If this turns out to be the case (and you won't know for quite a while), then it is pretty good evidence that you don't want him back. You deserve better.

More job stress is good, and a layoff or two would be exxxxxcellent. Or maybe some resource-based workplace conflict? The sooner reality sets in, the sooner they hit bottom.

Thanks, sdguy. I do deserve better than WH.

More WH [email]cr@p[/email] last night. WH had DDs until 8pm. Right after work (5pm) I went to pick up 4 ton of hay. It's 104 85 lb bales so it takes a little while. In the middle of loading hay my mom called and said my filly was hurt really badly and I needed to get out there as soon as possible.

We loaded as fast as we could and headed out to check my filly. When we got there, my mom had already taken her into the vet. She caught her back leg on something and tore her leg to the bone. She has a wrap that covers the whole leg and she has to be in a tiny enclosure until September. She cut one tendon and nicked another. So MONTHS of rehab for her.

Anyway, with all this going on, I asked my sister to pick up DDs for me. I was still unloading hay and WH called my cell phone. I considered not answering and then decided I better because I wasn't sure if he would give DDs to my sister.

Prepare yourselves for a non Plan B conversation. I am so fed up with him thinking he gets to set the rules.

BS: Hello?

WH: Hey. Why weren't you here to pick up DDs? Just so you know from this day forward, I will not give DDs to anyone but you. The lawyers told me I didn't have to, that you were supposed to pick them up and no one else.

BS: My lawyer didn't say that. There is no stipulation as to who picks DDs up or drops them off. They are just fine with my sister and she is bringing them directly to me. I'm out taking care of something that is part of your responsibility and I can't always cover it all by myself. My sister was willing to help. What the he!! makes you think you get to make all the rules?

WH: (interrupting me) Well, just so you know from this day forward I will not drop DDs off to anyone but you.

BS: Well, from this day forward, you can kiss my a$$. (hung up on him)

I called my lawyer this morning to discuss this with him and follow up on yesterdays call about WH not bringing DDs back on Sunday night.

I talked to DDs last night about the fact that WH kept them longer than he should have and how much I wanted to just come and get them. DD13 said I should have, that she would have been at the door waiting for me.

Next time.....and I'm sure there will be a next time.

I don't know what his problem is. You'd think since he hates me so much that he would be thrilled that he didn't have to see me. I guess not......

It's about control. Reality is not easy on the Wayward mind.

It's about feeding his addiction...he's got something to complain about, he can add your not picking them up, yelling at him, etc. to his list of rationalizations and justifications. It makes HIM feel better...temporarily.

Pretty simple solution...go as dark as you can. Have your lawyer write out that separation agreement as specifically as he can muster. Leave NO loopholes. Plan for it to last for a very long time...schedule out vacations, holidays, weekends through the end of 2007, at least. Schedule to the hour and include things like who can or can't be exposed to kids. Who can pick up the kids. Where they sleep. Who is in charge of feeding them on transfer days.

Then...get yourself some peace. I know some interaction is necessary right now. But at least...make a plan and initiate steps to make contact less necessary. Dump his horse...somehow.

Stick him for every penny your due. You can always choose to be reasonable some day wayyyyyy down the road when the affair is over...divorced or otherwise. For now, consequences and rock bottom the guy NEEDS.

Mr. Wondering

He just wants to yank your chain every single chance he gets. It's rediculous really and I think a lot of it is fueled by MOW. You befriended her BH and you didn't want DD's around her. She's conveniently forgotten all that she's done to you.

I hope your lawyer is able to get something resolved on this! It makes me tense just reading about it... and you're living it! I was wondering if your DD's would've liked for you to come get them anyway. They are old enough to walk out the door after all? Probably bad advice on my part... Usually in these situations, it's best to be as patient as possible and let things be handled thru the attorneys. He did that SPECIFICALLY to get a rise out of you. It's better for his plan not to work.

Since you've gone to plan B, his anger has only escalated while you've grown more calm. I think he liked it when you were still "pining" for him, he was probably banking on you being a push over in the D him getting the lions share. He's pissed as he77 that you aren't bowing to his demands anymore.

Poor baby.... NOT!

Explain to your DD's that they will need to be patient, that your court date is getting closer, and a lot of loose ends will be tied up.

Also, if he had stuck to the original agreement and had DD's back to you on Sunday, yesterday never would have been an issue. He mucked up the plans, and then gets mad at you for having a life??

Jerk!

Fox-

FCF is soooo right as is Mr Wondering. He pulled a tantrum on you last night to take the focus off of him for Sunday night.

KARMA BABY!
Your doing great! Stay focused.

Thinkin of ya.

MB
------------------
Wrongs are often forgiven, but contempt never is. Our pride remembers it forever.

Sorry to hear about the bullchit, Fox. And the filly. And the fact that it's going to cost you more.

I think the advice from MrW is good--handle as much of this garbage through your lawyer as you can and protect yourself as much as possible by staying dark.

I think you sound good--you know who and what WH is and are getting better at dealing with him.

(((Fox)))

Hi WildH. Step away from his toxic spew and prepare for his crash. It is coming. The day will come where you will have only one decision to make; will you take him back. You don't need to even know that answer right now, but one day it will happen.

Don't wrestle with a pig Wild (or a baboon because they bite!).

Wild, I loved this post by Chrisner and agree 100% (especially about the pig and the baboon <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)

The winds of change are certainly starting to blow for several of you goin through it right now.

Once again, similar situation on my end.... (okay, mine's a rat, not a filly, but...)

Plan B is a great thing for this type of legal crud. FINALLY it feels like there is a teeny, tiny bit of justice. Someone is finally looking out for the interests of the BS and kids, and someone is finally telling WS, "Ahhh, sorry, WS, but the world does NOT revolve around you and you will simply HAVE to comply."

Mr. W's advice about getting it ALL laid out is good for me as well, and makes sense.

Let the lawyers earn their pay. Good luck, Fox!

Thank you all for your responses. It seemed like alot of things came at me at once yesterday and of course, WH took advantage and piled his own [email]cr@p[/email] on. Not that he knows about the other stuff but somehow he just knows when to get at me.

Does it really seem like his crash is coming? I would think by now it would have to but it just looks to me like it is status quo. He's still being a jerk and trying to yank me around.

princessmeggy, does it really look like the winds of change for my sitch? Can you tell me where you see it? I think I'm too close. Logically, it can't stay status quo but I just don't see any difference.

I'm backing away from him again. I wish I'd have known if DDs were with WH when he called last night. If they wouldn't have been, I would not have answered my cell. He called twice on the home phone this morning. Probably for DDs since their phones were turned off. I was on the phone with someone else so he didn't get a chance to talk to them.

DD13 left her phone in the truck on purpose today. Said she needed to charge it.

Trying not to wrestle, chrisner. I just feel sometimes like he wins, wins, wins.... and there will never be any consequences to his treatment of us. Sometimes when he verbally shoves I need to shove a little back just to keep my own self respect.

I KNOW DD13 would have liked for me to come get her. I can't tell you how difficult it was to not go bang on his door and take my DDs back.

But you're right, usually in these situations it is best to be patient and handle it through the lawyers. Too bad they take their own sweet time! I didn't go get them because I didn't want WH to use it against me later.

And how would that scene have been for DDs? I can almost tell you word for word how it would go. WH would not give in easily as he thinks he is RIGHT. He would fight and he would yell and try to bully me. And DDs would be right in the middle of it. I couldn't put them through that.

But I worry about them losing respect for me because it appears as though I let WH have his way when he does this stuff.

I feel very confident your DD's see right through this crap. They are way too smart and they know who they can count on.

Thank you, chrisner. I hope so, I really hope so.

He wants his YOU fix, when he wants it.

I said the winds are blowing not because of this convo though, but because you were talking about a possible "unexpected" layoff for him and Lil Sis had the "unexpected notice" from the FOC. There may be others that I haven't read yet, but I definitely think something's in the air. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think it would be good for you to sit them down and tell them how the process works. That even though you would have loved to beat down their dad's door and take them home, it would have only errupted into an ugly scene. That all of you need to be patient and let the courts deal with this. Be honest with them, they are old enough to understand it, and they will appreciate you for it. They KNOW their dad was game playing. There was NO REASON for him to keep them there one more day. I think he knows they don't like it their either, and he's trying to force them to change their tune. I'd bet your DD's will start calling and taking his calls less and less. He's using them as tools to get at you... shame on him!

His antics will eventually backfire on him and blow up in his face. You just need to stay calm and be as patient as possible. Document all you can and try to get that mediation in writing. Is your lawyer really busy? He seems so slow!! lol

I'm glad lilsis chimed in. I think your STBXH will end up in a similar sitch as far as arrears go as hers did. He's got a rude awakening in store for his bootie.

Ah, I see. It just confuses me, though, why he needs his Fox fix. This is exactly what he wanted, he keeps insisting it is so. It wasn't too long ago he was yelling at me over the phone to "let me go, I don't love you". Now who won't let who go?

I sincerely hope that the layoffs directly effect RBB and/or WH. They are struggling now, any added stress will tip them over the edge. H and I have NEVER had screaming fights, but DD13 said RBB and WH had one on Sunday. And that RBB slammed the door as she was leaving. H HATES door slamming! (I did do that on occassion)

WH is going to get another little surprise when CS is determined. He will already be in arrears and if he doesn't pay as of a certain time, the state will take his hunting priveleges away until he is current. Hunting license are of utmost importance to WH. Not that he will have money to go but....the fact that he would not be allowed to would just burn him.

Do you have a notebook to keep track of things like what happened this weekend and last night?

I think this is perfect, familycomesfirst. Tonight we will have this discussion.

I'm documenting everything. I think my lawyer is a little slow and WH is even slower. I think they do alot of playing phone tag. My lawyer said he would call me as soon as WH lawyer called him back. I haven't heard anything. I left another message this morning and will leave another this afternoon.

Yup. It should be a small book by the time June rolls around.