hey just wanted to let you know it will be alright no matter what happens you will be a better man.

No contact broken! WW emailed OM, thank god OM fired a broadside and told WW wtf do i have to tell you to leave me alone! he said if I was your H i owuld have you tossed onto the street... if there are pros here i will email it to you for advice...

Ken,
Stay the course. Your description of this email exchange sounds like your WW is lonely in her new situation too. I am thinking that at this point it may behoove you to create some distance/pursuit dynamic. Your WW is has decided to move out, fine. She is feeling good about her decisions to make herself independent and strong blah blah blah...

OK so you want to be a big girl out on your own? Sounds good, have fun.

So Ken creates himself a schedule for every day of the nect two weeks. Fills every hour with some sort of activity. If you cannot think of something for an hour, fill it with hard physical exercise, wear yourself out physically. You make yourself too busy to even think about WW much less talk to her. As long as she knows that you are waiting around to welcome her back, she will feel safe in her decision to abandon your home, she knows she has a safety net. I am not saying to completely remove it, just make her think twice about how her life would be if the safety net (you) was not there to catch her when she falls.

ok questiuon is this consider nc broken i am guessing so...

Also since OM told her he wasn't intrested in further contact abd is basically moving on and wants to beft alone would it also be considered NC reestablished?


On a side note, I visited the barber and got a nice haircut..
W was cutting my hair, I now my flat top looking sharp and crisp again . <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Ken,

Don't worry about NC in your situation. Obviously OM wants nothing to do with your WW. Any further attempted contact will not be the "juicy" stuff that will keep your WW addicted. Withdrawal is occuring. I'd be more worried that she might start looking for another online OM. This OM is no longer a threat to your M. I would continue to plan A her for a while, even if you are separated. Whenever you come in contact with her be upbeat and kind. Once you can tell that she is getting really comfortable talking to you, then you think about going to plan B. You need to give her a little more taste of what she'll be missing before you plan B her.

nice to see you back Jim...

Well there isn't much I can do concering t w and her online antics. I did spruce up the doo and i have been trying to be nice when the opportunity presents itself.

Her voice mail sounded a lillte flater the normal maybe a tad down in the dumps...

the question i have is she isn't obiviously listening to me, but would she have been listening to OM and would his Broadside and telling her to get her act togeather and work at and "nothing is set in blood between you and H" get through the fog?

It didn't get through the fog completely, but it probably pierced it. It's going to take a lot of plan A, no quality contact with any OM, and possibly plan B to clear up all the fog that your WW has surrounded herself with. It doesn't just disappear all at once. It takes at least six months.

jim check you email

I am also worried about the wrecking crew (Sister and Roommate and friend) who are advising her to dump me... they sheem to be pushing her...

You've got mail.

Don't worry about them. They aren't going to be able to meet her ENs. If you can, they won't have much influence. All they are able to do is enable her A, but right now that doesn't seem too likely.

another thing... the WW mentioned i can get rid of the Minivan and get something else... she knows i hate it, as i used to always drive 4x4 pick-ups.. well with fuel prices that isn't possable today...

WW also has mentioned she liked the manly indepandant "kinda redneck" guy I used to be... I think she thinks I am wimpified...

Well i do hate the minivan... So I am considering doing what she suggests and dumping the minivan and buying a 07 mustang, they look sweet and have a considerably more testostorone to them you know... .

So what do you think? Might not that help my "image" giving her back the guy she saw and fell in love with... the manly redneck...

Jim,

I received your email and have some questions...First, is the OM really 17 years old? She knew he was 17 and she claimed to be 23 and single? And...she is still trying to contact him? Regardless of whether she is "addicted" to the OM, she doesn't realize that a 44 year old having a relatioship with a 17 year old is very, very wrong?

I have to say there is a lot more going on here than the "typical" EA, and she has problems that go way beyond typical marital dissatisfaction. She obviously has some serious, serious issues. Is she going to IC on her own? She needs a lot more help than you can give her. I would not be surprised if she is not suffering from some sort of undiagnosed mental disorder, bipolar, narcissistic personality, etc...

Left to her own devices, this lady will crash and burn, of that I have no doubt. All you have to do is sit back and watch (and wait) which I know is hard, but at this point you need to take care of yourself, and those kids as much as you can. I really feel for them.

you have mail

ok pros question time...

In our seperation it looks like WW is begging off next weeks MC, she also hasn't given me a new phone number and when she calls blocks caller id... it appears she is going semi dark on me... She has attemped to reconnect with OM without success,h he is giving her the heave hoo...

is her going dark normal? Can any of the pros tell we what to expect next or what course this normally runs? and how to react to it...

I am tired of reacting... i want to be prepaired and know what to expect!

I am starting to think i am a history question as far as she is concerned...

well she called today along with *67... said maybe will give me her phone number tommrow she is changing cell plans again...

says she will stop by with the kids after 6 to sign taxes.. and so i can see the girls... again we will see...

she told me happy anaversary go figure... i am still hoping the pros here will try to show me what is likly to happen in the future... so i can be prepaired rather then adapt...

bump

well ww stopped by to sign the taxes today...
she isn't wearintg trhe wedding band or the dimond...

god that sure was a kick in the gut...

now what... I do feel so lost...
Jim

You'll need to give this more time. Don't expect too much, too soon. It is miserable at first, but does get much better.

Your wife needs to get a real taste of her new living situation. She will find out it is not such a fantasy life afterall. But please give her some time.

I wish I had your optimism.... But i keep haning on <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Spoke to Dr Harley today on radio show (76 min into stream), He is recommending I move to plan B. Says WW was A renter and is now a freeloader, and hasn't commited/bought into marrage... He is sending me SAA and Buyers/renters freeloaders for me to read before going into to plan B then I am to call him back and tell him How it goes...

OK pros I need to devise a bulliet proof plan B. I would want to wait a couple weeks so my med change (anxiety) kicks in...