chrisner! You slay me! I almost feel off my chair giggling. Thank you!

Oh, and under that shade tree out back for time together, they want my darn swing!

I hope hands were washed after that baboon scratched his [censored] in the kitchen!

Uh, I think that was a female meal prepping dung beetles. Have you DD's bring their own food.

THAT does explain the swing chair!

There are a lot more of them with crocs and cheetas eating baboons if you ever feel the need for a visual preview of what will happen to Babs someday.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Hysterical!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think that if you ask ten different people what Plan B is about, you will get ten different answers. I think what you describe above is a HUGE part of Plan B. Based on my discussions with Jennifer, plan B is about

1) Protecting yourself and your willingness to reconcile from the thoughtless, hurtful actions of WS's,

2) Protecting the WS from the LB you will want to do because of their thoughtless, hurtful actions, and

3) Forcing the WS's to meet ALL of each others' ENs (because they won't be able to).

Jennifer: "You know what my goal is, right? To keep you going." "This takes time. This could take a *year*."

and

SDG on staying active: "Most of my friends are married; I just don't have many single friends. I know that I need to work on that."

Jennifer: "Well, I'm happier with you being around married folks. Single people tend to be around other single people, and that's not where you need to be going right now."

It's maintenance stuff. How to fill your time and live your life while you wait for the affair to fall apart, because it will.

Does it really work? ******, I don't know. But if I thought that it didn't, why would I be spending so much time here?

OMG Chris, you are killing me. My workmates think I'm losing my marbles. I'm watching Mutual Of Omaha's Wild Kingdom and laughing hysterically. Good thing I just ate lunch. I think it's coming up...

Great! Now, I've got the hiccups!

If I laugh any more I'm gonna tinkle.


I'm just going to start calling sdguy, GUY SMILEY <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey Guy smiley. I hang out with my married friends more often than the single ones, because they are always home. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Also, they are very supportive and I feel more comfortable at age 35 having more familial based fun; y'know, sitting out on the deck, having a sip o' Red, red, wine, while my son meets new peeps and I get to relax.

I used to do a pretty decent Guy Smiley impression.

I loved that show. Poor damn Jim Fowler!

Marlin Perkins - "While I remain in the canoe observing the rare Auburn Crowned Mattress Thrasher, Jim will leap out into the piranha infested river to wrestle the giant anaconda."

You're protecting yourself from their actions so it doesn't hurt. Does that mean in M that if your spouse does something hurtful out of your sight, that you shouldn't know about it so that it won't hurt and make you feel bad about it?

I know this has been discussed before but I sometimes I feel that "fog" etc is used as an excuse for WS bad behavior. WS choose these behaviors. My WH being hateful and mean and fighting me at every turn and making me into the "bad" guy is a choice he makes every time.

The question is why does he make this choice (and so darn often!)and when is he going to stop? Is it truly a chemical imbalance kind of thing (addiction, etc) or is he just a big jerk now?

I WANT to believe that he may change back into a decent human being again...I just don't know how he will. But I guess if he turned into the guy he is now, he can turn back. He had some of the tendencies (selfishness, inconsideration, entitlement), on a smaller scale, but nothing of this magnitude.

Time will tell. Just thinking out loud here. I do believe the addiction similarities and how people act because of it. When it hits so close to home it's harder to see.

Thanks for listening....

Fox

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I loved this show! That was one show my family was committed to. Every Sunday night we would all sit together and watch it.

Somehow, my mom and I were talking about it just the other day. (I think I was telling her the red butted baboon story)

You just gave me a good idea, chrisner. As a nice motherly gesture, I think I will take a break today and go buy DDs some food and a cheery card to put in their overnight bags. They left their bags in my truck and WH will bring them to pick them up after school.

It would be nice for DDs to get a cheery note/card and a little snack from me. DD13 has commented how uncomfortable it is to feel like a guest and have to ask every time they would like something to eat. At home, if you're hungry, you just grab fruit, granola bar, or something. No questions asked.

Any opinions on whether this is a good idea or not? I don't want DDs to feel bad that I am home alone, but if my note is cheery and encourages them to have a good time?

Fox, that sounds like an excellent idea. Your girls will love it, I'm sure. You could even say something about them having a great time and you doing the same, and that you can all talk about it when they get home...

Um, this sounds like that tree falling thing, or ignorance is bliss or the like. But I think that the point is that, in this case, there's not a whole lot you can do about what hurtful thing the WS is doing, but you will really really want to, and it will only make you hurt worse when you find out that you can't. And it will push the WS even farther away when you let that frustration show.


This is where we need help from vets. I forget the exact quote, but Steve Harley says something like if their actions are completely out of character for how they were prior to the affair, then it's the affair/addiction controlling their behavior. People wake up and say "It was like I was a different person. I don't even know who that person was."

It's not an excuse for the bad behavior, but it is the reason for it. As far as lashing out at you, he has to convince himself that you're a bad person and that he doesn't love you and that your marriage was over long before the affair started. If he can't do that, then he has to admit to himself the incredible wrongness of what he's doing. And that's tough medicine, and WS's don't like it. And that's why it takes time. How much time? I sure wish I knew.

Jennifer says everyone asks her what are the chances my spouse will wake up? And how long will it take? Her standard answer is "Even if it were only a 2% chance, wouldn't it be worth it?"

I know I keep saying this, Fox, but I think your WH sounds more typical than many of the WS's I read about around here. Which to me indicates that his affair will proceed according to the pattern, which means it will fall apart and he will wake up. Don't know when.

Sorry to be so serious today. The gray clouds are pressing down kind of hard this morning.

Careful, I am still the village idiot. Few truly great thoughts have spawned from the images of baboons and dung beetles.

I like YOUR idea though. Just don't let it look manipulative. Sincere and thoughtful. And I agree with SL (pretty easy to do as usual) that you need to let your DD's know you are planning a good time for yourself as well.

I think it's a great idea. Maybe you can word the note so that the girls don't feel like you're home alone.

"While I'm out partying this weekend" or the like.

Thank you for continuing to say this, sdguy. I need to hear it. (over and over again)

We all have our serious days. Sorry the gray clouds are pressing today. Any particular reason and anything we can do to help?

What's up for the weekend or are you still recovering from your boys' trip?

I agree.

Hmm. There's a connotation to boys' trip that isn't necessarily negative but isn't quite right for my trip. The people I met up with is a married couple who were Our best friends. We've been on all kinds of trips together as a foursome, so there was a lot of talk about my situation. It was great to be around them.

My parents are back in town for a week, which is always nice. The kids love it. Not sure what we'll do for the weekend. Maybe go to SeaWorld. I'm also going to try to get a kitten. WW took the cat, a huge, lethargic, benign, lump, which was okay with me. But all three of us are missing having a cat around.

Just remember...everyone loves the village idiot. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />



<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Nope, no manipulation in the notes. Just something simple. Maybe even just a postcard with a pretty picture of something they each like. Note to say something like "hope you have a great weekend with Dad. Enjoy the beautiful sunshine! I'm planning on spending some time outside this weekend, too. I'll tell you all about it on Sunday. Here's a snack just for you. Love you lots, Mom"

I wanted to put something in there about sharing stories on Sunday but if WH sees the notes, he'll think I'm pumping them for information on what happened at his house and that isn't what I mean.

It's perfect. You're a great mom.

(((Fox)))

What does he mean by the statement that most if the things in your house were ordered thru his work and taken out of his check? Where does he work, Home Depot?

Also, why were you expected to sell HIS horse? Do you have anything that shows it's his horse and not yours?

And how did you "screw him" on taxes? Did he expect for you to just roll over and let him claim the DD's when he abandoned you guys and hasn't been paying CS?

Me Me Me is all he seems to be about these days...