I can't believe him... He doesn't need to talk to you about any of that crap (the visitation schedule, etc). You guys have an intermediary for those questions. He knew MOWH had a flight coming in and he ASSumed you were off to pick him up. When he couldn't reach you, he went straight to the next best source, your DD's. I can't believe he actually said "no, she's picking up OWH at airport" to your DD's. Is that supposed to upset them or make you look bad?

You are right, he doesn't realize it, but he's making himself look like such an @$$ to your DD's. This also proves that they are STILL obsessed with what is going on in you and MOWH personal life. You are roughly a month away from the D being final. He needs to stop concerning himself with what you are doing.

At least you can keep busy at the volleyball practices because you are volunteering. Imagine your H is wallpaper and ignore him. He deserves nothing more from you.

And the quote your mom sent you is so true. Read it again and again!!

I can't believe he said that either. Even if it had been true. What happened to only doing things in the best interest of DDs? How was that for DDs?

I'm just floored he went to the bus at school and "told" on me. It just seems so desperate. I didn't think he even knew what bus number they were on.

I think he wants DDs to think poorly of me so they think better of him. Or it could simply be payback for the fact the I told DDs he had a girlfriend right when I found out. Told them carefully, of course, didn't catch them at the bus and "tattle".

I think WH believes that as soon as the D is final, life for him will be perfect. I won't be able to "keep" DDs from him and their little family will fall right into place. I know he will fall right on his FACE. DDs will not accept her. They know what has happened and seen what their dad has tried to do (turn them against me - twice now at least).

I have been up-front with DDs from the start. Doing my best to balance how much and what exactly they need to know for their ages. Always making sure they know they can talk to me and ask questions.

I'm really looking forward to volleyball. I've always loved the game and it will be great fun to do it with DDs. I am going to have them involved in planning practices, etc. I will just ignore WH...you're right...wallpaper. If he is concerned about "his" time with DDs. I can get off his [censored] and assist with drills, etc. I imagine he is going to sit on his [censored] like a bump on a log. Fuming about how I have time with DDs on "his" days.

Fox

Fox,

Still following you sitch.
Just thought I would chime in here with: Wow, What a piece of work he is!

He is obviously obsessed with "catching" you at "being bad"! Trying to get validation for leaving his family. Look DDs, look what Fox is doing! Guess I'm not so bad after all!

You do realize this is all done out of his own guilt right? He knows he is at fault for demise of your M. What can he possibly use as an excuse as to why he did what he did?
Oh yeah…that’s right…there is absolutely no excuse for what he did, and he knows it!
Soooo, lets make Fox look evil.
He is already in the process of hanging himself, all you have to do is let go of the rope Fox.

Please be advised he is watching you…like a predator, just waiting for anything to sink his teeth into. I bet he is getting desperate right about now.
This, my friend, is why he made all these phone calls. He is trying to call you out of the dark! Trying to see if he can still pull your trigger and set you off!
You should be PITCH BLACK!

Sorry in advance, I have a 2X4 for you. You SHOULD NOT be hearing his phone messages. BIG MISTAKE!!! I bet that fired you right up and drained some of the energy you have been building for 9 ½ days! It would for me.
In monopoly you would have to go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
You will not be in plan B if you are volunteering at all DDs practices on his scheduled days.
I think this is an excuse for you be included. JMHO.
Those are his days with DDs. HE should be doing the volunteer stuff.
Does he show up at rodeo practice on your days?
I bet he will try to used that against you in court.
Just something to think about.

MyBad

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An incidence arose from a circumstance.
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MyBad, thanks for keeping up with me.



I was waiting for the first 2x4 on that one. I only listened to the messages AFTER he had met DDs at the bus. I was afraid he might pick them up and take them. Looking back, that is not really a good enough reason. If he would have done that, my response (if I had had to make one) to his voicemail would not have stopped it.

It didn't fire me up at all. I'm just getting disgusted wit him. He is acting so irrational that I don't even feel like I need to respond. How do you respond rationally to an irrational person? You can't, so I don't.

I keep doling out the rope....rock bottom has to be out there somewhere!



Even the fact that he met DDs at the bus didn't irritate me like it would have a few weeks ago. I don't get desperate to get to DDs to explain whatever WH said, I know what they think of me and they know they can trust me. If DDs weren't affected by it, it would be amusing to watch him scramble. How silly of him.

Truly, I'm at a spot that it does not sap my energy. I'm looking forward, hoping WH will stop his shenanigans and get out of this mess he put himself in, but I'm not relying on it. There is someone out there who is worthy of me and that I am worthy of. May be H, may not be, time will tell.

As far as WH knows, I delete his messages without listening to them. I had my intermediary sent him an email after he was pushing, pushing, pushing for contact. She told him his email is immediately deleted by my email administrator (it isn't because I don't know how to do it, but he thinks it is and hasn't tried to email me), that my cell phone doesn't ring for his numbers (which is why he blocks the #), and I immediately delete any voice messages from him unless DDs are with him.

As far as he knows, I am the memory I promised him I would be until he is away from OW.



DDs and I have been planning on me being a coach since last year's season ended. The days truly landed that way out of necessity due to DDs other events. Not an excuse for me to be included at all. Yes, HE should be doing the volunteer stuff on his days, but he won't and DDs have asked me to do it for them. I really don't think they should have to adjust their schedules to fit his days vs my days. I did ask DDs if they wanted to do something differently or not have me coach. They wanted it just the way it is set. WH can join in at practices if he wants to. I doubt he will, he'll sit and sulk. He could have signed up to coach or talked to DDs about it but he did not. His loss.

Yup, he has told DDs that he will be attending every rodeo practice too. Whether it's my day or his day. I think he has realized his past errors with DDs and not being involved enough in their lives and is really trying to correct that before they grow up and are gone. He can't or won't see the same for the M, but appears to have done so with DDs.

During one of our long talks in December, he did admit to working too hard and not spending enough time with both DDs and I. Always putting work before us. He is correcting that (or trying to) with DDs but not me.

This could be an advantage later on. If/when he puts his DDs before OW, OW will throw a hissy fit. LB will commence.

I'd like to be there the first time OW tries to discipline DDs or says something unkind. WH will be in quite a fix. If he stands up for OW, DDs will be upset with him. If he stands up for DDs, OW will be upset. Poor guy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I'm still fighting the overnight visits with OW there. I know I will lose that struggle before too long. Could be this weekend...OWH has their DS7....and the court date is soon. Now would be the best time for him if he was going to do it. The courts can't tell him no to something that has already happened.

When I lose that fight, I will not completely lose. DDs resent the heck out of her already, it won't get better once she is forced on them by WH.

WH might try to use the volleyball practice times against me in court, but my reasons are sound. And WH is really pushing negotiation instead of court right now. Should be interesting towards the end of this month. If WH is scrambling now, he should really be scrambling then.

Oh, I think I forgot to say in the other post that WH also told DD13 to tell me he was trying to get a hold of me when he met her at the bus. What is she supposed to do, dial the phone for me?

I think he was just trying to make sure that I KNEW he was trying to contact me. If he thinks I don't take his calls and delete his messages, he knew DD13 would get to me. By going at it through DD13, he now knows the message got to me and I chose not to call him back. Which is really the same as me deleting his messages. Wayward logic again. I think that is an oxymoron. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm good today, very good. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Spring has sprung and the sun always lifts my moods. This is MT and I'm sure it is just teasing, but I'm going to enjoy the warm weather every minute that I can.

Fox

Stay strong, Fox. Regarding the practices on "his days," I would worry more about the effect of seeing him on your Plan B than custody. You've got the high ground there, especially if he's going to come to the rodeo practices. Be prepared to see him but not see him at practices and games.

It sounds like you're doing well!

Thanks, sdguy038

I am prepared to treat him like wallpaper (see but not see). Does that mean that I can swat a fly that lands on him? I would if it was wallpaper. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Darn, no flies this time of year...spider maybe?

I am doing well today. I don't know why, just really strong today.

Okay, this has been bothering me....do I have to start counting Plan B days over again? I REALLY don't wanna! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> That would really screw up my visual calendar!

If WH doesn't know I broke Plan B by listening to his voicemails, does it really count? Is today #10 or am I back to #1?

I'm kind of giggling over this because it is silly...but it bugs me! I don't wanna start over! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> (can you see me stomping my feet?)

Input please (and I really only want to hear that today is #10!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Fox

Congratulations on 10 days!

Here's what I think (and I'm just now making this up): if you didn't get triggered by listening to the voice mail, then it doesn't count as breaking your plan B. What do you think?

Yeah! Thanks for the right answer, sdguy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> That explanation (excuse) works for me.

OW tried to run over her H today. Okay, not really run over, but almost clipped him pretty good before he jumped out of the way. The insanity just makes you want to laugh, or you laugh because you are insane, I'm not sure which one is true at this point. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yes, I do. I'M not insane! I haven't run over anyone lately or showed up at their house behaving liked idiots.

This watching from the sidelines is kind of entertaining. (even though I'm not really supposed to be watching at all). Sometimes you just can't help watching the train wreck even when you know you shouldn't!

The behavior of WS's would be downright funny if it weren't so tragic and destructive.

It's not you, Fox.

Yesterday was Day #11 of no contact with WH. I've found a good place for myself at this point. I've accepted that there may not be a future with H and that's ok.

It sounds so simple but it's so hard to get there and not feel like you are giving up.

I've struggled so much and gone back and forth on whether or not I will take WH back if he ever wants that. I've decided to put that aside. It is not a decision I need to make right now. I'll face it and deal with it if/when it comes.

I'm not giving up all hope, but I am letting go of the obsession of this situation. Life and love is out there for me, I just have to get to it.

Funny comment from DD13 last night after time with WH and MOW: "MOW has a HUGE forehead, makes me want to reach out and flick it" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I don't think you should have to sacrifice your involvement in your DD's volleyball practice because of this whole mess with your STBXH. I think you'll be able to focus on the girls and treat him like wallpaper just fine. I get the sense he feeds on drama with you and silence will irk him the most. He likes to engage you and get you worked up.

Did OW really try to make her BH think she was going to run him over? Remember, they think you picked him up from the airport yesterday, maybe that's a factor? I can't say w/o knowing the story.

It will be interesting to see how well they get along once the forbidden fruit aspect of their R is gone and you and MOWH don't give a rats [censored] what they are doing. They seem to thrive on the drama.

I'm also amazed at WS's who go straight from the marital home to living with their AP and then expect the kids to accept having this stranger shoved down their throats. Most kids are hesitant to be okay with one of their parents, the people who gave them life, being ditched and replaced with someone they don't know from Adam. And then the WS has the nerve to act annoyed that he kids don't think their AP is the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Yup, I can treat him like wallpaper. I'm in a good place right now. Not nearly so emotional and able to leave those little crumbs right where they land when he throws them out.

MOW didn't try to make her H think it, she was very close to doing it. They were arguing by her Jeep about how much each owed for daycare. She was in the Jeep, he was standing next to it with the driver's side door open. She has pretty wide tires on it and when she got mad she revved it up, swung it towards him, and squealed off. The back tires and end of the Jeep would have caught him if he hadn't jumped back.

She must have been in such a big hurry so she could go spend the evening with my DDs and WH. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

MOWH thinks she is mad because he has talked to MOW sisters. They do not agree with the situation at all and have told MOW that. WH is not welcome at any of their family gatherings, etc. MOW just found out last week that her H has talked to her sisters. She had been trying to pass of the "H and I are just not getting along, he is a different person when no one else is around." She called him screaming to not call her sisters and talk chit about her. MOWH says she has been extremely cold since then. He doesn't know if one of the sisters called MOW or if she got in his house and checked his caller id and saw that one of the sisters and called HIM.

Her sisters hardly ever talk to her anymore. An occassional joke back and forth but NO personal talk. One of the sisters got married last month and did not invite MOW.

It's gonna be WH and MOW against the world.

She didn't get invited to her sisters wedding???? I hope their sordid little relationship is going to be worth all the devestation and havoc they've reeked...

I hope it isn't.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

The sister that got married was a BS 15 years ago. Is just now getting remarried (not to her WH). He is no longer with his AP.

Infidels were probably not welcome at her wedding, sister or not.

I should have added that I was being sarcastic, I don't at all think it was worth it.

And good for her sister!!!!

Hey Fox,

It’s amazing what 11 days of NC can do! You sound so strong these past two days! I’m pleased for you. And everyday the there is NC you will get stronger.
What worries me is his continued urging to call you out. The longer you avoid him the harder he will try. He gets such satisfaction, and ego boosting from your reaction to his efforts.
The only one that knows you better than him is YOU! So each and every time he tries to persuade you to fall, think of the bigger picture! YOU ARE STRONG!


Don’t for get to take some time for Fox. I know all the involvement with DDs keeps you busy, and I can see how important it is to you, but you need some healing time so that you don’t burn out. I really feel it’s a very important part of the process.


I always wanted to visit the big sky country! Soooo beautiful! Someday soon I hope.

MB
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You cannot put a quart into a pint cup.
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Fox, you sound GREAT! Your seeing the calm in Plan B and it is letting you let your hair down. I like hearing you like this.

Wallpaper is a good one, I'll have to remember that.

I like your perspective on whether the door will still be open for recovery between you and H. That is exactly how I feel, now that I'm back to Plan B AGAIN. I didn't want crumbs, and when the wayward showed up again, I was happy to go back to Plan B. Now, if D happens, I think that will be okay too (not for my DS), but we will be happy, Mommy will be happy no matter WHAT. I feel the same way, I will not obsess about this, it serves no purpose.

The sadness that I had yesterday is almost all gone. I'm settling back in quite nicely. I got a glimpse of my H and I do miss HIM, but facing that wayward again, I was glad to be relieved of him.

Live your life as if HE does not exist. Go to games, even when he's there, go to meetings, be with DD's. I'm glad that you have hit more of a stride.