hope to contact OM sister she talked to WW EX H girlfriend obiut the A

More to follow... but I am in plan B and in divorce how to proceed need help ASAP Please advise

Jim

If you're still wanting the M then yes, you have to expose if the A is ongoing. I don't know about coming out of Plan B though. That's one for the experts.

Yes, expose in plan B. I would do all the usual targets, and confront your WW once in email or letter form (not in person) letting your WW know the reason you exposed was to save your M. I would let her ex-H, parents, family, and friends know the reason she is divorcing you. I would also expose to OM family and spouse (if there is one). I would also include infidelity/marital misconduct on the record for your D and name OM personally. This should negatively impact their A.

If you choose to expose...you need to make sure that the people you expose to clearly get the message of WHY you are exposing!!!

Make it clear that you're asking their help in re-building your marriage. Tell them that you're not doing this to be vindictive or hurtful to your wife...on the contrary, what you're asking is for their assistance in talking with your wife and getting her to end her wayward behavior and to give your marriage the chance it needs to recover.

That message can go a long way in defusing the situation. Your WW can try to play the anger game, but its hard to play that when the message that everyone got from your exposure was that you are hurt, but you love your wife and are fighting for your marriage as hard as you possibly can.

I exposed like this in my situation...and I knew nothing about MB at the time. I simply reached out to as many of our friends and family that I thought might be able to get my wife to stop and THINK about what she was doing. And in my case, it paid off.

I think that doing this exposure is also going to put your plan B on hold...because you can expect your WW to be furious and attempt damage control, and you'll be forced to deal with that. Exposure is NOT normally part of plan B as I understand it...normally, it's done in plan A.

It might well be worth your time and money to call the Harley's and get their take on how to manage this...seriously.

Hey Ken...

Quick clarification: is this fella Mike whom you've just discovered (who is also the PA in Stevens Point), the same internet EA and fella she broke NC with?? In other words, is this all one OM or is this OM#2??

If this is ongoing A with the same OM who has been plaguing your M from DDay #1, I would say exposure to parents, family, friends, inlaws, and pastor/minister is appropriate even in Plan B. Once you have confirming evidence, I would expose along the lines of:

"I am saddened to have to tell you that WW's A with OM is ongoing, and it is tearing our M apart. I have recently received irrefutable evidence that proves that this is not just a friendship, and despite all my attempts to be a better H, WW persists in this adultery. Yes, WW and I did separate and I have had no contact with her because I was advised to do so by my infidelity support group. She would not end all contact with her lover, and after repeatedly lying to me and telling me that she had, I needed to protect my heart and save whatever bit of love I have left for her. This was my attempt to show her what she was throwing away by chasing her A partner. For the sake of our M and our commitment to each other for life, please help me in encouraging WW to do the right thing, end her A, and return to her H. I love her dearly and want to save our M."

OTOH (on the other hand) if this is OM#2 whom she met after you two separated, I suspect you will have a tougher time with "exposure" only because some family/friends morality and values might be, "Well, you two are separated so she's free to see whomever she wants." I can't say that I AGREE with that, but that is sometimes peoples' attitude.

Your faithful friend,


CJ

It is OM#2 (OM#1 is a minor cyber EA who thought his WW was 25). I'm gathering that she was talking to OM#2 BEFORE she separated.

Correct this is OM #2 the A started 2nd week Oct based on texr mgs and trelephone logs, and was heating up by november. I have information she took him to a bar and a very cozy Pic from OM myspace page taken on the love seat in my home when I was in Germany...

I have commenced operation exposure II
Called and told her dad and sent the photo I found... Gave my evidance dates time places offer him the phone logs he said he didn't need them.... He said he heard they "were over chummby"... Asked him to support the M but I understood if he couldn;t... Don't know what he will do and don't expect much help but oh well he said he will talk with Bobi's sister and brother and see what they can do... Said I still don't want a D called him Dad said I still believe in us... Said I still love and can forgive but not forget... said the window is still open but don't know how much more I can take before it closes... Hanging in tough...

Then talked to her son pastors, and sought his advice, he will be trying to help... will talk to her son and see if she will talk to him... Gave him the full stich even my imperfections LB and all. Told him my evidance, Her oldest Son lives with The pastor and she has always respected him... has known him for +20 years...

Don't know what other cards I have to play. mailing thr plan B letter hard copy will indicate I know about the affair with Mike...


Ok what else...


Jim

just mailed the modified plan B

Bobi.
This will either be the the Last Love letter I ever write you or one of many more to come... That decision is in your hands.

I love you with all my heart and my soul, I have from the beginning and I do today. I have no desire for a divorce, my only wish is for us to be happy and in love with each other, I know this is possible if we both tried.

This past year has been very difficult for me, as you became entwined in the fantasy of Runescape, James You just stopped spending time with me, this was one of the most painful periods in my life. I missed the closeness and intimacy we used to share, I lost my lover and I lost my best friend. And yes I know all about the Affair with Michael T, this was the most painful of all, I just recieved the finial peice to that puzzle...

Bobi, I acknowledge my shortcomings that may have led to your escaping to runescape, James and the affair. I should have told how just much I loved you, I should have told how truly beautiful, and sexy you are. I should have been a husband who allowed you to fell safe enough to share anything with me, I should have listened better and heard you when you spoke. I should have stood strong for you and not listened to others when it came to your well being , for my mistakes I ask your forgiveness.

Bobi I know if given the opportunity, we can overcome anything, we can move heaven and earth together. We can rebuild our marriage. We can make it into what we dreamed it would be. I truly believe we can make a life together where we are BOTH eternally happy and fulfilled.

The conditions for our rebuilding our marriage are very simple.

The Affair with Michael T must stop, and you can never have contact With Michael T again. We Return to counseling.. We turn off the damn computers and look to each other to fulfill our needs. Recommit to each other to be the others one and only true love and make each other the #1 priority in each other lives. Turn to each other and seek each others counsel and agreement on any decision. Jealously guard and protect each others heart and feelings as if they were our own . Defend each other against anyone who would harm us or our marriage. I know this might seem challenging at first, I know I can and I will do what is required of me to make this happen. The question is can you? I will also do what is needed of me to support you in your efforts to make our marriage a blessing.

I have already made my choice, that choice was made July 3rd 2001, it was affirmed on Feb 11,2006. You freely choose to take my ring, and you freely choose to become my wife. I just ask that you think about the past 6 years, Will you now freely choose to try one more time and fulfill the dream that out marriage held when we place the rings on each other fingers?

There is still time to save and rebuild our marrage, but it is growing short. Until you make this decision to end this afffair, and resume counseling we must remain completely separated, without any contact, ( except in the event of an emergency, or meet legal requirements) I do this to preserve the love I have left for you . .

Kim is leaving so if we did decide to try to resume counseling it would need to be with someone else.

I love you Booboo, and I hope you will choose to be with me forever.

Jim

Ok last question... How long do I give this to work?

OK I have exposed to her Family.
Exposed to her EX Hubby, he said he will have her 2nd oldest son Call me, will tell him if I get the chance he is 20, Eldest son 24 will probably know soon from Pastor he lives with and whom I have solicited aid from...

Her younger sister, and roommate, know about the A, and are enabing it, no good exposing there. What else, who else
do expose too...

Shoudl I email the OM and let him know the jig is up? Expose there... Tell the Kids teachers and expose there too?

Tell the baby sitter..

Jim

Expose to the OM and find out his family and expose to them as well. I don't think you need to expose to the kids teachers or anything, but if they ask you why they are having a hard time, it is okay to be honest.

Good chance OM family knows, the finial tip came from OM sister (good christen) via grape-vine basically knew WW was married and in an A with brother and did some digging until she found someone to get the Msg to me...

Will tip off OM shortly... phone is off so cant leave Voice mail, maybe text will work or email... will let him know the Jig is up.

The modified B letter (above) mailed today... WW should know tommrow and know that I know...

do I expose to babysitter, (the couple lives like 4 doors down)



please advise...

Jim

[color:"purple"] HOW you expose is important

wording something like:

I am saddened to tell you my sweetie is having an affair. It's been going on for (length of time).He/she refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my sweetie, please do what you can to get him/her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

[/color]

the discussion was very much along those lines listed above just was verbilly done... I have a big heart and love her dearly. Ijust want my life, love wife and family back... I am hurt but not angry, I can forgive though not forget,
The M can make it if we work togeather. I asked for their support in saving the M with what ever influance they may have ... Bla bla bla... I did say i don't know how much more internal damage I can take..... And time is growing short...


Jim

Spoke with Dr Harley today.
I have 2 choices walk away as this could be a dangerious Trend and I could be in for many more hurts like this to come... Or I come out of plan B move back to plan A try to fight for my M and win her back.

I told her I know of OM said I recieved a phone call/information that was convincing. I am not asking how why or what, I am convinced... The only thing that must happen is it needs to end.

I made a date for coffie tonight, I have chosen to fight one last time to win her back. Pray for me... I need all the help I can get... This is the last round, if it dosn't work, I will walk.

Jim

I meet ww for coffie at 7pm. she agreeded...
I need input and guidance by 630 CST
This is I guess the last hurrah.

will purpose recon how and why... pray



Jim

Did Dr. Harley say why he advised you to move from Plan B back to Plan A?

Actually, I can see why he told him to go 'back' to plan A. He's not had nearly sufficient time to do a thorough plan A. And without that, his plan B isn't going to have a chance to get her to start missing those changes he'd implemented.

I know plan B is to 'protect the love that the BS has for the WS'...but it's also supposed to create that withdrawl for the BS in the WS's heart to. And that normally only happens if there's been a stellar plan A prior to that.

In this case, there's still hopefully room for plan A yet...make sense?

But I think Dr. Harley first advised him to go to Plan B. I remember being surprised. Just confused now.

I had forgotten that...too many threads to keep straight. And now that you mention it, I recall that, and had the same reaction you did.

I'm curious what the good doc is thinking?

I'm sorry...I'm still a little unclear:

WW had an internet EA and D-day#1 was 12/06. This was a fantasy EA involving an online computer game and never really got to PA, right? That EA did not end, and there was D-day#2 2/07. While all that was going on, she was having PA with OM#2 since 10/06. This was "proven" and there was D-day#3 yesterday. Before it was proven, she moved out 2/6/07, and asked for D 2/20/07. And Jim, you went into Plan B on that day, right--2/20/07? Since then, YOU are the one who filed for D 3/2/07...not her?

Here are my questions for you. How long did you Plan A? What did you do in your Plan A? How did you contribute to the environment in which your W had an A? What steps have you taken to deal with yourself and your issues? What do you want out of this? What steps have you taken to achieve those goals?

The reason I ask all this is because from what I can decipher, this is a pretty complicated case -AND- most of what YOU are doing seems like a reflexive reaction and not a carefully thought out plan. Thus, I thought if you wrote to reply to me, maybe you could put some of that down in writing. What exactly IS your consistent plan?

Your faithful friend,


CJ