I'm new to MB. I have found it to be extremely comforting at a time in my life that I never thought I would ever have face. I have been married 15 years and we have two children: 13 and 8.
Just found out that my H has been having an EA with a co-worker through cell phone bills. He is a very friendly and outgoing person. It all started when he had (and still does) have some unresolved issues with his Dad. They are not speaking and he chose to turn to someone else for comfort instead of me. Someone else who is also vulnerable and just got divorced was there when he turned away from me. I can just hear them crying on each others shoulders. We have always considered ourselves best friends that's why it hurts so much that he would not turn to me. I could see his self-esteem taking a nose dive after the whole Dad thing. Basically what happened is that he told his Dad that he disapproved of his wife because she was always meddling in their business. She heard the whole thing through the speaker phone and my H won't apologize because he so hard headed. He misses his relationship with his Dad and I've tried to help the best I can. His Dad is just as stubborn. Anyway, as a result of all of this he started having an EA with a co-worker. He has mentioned her numerous times. I even met her. He’s tried to make light of it like it’s no big deal. I did confront him after another co-worker saw them together at the grocery store. After that was when I started checking his cell phone charges online. He is VERY protective of his cell. My worst fear had come true. He spent over 2000 minutes on the cell with her. I checked out her number to make sure it was her and it was. I’ve heard all the same lines. We’re just friends….we just talk.
It gets better.
A week later I found some pictures on a photography website that he had taken in his studio of some models that he had acquired through the internet. He is a professional photographer. I was mortified. Not only were they nude, the poses were downright disgusting and too gross to even describe here. He had promised me that he would not take nudes of anyone.
We work at the same company. I'm afraid that if anyone at work ever came across them his reputation would be toast and he would lose his job. If they were that easy for me to find than anyone could.
After I confronted him about the pictures, he said that it’s art and he is not going to compromise his art for anyone. He’s mad at me because he says I don’t support him in his career or his art and he is a “damn good photographer”. This is the same man who’s pictures are on every wall of our home, I brag about to family every chance I get, and I post a link to his website on our family blog. He has NOT posted these pictures on his own photo website. He told me he’s very careful about who sees them. Especially the kids.
Now, yes, I understand it’s art, but how far am I supposed to let this go? These are definitely pictures that I would NEVER want my kids to see. And, since finding out about the EA how can I trust that he’s not having any PA’s with these models? Now I now why he has been spending every weekend at the studio. I’m trying to be open minded, but it’s humiliating after seeing those pictures.
After knowing him for 20 years, I am well aware of all his own personal issues that he has never really dealt with. He was in anger management at one time as well. Didn’t help. He won’t see a marriage counselor with me. Tells me we don’t have the money nor will he talk to a stranger about any of our problems.
I’m just sort of sitting here in idle not knowing what to do next. I’ve lost weight cause I won’t eat and every time I make a new discovery about one of his “secrets” I break out in hives it hurts so much and sends my blood racing.
I forced myself not to confront him again before Christmas for the kids sake.
But Christmas is over.
