Eve,

I don't think mine will ever be ready. He just called me all bent out of shape that we didn't call him about the game. I told him I asked if she called him... I can't force her... then click. He hung up on me. The old me would call him right back and try to talk about it more. Not today... let him stew. The only thing is I'll have to see hom tonight at my DS hocket game.

Oh right now my LB is dangerously low. Maybe I'm PMSing because I could bite his head off.

GRRRRR

Still

Still,

Your WH and mine could be twins! He has NEVER admitted he was wrong about anything in our M. I told him I messed up, I wasn't perfect, I should have done this or that, and was more than willing to try to make things work. He never took responsibility for anything or gave me a chance to show him how I have changed.

He's the perfect one, don't ya know? According to him, I drove him out of the house due to my bad housekeeping and yelling at him all of the time. I forgot, I unzipped his pants too, right? He blames me for everything.

I asked him a long time ago if I ever did anything right in our M. He said yeah, I took care of the kids good. Gee thanks!

I really don't think my WH will ever own up to what he did. He has yet to admit he's even in an A!!!


Even if the A ever ends, I doubt he will come back. He has too much pride.

I told him he put me and the kids on a road we never asked to travel. He turned our lives upside down. No comment from him. As long as he's happy, that's all that matters to him.

He once said...soI have to stay with you and be unhappy for the kid's sake?! No thanks!

Cat,

I'm beginning to think all WS are this way... way to selfish. I hate the way he makes me feel... I'm fighting the urge to call him and apoligise. I have also been the one to say I'm sorry. I can count on 1 hand how many times he has said that to me or one of our children.

You know what when we were in MC after the first affair she asked him what it was that he liked about me... he said I was a good mother. That's all he could frickin think of.

Well I guess a good mother isn't what he wants... he wants a cheating, lying WH**e. I just wonder who's going to cheat on who first. My bets are on her. And he wonders why I don't want my son around her. I'm not worries about my DD's they have already told him they want nothing to do with him if he is with her. She is not the type of woman that I want my DS to look up to.

My ranting is done for now got to bring my son to hockey.... and see what type of grief I'm going to get there from WH. At least he'll be on the bench and I won't have to sit near him during the game.

Still

Wow, as I said they could be twins. My WH too said I was good with the kids. That's all I ever did anything right in our M, was to be a good mother!

According to OW's ExH, she told him that one of the reasons why she wasn't happy with him is because he did not make enough $$, so she was going to find a rich guy...my WH. Now WH is not rich, but I guess he makes more than OW's EXH did.

I have no idea if either will cheat on each other. I don't see why a young woman would want an older guy to begin with, maybe security, who knows. Probably $$, but doesn't she realize he'll be paying alimony and child support?!

I just know it will be a year soon that they've been living together and I don't see it ending. They just signed a new year lease together. I think WH needs her income to pay CS and alimony and then all of his bills, so it probably won't ever end!

Hey Cat,

Got back from my DS hockey game. WH decided called to see if I packed DS clothes. I said for what... he said to come over. I said we hadn't discussed it. He said I had him last Sunday and it's his turn. I tols him the way we weer doing things is okay for now. Not okay for him he said. Of course it's always what he wants.
Now I need to call him back and I'm dreading this phone call. I'm afraid I'm going to LB all over the place. Not a great way to go into plan B next week.
I still don't understand why I want him back... because I love him and it hurts so bad to be away from him. This sucks.

Deep breath going to make my phone call.

Still

good luck with the call

Well that didn't go over well. Not that I expected it to. At first trying to make small talk and I was getting one word answers. Listened to each other breathe. He again brought up about letting him know things... I told him we've already talked about this. He started in... I said you know this week you said alot of hurtful things to me. Of course I don't matter... started getting teary eyed so I said I got to go real quick.
He called right back and asked why I hung up on him... I told him I didn't that I said I had to go because I was going to lose my composure. He said like you did when you made a comment in front of friends.... I just said I don't want to argue... goodbye.
Although I did make a comment (didn't think he would hear it)... wasn't the right thing to do by no means. I'm tired of always being the one to apoligise. You know sometimes it's nice to get an apology. Why do men always hear us when we don't want them too? But if we want them to they ignore us. Not meant to be a 2X4 for all guys I'm just blowing off steam.

Again I'm going to keep typing so I don't call him back and ask him just to come home. Just found out we are both going to t hat conferance. This is going to be interesting... should I ask him if he wants to share a room. I don't like feeling like he hates me, but that's how he makes me feel.

I beginning to feel like Plan B isn't going to help.... not the way I want it to help. Tonight I just feel like I'm going crazy....

Still

do you think he would share a room with you? my H wouldn't!

ps

i still go through times that i think if i just asked my H would come home

and it takes everything in me not to!

Disengage with the Ws. When he calls, ask to speak with your H and NOT the Ws. Start letting him know you only want your H back NOT the WS.

Btw, the conference? Let him get his own room. Then expose at the conference so no one wonders why.

JMHO,
L.

Eve, Orchild,

There is no way he would share a room with me. This man makes it loud and clear that he can't stand to be around me. I was half joking. In some ways I would love to, you know have a cahnce to seduce him. Right now rejection would judt hurt to much, I really at the point where I don't want any contact with the man.

Believe me I will expose.... my WH college roomate already knows. And I'll probably get there before him and tell the others. No one is going to look at him in the same light again., this WH of mine. My WH college roomate was in our wedding... when I talked to him at christmas time he told me don't let it keep you away from the conferance. This is something we have been going to for many years meeting up with college friends. The night before we try to pretend we are back in college.

My H is a very stubborn man.... and this WH of mine is even worse.

As you can see I can't sleep again.... woke up having an anxiety attack. And I won't TM him lake I did last week. (I think it was last week).

Still

Good. Go to the conference. Sounds like you will have support there. Expect the WS t/d something foolish. Make sure you keep your distance so his venom will not hit you.

take care,
L.

Orchid,

It's going to be hard to keep a distance since we all always meet up with each other. That' what I think I was getting anxious over.

The only thing that makes me happy is I'm going to WOW this people. They haven't seen me since last year, and if I do say so myself (little pat on the back here) I look a 100 times better this year. Not that WH has even mentioned anything to me. That would be being nice.

Have any remedies for bags under the eyes.... I feel like I have suitcases.

Still

Good go wow them. They will be your support. Let the WS be the awkward one.

Now we gotta practice....what are you doing t/d if the WS tries to engage you in convo at the conference? Or maybe try to act like u 2 are still best buds? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Remember, he will be in the WS mode. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

L.

Orchid,

I know he won't try to engage me.... really this man doesn't want me around at all. The way he makes me feel this last week is that it wouldn't bother him if I fell off the face of this earth.

What I plan on doing is just not being near him and enjoy being with friends I haven't seen in awhile. We all do sit together during the conferance at the same table (lunch involved) I just won't sit near him and someplace I won't have a great view. I refuse to not sit with my friends... if he is uncomfortable let him sit elsewhere.

You know what I was just thinking... really sad. At least I know he's thinking of me because he is sooo angry at me right now. At least I don't feel like a non person. Isn't there a fine line between hatred and love?

And I'm proud of myself I didn't call him back all weepy last night. Must have him wondering.

Still

Well H called this morning... boy this really messes with my head. I cried after getting off the phone I mean really cried. I miss him so much.

Well it looks like we may have to stay in the same room.... we're both on a waiting list. Both of us waited too long to make reservations. Either that or we'll see if we can bunk with others. I'm kind of hoping that we have to share a room. Maybe it would give us a chance to just have fun.

I think my heart is going to be broken again.

Still

I don't know how much more I can take.. washing machine broke down on Friday... just got fixed. Now days behind in laundry.

Then I look at our picture window and water is just pouring down... what else.
I'm not strong enough for all this. I need my H back home now.

I know I did something stupid... called to let him know how much for washing machine and to let him know about window and I lost it... told him I needed him to come home I can't take much more. I feel I am at a breaking point,. Hung up quickly didn't want to grovel. Hasn't called back... he just doesn't care. Probably see this as more reason to get me out of the house.

Said he would take care of it when he picks up DS tonight.

Help

Still

Oh, Still...sweetie...

Thinking what's next will not help you! You are focusing on the negative...I see you focusing on your WH and not you...whre is that going to get you? Where HAS it gonin YOU?

You really need to think about Plan Aing yourself...I understand that you are having a difficult time but appearing needy and clingy will not help...

Breathe, get control of yourself...and you may want to pray for acceptance...Remember this IS NOT about YOU...

When's the last time that you read your sig line? YOU have been dealing with this [email]cr@p[/email] since 01...I'm not here to kick you...I'm here as your friend, hating to see you hurt, hating that I have to say I think your WH is the same thing, [email]cr@p...[/email]

I think that it may be time for some tough love...use your anger to your advantage...use your pain and hurt...

MY SD always told me as a child to Never depend on a man...what he meant by that I don't know...but NOW the time...I really think that Plan B will suit you and during that time you Plan A your hinnie off...ON YOU!

((((Still))))

Take the bull by the horns! This is YOUR life...have some fun!

Rind,

Just hasn't been a great day.... took a Xanax at 8pm so I could sleep. Worked until now. Will probablt take another 1/2 to sleep the rest of the night.

I know my my printed history it's looks horrible. There were good times mixed in there.

The leak ended up being ice built up under the shingles... he did what he could tonight (it being dark and all). Will do more in the morning. Did make a comment that I knew the house was going to be to much for you.

He did hug me twice tonight and let me close to him. The first hug was intiated by him... trying to comfort me. The second I asked for. I haven't been hugged for a long time...it felt good. Then why am I crying writing this. I don't know.

Still

TRying really hard to keep my emotions in check. Doesn't seem to be working. I cut back on one my AD because of one of the side effects... get a tremor in my hands thats really bothersome. I think that's why I may have bottomed out yesterday and today.

It just hurts to accept that my WH doesn't care... Last night he told me he was hoping I wasn't going to the conferance. That we would be uncomfortable, our friends would be uncomfortable. I told him not to go then.

He has a room and I don't yet... asked this morning if we could share a room. He said we'll work something out. Thought we could drive down together to save on gas... not sure about that one.

I'm bombing badly on Plan A right now. Am i the only one that is having this problem? It seems like it.

It seems when I take a baby step forward... I get thrown several giant steps back.

Wondering if I should just give up?

I do have a question if someone could answer.... I have my letter all done and I'm questioning about an intermediatory person. Could I have contact just with e-mails about the kids and finances? I do have a friend who will act as one. Just concerned about what my attorney said. I know it'll get WH more angry at me for bringing someone else into it. Last night he mentioned that he doesn't talk to anyone but yet I talk to J and J about things. That makes him madder at me.

Still