Hey, Fox

Hope you're having a great time on vacation with the girls. We're thinking about you, so let us know what's up when you get a chance.

Hey Fox,

Just looking to see how your spring break is going. Hope you are having some relaxation and/or fun!

Hi Wild! How was your week off? How did the spring break visitation end up going?

I've been thinking of you, hope you are well!

Well, let's just say I made it back. Had a great Easter/Spring Break for the most part. A little bit of crap from WH. I'll start with the email options before I left last week.

Here is what I sent to WH in regards to Spring Break/Easter with options.



His response:


My response:



I did not respond to his request to meet with DDs and I about this weeks schedule. That would have gone very badly and DDs would have been put in the middle.

He did not have DDs at all until Tuesday evening. Then he missed his regulary scheduled Thursday evening. He didn't show up, didn't call, nothing. DDs called him and he did not answer.

Then there was Friday......

More to come....

Geesh... he just HAS to bring up MOWH. What would the man do if he didn't have your friendship with MOWH to throw in your face? He's grasping at straws, really. Him sucking face with the woman that was instrumental in destroying your M and you becoming allies with the MOWH are two totally different things. Give me a break!

I think plan B has annoyed him to no end. He HATES not being able to go off on you when ever he pleases.

I'm interested to see what's next... lol

Yes.........

Fox, I, initially, got a very similar response from my WH regarding the care and visitation with our son. He was LIVID that I would suggest that he was doing any harm to his DS.

I did not back down. Your WH's ACTIONS show that he has no interest in doing what is best for the girls. He did not spend any time over Easter with them, and ONE afternoon of time during their Spring Break.

I find it best when I discuss my DS with WH that I completely remove myself from the sitch and think, "If I were gone, and had made decisions about DS's future care, what would my wishes for him be?" The first thing that popped in my mind was I would want him to have the feeling that he ranked #1 in his father's life, above anything, he would be taken care of, forsaking all others. That means physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Why not suggest that your WH take the kids to Divorce care meetings or similar meetings during some of his visitation? Would that be too much for him?

I think your WH's suggestion of setting up a schedule is a good one, not that I relish agreeing with him, but children of all ages NEED scheduling, stability. Maybe you could get the girls' schedules together one afternoon or evening over a fun dinner and then submit a suggested schedule to WH? Maybe just make them afternoon meals and weekend DAYS for now, UNTIL the court date.

KEEP IN MIND....I'm posting before I know what MORE happened outside of the emails that you posted.... My thoughts only reflect what I would think is best for the girls with the knowledge you've given so far.

Listening. . . .

WAAAAY too much for him. This would mean admitting that his actions have caused harm to his children. And according to him "if I (meaning WH) am happy, MY daughters will be happy too"



This has been done with the exception of overnights. WH is ticked that I will not allow overnights. That is why he has no weekend visits right now.....will not abide by no overnights and I will not give in on that point. Any suggestions I make, he will fight. I've suggested weekend days and he refuses. He says it is ridiculous that they can't stay overnight with him.

He had them for an overnight this last Friday, though, because he snuck behind my back while I was out of town. He's a brave one, waits until I'm out of town and then makes his move.

Friday - I had plans with friends for the afternoon/evening. We were attending a show in a town about an hour away. I had made arrangements with my sister (18 years old) and my mother to have DDs overnight while I was gone.

DDs called me after I had left and asked if they could go to the movies with WH. I was tempted to say no since WH had completely skipped his scheduled time with DDs the day before. No show, no call, no explanation later, nothing. But I said yes, because DDs wanted to go. WH picked up DDs from my mother's house and took them to dinner and then to his house. He then decided he wanted to take DDs out of town to go to a dinasour musuem on Saturday. DDs called to see if this was ok. I said it was fine as long as he returned them to my mother's house for the night. They were not to stay overnight. Holy heck broke loose with WH because I was controlling and stipulating what he can and cannot do with his DDs. He started being a jerk with my sister so I called him to verify times, etc.

He was just being stupid and said he wouldn't have DDs back to my sister/mother until 11:30 on Friday night and then would be picking them up Saturday morning at 6 am to go to the museum. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> He's just trying to be difficult and show how unreasonable I am for not letting them stay at his house. We got into it a little bit and he said "fine, I'm going to ask DDs what they want and if they want to stay, I am keeping them" and hung up on me. I called back and in the nice quiet, reasonable voice I had been using all along while he was screaming and cussing said "think about this before you do it. What are our DDs going to think of you after this? They know where I stand and your actions will show them where you stand. Think about what you are doing to DDs before you start this battle. They'll remember"

He didn't ask DDs what they wanted. Later DD13 told me he turned to them and said "I told your mother you are staying with me tonight" in a rude and angry voice.

He also told me he had called 3 or 4 lawyers and the police and there wasn't anything I could do if he decided to keep them. Which is true, unfortunately. I've known this all along.

He took them out to my house to take care of their dogs and get clothes. They refused to pack bags to take to his house. He bought them a few clothes while they were out of town on Saturday but they are only allowed to wear them at his house. DD13 told him "I don't live at your house, Dad, I won't ever be able to wear them if that is the rule"

He such a jerk. What if I did that? They'd go to his house naked. It's just silly. What I buy for them belongs to them, to wear wherever.

MOW and her S7 went with them to the museum/shopping. MOW also invited her sister that lives in that town. So my DDs got to be introduced to her family. DD13 is MAD. WH carried MOW sister's daughter around on his shoulders. That is soooo not like him. He is not the friendly "I love all kids" kinda guy. He can't stand other people's kids most of the time. This behavior really bothered DD13. Another instance where he did not take his DDs feelings into consideration. More time he had with his DDs that he chose to spread around with other people. Making them feel again as though they are second rate. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

During our "discussion" WH told me he knows everything I do, who I do it with, and when I do it. I said in a sweet, teasing voice "oh, WH, are you watching me? and I thought you didn't care." TICKED him off "I don't care what you do or who you do it with. I need to know for the sake of DDs. You're not fooling anyone"

He also told me how in love he and MOW are and that they are going to be together forever. I told him I hoped so, they deserved each other. That would be my biggest payback, them together forever in misery.

We have mediation this coming Wednesday and then the final hearing the following Wednesday. I'm ready.

Oy, okay, your WH is so deeply fogged that you will not be able to reason with him AT ALL. What a huge TURDBALL! He cares a lot about what you do with your time. YOu know he does, and it has nothing to do with DD's. What an UNSHARPENED TOOL!

Well, your Love Bank is probably close to empty at this point.

Like I said, my DS comes first with me, over any R with anyone, and I expressed this to my WH. I expressed how I hoped he realized that the time they spend together is for the benefit of his son first and foremost.

Your WH will not get that. It's good that you have a schedule already. I remember that you had set up a schedule, but I wasn't aware that your WH was following it. From what you said in this most recent post, well, he ISN'T following it, now, is he?

He isn't showing care and concern for his DD's when he misses scheduled time with them, and doesn't call or email. What's that?!

Honestly, I think it was payback to them. We were out of town the day before, no cell service, and DDs did not ask to use the land line so they didn't call WH all that day and he could not reach them. I think he had hurt feelings and was trying to pay them back.

When he had them this weekend he gave them each $2 to keep with them at all times, in case I didn't allow them to use their cell phones or they had no cell service. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> He simply doesn't want to believe they were too busy and forgot to call him. I didn't suggest they call him, either. They are at the ages where they could ask if they wanted to. They didn't.

Wow, that sucks, Fox. Shockingly thoughtless, stupid, inconsiderate behavior, but pretty typical WS stuff, I think. Unfortunately no sign of the fog letting up any time soon. Like SL said, you can't reason with a WS.

Great that your daughters stood up for what they believe. That must have been satisfying.

You probably already know that by engaging with him you gave him the drama he wants, right? And, um, didn't do your plan B any favors. If you can get back to being dark, that would be best.

I agree with Sdguy about the darkness, at least for YOUR sake.

Payback against his CHILDREN. Who left who? They are under no obligation to call their father, they are the children, DUH!

He's obviously very concerned with feeling like he's beaten you in some way. I am glad court is coming up. I PRAY nothing happens to stop it.

Thanks for checking in. Glad to know you are still here for me.

Yes, I do know I didn't do my Plan B any favors. Sometimes, I just want to throw Plan B out and give WH what he deserves.

Plan B has served me well, though. I am so much stronger than I was before and when I do engage with WH I am not as ripped up as I used to be. I see it for the bullchit it really is. What he says is just so ridiculous, I can't believe it comes out of his mouth....and that he believes what he says.

Mediation should be interesting....especially since I am not in a mediating kind of mood. And I don't think WH is, either. The lawyers are going to have to earn their money on this one.



I think the same thing! But if they don't answer their cell phones everytime he calls, they get the third degree about what we are doing and why they didn't answer. He calls MANY times a day. He thinks that is a GOOD thing, it shows how much he cares. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> It is obsessive and keeps DDs in his chaos and constantly thinking about the situation. He is such a fool.

I feel this, too. And I don't know why he is trying to hurt me deliberately, especially lately. He has become so hateful, mean, and petty about things. Like he has to show me.

If he's so happy, why doesn't he just get on with it and leave me in the dust?

Misery loves company and I think he's trying to keep me in as much misery as he is in. It's upsetting to him to see (or hear about) DDs and I having such a great time over spring break. So much so that DDs forgot to call him.

Big picture, Fox. Think Big Picture. Your H is still in there, remember?

You need to stay dark for yourself. Exposing yourself to all the Wayward Fogspeak Crap just makes Plan FU that much more appealing. Stay dark, and you can keep all your options up on the shelf, to be taken down when the time comes.

I have to agree with you on that... If he's so happy and moved so far beyond you, what's up with the obsession over your every move??

WildH,

If there is an identified problem or a weakness in someone’s Plan B the solution is more Plan B not less. It’s getting to him. Now run silent, run deep.

To "prove" I'm no better than he is. He truly believes I am in a relationship with MOW H. In our "discussion" on Friday WH said "I thought your wedding rings meant something to you. Do you take them off everytime you hop into bed with MOW H" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I hope DDs were not standing close. I repeated that they do mean something to me, just as they always have. Really?! He's talking to me about honoring wedding rings?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

He told me a few weeks ago when I wouldn't let DDs go with him when he brought MOW to my house to pick them up "STOP JUDGING ME" When I hadn't said anything even remotely close to a judgement about him.

I think he is afraid of what he is about to lose (DDs) and is fighting in desperation. he doesn't realize he is losing them because of his actions. It isn't just about custody, it his relationship. He is the only one that can control that. Fighting me only hurts him in the eyes of DDs.

sdguy, I know what you're saying. Yup, I'm pretty close to Plan FU. I get so frustrated with his treatment of DDs and his ignorance about them. Leave me the heck alone and focus on DDs!