Interesting story that goes right along with the stats of infidelity.

A friend of mine has a friend (Tom) who manages a ranch in the eastern part of the state. Tom found out his wife was cheating with one of the hired hands (who was also married). I don't know the whole story on what exactly happened but Tom's WW and the OM moved away and in together. Both Tom's WW and the OM got divorced. Tom and OM BW began working together to run the ranch and continue to do so as of today. I don't know for certain that there is more than a working relationship between them, but rumor has it there is.

Two years after Tom found out about A.....

Tom's XWW and OM split and are talking to each of their respective BSs about recovery. The OM XW refuses and OM is moving back to TN (older kids involved). As for Tom? I don't know yet....there are young kids involved. Interesting how close this follows the script and stats.

Yeah, probably not. They'd turn it around as a threat, get a restraining order and probably take our kids away from us because we are "unstable".

It is sad that your WH doesn't give the girls more of his undivided attention. The more he tries to ram Babs down their throats, the more DD's resent him, and her.

Absolutely! For DDs sake, I wish he would realize this. It would mean the world to them to have time with just him. Hopefully, one day he will. And hopefully, it isn't too late. His relationship with them can be recovered. He hasn't completely lost them yet. Each contact with Bab's pushes them further away, though.

DDs have concerts today and tomorrow afternoon. DDs will already be at school so it should be easy enough to find a seat by myself and have NC with WH.

Ok, I have an idea for Father's Day. And I REALLY REALLY want to do it, so if you are going to 2x4 me, please be gentle.

I'd like to create a CD for WH of a slideshow of our history.. pics of DDs, pics of us as a family....with music in the background of songs that meant something to all of us or that apply to his relationship with his DDs.

I've seen these at graduations and funerals and they never fail to TOUCH me, deeply. Almost bring me to tears EVERY TIME.

DDs could give it to him as a Father's Day present and they could watch it together. DDs would help me create it, choose pictures, songs, etc.

I'm thinking of making one of my sister for her graduation, too.

It's not an offer to come home, it's not an offer of friendship, it's not from me to him. It's a reminder of what WAS and what could still BE. A little touch of history.

wild-

I wouldn't do it because, by nature of the Wayward alien brain, he will most likely see it as a "ploy" to "guilt" him into coming back. Who knows how he would twist that into a justification for his choices.

Let his kids decide what they want to do for him for Father's Day.

Make the one for your sister though-it's a fabulous idea.

He may see it as a ploy right now to make him feel guilty, etc. But if H is in there somewhere, it could be the nudge he needs. I know he reads my emails over and over and over again....I'm sure looking for justification, but also seeing the admiration and emotional support I have always given him.

He may use it as justification now, but weeks, months, years down the road, it will reach him. He will get it a week before our divorce is final.....another 5 weeks of Plan B. May be good timing at that point. I'll have to see where he is at.

And I may make it, realize H is not reachable, and keep it for myself.

Any FWH out there who may have an opinion on this? Would it have reached you through the fog?

Thank you, johnstwin. I'm feeling the need to reach out again and I appreciate you reining me back in.

I'd say go ahead and do it, for yourself. It is something that would be nice to have. If you REALLY want to, have the girls give one to WH. Don't expect it to cause some sonic boom reaction with your WH though. He's so fogged up... I'd hate for you to get your hopes up.

DD13 had a barrel race competition last night. Usually WH shows up after we do, parks WAY away from me, and keeps his distance.

Last night he pulled his truck right in front of me, bumper to bumper so you couldn't even walk between our two vehicles. He sat in his truck while I helped DD13 get ready. DD12 went and sat with him. He did not speak to me and I did not speak to him. DD13 talked with him after she was ready, I went to the arena.

He watched DD13 make her run, told her she did a good job, and left.

Received an email from WH this morning:



my response:



Bab's BH spoke with her yesterday on his way to his first visit with his lawyer. He wanted to see if this is really what she wanted. She was very quiet. Told him he was a good person. She did not vehemently insist that she wanted a divorce which is what she had been doing every time they talked about it. She is still planning on going forward but didn't seem to be as determined that this was what she wanted. Who knows....maybe she was playing him.

Whatever her intention, it helped her BH. He hasn't found that spot of peace yet...still needs something from her to close this out. Like the rest of us, he'll get there in his own time.

Return email from WH:



<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Irks me...who the heck is he to tell me when he is coming to MY house? Like he can just come and go as he pleases. I do have insurance cards but all insurance information goes to his house. He just doesn't want his name on the bills so he can try to dump that on me, too.

I didn't set the flex to pay for DD13 dentist....WH signed the contract, not me. Now he can't figure out how to get flex to cover it because the dentist isn;t writing the bills the way the flex manager wants them to. If he was smart ( <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />) he would pay all the other bills out of flex and pay the dentist out of pocket. Which will be split by both of us in the end.

He's just trying to get a rise out of me about DD12's scrape. Since when is he Dr. WH? More like he has a Ph.D in "[censored]".

I'm going to make him wait a little while but my intended response is:



I've put a call in to my lawyer to see what I can do if he just shows up and won't leave or is a jerk. I don't want DDs to have to witness a lot of drama.

No drama Saturday! How long should it take him to get his "wayward crap mountain" out of the garage?

Neosporin for the scrape as soon as possible (I am not a doctor either but that stuff works).

Sounds like Babs is still cake eating with her BH.

If he got on it, he could have it done by 3pm on Saturday. He'll probably show up around noon and then take forever going through it....nothing will be boxed...I am NOT doing that for him. Even his mother's china that he asked for back is not boxed. It is in the china cabinet that used to be his mother's also. He did not request it but I am giving it back to him. I have already moved it all to the garage.

Plans have already been made with DDs friends to spend the night on Saturday. I don't think they should have to cancel plans to accommodate WH....who may or may not show up at all. I also don't think DDs should have to explain to their friends why he is removing his stuff. Especially if he doesn't quietly remove his stuff and throws a afit about not being able to come in the house.

I've been taking care (yup, neosporin) of DD12's foot but it isn't showing much improvement, other than it scabbed over. She scraped it on wire..... on WH watch.

I'd be tempted to write back...

"Since you can't guarantee me that you'll be gone by 3:00pm, I guess we'll have to postpone until another weekend. I feel it is in DD's best interest to protect their emotional well being, they have had enough to deal with the last six months."

Do you HAVE to accomodate him this weekend? He gave you three days notice and you already had plans. From his tone I am concerned that DD's might suffer embarassment over having to explain what is going on to their friends.

Make him come on a weekend he HAS DD's. Not on your weekend with DD's. Why should your time with them be interrupted?

I don't know if I HAVE to accommodate him this weekend. I've got a call into my lawyer and will check with him about that and what my recourse will be if WH takes what he isn't supposed to, destroys things, or tries to get in the house.

I would actually like to get this over with and be able to use my garage myself. It's a little more of a reality hit for WH to have to do this too. He has NO room for any of this stuff at his house. He'll have to rent a storage unit and PAY for it. And Bab's will have to deal with the junk he tries to take to their house.

Once he has all his stuff, he's got less to be mad at me about since he won't think I am holding his stuff "hostage".

I'm concerned about how DDs will handle this, even if no friends were going to be there. I feel like I need to be there....in the house where he can't see me, but there so he doesn't try to get into the house. I'd like to take DDs to my mother's or somewhere but then it is losing my time with them....again to accommodate WH.

I guess I'll see what my lawyer has to say and go from there.

Thank you for your thoughts.

Yes, check with your lawyer.

{{Wild}} I hope you are holding up okay. I was worried about you after you posted about making the CD. I know you'd like to get a glimpse of your H in all of this and have him acknowledge that you really aren't the monster he's making you out to be. I think in time that could happen... it just might be down the road. Remember, they have to demonize you to ease their guilt.

All true. It was a great relief to have Wayzilla's crap pile gone. I think she thought it would take (hoping it would take?) several weeks and trips but I had it all ready to go and we had it loaded in under 1/2 hour. I did carefully pack everything just to cut the time down.

More clutter in their life will just add more stress.

Thanks, fcf...I'm doing fairly well. Glad it is spring/summer because DDs and I get so busy. There won't be much time to think of WH. He's chosen his path and I have to continue on mine. Still a thought in the back of my mind that one day those paths will converge but not hung up on MAKING that happen.

The CD was a reach out...but no expectation of anything in return. He is who he is right now and nothing I do will turn him around. He has to find his way on his own. I KNOW that.

The only hope I would have with the CD is touching H's heart towards his children, that he would begin to think of DDs and really try to understand what they are going through. I can accept it probably won't do that either. He'll probably just think I am being manipulative. But one day when he is ready, he will see it for what it is. If I don't do it, the day he looks at it and "gets" it will never come. Seeds for the future....not looking for growth today.

He seems to have increased his calls recently to DD12. At first it bothered me, felt like he was trying to keep his thumb on all of us while he was out doing whatever he wanted. Then I thought, maybe it is good. The more he is talking to DD12, the more special she feels, and the less time he has to talk to Bab's. Bab's will not like being put 2nd to DDs.



He must have a heck of a lot of guilt to ease, I'm a pretty big demon.

I'm tempted to not respond to his email at all. Ignore him..than he'll sit for the next two days and wonder "can I or can't I?" I told him I would have to let the landlord know if anyone was going to be out there because he's been asked to call the sheriff if there is anyone there. He'll wonder if I let the landlord know or if he will have to explain himself to the sheriff.

If he shows up Saturday to get his stuff, I will keep DDs busy..go to the movies, maybe even rent a motel so they can all swim. I dunno, that gets a little spendy for me right now, but at least they wouldn't be witnesses or have to explain his behavior to their friends.

It's going to be alot of work for me today and tomorrow to get the rest of his stuff out there. I have a few things in my basement still, haven't wanted to go through it. A few things I kept in the basement because he thinks the garage leaks and didn't want it out there right away.

Oh well, I'll get it done just to get this over with.

Hmmmm, maybe I'm making to big a deal out of WH wanting to get his stuff...just talked to DD13. She is with WH but calls to let me know he picked them up from school ok. I asked her if she had talked to her friend about staying the night this weekend. She said she had not. I explained the situation to her about WH wanted to come get his stuff. She said "so". I asked her if it would make her uncomfortable to have WH there getting his stuff and explaining it to her friend. She said "no, she knows everything that is going on anyway" I told her if it didn't bother her, to go ahead and invite her friend and look forward to a fun time.

I will talk to DD12 later tonight.

Maybe it's best just to let it drop, if it doesn't bother DDs. Maybe it's a good idea not to let him know he made a ripple.

My plan is to pick up DDs friends around 3:30, go to the movies, go to dinner, maybe go for a hike depending on weather, then go home. This could get us home pretty late, at least 8:30pm. Leaves the house unprotected. But in the end it's just "stuff". I'll video before I leave (without DDs knowing) and have that as evidence. And set the digial voice recorder. It runs for HOURS.

What a pain. Hopefully he'll just come and get it done.

Not a FWH but had a similiar experience during our ordeal. I left out a box of our family pictures, 100's and 100's of them. My FWH saw them and ask what I was doing. I told him I was just looking at our old pics, wanna look? He stood there for a few minutes and glanced through a few, but he couldn't do it. It was too hard for him to remember. He got upset and accused me of trying to manipulate him. And I was. But it DID get to him. He just refused to act on it.
That really hurt. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Let's see, how does it go?

EGG ZAK LEE