No kidding. I'd be getting into panic mode pretty quick if I was him, too. Even if I was messing with MOWH it doesn't get him off the hook for anything. He's still done what he's done. I'm hoping a judge will see that it is just mud slinging. I don't think WH has any credibility with ANYONE except MOW right now. He can say what he wants, his word means nothing.



I'm not really going after alimony. WH doesn't make all that much more than I do. They balance the difference out in chid support. That's what I'm told anyway. However, I am asking that he pay for 1/2 of my truck and horse trailer. I would never have bought that high end of a horse trailer if I thought this was coming. He got me into this mess, I think he should help get us out. And I don't think DDs and I should have to give up anything else because of his choices.

My attorney thinks we will be able to get child support retroactive, plus all the care for his horse, etc, and my attorney fees.

Yup, this will put a HUGE strain on his R with MOW. He is broke now, wait until he has to start paying me every month. As it is, he has to bring DDs home in MOW Jeep because his truck is barely running and he can't afford to fix it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> Boo friggin' hoo

MOW has not had to worry about money since she married her H. Now she will, and in a big way. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Fox

That's true, I didn't even think about the fact he's not paying you any kind of support right now. I hope he doesn't think some lunch money here and there is "support" in the courts eyes.

The last couple of times WH has had DDs he has bought them a shirt or something. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Buying them off or keeping receipts for judge? Or both...

He can't prove he gave them lunch money either. He handed them cash. I'll be honest if I'm asked. But he doesn't know that I know he gave it to them, either. He gave it directly to DDs who then told me when I asked if they needed any money for their lunch accounts. Since school started he has given them a total of $30 each. The per month cost is $40 per child. Yeah, that's his kind of support. Crumbs, just like everything else.

He has no idea how hard child support is going to hurt him. He manages money really poorly. I'm sure that will be my fault too. Taking all his money and leaving him in the poor house.

I'm getting so tired of the baloney with him. He's trying so hard to get the upper hand and prove he hasn't done anything wrong.

His notebook is funny on one hand and bugs me on another. How dare he keep track of me? Who the heck does he think he is? Why is he trying to get dirt to use against me? What the heck have I done?

Yesterday was day #16 of no contact with WH. I'm feeling so much better, triggers have lessened, my head is quieter, and I'm enjoying my DDs and life in general. Got a raise at work yesterday and that will help alot. I CAN do this on my own.

Yesterday on the way out to my mother's to pick up DDs, I passed by MOW/WH house (again, just the direction I have to go). WH, MOW, and her S7 had just left the Jeep and were walking into the house. In a line, first WH, then a couple of steps behind, MOW, a couple more steps behind, S7. All with their heads down, looking like they were just trudging into the house. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I always imagined them skipping into the house, arm in arm, big grins on their faces to live their happy lives. Not so, I guess.

WH looked up when he heard me drive by (I can't sneak, it's a noisy diesel) and looked right at me, as did MOW. I wonder what goes through their heads.....

A few weeks ago it would have been a HUGE trigger and sent me into tears, I would have seen the happy family even if that isn't what they looked like. It didn't yesterday, it actually helped. They are not the happy little family I always imagined with all the affection, care, and love that I haven't had for a long time. I'm at the point where I almost feel sorry for WH. This will not end well for him and he will have alienated everyone around him.

DDs say his back is bothering him and he hurts when he moves very much.

It has to bother him when I drive by in my nice truck.... his is broke down and he isn't driving it at all right now. MOW has to haul him around or let him borrow her Jeep. How does that make WH feel? Pathetic, can't even keep his own truck running and oh, there goes my wife in her fancy truck......

Karma....gotta love her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Fox

Wow! You are doing great! Positive thinking as witnessed by your reaction to seeing their 'happy' family and feeling sorry for them.

I've reached a point, and it is reinforced by reading this, that i will no longer be waiting AT ALL for WH to wake up. I have moved forward ever so slightly, enough to look around him at what else is going on in the world. I'm happy. I really am. The obsessive thinking is ALREADY, after one week, subsiding. I sleep fine. I have things to do. I look forward to spring, and planting, gardening, hangin' with my kid, playing with the dogs. Rebirth...

I love that you have such concrete evidence against WH, and he has his little notebook. That is HI-larious!

My WH has paid child support since he left the first time, without law intervening. The only thing that I want now is to reside in the home for as long as WE (his son and I) need to. That will have to be settled upon divorce. We have a separation agreement, but I can ask for more when divorce proceedings begin.

Alicia Keys - "Karma"

Weren't you the one that said, that you don't want me anymore.
And how you need your space, and give the keys back to your door.
And how I cried and tried and tried to make you stay with me.
But still you said that love was gone, and that I had to leave.
Now you, talkin bout a family
Now you, sayin I complete your dream
Now you, sayin I'm your everything
You confusin me
What you say to me
Don't play with me
Don't play with me.
Cause what goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back to me
What goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back
I remember when
I was sittin home alone
Waitin for you
Til 3 o'clock in the morn
And when you came home, you'd always have some sorry excuse.
And explainin to me, like I'm just some kinda fool
I sacrifice the things I want to and do things for you
But when it's time to do for me, you never come through
Now you, wanna be a bond of me (eyyy)
Now you, have so much to say to me (heyy)
Now you, wanna make time for me
What you do to me.
You confusin me
Don't play with me
Don't play with me.
Cause what goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back to me
What goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back
I remember when
I was sittin home alone
Waitin for you
Til 3 o'clock in the morn
Night after night
Knowin sumthing goin on
Wasn't home befo me
You was,you was gone
Lord knows it wasn't easy, but believe me.
Never thought you'd be the one that would deceived me.
And never do wha u was supposed to do
No need to hose me fool, cause I'm ova you
Cause what goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back to me
What goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Gotta stop tryin, to come back to me
What goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
It's called Karma baby.
And it goes around.
What goes around, comes around,
What goes up, must comes down,
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back to me

I am so glad to hear you are doing well. Yup, I'm peeking around my WH, too, to see what else is out there. I'm not waiting any more, either. I've finally accepted that the situation is what it is and no matter what I do right now, WH just doesn't care. And now, because of Plan B, I don't care that he doesn't care. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I'm in a strong place right now and am looking forward to the future. I have faith that I will be happy again. I'm pretty happy now, but still in this mess also. I'm looking forward to getting past it and really LIVING again.



Isn't it nice to look foward again? There was a time all I was doing was living minute to minute. I didn't know how to plan far enough ahead to know what to feed DDs for dinner. Now I'm seeing years ahead....KNOWING there is a future with or without WH.



This is something that really does surprise me with my WH. I would have thought that he would take care of his DDs no matter what. And he started that way, he did help the first two months and then got mad at me and it all stopped. I can understand if he didn't want to hand money directly to me but he could have went to the school and paid for lunches, bought DDs school clothes, or bought groceries, made utility payments online, etc. Anything, but he didn't. I believe he was punishing me and trying to make me struggle. Or make me hate him? I dunno.

Love the Karma song! I'll have to look that up and take a listen.

Fox, it's a great song! I really like Alicia Keys, she's so talkented, and so soulful. I would say she's LUSCIOUS!

Funny, what your WH does in at attempt to hurt you. He's hurting his children, really, not you. Yes, financially, you have been given a hardship, but it doesn't look good for their father to not help pay for their upbringing. Wow, sounds like he's being hurtful to everyone. What a round-edged tool the waywards are...

Wow, SL! You're right, I think she is LUCSCIOUS, too. I just listened to that song. Perfect...

I have faith that WH will one day see what a mistake this all was and really regret it. When H is back inhabiting his own body, he will be SHOCKED at what WH has done, and deeply remorseful. It isn't going to happen today, tomorrow, or maybe even this year. But it WILL happen. He will have to deal with his demons alone then. Who knows where I will be at that point.

Fox

I believe that WH will feel the full force of the situation someday, it could be when his DS doens't want to talk, or it could be when we are doing something without him, or it could be when he finds himself alone, or when he's with someone yet utterly unhappy, STILL...Who knows, it may not be until his deathbed. I'm not waiting. I do hope, for his sake, that it happens sooner than later, and he is at least able to focus on his R with his son.

Silent,

Or when he calls another man daddy....

Still

My IC actually told me that alot of WH's do wake up then. When they realize that they are being replaced and another man is living in their house being their kid's father.

I hinted to WH awhile ago, that the kids will get a new father someday who will never do what he has done to them...left them, betrayed them etc.

He didn't seem to care.

Cat,

That is so sad, He will wake up one day and have deep regrets. And when he does his kids may not be there for them,

I do have to give my WH credit he spends more time with DS now then he ever has. And he does take him EOW and couple nights also. Granted the nights during the week it's just to sleep (not much quality time). Although at times I do see his selfish side come out.

He is not soing so well with my DD16. I'm not sure she will ever come around.

Still

I get the feeling he will freak out when you start dating. I think he likes feeling like he's got one over on you by living with OW. Just wait til the shoe is on the other foot.

It sounds like you are doing great! Plan B is truly helping you out.

Still,

WH comes over for a few hours a week to see the kids. That's it. Doesn't call at all during the week. DS still goes with him on visitation. DD is old enough to know what he is doing. She has pretty much lost all respect for him, but will still speak to him and go on visitation occasionally.

Family,

My IC told me the same thing you said. It's when the BS starts dating is when WS doesn't like that.

Hi, everyone. I've been out with the stomache bug so haven't checked in for a few days. Not much to report.

Today is day #22 of no contact. Still strong on that end. Tomorrow is our first negotiation conference, we'll see how I am then. WH has become someone I don't even like. It is no hardship to not have contact with him.

I pity him right now....I am on my way back uphill and he is on a consistant slide downhill.

DDs and I had a GREAT weekend, the best we have had in a long time. Weather was excellent so we spent alot of time outside.

I agree with all of your thoughts about WHs having a hard time dealing with their BSs moving on. My WH has flipped out everytime he thinks I am out with MOWH. Too funny. How in the world do they think they have the right?

MOW is still hounding her H about me. Keeps telling him she is positive I will be moving in with him by the end of the year. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> She is warning him that I am going to use him up and take him for everything he's got. She keeps telling him that she doesn't want to see him hurt. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I'm even beginning to pity her. Pathetic, both of them (WH and MOW).

Fox

"MOW is still hounding her H about me. Keeps telling him she is positive I will be moving in with him by the end of the year. She is warning him that I am going to use him up and take him for everything he's got. She keeps telling him that she doesn't want to see him hurt. I'm even beginning to pity her. Pathetic, both of them (WH and MOW)."


Okay... I don't even know what to say to that... They don't even see how big of hypocrites they really are, do they??? This coming from a woman who was well taken care of financially by her H and she repays him by moving in with her AP whilst they are both still married. She is also subjecting her very young son to a stranger (yes, he's a stranger to that little boy, he's not his daddy, that's for damn sure). GRRRRRRRRR, what a winch!

Fox, I have a severe sore throat with a fever, so I'm headin to the doc today to be checked for strep throat. It was my first weekend without my kid and I spent it in bed. I missed him so much because of how unbusy I was.

family...that last part, about that little boy dealing with a stranger while also dealing with the upheaval in his life, that kills me. My son is now old enough to vocalize his pain, and he's doing it, with me. I believe he will need some counseling here soon...Any suggestions on where to start?

It saddens me too silent, they just don't care about the child's feelings, only their own selfish agenda. I don't have any answers, I guess just try to keep the open honest discussions going with him. Counseling might help too.

This is the very reason judges often issue orders in D's that state no overnights with someone of the opposite sex if not married. It would have helped the MOWH in this case. They would be going against a court order to live together. It also would have kept wilds DDs from having to be subjected to an overnight with the homewrecker.

That stomach bug knocked me down for almost five days, but I'm feeling much better now. Glad to hear that you're on the mend. One's physical well-being (and sleep, in particular) makes such a huge difference in their mental state while dealing with crap like this.

I think we're in similar places. I feel strong and good but don't think that's the case for WW. It sounds like that's where you are, too. Keep it up!