Is it really getting to him or is he just taking advantage of my silence? Thinking I'm backing down and attempting to run over the top of me?

The overnights I feel like I HAVE to fight. Especially so close to the court date. If I let them happen, it sets a precedence. If I do nothing, it appears that I'm okay with it or it's not important enough for me to speak up.

Last week is over, I didn't win but I didn't lose either, on to this week. Deep silence.....

Fox, you said this



I was thinking this in my head after receiving most recent email from WH. I truly don't understand the need to tell me anything. I haven't responded or helped or oh, whoa is him'd, so why is he telling me? What's the point?

When I received the email, I thought the same thing, "Leave me alone!"

Just received another little stab to the heart. MOW is wearing an expensive ring on her left ring finger. Do they not know they are both married? Gag...

It shouldn't hurt at this point. Enough has been done I would think this little tidbit of stupidity wouldn't bother me. But it does. WH NEVER bought me expensive gifts. My original wedding ring was picked out by both of us...and it cost barely over $100. I didn't care what it cost, anything would have been fine with me as long as it was his.

What happened to him being broke or did MOW buy it herself? Aaach!

He is so lost.

Ouch, did your DD's tell you this? I'm sorry to hear about that. I totally get where you are coming from, too, with how this isn't supposed to hurt you.

My engagement ring was not expensive. I didn't care.

If you put lipstick, stockings, perfume and jewelry on a pig it will still just be a pig.

Thank you, chrisner, you're right. She is still an ugly red-butted baboon.

Hey wildhorses,

My exH spent $50k on his wistress with the four kids under age ten, and I was still a better woman in my Walmart gown (half price)! A diamond on a pig's ear doesn't make it a silk purse. And a silk purse in the mud is STILL precious silk no matter what.

I guarantee you that you are the classy, beautiful, sparkling diamond here...not that ugly stone on her hand. Who'd want THAT? YUCK!!! It's just a turd and I bet it turns her finger GREEN! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />


~~CJ

Ouch. Note to self: do not look at WW's hands.

He's going to feel that much sillier when the whole thing falls apart. They're just digging the hole deeper.

And I agree with whomever it was that said that it sounds like your plan B is working.

A person who is truly happy and secure doesn't have to say hey look at me, I'm so happy, we're so in love, cantcha see, look look look, it's true, I'm telling you, I don't lie (LMAO). If things were so grande, he wouldn't feel the need to yank your chain.

Stay as dark as you possibly can. Soon, you will be divorced from this loser POS and you can move on. I get the sense they thrive off the drama surrounding you, them, and MOWH. The more you remove yourself, the more they have to deal with each other and the house of cards they've built.

Fox-

Ouch! Sorry to hear about your sitch. That’s why plan B is so important.
Where did you hear about this new jewelry?
It is possible MOW bought it herself, however, if that is no the case and WH made the purchase, then this is one more weapon for your arsenal.
Find out because you can use this information against him.
You do realize that D is WAR yes?

You need all the protection you can get moving forward for you and your DDs. Exposing the fact that WH is buying expensive gifts (jewelry and 4 wheelers and anything else you can think of) and NOT paying CS…well, lets just say that I don’t think the judge will take kindly to such a person.

Living with OW while still M to you…
Not paying CS...
Following (showing up places where you are ie Rodeo) you and creating a scene…
Harassing you at YOUR HOME with MOW there…
Fighting with you about when he can see DDs and then not showing up for scheduled visits…
Then showing up for unscheduled visits and keeping them overnight (wasn't that against their wishes as well as yours?)

This is not a man taking consideration of his children’s best interest.
You have documented all this right?
All are weapons for you to use in this war!

Keep you feet on solid ground now. Try to see this as a business decision. Are you a smart businesswoman?
You are bargaining for you and DDs future. Take all you can!
YOU AND DD’s DESERVE IT!
You have the upper hand!

Godspeed!

MB
-------------------
Wrongs are often forgiven, but contempt never is. Our pride remembers it forever.

Good morning, everyone

I actually heard about the ring from MOWH. He went with MOW to do their taxes and saw it. DDs spent the evening with WH and MOW and there was no ring then. She probably wore it just to hurt her H. WH and MOW are in all out hurt their spouses as much as possible mode. Nevermind the ultimate hurt they started this with.



I so believe this, too. If things were so great for him, he would leave me alone and stop trying to make me miserable. I've pointed this out to him and he says he is behaving this way because he is fighting for DDs and I am so difficult that I make him this way. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />



I still go back and forth on this. If he is this POS, I don't want him, ever. But this isn't who he has always been. I still struggle with what happened. How did we get here? How did he get this way? Will he ever be who he used to be or will he hate me forever?

I read back over my own thread and have such difficulty seeing my real H in this crazy WH. How can a person change so drastically?

DD13 also told me last week that WH calls MOW "Boo". (Where is that puke icon!) This made me laugh out loud. H is not a nickname kind of person, WH must be. "Boo", give me a break. He must have taken the boo out of baboon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Is he, sdguy? As time goes on, he seems to get more hateful, mean, and entitled. I am so afraid that this is who he is now. I'm not afraid for the M sake, I think that is lost, but I am afraid for DDs sake. They deserve better than this for a dad. DD13 is already not wanting to go with WH. He was a little late picking DDs up from volleyball yesterday so I sat outside with them to wait. As soon as we could hear his truck coming, DD13 got a disappointed look on her face and quietly said "darn, he's here". I gave her a hug and told her to have a good time and I'd see her in an hour and 1/2.

It doesn't have to be this way.

BOO!!! What an omen! A red-butted baboon in 5" heels. That's got to be pretty.

I am real sorry for your daughters, particularly DD13. I see the same thing on DD19’s face if I am around and Wayzilla calls. She frowns and has a long pause before she will answer, if she answers. And the waywards blames them and us because they have never done anything wrong. You don’t want to see them lose their relationship with the WS but it is so hard to see them hurt and disappointed by their actions. Focus on the DDs. Time will go by so quickly before they are gone and you don’t want spend a significant portion of it mired in a wayward’s MLC. They are too precious.

At what age do kids get to choose or even state (to the court) how they are affected/feel and what they want? There is a magic number...is it 13yo? You may want to check with your Atty. DD13 may have some say about this whole thing you never know.

LMAO..red-butted baboon! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Maybe BOO is for SCARY! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

MB

It gives me a little giggle. She is under 5' tall and does wear very high heels to make herself taller. Everytime I think of her now, I see bright red lipstick, red high high heels on a goofy looking baboon. Thanks for helping me turn it around.



This is so true, chrisner. They've already grown and changed so much. I can at least give them a happy supportive mother that they know they can turn to at all times.

MyBad, the age in Montana where the kids have a say in the custody arrangements is 15. On one hand, I wish they could say what they wanted, but on the other, I don't want them put in that position to choose between the two of us.

And what if they wanted more time with WH than I'm prepared to give?

They will want to spend time with H not WH and Babs. DD13 sounds like she is clearly seeing the difference. Be the happy, great supportive mom you have been and you won’t have to fear their choices. They will appreciate and admire you more for giving them that trust and freedom.

I'm sorry I called him a POS, I know you are still struggling with the loss of your H. It is sad how two people who once had a good loving M can come to this.

I get the feeling your WH and MOW realize people don't like the decisions they've made. They seem to be getting defensive and they feel the need to convince everyone around them that there's nothing wrong with dumping your responsibilities to run off and shack up with another married person.

still go back and forth on this. If he is this POS, I don't want him, ever. But this isn't who he has always been. I still struggle with what happened. How did we get here? How did he get this way? Will he ever be who he used to be or will he hate me forever?

I read back over my own thread and have such difficulty seeing my real H in this crazy WH. How can a person change so drastically?


Fox, the darker you get the more your WH squirms and squiggles and tries to find a reason to draw you in. Please look at your thread and see the progression, not the loss. Some days are rough, I know; you long for this to have passed and for years to have gone by, but you want to be happy right now. Your H IS IN THERE, but you have to quietly, calmly coax him out.

YOU are emptying your own love bank with interactions with the wayward, you know this, yes? Let him go! Release your obligation to help MAKE him be the good guy. He has to choose to see the sitch himself, and if he does not, your responsibility is to protect your fold. That's all.

I like Mybad's suggestion of documenting everything that you can. You need to be prepared to go business on him. Combat is not to be entered into without knowing your opposition. You KNOW how WH is presenting himself, the venom, the spitting. Document any calls that escalate, even consider recording them. They will not be entered into court documentation, but the lawyers and your WH can HEAR JUST FINE...

I hope so, chrisner. It feels like I'm fighting this moral battle all alone. And I'm getting tired. Especially when DD12 mouths off, I give about a nanosecond's thought to sending her to WH and making them both deal with each other. But I know better. I'm not their mother for the appreciation and gratitude and I love DD12 too much to turn her loose in that world alone.

MyBad, don't be sorry for calling him a POS. The shoe certainly fits him. I just wish so much that he wasn't.

Thanks, sl. I do know that I empty my own lovebank by these interactions. But sometimes I feel like I need to interact with him just to force myself out of denial. If this is how he is, then I better face it now and make decisions based on dealing with this new man and stop hanging on to that last thread of hope that is dangling and starting to fray.



I've been doing so. Even the recordings. I haven't got all of our conversations recorded but I do have one where he showed up at my house with MOW to pick up DDs and I refused to give them to him with her there.



Aaarg! This one is hard today. I don't understand why he wouldn't want to be better with DDs and why he can't recognize what a huge help I can be in facilitating that. He has turned everything back onto me. I really want what is best for DDs and a good relationship with both parents is what is best for them.

.....Protect my fold....that's all.

I think I'm a little stressed today just because of the mediation tomorrow. I want it done with.

Fox