Happy to serve!!!!!

Alright, I have my appointment with SH this Wednesday in the morning. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wow, sorry to hear I missed all the progress. Since you have an appointment with the Harley's, let things just breathe until after your appointment. Let her simmer a bit in her own juices, and continue with the pampering...and try to keep things as "normal and pleasant" as possible.

Now that Love Busters are no longer in your arsenal, you need to be the strong, loving man in her life. Listen to what she says very carefully. As she defogs she'll speak tidbits of what her "problems" have been with you. Some will be fog-speak, but carefully evaluate what she says, because there will be truth in some of what she says.

The safer she feels, the more she'll interact with you. Since you have the cats in common, take advantage of that and have a birthday, or anniversary, or acquisition party for the cats one evening this week. Totally surprise her by your clever idea. Have a bottle of bubbly and some tasty snacks and have a gift/treat for the cat/cats, and a little something for her. No R or M talk, just a fun, sort of veiled but not too much, intimate party for you and the cats.

See if that won't draw her a bit more out of the fog.

Anyway, don't count on seeing the real W all the time. This is when they waver between the W and the WW, without notice or warning. So be on guard at all times. They can be set off by their own thoughts, so don't fret over why they fluctuate, just make sure your end is calm, steady and safe!

Yer doin' good, Dawg...keep it up!
SD

Thank you. I will plan for the little party with the cats. Aweome idea. I love it. First, I need to get her schedule to see when she will be available. This is getting harder and harder to get. She usually doesn't tell me when she is going to work until the day before. But, I can pull this off on short notice. I can prepare a cheese and bread platter with some fruits. Get some new toys for the cats and some treats. We can probably sit on the living room floor and just interact with the cats like we used to.

Thanks for the idea, SD. I wouldn't have thought of that on my own.

I woke her up at the appointed time and she seemed depressed. She threw some clothes on and headed out of the door to get together with her friend.
She commented again on how much weight she has lost, and even pulled up her shirt a little to show how her jeans fit. I commented that she looks really good, but did not get a reply.

In the meantime, I am going to buy her an hour at a back massage place and prepare for more fog tonight.

You are getting the hang of this. Keep it up. She is about to crash and crash hard.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I am getting better at it.
During the hard crash, what should I expect? More of the same, or should I expect her to come at me with one of her 13" chef's knife?

DF...she comes home sick, goes to bed to take a short nap, and then gets up and goes out to see a friend? Might she be pregnant?

No, don't think so. She has been pregnant in the past (mis-carriage) and is not showing any other sign.

She came home and immediatly started packing up stuff. She said she will more than likely be out by the end of the week.
She asked again if I would take over the lease so I can stay here. I told her I would think about it, but didn't commit to anything.

I am unsure of what to do. If I don't take over the lease, I will more than likely have to move 165 miles away, which means I would no longer see her that often, if at all.

If I take over the lease to our apartment, she would at least have a place to come back to, if she chooses to do so.

The problem, of course, with taking over the lease is it makes it just that much easier for her to move out.

Don't know what to do.

Do not make it easy for her by taking over the lease. You are enabling her. Find another place nearby, if you have to. Someone is giving her bad advice.

That is the route I am going to take. My concern, tho, is if she wants to come back, what then?
When I posted above, I forgot that I could rent a room in a friends's house, but it still complicates things.
I have a feeling that once she is gone, she is going to be gone.

How about some calm, friendly negotiations. What's the rush for her to leave? Be polite and downplay her urgency to leave. Don't help her or encourage her in any way.

Tell her you think it would be best to take some time and see how she feels in a couple weeks, hoping for a couple of months. Don't argue with her, and don't be drawn in to an argument.

Ask her for a little time, and for a little patience. The anger over NC will wear off in just a few days, and her urgency to move will probably subside. And you'll be hanging around executing a stellar Plan A while she chills for a few days.

Remember, it's your job to diffuse her wildly erratic intentions, without being a Love Buster. A delicate path, but you've been practicing for a couple of weeks, right?

Always take action, never react. You are in charge of the "tone" in your house. Protect it.

SD

Yep, W peeks out, then gone in a flash replaced by WW!!!!

Oh yeah! she still thinks that you also want a Divorce!!!!!!!!

My bet there is contact again. If not then it is her hope that when she is away from you OM will pick up where they left off.

Stay vigilant. They will just figure a way to hide it better this time. And she thinks her threats in her Storm yesterday have made you back off OM.

No contact, yet. She is still playing the lovey come back to me music. But, she is acting happy, but her body language says a lot of stress and depression.

I overheard a conversation with her mother just a bit ago. The papers are signed on an apartment and it will be ready to move in in 2-5 days. They were discussing finances, and it looks as if the mother is going to take over the student loan payment for the time being.

Yep!

Still deep in the fog waiting for OM to come back or so it sounds like to me.

So far, so good. She went out and was being "picked up" by a friend. So, I stood in the shadows and she wasn't picked up by him, not to mention the OM is an avid anti-smoker and she took a full pack of cigarettes with her. She also had one right before she left. In the past, she would leave them behind and not smoke for hours, brush her teeth, and change clothes before they met. She didn't have a change of clothes with her or a toothbrush (I checked her bag before she left).

I am still at a loss with her moving out at the end of the week. Judging by the conversation I heard, everything is pretty much set up.

She evidently intends to live the single life no matter what else happens and MIL is going to enable that. I don't have an answer for that one. As long as she feels no censequences for her actions and everyone else is enabling she has no reason to stop and return IMO. Totally running out of ideas myself. I guess talk with Steve.

There is no one else you can get to talk to her about what a mistake she is making. Have you talked to FIL as I suggested? Any brothers or sisters? Aunts, Uncles, Friends of influence.?

Does MIL know your side of story??????

'Food:

Here's another option, that allows you 2 continue 2 plan A, though remotely (because she'll be moved out):

Stay in the apartment but don't take over the lease. Just make the rent payments until you're done plan A'ing and need 2 go 2 plan B (if you need 2).

Then, give her a plan B letter that also reminds her of her responsibility for the lease, and move 165 miles away.

When's your appointment with SH?

-ol' 2long

The FIL said he is going to stay out of it. Apparently, she has convinced the MIL that I am the bad guy. No brothers or sister, she is an only child. The other relatives are taking the "staying out of it" stance as well.

I have told the MIL what is happening, but never got into the why's I am doing what I am doing, other than telling her that I love her daughter.

I am still considering another email to her explaining that affairs are like an addiction, etc...and why I have done what I have done and my ultimate goal.

Someone mentioned, this might drive her further away, tho.
I don't know. I am feeling depressed, anxious and out of hope.

I finally have established no contact, and now this.