Thanks everyone... I know you folks care and trying to protect me from me.. Thanks...

I readly admit to being a little confused, lonley, un-SF, and just feeling plan uncomfortable... I miss the compainship, having someone to take to dinner, a partner to dance with with out searching the bar... plus there is a blizzard outside and i am stuck inside...

I hear what people say about wayward spouses coming back...
Just assuming for a moment she would come back, what kind of time frame is more or less norma? I mean i waited a year for the last WW and she never cam back, so I don't have much confadance this one will. Additionally when current WW walked on first H (after 18 years) she never looked back either... So I see no indication the W is having any thoughs at returning...

I am working the plan I made. No contact since like Tuesday, unless you count her Son calling me about getting some of his gear from my garage... I made it sound like everything was just "Ducky".

So I am stuck for this moment, I don't know if I should wait to see if W will come back, I am unsure if I want W back, or if i should just proceed down the road of life...

I do know I don't want what we had this past year. I was trying to plan A for the little time we had and I think she was aware of that anyway. However she isn't a leader and everyone of her friends and family is pushing W to divorce...

I wonder if it ins't just easier to cut the anchor line and set sail for bluer water...

jim

well, marriage in general is work. and it is probably easier to just cut that line and move on. but is that what you really want? that is what you have to answer. and... both parties have to want the marriage. she can come back but nothing will be different if she is not willing to work on making it different as well. my ex and i separated twice before, and each time he came back, nothing changed, nothing was different. i would have saved myself a lot of pain if i had just stuck to my guns a few years ago and not let him back. he was not a participating party in the marriage.

if she would not be willing to go to mc, and to work on the marriage to make it better and make real, i wouldn't bother taking her back, even if she came on hands and knees.

you will grow to appreciate your time alone as well. i am in a relationship right now but it is ldr so i am still home alone most of them time (well, completely alone when ex has the kids). you have to get to a place where you can be ok alone before you can be ok with someone else. if i was not ok with being alone, this ldr would never work. we only actually see eachother about every 6 or 8 weeks! we do talk every day so we share that way, but still... you need to get to that ok place in being alone.

hang in there
mlhb

mlhb

I would agree and disagree... concerning being alone, this is not just now... I have never enjoyed living alone (ever) when I was single, I would opt for roommates, even if I didn't need to money wise. I just liked to be around people.

As for the WW you hit the million dollar question. Her problem as I see it is she dosn't verbilize when something bothers her she just goes along unhapply... I have a strong personality, and I need someone unafraid to push back somtimes and balance me...

So far she hasn't been trying in the least, that is the problem in the nut shell, if she desired to try we could have made it I think, but she has emotionally checked out...
Add this to an internet addiction and well it is a uphill struggle.

My gut says to move on that she is long gone...
I also feel the fool, I tried to be so careful and take my time... I waited last time, then had a long courtship and watch closly, to no avail...

It isn't all downside however, I have lost alot of weight and fell much better about myself, I need to drop another 30 and I will be "fine looking IMHO". I know I am a decent guy.


Jim

Another hard lonley day...God this is serioulsy getting old fast.

Jim

Ken313/Jim -

Hey - I am the last person who can probably help. My WW has only been in an EA for 3 weeks, but seems to be talking marriage and a baby with the OM. I am in the house with her. So, I know you are lonely and I am fearing the same future soon for me, but I'll tell you that spending hours and hours around a unrepentant WW is not all that enjoyable. I guess that is not much help, but if it is worth anything, I am concerned for you and hope you can find a bright spot in today. I am also in the big snow and my snowblower broke this morning after no problems for 12 years (kind of like my marriage, but with that there were problems I did not knwo about..). That could have really set me off, but I guess you have to have faith that "everything will work out for the best". Not easy, but that is a phrase I say to myself constantly to prevent myself from getting really, really down.

Good luck.

Ken, I know your pain..it totally sucks...

Ken,
I can also relate... it really stinks to be left. My WH has been out of the house almost 6 months and I still get really lonely.
I haven't read your whole thread but I'm just another person going through the same thing.

Still

Dark 7 days no contact from WW... No indication it is bothering her in the least...

Jim

It is too early to expect anything at all from her. Hang in there, and don't give up. Sorry it is snowing. Stay busy doing something that will make you feel GREAT.

I am trying but it would be nice to see something positive...

So is there an timefreame that I should see something if I am going to see something? Are there any signs I should be watching for...

Jim

Ken,

It often takes a month or so for plan B to really work. What do I mean by really work?

Well, plan B is NOT to get her to contact you or change her mind. It is to slow down your loss of love bank credits. It is to extend the time before you decide to end it, so that the A has time to end. Nothing is going to happen until the A ends and you cannot end it, only she can.

In a month or so, you will find yourself more calm, more in control of your feelings, making plans that suit you. You will find the anger gone, and yes some more of the love gone as well.

Plan B is for you and about you, not her. So don't worry if you don't hear from her, this is your time to go through withdrawal. BUT, a side effect is that OM now has to meet ALL of her needs and as he fails he will withdraw from the love bank he has built up. This will take time, give it time. Gradually, he will withdraw, and the seeds you planted in plan A will germinate.

Stead as she goes Ken. No contact with her right now is very good for you. You will come to see this in a month or so.

Hang in there.

God Bless,

JL

It is unknown if there is an ongoing EA/A. I have no evidance one way of knowing since she left, I would assume that she may have replaced the old EA/A for a new one.

I also heard a rumer she may have had an A or was working on it back in Nov when i was out of town on bussiness...

There was a frind of the kids who was overly friendly... I though he was like 16 turned out to be 25, she took him and sister and lez friend to a concert... I witneseed this person being pretty flirtitious and agressive to W So i said he could never return. Things started heading south a couple weeks later... was tehre an A ????? don't know,, he listens to the music she switched to

I say lawter testerday.Wi is joint propertly state so there is sufficent risk to me finanacally. basiclly she could get credit cards run them up and the bank would come after me... So for my own legal protection, My lawyer strongle recommended filing for D. He has been retained and proceeding on the filing. He said from there I am safe, and i have many options should recoc be possable I can drag my feet, suspend the case (not cancel) cancel it...

So i have up to a year to figure things out... WW dosn't appear to be getting an attorney so far anyway.

Listen to your attorney!

If you haven't done it yet you need to take her off the charge cards, IRA, 401k, and anything else that is in both of your names.

Also you should take $$ out of all joint accounts so you're not funding her lifestyle.

Of course check with your attorney before doing these things, but she can't spend what she can't get at, y'know?

i have that is what I have paid him for... All Checking/savings accounts have been seperated, she has been removed for the credit card annd her card has been cut.
teh uins and 401 are next but not a rush since i have to be dead and past caring for her to get these

jim

Sounds like you are doing what you need to do. It is still too early for your wife to crash and burn. She needs a good dose of not getting any needs met by you. Keep it up, and are doing well.

Acutally doing pretty good the past couple days...

I looked in the mirror yesterday morning and actaully liked what I saw. I still see room for improvemt (another 30 pounds) but I liked the guy in the mirror. My confidance is starting to come back a little...

My IC says I am doing much better as well, the self esteam is starting to recover... the anxiety is way down... I just feel more perky... I am more in tuned to the presence of pretty females, the anntenna are coming up I guess...
heck I actuially kind flirted with once kinda... (opened a door and complemented her said that looks very nice)

Got to go to work more later...

Jim

This sounds good. Lock up your taker a little while longer and end this with respect, dignity and 180 degrees from your WW by not getting the least bit involved with anyone until this is over one way or the other. You will look at yourself in the mirror someday and remember how you handled this disaster.

Atty called I need to come in and sign the filing, man this hurts!

Spoke to WW EX Childern are reporting D is iminent....
kids are reporting everythjing is great and WW saying M was a mistake...

WW saying "she isn't the marrying kind".....

WW says she thinks I may go crazy and loose it.
Won't happen.

Sure hurts but all indications is WW has checked out and moved on...

Man this stinks.

jim

bump