I will see the OM again to follow up and see what the deal is.
She has been cut off financially, to the extent I could (meaning, I took my last paycheck from the joint account and put it into my own account). She doesn't have enough in the account to pay the rent and get her place. She will have to choose, and if she doesn't pay the rent here (I will pay half), then eviction proceedings will start and that will kill the deal with the new apartment. That means she will be on the street with her 5 cats and millions of boxes of her stuff. Of course, that will mean I will have to live 160 miles from here.

I have a strong feeling her mother will come to the rescue.

Ok, lets go talk to the MIL.

Maybe bring up the fact that MIL may want grandkids (GK)one day. Now how about GK with mom and day that have been M for a while and are in love with each other.

If MIL doesn't help now with this sitch then she may have GK with a DD and a guy who was arrested for drugs and breaks up M.

Try to play it up that way to her.

worth a shot, what can she say -no?

And possibly a guy who gave her and you an STD.

I am beginning to think that you should just cut your losses. She is ommature... you have no kids...she has a family that is enabling... basically, you are in a hornets nest. I would venture a guess that even SH would suggest just picking up your life and moving on. Don't give her a friggin penny either. Hire a lawyer and YOU start the divorce proceedings. There is nothing positive there to hang on to.

'food:

I gotta 'fess out. I'm with medc again on this one.

I think it might have been/be useful if you'd get yourself an appointment with one of the Harleys before she moves out (though that sounds imminent), in case they have some suggestions as 2 whether you can remotely plan A under these circumstances, or whether you should start plan B when she moves.

I'd leave her with the apartment lease and take your employer's offer and move now, and drop off a well-written plan B letter before you go. Others have been "forced" 2 start plan B after a short plan A by the WS moving out. Sadly, you wouldn't be the first.

But I'm more concerned by her fast track on moving and restarting the A, in light of her Dr visit. Is there any way you can contact the Dr yourself, and find out whether he told her she's pregnant and she chose not 2 tell you?

-ol' 2long

df,

Moving on, filing, etc. is certainly an option. But I think I would wait it out till she actually makes a move out or whatever.

Until then keep working on Plan A as long as possible to make a positive impression she can take with her. It may be helpful down the line.

In any case big dicisions ahead for you, I know. Good luck!!!!!

Just my thoughts

Any samples of Plan B letters out there? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Just bumped up the Plan B letter post for you.

Best of luck Dog

Dog, you've been here only a couple of weeks. Plan B is supposed to follow a well executed Plan A. If giving up is your choice, then so be it. You know your W better than anyone here.

However...if you have any baggage that you brought into your current marriage, and don't deal with those issues, you will carry them forth into your next marriage, or relationship.

Plan A is about getting the affair to end by applied pressure. It is also about becoming a more attractive spouse by correcting any issues you have the were not conducive to a healthy marriage.

I would suggest you focus on executing a flawless Plan A for at least two months, filling your W's EN's, doing the necessary things to bring an end to the affair, and, for your own good, work at changing any of the things you brought to the marriage that would be of the self-improvement variety.

All of this, followed by a Plan B, will leave you better prepared to enter into another relationship if your marriage fails. You leave in a sort of win/win relationship. You can honestly say you did everything in your power to attract your W back to the marriage through Plan A and Plan B. It has been stated here many times that going through the Harley's plans leave you much better prepared to A. Leave your current marriage behind, and B. Enter into new relationships in the future.

It's your call, but you have really not given the MB program much time to make any impact on you or your W.

Best wishes,
SD

SD said what I've been saying only much better. I know you may have a limited time together to work on this but don't walk away until you have to. Others have been doing a great Plan A even after the WS has moved out. It is up to you. Is the possiblilty of saving your M worth the effort?????

I am trying very hard to meet her EN's. I have even been initiating conversation in subjects she has a lot interest and knowledge in, just to get her talking.
I invite her to do stuff with me, and I get "no" as an answer. The only time I get a slight touch from her is when my hand brushes hers when I light her cigarette. (I quit, but I still sit out there with her).

At this stage, what is good for affection? An occasional card? Should there be flowers waiting? I don't know. I just feel hopeless. And I am, I have no idea how to do any of this. I can't call the Harley's until another week (payday),

The signs were good for withdrawal, I was seeing it. But now I think what happened really did happen....meaning she has had contact with the OM. She took a bath last night and shaved her legs, this is something she hasn't done since I moved back home.

The apartment complex isn't taking any action with upstairs, about the only thing I can do to keep her from moving is about nothing. I have one trick up my sleeve, kind of underhanded and would work, but then she would know I am interfering.

She has found a 3rd roommate (female) for the apartment, so now it becomes more affordable for her.

What is your underhanded trick?

Don't you just love the 1/2 stories to keep us on the edge of our seats?

We have 5 cats, the complex she is applying to only allows one pet per household. Her rommate wants to bring some of her animals as well. They are also putting "no pets" on the application.

I only worry that, in her frame of mind, that she would just take the cats to the shelter to be done with them.

All:

Look, I've been here a long time, and I've heard all kinds of stories. I no longer feel useful 2 this particular sitch.

Food's M isn't old, his WW is very imma2re and she has little useful support from friends and family.

Food might be able 2 save this M, and yes, he should work 2ward improving himself so he's sure he's done all he could before "giving up" (something nobody should ever really do - rather "let go").

Food, if you get paid in a week you should make the call and an appointment now, because it will likely take a 2ple of weeks 2 get an appointment. If you wait a week 2 make the appointment, you'll have a harder time doing a remote plan A because she'll likely already be gone by the time you have your first session.

I wish you the best of luck.

-ol' 2long

Thanks 2long. I will call Friday morning and make an appointment.
I got home from work today, secured living arrangements in the city where my office is, but made work aware of the situation.

I tried engaging my WW in conversation, but she really wasn't interested. She was also busy searching for auto insurance, as I told her to find some for her car.
We made a little chit chat about our days, but nothing too engaging. I sat down in front of the TV and she sat way on the other end of the couch, with pad of paper and calculator in hand. Guess she was trying to figure out how much everything is going to be. She threw the pen down a couple of times in frustration. Looks like reality on the financial front is sinking in.

She told me she was going out and would be back later. Don't think it is with the OM, as she looked grungy and had no make-up on. Also, as I type this he just came home.
I think she is going over to her friends house (one of the future roommates) to discuss the problems of money (and how my WW doesn't have enough).

Have you confronted OM again about being out with W last night?

Think that I would!!!!!

For that matter W as well. You still have the right to that as a boundary.

Not that it matter to her now but she will think about you sticking up for your M later.

Also have you continued exposure of the latest revelation with FIL etc. over the STD thing?

I told the FIL about it and about her preparing to move out. His response was "It sounds like she is commited to leaving".

He has emailed her and called her, but to date she has not returned anything. I thought that she sent him an email blasting me, but it wasn't sent. It is just sitting in her draft folder and upon further reading, she never finished it.

I asked if she was with him and she said "Nope, I was with XXXXXX", which is one of her friends. I don't buy that as it didn't even raise he hackles one bit when I asked.

I am wondering if I should tell the OM of some of the emotional baggage she is carrying over her parent's divorce and the fact that her step father abused her (sexually) when she was 11-14 and the fact her mother did nothing to stop it.

Like I said, she suppresses emotions very well. Right now, she is down about something....but trying to hide it and acting somewhat happy around me. But the body language says it all.

I wouldn't tell OM about this. If and when you two work this out she may not forgive you for telling something like that.

Also, OM probably doesn't give a S*** about that. He knew he was going after a M woman so I don't he is too concerned with "problems" like that.



maybe with the $$$ issues she is starting to really see this sitch for what it is????

Well crap, I already told him. We will see the fallout of this. My guess is, he probably already knows, tho. She told me pretty early on, before we were even dating.

The money thing is bothering her. She still has it in her head that I am going to give her money.