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At one point when my lawyer came back from running to wherever WH was hiding, he jokingly said "you're just so mean, bs, I just can't believe how mean you are." I said jokingly, "I know, I have no idea how he lived with me so long when I am so evil." Another time he came back and said "whine, whine, b!tch, and moan". Both lawyers were with WH trying to talk reason to him and WH was kind of flipping out and my lawyer told me that WH had made a comment about "well, if BS can take stuff away from DDs, why can't I?" He didn't realize I wasn't taking anything from DDs, I was gaining for them, just not on his behalf. My lawyer looked at his lawyer as if to say "really?" and WH lawyer rolled his eyes. Sounds like he made a great impression. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Fox
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your kids will stick to you forever. It is not all about today. It is about their high school dances, sports, proms, high school graduation, college, weddings and someday your grandchildren. It will always be a marathon and never a sprint. aaah, chrisner. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> Last night DD19 told me that she knows that I will always be there for her. That’s when you know everything will work out great. That is true victory for your heart. That is a victory. You must be an incredible dad. DD19 is so lucky to have had you as her father. DD13 has recently told me how comfortable she feels talking to me and that she feels she can say what is REALLY going on with her with no fear of repercussions. And that she can't talk to her dad no matter how much he pushes for it. She believes (and is probably correct) that he doesn't HEAR her. I'll take that victory. In the end, its the relationship with DDs that matters the most. No matter what we all have to go through, I want them to know that I will ALWAYS be there for them. "his" days, "my" days, good days and bad days. ALWAYS. Fox
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removed
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wildhorses, I also wanted to encourage you in something. When my exH and I were doing mediation, he was also a jerk, would pay no CS or bills, and demanded unreasonable stuff. I did let go of a few things to seem reasonable (in hopes he would then be reasonable) but it did not work. However, I had the distinction of appearing to cooperate (both of our lawyers thought that) and he had the distinction of being a self-centered "moon" (both lawyers also thought that). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> So, when it came time to write it all down on the divorce paper, we wrote down joint decision making, I had primary residence, and he mostly got all the marital money but he also had to pay a little more than reasonable CS but no alimony. The end--right? Nope. We agreed to split holidays and wrote it a certain way in the divorce that seemed to split them 50/50. Well, in real life, I never ONCE missed one of my holidays, but when time came for him to have a holiday, he often called and said he had something else to do...would I mind keeping them? Or he'd want them for half a day. Gradually, eventually, he sort of quit seeing the kids because they did not enjoy going over there and he wasn't getting his ego stroked. Without me to take care of them behind his back, he could not maintain the image of being "a good dad" because they had to eat, got sick, and made messes. My encouragement is this. What you write in the divorce decree is the guideline for how you will have the kids when you are out of each other's lives--but I will bet you dollars to donuts that you will gradually get them more and more. He may take them "all the time" at first just to spite you, but eventually he will tire of having to be responsible and having two pouty teenagers who don't think he's the greatest thing since sliced bread. ~~CJ
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Fox,
I've been following your thread and praying for your family. I can only imagine how hard this is for you. Just sending (((hugs))) your way. Your a very strong and giving person. Take Care
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You must be an incredible dad Sometimes more like Homer Simpson. Hey we already talked about the elephant stomping, door slamming, “You’re Soooooo Unfair!!!” days. We had plenty of those too. The first movie she put in the VCR on her own while we were not watching when she was way too little was “Aliens”. She would sing Ariel’s “Part of Your World” from Little Mermaid and then break into Warren Zevon’s “Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner” with equal ease. We were lucky no one called Social Services. Your daughters are very fortunate to have you fighting for them and caring for them. DD12 will probably give you a few fits because she does not want to be like DD13 but inside I bet she knows who to count on. You have some amazing memories yet to build.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It aint just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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I forgot about the CS issue... I hope he gets his butt chewed in court over that one.
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Thank you so much for all the support and encouragement. I can't tell you how much your words mean to me. Just got a call back from my lawyer. The final date is now June 26....another two months out. Had the CS discussion today and he is going to see what he can do. ...so frustrating. I keep getting told that and then nothing is done...while I'm headed down the financial toilet. He's also going to provide me with a copy of WH list of property items from mediation yesterday. WH emailed me this morning. Guess some of this was as unclear to him as it was to me. I wasn't quite sure exactly where we landed on some things. Can you tell me if I now have the girls till 8:00? It was never confirmed yesterday. Also are we meeting at a neutral place were I can give the girls to you. If so I was thinking K-Mart parking lot My response (probably too wordy but I'm hoping to settle him down a bit so we can actually work through some things that need to get scheduled). You're right, it was never confirmed yesterday and when it would begin. Yes, if you'd like them until 8pm from today forward on those days that is fine. Are we still doing Mondays and Thursdays or did you want 2 other days? I'd prefer not Wednesday because of BSBRA and not Fridays because of the weekend trade schedule.
It was never discussed about meeting in a neutral place but I am willing to do that. Can we meet at WalMart or Staples instead? It's a little closer to 1/2 way.
I've received the information for DD12 to sign up for basketball camp. The deposit is $100 and should be turned in ASAP as that camp fills up quickly. She is waiting to talk to her bff to see what week she wants (July). The total amount is $350. Are you willing to split it?
My mother paid to take care of your horse. Heart murmur and neurological problems. Would you please pay her back?
Do you know when you are coming to get your stuff from the garage? That was never finalized yesterday either. I'd like it to be done soon and all at one time. Just come one day and get it over with. Give me a chance to get your other stuff out there before you come though. One thing not on your list was those shelves you wanted to use for reloading. I'd like you to take those also, please let me know if you are doing that. Any idea when you can get the stuff that belongs to you and your mom out of the dance hall? I think you have old boxes still in the basement also.....trucking school documents, music tapes, old pictures maybe, cards, etc. Do you want those? Where would your grandpa's belt buckle and your dad's hat be? I have no idea where your necklaces would be. If we find them, I'll give them to DDs to give to you. I know where the horn mantle is but I'm not sure what the carved cowboy boot is. Can you describe it so I know what you're talking about?
bs
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WH response: I'd like to start having the girls till 8 pm. Keeping the same day during the week (Mon. and Thurs.) works for me. I don't want to switch those day that way the girls don't get a drastic change as of yet.
Wal Mart parking lot is fine with me.
I need to know the latest date we can sign DD12 up. After paying my taxes I'm broke. I have to stretch every dollar for a very long time but I'll do my part some how.
Your Lawyer talked to me about Nik and I told him what I'd do on that bill.
My lawyer gave your lawyer the very first item list that I had made up. I'd like to give you the one he should have given you two. I'll give it to DDs tonight. Please look it over and let me know. You can make a copy and write your response on it and have one of the girls give it back on Mon.
I not sure on a date to pick up my stuff. I'd like to do it on a weekend cause it will take me awhile to get it all and I have to get help to move a lot of it.I'll take the shelves. I'm not sure on the stuff at you mothers. That stuff was yours to sell at your garage sale. I'll have to find a truck big enough to haul it all to the dump or if you want you can do it with all the other stuff.
I'll take all the old boxes that are in the basement with my stuff in it. I'm not sure where my grandfather buckle is. It is the one that has the letters L E S on it. You could always find it when I was looking for it and I don't know where you always found it. I just know I didn't take it and I don't have it now.
l know the lion necklace was in the bathroom cause that is where I took it off shortly before I left. The hand carved cowboy boot is about 4-5 inches tall and 2-3 inches wide. It was always inside the cow horn but I don't know if it still is. If you can't find it know but do later will you please give it to the girls to give to me? It is one of the two thing I have of my grandfathers (it's all my family has left of his).
On the list there is a question mark by saddle can I have mine? and nik's bridles and saddle blanket.
Can I have the bumper pool table that down stairs?
I'd prefer you not put the stuff in the house in the garage. Due to the garage leaks and I don't want to have anything ruined any more then it already is. I'm willing to pick it up out of the house.( if need be I'll have the sheriff present so you can feel at ease that I'm not stealing stuff from you).
WH
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Fox, many of the correspondences about the stuff in the house for WH to pick up were exactly like what you WH just sent you. He was so calm, whereas, when we spoke about things, he always attempted to make a big deal out of the timeframe or what I was asking of him to do. All that stuff about the taxes and boo hoo, wah, wah, blah blah, not your problem. Not sure on the date to pick stuff up, SAME SAME SAME, and I'm still dealing with it. When I have the funds, I will be sending WH's stuff to storage and giving him the key. The whole "it's all my family has left of his" bit. My WH has poured that stuff on me too, about things he wants to pass down to his son, blah blah. Don't need to know the why's just the wheres and whens. AND the whole schtick about bringing the sheriff. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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I wonder what he bought the ring with if he's so broke?
Stay on your lawyer about CS, don't do your WH any favors in that department. He OWES it to his DD's.
Have you considered the possibility of moving? Will CS help you keep up your house note?
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Cry baby bed-wetter is all I can say about that. Poor, poor, WH he is so broke. It wouldn't help at all to move. Our rent is very cheap. I'm keeping that up just fine....it's the utilities, truck payment, gasoline, etc that I'm getting into a bind with. I've called the loan officer at the bank (she knows the whoel sitch and is working with me). She is going to call WH and try to bully a payment out of him. Otherwise, I'll figure out a way, just like I always do. WH knows this and counts on it. I will stay on my lawyer about CS. You're right, it is for DDs and they deserve it. I'm grateful they don't know just how tight things are for me. I've kept things as close to what they used to be as possible. They don't see the money end of it at all. His mood swings are just amazing to watch. Angry and entitled one minute to poor me, I've lost everything and I'm so broke in the next. The sheriff comment was a prime example, most of the email was civil and then he had to throw the last part in. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> As far as his [email]cr@p[/email] in the garage, I will get through most of this chit, set a deadline and get rid of it if/when he doesn't take care of it. And his "new" list, what's up with that? He better be careful or I will come up with a new list.....
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but I'll do my part some how I picture you as being Leopold Stokowski, the entire New York Philharmonic and all the howitzers playing Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture while WH does his part playing the triangle off to the side. It is one of the two thing I have of my grandfathers (it's all my family has left of his). And I am sure his grandfather would rather him be more concerned about the boot than the welfare and happiness of his daughters. .( if need be I'll have the sheriff present so you can feel at ease that I'm not stealing stuff from you).
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It aint just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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My response to WH: k, so I understand the plan to be : 2:45pm-8pm on Mondays and Thursdays with you. We will meet in the WalMart parking lot to switch at 8pm. At the back by where the campers park so we can find each other?
I don't know the latest date to sign DD12 up for basketball camp. You could call the college PE center and they'll have a better idea of how fast it fills up. We could probably wait til mid-May but not much after that.
Will you tell me what you told my lawyer about Nic? I've left a message for him but he has not returned the call yet. My mom called and asked about it today.
Yes, please give your most up-to-date list to me and we'll go from there. Can you send it to me via email or fax? I'd rather not have this kind of stuff passed through DDs. Are these two lists drastically different?
I'd like you to take care of you and your mother's stuff in the dance hall. Most of it is too big for me to handle myself.
Your grandfather's buckle used to be in your top drawer of the dresser. When I cleaned out that dresser to take it downstairs I put all your clothes and anything in the drawers in a box and put it in the garage. If it was in that drawer, it's in that box. If the boot was in the cow horn, it's probably still there. I don't remember ever seeing it. I know that stuff is important to you and if I come across it, I will get it to you.
I have no idea where the lion necklace is. I remember you looking for it before you left and you couldn't find it then. I haven't seen it but if I do will get that to you also.
Yes, you can have the card/pool/whatever table downstairs. I thought you meant the pool table at my mother's.
The stealing from me comment wasn't really necessary. I don't think you're trying to steal anything from me, I'm just getting through this the best I can and taking the advice from my lawyer who sees this all the time. I don't want to be a harda$$ but I don't want to be a sucker either.
bs
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> boo hoo hoo, "I'll do my part somehow". You should all be proud that I left that one alone in my email back to him. I have to edit a TRILLION times before I actually hit the send button. Geez... {(:{o <<<<<< Kaiser Wilhelm Puking Emoticon <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> chrisner, when is it you are going to be "available"? You're gonna have 'em lined up waiting for you.
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He's gonna fall out of his chair when he gets hit with CS and arrears!
Oh, and you're DD's will probably tire of hanging with dad til 8pm two night a week. I know I would!
Last edited by familycomesfirst; 04/19/07 04:12 PM.
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DDs came home from the evening with WH. DD13 says he told them that we agreed that he could have them whenever he wanted he just had to call me and then get them home at a reasonable time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> That was NOT agreed to.
Guess I'll have to get in touch with my attorney and get our agreement in writing and have a judge sign it. And a CS order! I should have known better than to think he would be decent and follow our mediation agreement.
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Fox, one of the first things I did was go to a lawyer and set up an LSA. I realize that this isn't feasible in every state, but I would do whatever you can to get your attorney to protect you and your kids. That INCLUCES CS!
He's a LOONEY!
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Wow. That only took two days.
Maybe we need to redirect the howitzers you were using in the 1812 Overture.
Isn't it amazing how many times we get caught up thinking we can trust them or believe them again?
If they open their mouths and noise comes out and it makes any kind of sense at all, it is a lie.
If they open their mouth and noise comes out and it makes no sense at all, it is still a lie.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It aint just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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Isn't it amazing how many times we get caught up thinking we can trust them or believe them again? I keep hoping there is some sort of decency left in him. There just doesn't seem to be. I left a message for my lawyer. Telling him what DD13 said and that I want our mediation agreement in writing and signed by a judge(which I told him yesterday I didn't think was necessary - and here I thought every ounce of trust for WH was gone). I also told him we HAVE to get more aggressive on CS. I CANNOT wait for WH to agree to it, WH thinks he is oh, so broke and stretching every dollar. He is splitting bills with someone and just can't afford to take care of his DDs! A judge is going to have to FORCE him to. The sooner the better, help for me and reality for him. If they open their mouths and noise comes out and it makes any kind of sense at all, it is a lie This is part of the problem. He was actually making sense, so I thought his brain might be engaged. I was wrong, musta been a fluke. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Thanks for the input!
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