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One thing to repeat to yourself over and over again, with power...
I AM HIS WIFE! I lose this sometimes, SL. I get the feeling that I don't have the RIGHT to ask him to go to just chit chat, that I don't have the RIGHT to touch him anymore. I've got to hold onto that. Thanks, LG, for the reminder of what their R REALLY is like. Fox
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FYI...I'm going to be re-reading HNHN this weekend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
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Fox: Sounds like a plan.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Do you have SAA around there anyplace? LG
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I sure do, LG, that will be next. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I"ve read them both before a couple of times, but it's been a while. My email titled "How about....." to WH: Hey!
How's Tuesday, 6:00, at XXXX?
If that doesn't work for you, let me know what does. I'm free as a bird this weekend.
I'm working a couple of extra hours this afternoon to make up being gone for games, etc. So let me know by three or give me a holler on my cell later.
Hope your day is going well! Enjoy the girls and say hi to Stoner.
BS This email alone would send Bab's through the roof if she knew about it. Bummer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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That's the spirit, Fox! Keep this up. Honey, you can pop into his lap and ride him like a stallion; you have EVERY right; it's BABS that does not.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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wild ~ I'm glad you mentioned the pride thing... Cuz otherwise I was gonna! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> That's what the whole "Do you want to be RIGHT or be MARRIED" thread was about. When I point stuff out to you, I'm not judging YOU, I'm trying to get you to understand why your own motives and instincts have undermined your efforts. You need to understand YOU, so that YOU do not ever fool yourself again into repeating those same mistakes again. It was clear to me that you needed a course correction - and it seems I get to be RIGHT (snicker) in this instance. Look at how your husband is falling over himself with a taste of a good plan A. This man can fall in love with you again. It was your badly implemented Plan B that was killing your relationship! (One day you are going to be the Queen of Plan B 2x4s) You keep arguing back to me why you were right to do those things. That's your pride. Your pride or your marriage - that's your choice hun. You are better off working out your pride issues here with me, than with your husband. You can't lovebust me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Now, just dittos on LG's advice. No relationship talk. (Don't you dare say BUT, what if..) "Can we talk about that later...." is a great response, and then turn the conversation back to something cool. Your husband doesn't need to hear words about how you have changed...he needs to see actions. Trust me on this one. He needs to EXPERIENCE your changes, and the LAST THING he needs is a catalog from you about your changes. There is NOTHING to talk about. Not right now. Slow down, take a breath, baby step this thing. As for flirty, sexy....I disagree. Be YOU. Don't be something that you are not. But be the woman he pursued. I will disagree with you, you are NOT the woman he married or you would not be where you are today. And comeon, you can not tell me that you have not grown or changed in any way in 15 years of marriage and mothering 2 kids!! Let's get real. It's so funny to me that you say in one sentence that nothing about you has changed...and then you type this: I thought he could walk on water. He just seemed to get what my life was like and what I wanted to do in it and he wanted to be there for it and to help me with it. Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo? That doesn't scream volumes to you about what went wrong? You quit admiring him and needing his help. He wants to be a BIG IMPORTANT piece of your life. THAT IS WHAT HE WANTS FROM YOU.
~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> Look at how your husband is falling over himself with a taste of a good plan A. Is he? Or am I getting played? It looks like he is, but I have to keep in mind he may be looking at this as though he only wants to have friendly co-parenting, not really ME. Then.....maybe he sees it that way NOW but if I continue he will "accidently" fall in love with me again without knowing it. No relationship talk. (Don't you dare say BUT, what if..) (Fox looking all over for the zipped lip icon) "Can we talk about that later...." is a great response, and then turn the conversation back to something cool. Gotcha Your husband doesn't need to hear words about how you have changed...he needs to see actions.
Trust me on this one. He needs to EXPERIENCE your changes, and the LAST THING he needs is a catalog from you about your changes. Gotcha, again. will disagree with you, you are NOT the woman he married or you would not be where you are today. And comeon, you can not tell me that you have not grown or changed in any way in 15 years of marriage and mothering 2 kids!! Let's get real.
It's so funny to me that you say in one sentence that nothing about you has changed... I didn't mean that I hadn't changed...I just meant the independence part. He wanted to help me and I wouldn't allow it then either. He was there, he listened, but didn't really take on any of my load. I get what you're saying about this, though. He did help in many ways...even if it was just listening. THAT IS WHAT HE WANTS FROM YOU Thinking....... Fox
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Just got email back from WH: That's fine with me. I'll see you there.
WH Man of few words.......but I'll take it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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It doesn't matter if he is playing you. You just need to face time to work on his heart.
The point is for YOU to be a GREAT woman. It doesn't matter what he thinks.
~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
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Just got email back from WH: That's fine with me. I'll see you there.
WH Man of few words.......but I'll take it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I sent back a silly: Fox
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It doesn't matter if he is playing you. You just need to face time to work on his heart.
The point is for YOU to be a GREAT woman. It doesn't matter what he thinks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />
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Light, airy, flirty, and do NOT give yourself a hard time. Be YOURSELF in all your joy and goodness!
You are wooing him back. Think about when you were dating...a first date (again). Did you talk about marriage when you first met? I hope not, you waited for any serious talk until you were more committed to each other. There will be plenty of time for that after he moves back in...
You are showing him the path back home. You are showing him what life would be like with you in the future, how you have changed.
Kiss him, hug him, do what feels good, talk about YOUR part in this if it comes up...then QUICKLY get off the subject. Let him know that when he comes back it won't be gut-wrenching hour long conversations about your relationship...
by showing him that time with you...because you will have the time...will be spent in joy and love.
If BABS comes up, QUICKLY get off the topic, don't invite her in to your time with him...tell him your time together is too short and you want to be about HIM and not HER (it?)...
HAVE FUN!!!!!!!
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
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Thanks for the advice, StillHereMakingIt. It just feels weird to kind of be asking him on a date (kind of)...when he doesn't know it's a date.....with all the gunk in between us. Kiss him, hug him, do what feels good, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> We'll see...... It's used to be tough to initiate kisses especially. I'm 5'3" and he's 6'3"...unless I grabbed him by the neck and pulled him down, he'd have to meet me part way. Let him know that when he comes back it won't be gut-wrenching hour long conversations about your relationship Good point.... She may SHOW up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> He doesn't usually bring her up...so if I don't, she probably won't be discussed. Fox
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It was clear to me that you needed a course correction - and it seems I get to be RIGHT (snicker) in this instance. Umm....BR, you don't get to snicker 'til he's HOME. Then I'll let you be right all you want. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Fox
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*snort* If he doesn't come home, it won't make me wrong. My goal is to help YOU not him. You just GOTTA argue dontcha! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
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If he doesn't come home, it won't make me wrong OMG! I just got a HUGE laugh out of this. I think you and I are WAY too much alike. You just GOTTA argue dontcha! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I confess. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> You couldn't leave alone, either, though. hehehee <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by wildhorses74; 07/21/07 02:40 PM.
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My dear, why do you think I understand ya?
~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
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Alright, I'll let you have the last word. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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oh my gosh, she's finally talking sense!!
~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
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I didn't say you were right....I just said you could have the last word. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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