keep waiting believer if he won't even tell you what the issues are, heck even say them OUTLOUD, how is he ever gonna know what needs working on. He's already said all he remembers is me me me , I I I..... I've been rolling this stone up a hill in hades for so long that he only notices when I stumble. But only the stumble not the rock or the hill or the scraped knees, just the fall! (how's that for biblical & mythological metaphors?!) I'll tell you a lot of the BOARD's (NOT Dr' H's) advice for me goes directly with prior medical instructions for care of what have you that ails me. DANGEROUS ADVICE at that. But he won't even say out loud in his own home what those things are! He buys books yes, but I'm the only one that reads them. I know all about me, why I do what I do, how I ntick, how to help me, etc..... But all he's focusing on is the fall... ..that's all he sees. oh yeah or the box in front of his face, sorry but true. YES! I turned off & unplugged everything but the radio before he came home, he's supposed to be spending time with us, yes? I removed my temptation why not his?

as for the card, it was an onlineline card, not an email reply & more the one key on this thing is broken (the guru did it, not I!) so I cut & paste the address from my book & sent a card. that was my last contact new year's day! Poetic I thought! And am I supposed to keep om's stuff so monster can throw them out the window, they are of some value. but they are not monster's! yes I know it hurts but I have to clean up my own damn mess, 'cuz no one else is helping..... -ar

oh yeah this is my last post, have a party! good bye! I thought being here was trying but I guess I was wrong.....if he believes trying isn't worthy of his/my time.....

ML,

Okay, she's foggy. Not unusual, because she is still contacting the OM. It will be "your fault" until she figures out it was "her fault". Then, over time, you will both figure out a lot of things.

You at least have the EN questionnaire - start filling those. Also, look at the Plan A information. Might help you to see what you need to do. Make sure your "giver" is well fed!

I will bump up my post to her. Ask her to just reply on that - and I will also check my PM.

SB

ar - Sorry this is your last post. I'll take over for you, rolling the stone uphill. I don't have young kids to care for, so I'll give it my full attention.

I picked up the habit of looking at my horoscope everyday while I was in Iraq. Today's horoscope was interesting:

"Someone close to you -- perhaps your spouse or lover -- is showing you a part of yourself that you may prefer not to see. You are so busy projecting yourself into your career, especially through all forms of communication, that you may have forgotten about your own feelings. Now is your chance to put your world back together by refocusing on your reactions to others. "

Have you figured out any needs of hers you can meet? How much time daily do you spend with your kids?

From Penalty Kill

Anastasia, as some other posters have mentioned, it's a good idea for you and your H to stay off each others threads. And I will go so far as to say that it's best not even to read each others posts, for now at least.

How do I know this? Because my H and I made the same mistake! My H doesn't post much any more, but he reads what I write. I am a FWW, an invisible human who has gone through some of the same things you have.

Anastasia, no one is going to lynch you here, and you can fix it so that you can ignore a poster, ie not see any of his/her posts. (Also there is no private message feature on this board). That being said, some of the posters that I had the most objection to at first are ones that I find myself often agreeing with now. Funny, that. You have one of best posters, believer, posting to you. Start your own thread, why don't you?

Posting can be very therapuetic, actually, because often the FWS has some unresolved anger toward the BS. I felt bad about this until S. Harley said it was very normal and understandable....

Are you still in contact w/OM? You know that if you are, each and every contact is very painful and hurtful to your H.

Anastasia,

Your H said this:



I'm curious to know how this stroke disabled the OM.

Apparently, he must meet some need of yours for conversation (think I read that). But, given that he is physically able to do yard work and things around the house that you have trouble doing, plus the fact that his parents "sent" him off to their vacation home and to stay with various relatives to get him away from you, it would seem that the stroke may have affected his mental abilities. After all, I can't think of too many mentally healthy 40-something men whose parents would be able to "send" them anywhere! That said, he apparently is still able to use the internet, so...what kind of conversation is he able to conduct with you?

I'm just wondering what your attraction toward him was about.

I don't spend as much time with them as I should. I may get to spend an hour or two with them between when I get home and when they go to bed. It's not consistant. The weekends are usually better.

I've been spending more time with my wife. Several times a week we go to the bakery to have breakfast after the kids having gotten on the bus for school and before I leave for work. We started going on walks in the evenings. Since the boys are back in school, we'll probably start having lunch together at least once a week. It's difficult to find a babysitter. No one that we know wants to watch my oldest because of his autism.

As far as what needs of hers that I can start filling, I don't know where to start. She doesn't regret the affair because sex with OM was so great.

She has been spending a lot of time talking about moving and looking at houses online. She realizes that OM and his parents living nearby is causing me a lot of grief and is not good for our relationship.

I hate the rollercoaster of emotions that I've been on lately. My taker has been back the last few days. I've been trying to keep to myself because of that.

LC, the German social system is different than the one in the US. To you or myself, he appears perfectly normal.

Good for you for spending time with your kids. Try to do that as much as you can.

The walks with your wife are good, and going out for breakfast. Try to think of other things you can do together. If you are creative, you may not need to get a babysitter.