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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually

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Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually JustKeepGoin #1802900 01/04/07 09:39 PM
Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 25 Boston C Chasey OP Member
OP Chasey Member C Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 25 Boston	could it not be the fact that she told me before moving back that she did not desire me emotionally and sexually and that I should not have pushed her into it?

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually JustKeepGoin #1802901 01/04/07 09:41 PM
Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 25 Boston C Chasey OP Member
OP Chasey Member C Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 25 Boston	I believe you are right, does that mean that I should not have pushed her to end it and come home after she said she was wanting to come back as she was not happy with him?

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually Chasey #1802902 01/04/07 09:42 PM
Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 7,464 Sydney, Australia B bigkahuna Member
bigkahuna Member B Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 7,464 Sydney, Australia	Nope. It's much easier to work on a marriage and meet EN's while you live together Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually JustKeepGoin #1802903 01/04/07 09:43 PM
Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 25 Boston C Chasey OP Member
OP Chasey Member C Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 25 Boston	My friends feel she has another emotional one going on and I tend to agree with them because I cannot get through the fact that I rushed her out of it emotionally and she was not ready.

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually bigkahuna #1802904 01/04/07 09:43 PM
Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 7,464 Sydney, Australia B bigkahuna Member
bigkahuna Member B Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 7,464 Sydney, Australia	It also makes it easier to be sure there is NC Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually JustKeepGoin #1802905 01/04/07 09:45 PM
Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 675 J JustKeepGoin Member
JustKeepGoin Member J Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 675	If you want your wife you are going to have work for it. Moving out an giving her space and supporting her while is getting "Closure" won't get it done. Investigate as Marsh said. I'm am certain that something is going on that has nothing to do with you. Check for another cell phone belonging to the OM. They are still communicating somehow. Bet on it. JKG

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually bigkahuna #1802906 01/04/07 09:45 PM
Joined: Sep 2003 Posts: 27,069 San Diego County B believer Member
believer Member B Joined: Sep 2003 Posts: 27,069 San Diego County	Okay, first, there is no such thing as "closure". No contact is what ends the affair, and there doesn't need to be "closure". I suspect that she either has contact with him or a new one.

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually Chasey #1802907 01/04/07 09:46 PM
Joined: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,862 M Marshmallow Member
Marshmallow Member M Joined: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,862	Quote The affair lasted 3 mths. To my knowledge it did not start while we were together. I do not beleive they are in contact, I do beleive she is no longer wanting me and that happens, it does not mean that because she is no longer having the affair that she and I can be together and I now realize that she did not find closure with the other man and I should have given her that chance, at least we would now know if this would have had a chance. The affair has been over 13 months A 3 month A does not take 13 months to get over. Please do some spying. And PLEASE quit blaming yourself for your W's unhappiness. She alone is responsible for her feelings. It sounds to me as though you have bent over backwards to make this M work and try to please her. ~ Marsh

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually Marshmallow #1802908 01/04/07 09:48 PM
Joined: Sep 2003 Posts: 27,069 San Diego County B believer Member
believer Member B Joined: Sep 2003 Posts: 27,069 San Diego County	Exactly what does your wife do that makes you feel she is not attracted to you or doesn't want to be with you?

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually Chasey #1802909 01/04/07 09:51 PM
Joined: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,862 M Marshmallow Member
Marshmallow Member M Joined: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,862	Quote My friends feel she has another emotional one going on and I tend to agree with them because I cannot get through the fact that I rushed her out of it emotionally and she was not ready. You can't meet her EN's b/c someone else in all likelihood is. It has NOTHING to do w/ you "rushing' her. And for her to suggest it does, is complete rubbish! Don't count on her honesty. Cheaters lie. That's what they do. Please start spying. ~ Marsh

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually Chasey #1802910 01/04/07 09:52 PM
Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 675 J JustKeepGoin Member
JustKeepGoin Member J Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 675	Quote My friends feel she has another emotional one going on and I tend to agree with them because I cannot get through the fact that I rushed her out of it emotionally and she was not ready. Ok now that is the first thing you have said that makes sense. That having another EA or PA makes her actions toward you make sense. My bet is it is still the same OM though. OR NOT. But she is still in contact with someone outside the M and that is still an A. You did not cause this by bringing her home. This is entirely her doing not your's. JKG

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually Marshmallow #1802911 01/04/07 09:52 PM
Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 25 Boston C Chasey OP Member
OP Chasey Member C Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 25 Boston	I am embarassed admitting this but I cry in the shower where she can't hear me. This break up will destroy me as I wanted it so badly and now I realize that it will not work. I am not even sure what I am doing on here, I realize by your answers and my replies to you that I have nothing to salvage. I realize this was the end result to my pushing it. She was not finished up and I should have allowed her to we may have been on our way to a life together. Having given her another few months back then may have given me a life time with her.

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually Chasey #1802912 01/04/07 09:55 PM
Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 675 J JustKeepGoin Member
JustKeepGoin Member J Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 675	Get busy and spy like 007. Find out what is going on. Then Expose the A and break it up. You can do this. Just get strong and get a plan and go after it. JKG

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually Chasey #1802913 01/04/07 09:57 PM
Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 675 J JustKeepGoin Member
JustKeepGoin Member J Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 675	Quote Having given her another few months back then may have given me a life time with her. No way Jose! The little time that you gave her was enough for her and the OM to devise a plan to go underground. And it has been working. Stop blaiming yourself. JKG

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually believer #1802914 01/04/07 09:58 PM
Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 25 Boston C Chasey OP Member
OP Chasey Member C Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 25 Boston	when we have sexual contact I know she is not into me. She makes me do all the work and if she is having a bad day at work it ends up being my fault. I made her the promise to make her happy in our marriage and she is now blaming me for anything that goes wrong. It is impossible to have a perfect life but I do give her everything she wants but she does not want me. I cannot stop thinking about the honesty that Boss Lady shared with us earlier and realize that I may be on the road to the same financial and emotional ruin.

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually Chasey #1802915 01/04/07 09:59 PM
Joined: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,862 M Marshmallow Member
Marshmallow Member M Joined: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,862	Quote I am embarassed admitting this but I cry in the shower where she can't hear me. This break up will destroy me as I wanted it so badly and now I realize that it will not work. I am not even sure what I am doing on here, I realize by your answers and my replies to you that I have nothing to salvage. I realize this was the end result to my pushing it. She was not finished up and I should have allowed her to we may have been on our way to a life together. Having given her another few months back then may have given me a life time with her. Why do you keep insisying on taking responsibilty for her A? I don't understand this. You need to find out what IS going on. If she is having an A, it doesn't mean that you are in ANY way responsible for her choice. Affairs are VERY addictive. You have to fight to break them up as quickly as you can! Not let them linger.... You did the RIGHT thing, not the wrong thing. And your marriage can still be saved if you are willing to put the blame where it belongs and fight for your marriage. ~ Marsh

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually JustKeepGoin #1802916 01/04/07 10:02 PM
Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 25 Boston C Chasey OP Member
OP Chasey Member C Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 25 Boston	If I find another affair why would I want to break it up that would be number 2 it would seem silly to keep this going on at my age I could find someone who would appreciate me. My friends tell me that once a liar and cheat will most likely be a repeat. I have hired a private investigator and will be getting the results this weekend or even tomorrow. I did this reluctantly and was embarassed to share it with you and now realize after this posting it was the right thing to do.

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually Chasey #1802917 01/04/07 10:03 PM
Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp P Pepperband Member
Pepperband Member P Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp	Quote I am embarassed admitting this but I cry in the shower where she can't hear me. This break up will destroy me as I wanted it so badly and now I realize that it will not work. I am not even sure what I am doing on here, I realize by your answers and my replies to you that I have nothing to salvage. I realize this was the end result to my pushing it. She was not finished up and I should have allowed her to we may have been on our way to a life together. Having given her another few months back then may have given me a life time with her. you are clearly depressed have you seen a doctor for this? Pep LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually Chasey #1802918 01/04/07 10:05 PM
Joined: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,862 M Marshmallow Member
Marshmallow Member M Joined: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,862	Quote I cannot stop thinking about the honesty that Boss Lady shared with us earlier and realize that I may be on the road to the same financial and emotional ruin. Interesting, that you used the word "honesty" to describe BL'd posts. How would you describe ours? ~ Marsh

Re: I want my wife to want me emotionally and sexually Pepperband #1802919 01/04/07 10:08 PM
Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 25 Boston C Chasey OP Member
OP Chasey Member C Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 25 Boston	yes I have seen my doctor and a head doctor and both say that I should walk away from this and for my own sanity to do it as soon as possible. My doctor gave me antidepressants and I don't want to be on them. I remember her depression after the affair it was very difficult to watch. I am still in time to find real love somewhere else I do realize this is and has been all for not.

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