So sorry to hear you are sick, SL. Being home alone without my DDs is hard for me, too. I don't have to be strong when they are not there and sometimes the whole situation just overwhelms me. Plan B has been good, though. I have the hardest time when I think about DDs and how he has split their lives. I don't cry nearly as much over him. Their still is grief over the loss of who I thought WH was and the loss of all our dreams for the future.



This is really difficult for me, too. But we should be grateful that our children will share their pain with us. I KNOW DDs do not share with WH. DD13 said last week he talked to them and tried to reassure them that they could talk to him about anything and how much he hoped they would do that. DD13 told me she would never do that because she felt that even though WH says he won't get upset, she knows he will if it is something that he doesn't agree with, and he won't agree with what she has to say.

My biggest frustration in all of this is not being able to stop it from happening to my DDs.

Fox

Fox,

What kind of negotiations do you hope to make tomorrow?
Just thought you might want to share what terms you are seeking.
There may be things you haven't thought of that others here at MB can share with you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Is this like mediation or is this you first court hearing with the powers that be?

MB
---------------------
In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.

Yes, this meeting is basically mediation. It's just WH and I with each of our lawyers.

I don't plan on doing much negotiating at all. I'm prepared to go to court, the truth is on my side - WH screwed up. WH is the one who asked to try to negotiate, I'll go but stick to my original response to the divorce petition.

I'll post what the was in just a little bit. It is fairly long, I tried to cover everything. It would be great to get suggestions/opinions before going in tomorrow.

Thank you all.

Fox

Okay, here is the stand I am going into negotiations with:

Custody

WH to pay BS child support according to MT child support guidelines

Primary residence of DD13 and DD12 with BS
School year spent with BS. Visitation with WH will be Mon and Thur from 2:45pm to 7:30pm and every other weekend beginning Fri at 2:45pm until Sunday at 7:00pm.

WH has already said he wants to bring DDs back at 1:00pm on Sundays on his weekends and has been doing so every time he has them.


No overnight stays of the opposite sex for either parent while DDs are in their care

Holidays - every other holiday

(questions to lawyer - what happens if DDs want to spend a holiday with a particular parent, or want to split it?)

Summer vacation: will be spent with BS, WH to have one week per month (June, July, August). Sporting events, camps, vacations, etc will be negotiation accordingly

School vacations except for summer - trade following every other year. Spring break, Thanksgiving break, Christmas break

Vacations - negotiable, each parent provide the other with location, emergency numbers and a way to reach children

Babysitter vs temp care by other parent - Because of WH current living situation, BS will not be obligated to give WH option of caring for children, she may have extended family provide care. WH will give BS option of providing care before making other arrangements

School: (name of DDs school)
Medical Support/Health Insurance: WH will provide health insurance for DDS, deductibles and co-pays will be divided equally

Taxes: BS will claim both children for Head of Household

College: Each parent pays 1/4 of cost, child pays 1/2 of costs of college

Automobile at age of 16: Each parent will pay at least 1/4, child will pay 1/2
Each parent will pay 1/4 of costs of child's vehicle insurance coverage, child pay 1/2
Each parent pays 1/2 of driver's education for each child

Sports camps: Each parent will pay 1/2
Sporting event fees/transportation: each parent pays 1/2

Plan to be reviewed upon employment changes and/or living arrangements (out of town move, etc)

Any suggestions from MB would be appreciated!

Fox

Possessions:

BS keeps what WH left except for a couple of items he took that he should not have and a few items he should have taken and did not. (these are listed for lawyer)

Also, WH will pay for 1/2 of care of DD13 horse and all of the Arabian mare that used to be his until she dies or is sold.

WH will pay for 1/2 of the truck/horse trailer payment but will sign his ownership over to BS.

WH will pay for ALL of DD13 braces through flex spending as agreed with orthodontist.

WH will pay 1/2 of all pending bills.

WH will pay ALL of counseling fees for DD13 and DD12.

WH will pay ALL of BS attorney fees.

WH will pay back child support from August forward.

WH will pay back care for DD13's horse and his mare from August forward.

hmmmmm....what am I missing?

Fox

I'm impressed you have everything covered. Much more than I did.

Our mediation just about fell apart because I wanted primary residence for my son. And he wants everything split 50/50. Too bad for the pain I'm causing for everyone else.

Hope it goes better for you tomorrow than mine did.

Still

Wow. You seem well-prepared. Let us know how it goes tomorrow. I may want you to negotiate for me on Thursday.

Good luck! It sounds like you have a lot of bases covered. I'll be praying for ya!

Great Work Fox!

Looks great! Best wishes to you today! Hope all goes well.
The only advise I can share is don't back down! Let him know you are prepared to go to court! He has created this mess HE HAS TO PAY!
When negotiating always request more than what you are willing to settle for. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
And do not discuss anything with him when it is over.
Be darker than you ever thought possible!
Leave with your lawyer...stay away from WH!
He is going to either a) want to sweet talk you or b) trash you...one or the other.

I'll be thinking of you today. BE STRONG! Think about DDs and you will prevail!

Godspeed,

MyBad
----------------
In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.

Initially WH was insistant on 50/50 but since talking to the counselor he has decided that primary residence with me (due to his living situation) is what is best for DDs. I was surprised that he backed off on this issue. I'm not sure I would have if I was him. I hoped that in that moment he was actually thinking of what was best for DDs and not that "it is my RIGHT to have my kids". He has told me and the counselor this numerous times.

In a way I'm relieved that he isn't fighting for them more (yet), but I am also disappointed in him that he doesn't want them.

We had a friend that stayed with us for a while when he was getting divorced. I don't know it for sure but I believe his wife was cheating. This friend was positive that he could never get custody because he is the dad. WH and I together convinced him that if he truly wanted his kids he needed to fight. Even if he lost, the kids will still know that their dad wanted them and did everything he could to have them. He ended up winning full custody and his ex-wife very seldom chose to see their 3 kids.

I hope WH backed off for DDs sake and I hope he explains to them why he isn't going after more time with them (what's best for them).

I'm a little nervous about the meeting today. I do feel prepared but I also feel that I am missing something and it is going to come back and bite me later.

I dread this meeting but also look forward to it. Let's just get it done and over with.

I actually like this back and forth manuevering (not for divorce reasons, but in general), each doing their best to cover all bases and come out ahead of the opponent. I like holding my cards close and then at the end laying them on the table and blowing the opponent away. I know what the other side has in this scenario and I am not afraid. There won't be any surprises, I'm ready to go to court.

Thanks for the support. I'm starting to get a little sick to my stomache. I HATE that our marriage has come to this.

Fox

Thanks for the luck and the prayers, familycomesfirst. Both are needed and appreciated!

I don't plan on backing down at all. WH and I had discussed all of this in early January and come to a little bit of agreement....then he got mad and took it to his lawyer before we could iron all the details out. Stupid on his part, at that point I was much more willing to work with him.



Absolutely not! There is nothing left to say. She is still in his life, I am not.

Thank you for the support, MyBad. I will be STRONG. Knowing you are all here and thinking of me helps me stay that way.

Fox

AARRG! My lawyer just called. He is in the hospital and has to cancel negotiations today. I don't really know what is wrong but he said something about drs putting a tube up through his abdomen. That doesn't sound good to me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> He seems to think he will be out no later than tomorrow and will reschedule.

The ups and downs of this just wear me out. I had myself all steeled up and prepared to get through it and now it's put off.

Oh well, in the big scheme of things, this was just a little dip in the roller coaster. Puts WH through a few more days of Plan B. Today is Day #23. (but who's counting, right?)

No matter when the date is, you are prepared. The more time you have in Plan B, the more serene you can be. Day #23, good for you. Almost 1 month of a good dark Plan B. You sound as if you are faring well.

Tube through the abdomen, LIKELY STORY! Lawyers <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


I am faring pretty well. I've let my hopes and dreams of a great M with H go but I am also hanging on to the knowledge that if H were to return and WH was no where to be found, I could pick that dream back up and make it happen with his assistance.

It's on the shelf, where I have many dreams to choose from. When/If the time comes, I will pull it back off and bring it into my life. If it does not happen, I will choose one of the others or create brand new ones.

(okay, I think I've "positive talked" my self over this little speed bump.)

Sometimes things happen for a reason... we just don't know what it is! I know it sucks because you were all geared up to go. Try not to sweat it and keep up your excellent plan B.

Three men, a doctor, a minister, and a divorce lawyer take a fishing boat out to sea. A terrible storm arises, and the boat takes a great quantity of water. Fearing that they will all die, they decide that one of them must jump into the shark infested waters so that the other two may live.

The minister volunteers, saying that God will take care of him. He jumps in and is immediately eaten by the sharks.

More water comes into the boat. They decide that one of the two remaining people must jump in. The doctor says "I have spent my entire life healing people, certainly I will survive the ocean." He jumps in and is immediately eaten by the sharks.

A person is walking along the shore line. He sees the boat being pushed by sharks onto the shore. It reaches the shore, and the divorce lawyer steps out calmly. The man runs to the lawyer, and says "Hey, what was that all about?"

The lawyer says "Professional courtesy."


Maybe it was something your Lawyer ate?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> hahahaa <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Added to my "lawyer joke" file. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I really really like the way you said that. It sums up where I am, too.