Well, he didn't make good use of it. Or my perception of "good use", I guess. Took them to Taco Bell for dinner than back to his house to just "hang out". DDs played vollyball but WH did not join them.

I feel bad for Bab's DS7, too. Especially being an only child, his time with his mom is pretty boring. He has no friends in her neighborhood and spends the majority of his time watching cartoons or on the computer playing games. So sad.

WH does not treat him well. According to DDs, he ignores him most of the time. Even when her S7 is speaking directly to WH. What a jerk.

"WH does not treat him well. According to DDs, he ignores him most of the time. Even when her S7 is speaking directly to WH. What a jerk."


WHAT?????????? Good God... that just made my blood boil!!! He's an innocent child. If he's "obnoxious" it's probably because his mom's a skank who kicked her H out and replaced him with someone who doesn't have his (DS7's) best interests at heart.

If my H and I were to seperate for some reason, there's no way in ****** I'd let a man around my kids for a VERY LONG time. If they aren't flesh and blood, they don't have that protective instinct programmed into them. I'd never forgive myself if I exposed my children to a man who harmed them, even if it was just emotionally.

My mom's second husband was really mean to my youngest sister. Me and my sister that is 4 yrs younger than me gave him ******. He was so rude to us and my mom didn't care. I think that is why I am so passionate about this. Since my other sister and I were older, we didn't fear him, and we gave it right back. I mean we had all out screaming matches with him. My youngest sister still lived at home and was forced to be around him more.

Looking back we realize he was attempting to isolate her. He made it to where we didn't want to come visit our mom when he was around, his plan was succeeding. Then, some awful things came out about him and my mom was later forced to realize she had exposed us all to a terrible person. She hated herself for it.

The rose colored glasses usually come off eventually... not always, but it's still a hope.

fcf, so sorry to hear of your experience with your stepdad. Bab's is such a low-life to allow her son being treated that way. And WH is a low-life for doing it. Makes me ashamed of him.

Few updates from this weekend:

1. On Saturday Bab's and WH went to a wedding for someone at their office. What a joke! Two cheaters at a wedding. How do you address THOSE invitations? Seperately, together, etc. Could have been just a global invitation to the company as a whole and the cheaters decided it was appropriate to go.

Know what? Doesn't bother me in the least. Reinforces how ridiculous Bab's and WH have become. What were they thinking as the vows were read? Was WH thinking of OUR wedding, or was he thinking how perfect it will be if/when he marries Bab's? Or was he thinking, "yeah, whatever, they'll be divorced in a couple of years. I'm just here for the beer". Who knows what goes through their addled brains. What a joke they are.

2. DDs and I finished the photo cd for Father's Day. DDs gave it to him yesterday. He said "thanks" and put it aside. Typical of him, so unappreciative of the effort DDs made to do something nice for him. They probably would have liked it if he had watched it with them and they could have laughed and talked about the memories, just as DDs and I did while making it.

Know what? Doesn't bother me in the least. That's just how he is now. There is a lot of different ways to look at it. Bab's was with them ALL day and maybe he was concerned about what was on there and didn't want to share with her. Maybe he was afraid what his reaction will be and he doesn't want anyone around to see it. I hope he is alone when he watches it. It WILL get to H. There is no doubt in my mind. The memories, the music, the happiness revealed there......H will FEEL it. He can rewrite all he wants in his own mind. The smiles, the laughter, and the love are undeniable. He may try, but he will not win.

3. DDs came home from spending Father's Day with WH. DD12 was soooooo irritable! We worked through it after a while and she asked me to rub her back, which I did, while we chit chatted and laughed about the things we had done while camping on Fri and Sat nights. DD13 said DD12 was like that ALL day....WH just ignored it. Bab's was with them the whole day, he did not spend any time exclusively with DDs. Also typical of WH, it's Bab's and WH together and the kids tag along.

4. DD12 called at 7:20 to say they were waiting for their dinner and would be late for the exchange at 8:00pm. They called at 8:20 and were on their way. Their food was slow getting served and then they had to take Bab's home before the exchange. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> At least WH is thinking about THAT. I don't believe he is thinking of my feelings at all, but what my reaction may be for future visitation. What must Bab's think of that?

5. Bab's DS7 had baseball finals this weekend. Two games on Saturday. At the first one, Bab's made snide comments to her BH with a bunch of people sitting around them.

Bab's: "Is that you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />"
Bab's BH: "What? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />"
Bab's: "Something stinks. Your shirt smells like it's been left in the washer for a week."
Bab's BH: <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

As Bab's BH is helping DS7 get ready (shoes, etc) for the game:

Bab's: "Did you at least bring DS7 something to drink" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
Bab's BH: "Yes, it's in the cooler in the truck"
Bab's: "Well, it's not doing him any good there now is it?"
Bab's BH: "Geez, Bab's, it's in the truck 10 feet away. As soon as I'm done helping him with his shoes, I'll get the cooler. Relax, would ya?"
Bab's: "You are just so ill prepared!"
Bab's BH: <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

She didn't go to the 2nd one....had a wedding to go to that was more important than her son's last game and awards ceremony.

Boy, is this how "happy" people act? They can keep their brand of happines. They deserve each other. If it wasn't for my DDs, I'd hope they WERE together "forever" as WH once told me. Misery loves company and they are more than welcome to each other.

All this information is actually helping me heal at this point. Confirming to me that they will not surivive together and they are NOT happy. Piece by piece they are coming apart. They won't admit it....yet. But it's coming. In the next few months, my DDs may just get to have exclusive time with their dad.

Fox

Bab's: "Is that you? "
Bab's BH: "What? "
Bab's: "Something stinks. Your shirt smells like it's been left in the washer for a week."

HAP: It could be your vagina. Have you douched recently?
Bab's BH:

As Bab's BH is helping DS7 get ready (shoes, etc) for the game:

Bab's: "Did you at least bring DS7 something to drink"

HAP: Yes, and you at least found it important enough to make on game before going off w/ your paramour. Good job wayward.

Bab's BH: "Yes, it's in the cooler in the truck"
Bab's: "Well, it's not doing him any good there now is it?"

HAP: You don't like it being in the truck then get up off your well rode azz and go get it.

Bab's BH: "Geez, Bab's, it's in the truck 10 feet away. As soon as I'm done helping him with his shoes, I'll get the cooler. Relax, would ya?"
Bab's: "You are just so ill prepared!"

HAP: That's true, none of our family was prepared for you becoming the wh*re you are today.

Bab's BH:

HAP, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I especially liked the "get off your well rode azz and go get it."

Bab's BH had a few good retorts, too. But it was after the fact. He was a bit flabbergasted that she would behave that way with people all around. His son was right there, too, and he didn't want to behave like her. I told him he was right, she didn't make him look bad....everyone around her probably thought "what a biotch!"

OMG, HAP, that is great!

Foxy, seems like you are doing well, and I'm glad to hear it! Maybe the myst will begin to fade and the DD's will actually get some DAD time w/o the red butted babboon. She sucks the life out of everything.

Fox:

Good for you! LOVE the positive attitude and confidence. Can you touch me so that some of it rubs off?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The photo CD was so thoughtful...I love that you and the girls enjoyed making it together. So at least SOME good came of it for them; the wrong parent is all. (So what else is new?)

I can see why this intel is helpful to you, I really do. For me, knowing more about the reality would be FAR preferable than imagining Happily Ever After, with all the family and friends so happy for them and supportive, unbothered by all the pain they have inflicted.

Even though you had EVERY RIGHT to stand tall to begin with, I suppose it's a bit easier to do so knowing how low they have sunk. You are awesome!

Wow... what a nasty disposition Babs has. SHE was worth leaving over? You are correct in your assesment that they will not last... and if they do, well maybe purgatory is a good place for your WH? lol!

After what you posted, I bet your WH has to mind his P's and Q's around her. I doubt he'll watch the CD in her presence.

Hey, everyone! Thanks for checking in with me. Things have been fairly quiet. T - 6 days until the "Big D" and I don't mean Dallas.

I have a feeling that WH will try to contact me before then. I will not be responding unless Bab's is gone, and I don't think that is going to happen in 6 days.

fcf, her disposition is one of the reasons I am so POSITIVE they will not be together "forever". DDs say she treats WH pretty poorly, too. i.e. the handwashing incident, just bossing him around in general. Just a couple of days ago, WH bought some kind of bumper boat things, 1 for each of DDs and Bab's DS7. He bought them while with DDs and Bab's was not there. When they got back to his/her house, Bab's got a little snippy with him and said "you know we can't be spending money like that".

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Welcome to real life, Bab's. Left a husband where she was pretty financially comfortable to move in with WH has has always struggled with money management. He knows in theory that you can't have more going out than you have coming in, but he doesn't apply that wonderful theory IRL.

Some things don't change, I guess. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'm mostly okay about the pending D. Looking forward to the closure and the release so I can move on. But also dreading the unknown, afraid of what "could" happen. How much more will WH take from me? Not just "things" but time with DDs. I'm a bit concerned about whether I can keep the strength I've accumulated in the last few months. I still know, though, that if I get knocked down, I WILL be able to get back up. No matter the outcome of the D, no one can take my relationships with DDs away...even if some time is taken, the closeness is still there.

Also starting to think about what could be next. Looking forward to finding someone, curious about who he may be, what he may look like, what he may be like, WHERE he may be. Looking forward to those being in love feelings again, having someone treasure me, and WANT to be with me for who I am. But also thinking about what problems could arise regarding DDs...just making sure all bases are covered and they are not dealt more pain because of MY actions. Dad has done enough.

I also know that a new relationship will come when it is time. I'm in no hurry and realize I need to give myself time to heal. It's just nice to be able to dream. There was a time not all that long ago that I had NO dreams. WH threw them all away and I didn't think there would be a future at all, let alone a new relationship.

I was wrong, there is a future and so many thing still to draem about.

Carry on, everyone. The mountain isn't nearly as tall as you think it is. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Fox

You are going to do fine Cowgirl. You are way too tough, courageous and intelligent to fail. Trust me, there are some hard times emotionally right after the D but they pass faster than ever. Plan B makes you strong.

6 DAYS! I hadn't realized time was passing so fast, foxy! It's another Dday, and you will probably feel some loss, but like Chris says, PlanB has probably provided you with the strength to persevere!

Your WH is a [email]d@mn[/email] fool! When I picture you two, I think of the movie "Murphy's Romance". I picture you having been the one with the brains (Sally Fields), and your WH as the one who just wants to cowboy around (Brian Kerwin). In the end, he's gonna lose everything he really ever wanted.

You are one class act, Fox. I feel like we are very similar, the sort to, under normal circumstances, take no [censored]! It's hard to do that when your heart is broken, but we bounce back.

Thanks for the encouragement. You all have helped me through so much.

SL, I've always liked Sally Fields! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I think you and I are quite a bit alike, too. I have a pretty low tolerance for stupidity in people who should know better. Especially those that held such high standards for everyone around them but then dropped all those standards for themselves and the OW.

chrisner, thanks for the heads up on the crazy emotions that are yet to come, right up to and past the divorce. It's good to be reminded that it will pass. I may really need some of that bourbon I was sipping on your thread! Maybe that was the problem....I shouldn't have sipped, should have just thrown it back. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Next time.....

Fox

Wow! I didn't realize how quickly it was coming up, either. Of course, I'll probably be surprised for mine, too.

Good things are ahead for you, even if there are some crappy ones in between. You already know that the divorce is only an endpoint if you want it to be. The affair WILL fall apart.

Keep posting!

I'm working on reaching towards those good things ahead and not waiting for them to come. I emailed M this morning and asked if she wanted to go to dinner and have a couple of beers on Friday. Unfortunately, she is out of town all weekend so she said she would call on Monday and we'll do something next week. Kind of a bummer...it would have been nice talk with her before the final date. I'm trying to fill my days..."fake it til you make it." I don't have to fake quite so much anymore but I know this weekend and next week are going to be tough. Oh well, I'll catch up with her next week.

One little coincidence.....June 24 of last year is the date WH gave me the ILY "butt" speech. D is on June 26. Almost 1 year to the day. June 24 was the day my world started to landslide, August 2 the whole mountain crumbled. Eventually I started to make a mountain out of the tiny molehill that was left of my life. The rebuilding will continue with the help of all my friends. You all are so valuable to me.

Thanks for checking in, sdguy. You are doing an amazing job with your kids. Good things are coming for you, too. I'm not a very religious person (although I BELIEVE) but I've been hearing around here to let go and let God. I really feel that I have done that....handed that weight off and stopped holding myself responsible for WH's actions.

I've got a busy weekend ahead....making sure I am prepared. I printed my MB threads. Can you believe 600 pages? Good thing I kept notes in other places, too. I am REALLY not prepared to read my thread right now. I cannot be taken back to that despair. But I'd like to keep it and one day share it to help someone else. God willing, it will not be my own daughters.

{{{Wild}}}

I bet you are nervous about next week, that's very normal. Of course we'll be here to help you thru it in any way we can.

It is nice to hear you talk about the future because it shows you are detaching and letting go. That is important. You didn't ask for any of this, but there's no sense to letting it ruin the rest of your life. You are still young and have lots of living left to do.

You have the advantage of starting off with a clean slate so to speak. Your WH did a very stupid thing when he went straight from your M to living with OW. Any intelligent person would know you should separate (if the marriage is not working), move into your own place, divorce if necessary and then wait at least 1-2 years before dating. These WS's just always want to push things, they are in a hurry to get that gratification... puke. They don't know that good things come to those who wait.

It looks like WH just can't stop spending money!! LOL, I love it! He's gonna bleed her dry! Oh well... she has it coming!

Fox:
I love love love this:

It's hard to reach for anything when you are paralyzed by hurt, loss, fear, and anger. So look how far you have come....

Timelines stink, don't they? You and I are on similar ones; d-day was 6/28. I've been thinking that I'll be really glad when June is over. Lots of triggers. But at the same time, it means a YEAR...a YEAR of holidays and birthdays...

We made it, Foxy! We hit our bottoms. (I mean our hypothetical bottoms, not our heinies) Anyway, we are on our way back up! (wish i could say the same about my heinie....and my....

Oh. Nevermind. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

It is so great to not be paralyzed anymore. I'm getting on with life.

I am actually looking forward to Tuesday. My DOER has reawakened and is ALL OVER THIS. I can DO something productive. I am so ready to SHOCK & AWE WH on Tuesday. He won't know what hit him, when he gets up of HIS heiny, he's going to shake his head and think "WHAT THE HE!! JUST HAPPENED?"

Yup, we're makin'it, Sis.

Just got off the phone with my lawyer (he called me, with no provocation <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />). I'm meeting him on Sunday to go over everything and get it all in order.

He wants DDs to be available on Tuesday. If the Judge wants to talk to them, they need to be there within 10 minutes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> So, I'll have to talk to sister or mom and have them have DDs available. Then they will need to take DDs for the day....probably not a good idea for me to go directly to DDs. I'm sure I will need a little bit of recovery time.

I should have asked my lawyer how soon after the hearing the judge makes a decision. Hopefully, not too long.

Fox

I wanted to tell you I hope you have a good weekend Wild. I think this is your WH's weekend with the girls, right? You probably already are planning to do this, but stay busy as much as you can.

Yes, this weekend was WH. I had planned on spending most of the weekend going through stuff for the hearing. I had set up a meeting with my lawyer for Sunday at 11 to go over everything and make sure we were on the same page. I have 80 pages of emails, 600 pages of MB info to filter through, had to update the asset/liability forms, go over custody/child support paperwork, update the property worksheet, and get a list together that shows why I think I am entitled to what I am asking for. So.....I had pulled everything together and had made arrangements to go out of town to a cabin for peace and quiet while I went through it all. On my way to the cabin on Friday, my lawyer called. The hearing has been delayed again.

There is a criminial trial that keeps bumping us. The scheduling clerk said the best guess she could make as to when we might have the next hearing scheduled is August.

So.....limbo land for me a while longer.

It was a relief and a frustration. On one hand it was starting to weigh so heavy, but on the other I was looking forward to getting it done and moving forward.

Maybe I'll hit my 15th wedding anniversary before I get divorce. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I'm running out of room on my signature line to add all these dates!

Lots of interesting information from DD13 last night. She has taken to calling Bab's "it". Sounds like WH and Bab's fought most of the weekend. Patched it up here and there and then would get into it again.

WH had asked her to borrow her Jeep to bring DDs to me. She told him in a not so kind way that "it is probably best if you take your own truck."

WH brought DD13 out to practice and stayed. We had an email exchange about this last week and it didn't sound like he was going to bring her because I wouldn't extend the drop off time by an hour. But he did...... tossed the ball with DD12 for a while. I did not say one word to him and he did not say one word to me.

He's also been telling DDs that he is so broke because he gives me money all the time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> And that he is paying 1/2 of all their camps, etc. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> He has absolutely REFUSED to help pay for those things and insists that those things are supposed to be paid with the child support. WHICH HE DOES NOT GIVE ME!!! Then DD12 especially gets irritated with me because she things Dad is giving me a bunch of money but I don't use it to buy DDs clothes and all the other just "wants". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> DD13 doesn't fall for it, but DD12 sure does.