Maybe a little sugar in the gas tank? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> (just kidding)

Time to stop playing nice. TELL your attorney to go after CS NOW. It's time for WH to wake up and see the reality that his life is about to become. TELL your attorney to ask for back child support. DOCUMENT the times you are having to go to others for help. You can't play around with this. Time to kick a$$.

These are his children and he is OBLIGATED to provide for them-- REGARDLESS of his financial condition.

Have you noticed a theme with him Wild? You are nice to him and he bites you in return. Go Dark... very dark. Handle everything thru the lawyers. Protect yourself as much as possible. All this will get ironed out in due time.

I bet the 4-wheeler he bought for your DD is in his name too??? What a joke...

He sure has a lot of toys for someone who has to stretch every dollar...

Well for right now, I would not give him anything that was not agreeded upon in mediation, if you can help it. Let him fight in court for the rest...

Oh....I can help it. Padlocks have been on the garage for months, and house is locked up tight.

He will get only what I agreed to in mediation (which is NOT formal at all) and the rest will go to a judge. I'm fighting my lawyer to get something in writing about mediation. Everything was left so up in the air, no finality to any of it.

I do have to say that I felt like I was driving mediation. WH gave me his list to go through and okay. WH had to ask me to agree to more visitation for DDs. Everything came from WH to be okayed by me.....interesting......

Okay, I think I have something figured out for the money sitch. I can cash in my retirement. I did that late last fall and keep forgetting that my employer puts more in at the end of the year. It isn't huge, just a few thousand that will catch me up.

DARN! I wish I had remembered that before I asked my employer for a loan!

I'll owe a 10% penalty or it....but less than I'll be penalized by the people I owe now. Phew...that's a load off.

It stinks you have to dig out of your retirement money. Be sure to document where all the money goes and record the penalty for your lawyer.

No more talking with the WHACKO wayward. The next communication may need to come directly from your lawyer. If you are to send any response, the response that I would send would be "I am reviewing the list with my lawyer, and will have him/her respond".

Don't talk to this WS anymore! Get that lawyer to work off that money that you've paid. Get CS NOW. Pronto! List all of the money that you have had to borrow from family and list any retirement that you've needed to pay for the car/house/girls, etc.

Also, if you need to cut back in the lifestyle a bit, be sure to talk to your daughters and explain what is happening and why you have to cut back.

Is it a 401K or profit sharing? I know with mine, I can take a "loan" from and pay it back through payroll deduction. I'm actually paying myself back.

It's profit sharing. I could take out a loan and not be penalized but....it has to be done with 3 months and there is no way I can do that. Thanks for the idea...I will verify that just to be sure.

I hate having to do it, but I'm so grateful that it is there.

Lifestyle cutbacks: can't cut back more than I already have. There isn't anywhere to cut back when you're down to the bone. My DDs don't do much and I hate to take anything more away from them because of WH stupidity. I will keep that in mind, though. If there is something I can figure out to cut back, it'll only be for a couple of more months (hopefully).

AGREED!!! one hundred times over...

Fox, you need a break, hon, in a big way, and cutting the WH off completely can give you that.

I have been lucky (if you can call it that)in that WH has paid CS and alimony since the first A, when he left, and hasn't stopped since. I got the LSA to ensure that it doesn't stop and if it does, I can take him to court!

Hey, you've cut back all that you can, so fine. It stinks that you have to withdraw from your retirement, but I've had to do the same the last year, so far $4000, with another $2000 coming up soon (lawyer fees and such). I also took out a loan from work, and can't bring myself to ask for more, hence the removal of money from retirement funds.

Infidelity and abandonment; the gifts that keep on giving... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

In a twisted way, it will help me that WH has not paid CS. I've lost alot of sleep over it, but in the end a judge will not look kindly on the fact that WH financially abandoned his children. Hopefully, the judge will appreciate the struggle I've been through keep us afloat.

Thank goodness for such caring and supportive employers. They couldn't/wouldn't do it this time, but I am still extremely grateful for the time that they did.



Pretty crappy return policy, too. No regifts on this one.

LOL, Fox, yeah, I think if you want to return this one, they charge you a restocking fee.

Good morning! I feel so much better today. Finding a solution yesterday REALLY eased my mind. I also found out my retirement doesn't have a loan option but if you can roll it back in within 60 days you don't have a penalty. I'd hope WH has to be pay the penalty.

Funny story from DD13 yesterday:

WH cat (came with the rental house) peed in DD13 room. WH cleaned it up. Soon after he finished RBB (red butted baboon) asked him if he had washed his hands after cleaning DD13 room. He said yes. She said, "well, I didn't hear the water running, you need to do it again". He insisted he had washed his hands. She insisted he must not have because she didn't hear the water run. SO HE WASHED HIS HANDS AGAIN! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> okay, all together now.... "whipped"! DD13 said they were arguing back and forth about it and not in a teasing manner.

What the heck has happened to him? Is he 10 again and his mommy makes sure he is clean at all times?

That gave me a tickle. He's sure living in paradise. DD13 lost even more respect for him.

As DDs and WH were leaving RBB/WH house to come back to me, RBB said goodbye to DD13 when they were walking out the door. DD13 ignored her so WH grabbed her ponytail and guided her back around to face RBB so she had to speak to her. In a tone only a teenager can achieve DD13 said "goodbye" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

More respect for WH lost....... Does he really expect DDs to respect the woman who helped destroy two families? They won't.

I know where I'd sock him.....oh! I mean stock him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

He grabbed her by the ponytail and forced her to say goodbye to his married live in girlfriend??????????

What a #@$$%$ %#@$#%!!! I wan't to use words that I really shouldn't...

I would relay to him that forcing any child to be a party to his relationship is completely uncalled for, and grabbing her in any way that is forceful will be remembered and even reported.

I may be blowing this out of proportion, but grabbing her by the ponytail starts today, what's next, and how long before he gets worse.

I wouldn't put up with that [censored] from him. Sorry, rant over. I actually feel my skin getting warm, and that means I am PO'd.

Anyway, I wanted to relay to you that if you would like an intermediary, I would be happy to assume the job. I have a cell phone and email address just like anyone else. If cell phone will mean long distance charges for him; all the better. Let me know if you want to use my services. I will not relay any emotional stuff to you, it would be just facts, and I would not FORWARD emails. I would edit for content and get them to you, I can keep record of anything 'nasty' that is inappropriate.

Right now, all is quiet on the western front, which means I'm not receiving any emails from WH about himself, AT ALL. WHEW! I was really growing tired of the words, NOW I can truly be silent and watch for actions, which I prefer.

The offer is out there; let me know. I will give you my email to start with



If you are fine with things the way they are, so be it. Just let me know...

Thank you so much, SL. I will definately consider. Give me a couple of days to ponder and I'll get back to you. I've got your email in my address book. Thanks.

Fox

I agree with SL... document this ponytail thing. Maybe have your DD write a statement about it and sign it. That is borderline abuse.

I've been thinking about what happened with your DD some more. If she's that controlling (the hand washing thing) then I'd bet she's chewing your WH's ear over how the girls are cold and dismissive of her. She is probably telling him he BETTER make them like her and respect her. Funny... those things are usually earned, not forced, out of someone. This could continue to escalate. And, it could snowball into the girls not wanting to go to WH's house. Him forcing her down their throats was so stupid on his part. But then, this is typical wayward script in these situations.

I agree with SL. Stop communicating with WS. He's a poisonous, spiteful putz, and anything useful you get from the communication will be outweighed by the emotional/triggering cost. Hearing about his stupid actions like the ponytail (makes me want to see whether I can get a layover in Montana on my way home and do some 'counseling') from the DDs is bad enough.

I also think you should take SL up on her intermediary offer. I think that the best intermediaries are people here who understand things.

Stay strong, Fox. Things will get better.