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Joined: May 2004
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Joined: May 2004
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You posted this on another thread: May a FWW comment on the above??
I had a six week EA with a co-worker..there was no sexual contact, although it would have gotten there eventually had the affair lasted another month or two. The affair ended when my mom died and I turned to my husband, not the OM, for support.
The affair was six months ago, and I have answered all my H's questions about it, but he is not satisfied with my answers. I have come to the conclusion that he will not be satisfied with any answer other than YES, I had sex with him; YES, he was in our house; YES, I went to hotels with him; YES, we did it everywhere and in every conceivable position. This is what he wants to hear from me...he will never be satisfied with the truth, that we didn't have sex and that the OM was never in our home.
My H has so browbeat me that I have considered lying to him and confessing to things that I didn't do just to get him to leave me alone. But that would require more lies to sustain the original lie, as H would want to put together an infidelity timeline and I would have to produce evidence to back-up my claim.
So now, six months post d-day, I very sadly sit and contemplate divorce. There is nothing I can say that will satisfy my husband; my situation is bleak and I feel no hope for our future together.
Des Could you show your H this post of yours? Have you asked him what it will take to make him feel safe and help him to deal with his new found insecurities, anger and resentment? Barring some emotional abusive tendencies he may have, he is hurting and doesn't know how to deal with what has transpired. Divorce may be your only option, but maybe it is too soon to give up hope. Yes? Could you invite him here?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Des, can you send your husband here to us? Do you feel you have been completely forthcoming with the facts, giving him a full and accurate picture? Or have you done as my H did initially, and played cat and mouse with facts, only answering DIRECT questions as if you were a hostile, defense witness?
How would you characterize your level of honesty with him?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093 |
Bump for Des.
I see your Mom passed away recently, and I know how hard that is, especially on top of the problems you are having at home.
You could use some support right now and so I really hope you stop by.
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,620
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Could it be that he is saying these things because HE is hurt, in pain, has been betrayed by the person he loved most, and more?
If so, then maybe its his attempt at leveling the playing field. I think he wants you to hurt, to be in pain, to feel guilty, to, to, to. Well, you get it. Most BS would at some time feel like your BH (EA or PA doesn't matter).
To Mel's part what have YOU done to help HIM through this, to think about how HE must be feeling? Have you answered the questions willingly, have you done so with a certain remorse and repentance that one can see one's eyes when they truly mean it OR have you been far from honest, completely honest, brushed off his feelings and desire to know the truth or simply not show remorse when answerig the questions?
Things to think about.
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