayed with roach spray. LOL!!!!

How stupid of the WS to bring your child around the OW. Then again, it just goes to show how stupid the WS are capable of being. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

L.

I agree with Orchid. It just proves how far they have their head up their @$$. Your DD is withdrawn and upset because her dad doesn't seem to want to face the fact it is painful for them to see their mom replaced by some stranger overnight. Sure, he thinks he "knows" her, but to them, she's just someone who broke up their family.

bumping for FNH... how are you hun?

Good morning, thanks for checking in with me.

DD13 is doing well. No salmonella poisoning <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> We talked for a little while again last night after WH brought them home. Interesting...

I don't understand why he wants so much drama. He never used to be that way. We were not public display kind of people. He wouldn't even kiss me in public let alone have a screaming match.

Yesterday morning was just more drama. He brough OW out to my house to confront me. !? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Had to call the sheriff who recommended I get a no contact order or restraining order.

Have to get some work done and then I'll be back to finish the story.

WTF?????? Please, update!

WOW, please do. Your Plan B is definitely working- he's really scrambling to have some kind of contact.

I hope you told her that just a day or so ago he was asking if he could come back home. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I had to come back and say something, without even knowing what happened. It seems your WH can't let you go on peacefully. You shutting yourself off and going dark is sending him off the deep end. It seems he will go to any lengths necessary to pull you back into the triangle. Plan FU and a restraining order are good ideas at this point in time.

I haven't even read your update and I'm furious (for you) that he brought OW over to confront you... THE NERVE OF HIM!

Oh how I wish my EX WW would bring the OM over to confront me.....

Confront you about what?? About calling them out on their sleazy azzed affair, the impact its having on children, about your Plan B to protect yourself??

please update.

Sounds like ultimate foggy behavior.

Perhaps WH thinks "If F&H just met OW, she'd see she doesn't represent any risk to the children...in fact, F&H just might like her...she's good people"

Yeah right.

I don't know, waywards just get this sense of entitlement like if you meet OW you will see that they just have to be together. It's a desparate and dramatic move to attempt to instill normalcy to the relationship. When you resisted condoning it...the conflict ensued.

I'd like to hear more details before saying follow through with the restraining order. Such order may actually play right into OW's hands...as in, she gets to play the victim. If she is not directly threatening you and you do not fear her it is unlikely such order would be advised UNLESS you can obtain one keeping her away/restraining her from contact with your children at the same time.

Mr. Wondering

The sheriff advised it, so maybe there is merit to it.

? ? ? ? ? ?

there's a pretty big update missing.....

Sorry, it's taken me so long. Too much work and then I get carried away reading other threads. Hiding from my own, I guess.

Monday was a holiday and DDs had no school. A couple of weeks ago WH had asked if DDs could spend the day at his mother's. She was inviting their cousins also. DDs were really looking forward to it. However, WH did not take care of the details. Like how DDs were going to get to MIL that morning. Typical.....he seems to think things "just happen". Which means....BS will do it.

I didn't have to work that day and wasn't planning on coming into town. This was his plan and his request, I think he should make all the arrangements. In the past, anytime DDs were going to spend the day with MIL, they would spend the night before. That way they didn't have to get up early and it was easier on whoever would have to take them there. There was some discussion about this and I said whatever was easiest for DDs and MIL was fine with me.

That became the plan......until OW talked to her H and found out that he couldn't take their DS (it was OW day to have their S). OW and WH both had to work. OW and WH are convinced that OW H and I are "seeing" each other and if we have no kids will get together for the night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

So WH told DDs that they couldn't spend the night at MIL, he would pick them up at 7 in the morning. Which only made it more of a pain for him and for DDs. Made no difference to me. I made blueberry muffins and sent DDs out the door with a bag of them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Yummy smells from home.

OW H and I have become friends and as I said before, exchange information, etc. We talk often and I encourage him to check out this site and share what I have learned here. Occasionally, we go to lunch together. Public places, etc. I KNOW the danger here. I've felt how easily it could slip into something more, just because we are both in such emotional turmoil and it feels good to have someone be nice and on the same side of this. 'nuf said. I know the danger of this.

OW H asked me to go with him to deliver meat to one of his hunters in a town a couple of hours away. It was a beautiful day and the drive is gorgeous. And he's a nice guy. I felt I could go have a nice day and not have any "relationship" pressure. I was wrong.

OW H came to pick me up. I wasn't quite ready and he came in the house and sat down to wait for me. A few minutes later, WH shows up. Immediately followed by OW. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I locked the door.

WH knocked on the door. I didn't answer...this wasn't going to be a friendly little chit chat. He started banging on the door. When I still didn't answer...he started calling the house phone, then my cell phone, then walked around the house banging on the windows....calling, calling, calling.

Then OW came and knocked on the door. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> There SHE was, standing at my door, like she had ANY right to be there. It took all I had in me not to open that door and knock her on her a$$! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> SHE makes me more mad than WH. Just seeing her there at my door, just about flipped me out. I never knew there could be so much RAGE in me!

I REALLY wanted to go out and get into it with them. Who the he!! do they think they are? I live 20 miles out of town. They both had to make an EFFORT to check on me and see who was at my house, and whoever wasn't doing the checking, got the phone call from the other one. They drove out in separate cars.

Anyway, OW H and I decided it would be best to just wait for them to leave. OW H was not easy to convince, though. He has his own RAGE to deal with. But no good would come if it. It would just be a huge fist fight and people would end up in jail....it would just get worse. I convinced OW H not to give them what they wanted. Confrontation....they need to drag us into the chaos to justify themselves.

Eventually, they quit banging on the doors, etc and things got quiet. Which made me suspicious. I looked out the window and WH had the hood up on my truck. I assume he was looking for a way to disable it. Gotta love those diesel trucks....no coil wire to pull. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> But SHE had her hands on my truck <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> RAGE all over again....almost brought me out of the house. Then WH got inside the truck and looked through things, under seat, etc....for what, I don't know. Condoms maybe? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Geez

That's the point where I called the sheriff. Enough is enough. Then I called WH on his cell and told him I'd called the sheriff and he needed to leave. He said they couldn't do anything...MT is community property state and the truck is his too. (unfortunately, that's true)

WH and OW left before the sheriff got there. He called me again, and I answered this time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> More accusations, name calling, history re-writing, telling me what a poor mother I am, etc, etc. I remained calm, which just makes him more mad. Finally, I said "what do you want from me, WH, what exactly do you want from me right now?" He said quietly, "I don't know". Then he got mad again and started ranting and raving. My call waiting beeped and I told him I had to go, the sheriff was on the other line and hung up.

When the sheriff finally arrived, I told her what had happened and she told me she couldn't do much but file a report. She recommended I get a TRO or No Contact order to keep him from making these kind of scenes.

The kids weren't there, it had nothing to do with the kids. Although at the beginning of the phone conversation with him, he yelled that he was going to get DDs and bring them back home. I think so he would show them that he "caught" me with OW H. DDs already knew where I was going that day. I think that is why he was trying to disable my truck.

When we got ready to leave, we realized OW had taken her H's keys out of his truck. Again, I think, so WH could get DDs and "catch" us together. They already knew, there was no "catching" about it. Only WH and OW didn't know.

I called DDs to check on them and explained a little about the situation and to call me if WH came and picked them up. OW H had an extra key....after talking with the sheriff we continued on with the plans for the day.

WH brought DDs home as scheduled later that night and I have not heard from him since.

I talked to my lawyer (finally called me back this morning) and explained the situation to him. We talked about a restraining order and no contact order. We've decided my best bet is for my lawyer to contact his lawyer and tell him to leave me alone or I'll have to file for a restraining order. If it continues, than we'll file.

WH just seems so insane right now. When I was talking to WH on the phone, I asked him why he wasn't leaving me alone. I thought he wanted to be happy and have nothing to do with me? He said he is happy "you have no idea how happy I am" I told him he can keep his kind of happiness, that he looks sick. Not eating, not sleeping, flipping out all the time. Odd kind of happiness.

I asked him what the point of him and OW coming to my house was, what was he supposed to gain out of that? He said to prove that I'm doing the same thing he is and I have no right to judge him. I told him nothing was proven, he's made all this stuff up in his head to make himself feel better. It is not what he thinks it is and no matter how hard he tries to bully me into saying it's more, I know better, OW H knows better, and so do DDs.

I don't understand all the drama. What does he get out of that? He does not get what he came for. If anything, it makes it worse for him.

WH and OW have just flipped out that OW H and I have any contact at all. OW talked to her H last night and when she wasn't calling me nasty names and ranting about me, she says "when you and BS get married, she is NOT having anything to do with MY son!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> They're just nuts, how did they leap this darn far?

It's good to be back at work...where there is a little peace and quiet!

It's poison, Fox. Stay away from it as much as you can. Don't let them suck you into the madness.

And you know you're playing with fire with the OWH, right?

Okay FH....YOU are still married to this (insert word of choice here) for what reason? I don't mean to be ugly but this guy seems whacked out of his mind and has a tag along lunatic of OW trailing him. She sounds as out her mind as he does. I can't imagine being married to either one of them.

I to became friends with OMW. No chance of a R there as she is almost 10 years older than me and a grandmother and Oh yea SANE (unlike my EX WW and Serial cheating old OM who is 23 years older than she and is a grandfather 4 times over).

What have you done legally to protect yourself and your children (I apologize if you've covered this in your thread somewhere)? LSA, temporary order, what???

All this coming from a man who screamed at you recently to just let him go??

He's whacked out of his head and he's determined to make you look bad to make him feel better. You know, even if you did start a relationship with OWH, you are mere weeks maybe months from being divorced. Your marriage is over, he's already living with the OW. It's not the same.

I can't believe THEY don't realize how rediculous they are by showing up at your house like that! Like they have any room to be mad at you two.

How are your DD's doing? All this drama from your STBXH has to be messing with their minds...

OW H is 18 years older than I am, no chance of a R there either. I completely understand the concerns about that. But I know I have enough chaos going on without adding my own R to the mix.

WH is whacked out of his mind right now. He is such a stranger, I would never have thought that he would act this way.

Legally, we are still in limbo. The final date was continued and no further date has been set. I talked to my lawyer this morning and he has been waiting for WH lawyer to get the dates set. I would expect it will be at least another 3 months unless I get an emergency injunction. Which I don't want to do because it force the custody issue too. A set schedule would be good for all of us, except for I lose what little control I have in regards to DDs spending overnights at his house when OW is there.

If this is the type of person WH is now, I don't want him. I want to be as far away from him as possible. But what if WH isn't here to stay and H eventually returns? Where is the deadline where I say, "you've been a nut for long enough and even if you change your ways now, it's too late, I don't want anything to do with you"

If I knew he was going to act like this forever, I'd be done in a heartbeat. But will he?

As far as OW is concerned, if this was going to happen, I'm glad it happened with someone like her. She is a lunatic and he will never be happy with her. WH or H.

What do you mean, sdguy038? A possible relationship with OW H or just having anything to do with him that causes more chaos with WH?

I'm aware of the problems with a possible relationship with OW H and won't go there. He's a friend...probably one that I will have for a very long time. He is/was a part of my support system. Knowing much more about what I was truly going through than anyone else I could/can talk to. Other than this forum. It just isn't that.


If it's about not causing more chaos from WH. I'm not sure I care about that anymore, other than for DDs sake. It's causing WH some pain and that isn't necessarily bad.

DDs seem to be doing ok. They aren't around when it happens. I did call to check on them after WH said he was going to go get them and bring them back to the house. I told DD13 a little bit about what happened and to call me if Dad came and picked them up.

He didn't go get them. He called DD13 shortly after I had and asked if she talked to me. She told him yes and he said "what'd she have to say". DD13 said I was just checking on them. Bad, bad spot for DD13.

I have a hard time deciding how much to tell DDs. What is enough but not too much? Some I think is important for them to know, but I don't want them to have to deal with anything more than absolutely necessary.



I asked him about this when we were on the phone:

BS: I thought you wanted me to let you go. I'm doing that. I haven't called you or contacted you in anyway. Why can't you do the same, I've asked you to leave me alone, not to call, not to email, not to see me at all. Why were you here?

WH: I want to move on with my girls.
BS: They aren't here today, they had nothing to do with why you showed up today. Why were you here?
WH: I just want to go on with my life and have my daughters as part of it. I left you, I didn't leave them.
BS: They weren't here. How was today about them?
WH: You're keeping me from DDs.
BS: DDs were at your mother's. Why were you here?

Then it turned bad....he called me names and started again with the accusations... yelling, etc. It turns bad because he has no answer. He was NOT at my house about DDs. It was about me.

I am trying to stay as much out of it as I can. He is self-destructing right before my eyes.

I should not have answered the phone after he left. But I was concerned he was going to get DDs and drag them into this too. I was hoping to talk some sense into him about that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I should have known better. But then again, he didn't go get them and bring them back.

He is using your DD's as an excuse. It's good that you kept coming back to the fact that they were not at home. I'm sure OW is pissed that you didn't want you around your DD's and she is also pissed that you and her H are pals now. I imagine it makes them uncomfortable that you could be exchanging information about them, nevermind the fact they probably discussed you two with each other all throughout their A. WS's love to dish it but most can't take it in return from my experience.

This is why I was saying to be careful with how your email exchanges regarding your DD's is worded. Document Document Document your efferts so he can't try to slander you in the courts. I have the feeling they are in this united against you and MOWH mode and it will get worse before it gets better. It sucks that the D is dragging on, the less that's lingering out there for you the better. Visitation needs to be set so he can't claim you are withholding DD's. Him showing up at your house to cause trouble like that does not make him look good to the courts, IMO. I hope you have the whole thing documented. Right down to the fact DD's were at HIS MOTHERS HOUSE. If he wanted to spend time with them SO BAD he could have gone there instead. Just like the night of the rodeo.

Sigh... Hang in there FNH. I'm sorry your STBXH is being so nutso.