intresting day yesterday

1st WW says she will come over Sat morn and pack/take her remaining stuff... Should be intresting! I figure I will just be nice and decent keep it to small talk and not talk about the Marraige or Divorce... Any other ideas I am open to hear them.

2nd intresting developement
WW EX H called me he was picking up the girls for visitation, and was down the block and ased if I was home, (the kids wanted to see my new car) Well i wasn't, but i arranged to meet him off the highway at wendys...

1st time I have seen kids since WW left. never said goodbye.. Her older son (16) immeadatly hugged me and said us kids are sorry and we don't want this... said he loved me was an extended hug... 12 year old son huged me said he loved me and oggled the car...

I went inside to see the twins,,, twin #1 was stoic and playing the cards very colse to the chest but hugged be and said I love you miss you etc...

Twin # 2 not... her heart just shatter as soon as she saw me breaking into sobbing tears, running to me jumping in my arms (dad looked on and was grasious enough to allow me to comfort her) I was crying too and she said she missed me and loved me all i could say was me too kiddo my tears were flowing and i was really choaked up! God it tore my heart out! ... That seemd like a 5 minute hug i think,

I told all the kids how much i missed them and l9oved them and how there was a hole in my life now...

I let thim know I wasn't mad at them and they were always welcome and could call my house home too. The door was always open to them. I told then I loved then and didn't know how to turn the love off... as I said very emotional...

Spoke to son 16 later alone by the car hugged again.. asked abiut WW, he said she was doing ok he tought but did seem to spend alot of time in her room thinking and kind being depressed... what does this mean i don't know.

I took a risk. I said to him.. there may come a time and you will know when that is if it comes... if that time comes tell you mom these exact words... I am not mad, nothing is written in stome or blood, nothing has been done that cannot be undone, no brdge has been burned yet. if she feels painted into a corner she isn't...

I don't know...

Anyway very empotional day it really wipped me out.

Jim

concerning tommrow with WW does everying concur i just be nuce and keep it light no talk about M or D?

Your description of the meeting with your kids brought me to tears.

Yeah, I think keep things light but be honest if she questions you on anything. As others may say, continue to be the lighthouse.

well we finish packing out the WW at 1pm today and my gut is already in Knots.. I really dread today. It fells like this is finishing things, no reason she should ever come back home after this...

I hope to keep it light, make it as easy as I can... I am going to offer her our cake top and the bottle of champaine we saved for the 1 year anaversary, all the wedding things... They really contain to much hurt for me to save them... Any last minute advice is welcomed!


on the good side, I have a perspective roommate, 49 retired military, also getting a D from a WW... Maybe that will be a good thing. Maybe god is putting the people in front of me i need put there... I hope so...

Say a prayer for me today I will need all the streghth I can muster...

Jim

well STBX has move out. it is done. We had a long chat today.
She seemed out of the fog for the most part. we reminised, talked about where we made the wrong turn... everything...

I place all my cards on the table todat face up.

I explained my hopes and dreams, what could be...
I talked about the intervention and why I did what I did and fought so hard for the M. She said there was no A but then mentioned this girl who had called the STBx severial times to tell her to back of The OM ...the gal was 17 and she had his kid... I said i know about her and added some details I said that isn't who called the woman was older our age... I could see that regestered a soild hit.

I then said just supposing you had an A.. I don't live in the past... she said it could never work to many skelitions in the closet... . I said What you don't know is I don't carry a grudge never have, I said No all I need to know is it is over and you never see or talk to him again and it is done. I am the #1 and only man in your life, then i give you the get out of jail free card. I un-paint your corner.

I ask no questions I don't want to know about it, it ceases to exist.

she passed.. I had he look me on the eye and tell our m is finished. she did 3 times.

I then said ok bob I love you... It is time for me to let go. I said we are crossing a bridge today and there isn't any turning back.

I told her I would be starting to date again. I told her thank you... she was suprised and asked why. I said you gave me 56 very good years and the ride was worth the fall.

I picked up the l;ast box and placed out anaversary bottle of champine in it and our cake top... I was about to pick it up, when she hugged me for a long time she was crying...

She tried to give me a kiss but I pulled away. I said no, don't play with my heart like that. I then stepped very close and I looked long and deep into her eyes like i did when we were in love. when she turned I gently took her face in my hands turned it to me and said no look for this will be the last time I look at you like this and i let her go. The Bank just went bust... God I feel so empty.

any thoughts

I hope I peirced the fog last weekend but I don't know...

Ok maybe the last round of questions...

Is it time to stop waiting and just cut my losses?

What percnet of WW in a M without kids and of relitivly short duration return?

What kind of time frame are we talking about before I would know if she is done...

Are their any signs might I see that are indicators one way or the other?

What have you long timer on MB seen and maybe you can give me your best guess...

How long does it take for the hurt to stop?


Oh I get plan b now I think... I am ok when I don't see thing are generally pretty good... Now when I see here it is like a knife to the heart and the rollercoaster starts again...


Jim

Jim,
You in PlanB or PlanD?

Well more or less both.

She wants a D, I don't, I would love to recon, but she dosn't...

Jim

Ken...or Jim...or whoever, I've just skimmed through your story and, pardner, in the couple of years I've been out here, this is the most confusing thread I’ve ever seen. Look, you're married to a serial cheater who seemingly has been at that game for a lengthy period, who will not "own" her multiple adulteries, who shows no signs of active remorse, and finally, one who evidently has no intention of changing.

You want input? You got it a while back from Dr. Harley and you seem to have discarded it. Dr. Harley's been a practicing couples counselor for a long time. When he told you there was little chance of recovering your relationship with a serial cheater, it was based on his experience in such matters. Believe him.

You and WW have no children together and, therefore, little reason to stay together. Why would you want to? This woman has shown a total disrespect for you and her marriage vows. She doesn’t even understand how her execrable choices are the reason for the breakup of her third marriage and she’s not willing to engage in any deep introspection. She’s even willing to chance the loss of her children in order to keep on being the way she is.

Love just isn’t going to bridge that gap, pardner. Yeah, Ken/Jim, do cut your losses and get out of this perversion of a marriage.

Then you need to find out why you keep finding women who have no sense of moral integrity. Your IC is the person to go to with that problem. It's serious and you need to get yourself straight on it.

Then, guess what? There are other women out there who would never dream of resorting to cheating. You can find one too.

Hang in there, pardner.

Long...

Working on that very thing with The IC today... though I have change theropists as my curent IC is moving, and that is a real bummer... She says generally I am doing very well, but that it will take some time to heal the hurt...

I tried real hard and looked real close for any red flags... I don't know what happenmed to WW...
I am sure she isn't coming back... She is advertising on dating sites etc... Going to mess someone else up I guess...

So it looks like time to move to a full plan D...
I hope I can still get support here.... AND to get on with the job of healing a broken heart...

I plan to inform my attorney to remove the KID gloves and do his best to protect me fron further harm... His best is generally pretty darn good.

I have done all I can... But is still hurt like ******...

I hope I can count on the MB family's continued support in my personal recovery.

A personal note to Beliver, Orcid... I cannot repay you ladies, your support has been beyound Awsome...

Everyone please hang in with me I am not out of the woods yet!

Jim

Hi everyone
Doing ok.

I have decided to proceed to plan D and I am working on my recovery...

If the WW ever comes from the fog and realizes just how badly she messed up, she will have to the work to recover the M, I am done. No more effort will be wasted on her.

I still Love her and I love her Kids, but frankly I can do so much better and I deserve better as well...

She is well plan wacko... Babysitter told me today (was playing BasketBall in the drive I have the community pole) STBX is now dressing in black (kinda gothic)...
She is planly out of her tree...


To everyone who lended help thanks, to everyone who though I was nuts, well it did get pretty crazy for a time...

I will try to move the topic to my personal recovery if that is acceptable... I come to think of this place as the calm in the storm...


to end the confusion... my name is jim, i called myself Ken in the early days in case The WW came here to read she wouldn't do to me what Dogs WW did to him... That is not longer needed... So please call me jim


Jim

Okay, Jim, it is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Pardner, I think you've made the only possible sane decision. Put yourself in your attorney's hands and let him handle it from here. Do NOT negotiate or anything else with her--that's your attorney's job and few things can screw up a civil action worse than getting crosswise with your lawyer.

I think you should put the possibility of your WW coming back out of your mind. Frankly, if she does, it'll be because she has her own agenda and not out of a resurgence of loyalty to the marriage.

Hang in there. It may not seem like it for a while, but you’re on the upslope now.

Jim,

While you are making decisions to move forward, IMHO I don't believe it is a time to leave MB. Rather it is a time to use us as support to help you get on the path that will complete your recovery. You have a lot of emotions going on and u r a kinda guy who likes to keep things in control. Totally understandable but that still makes you vulnerable.

Stick around a while....you'll see. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

JMHO,
L.

Orcid,

I would love to stay here! I am just concered since I am basicly quitting and I hate saying that the M that people wouldn't understand my quitting.

I just can't keep taking the emotional butt wooping... I can't remain in emotional limbo and remain healthy myself.

I am at a point where I can't save her and if I don't let go I will go down with her. All I can do is save myself.

It isn't that I don't L the WW, I do with all my heart.
But at the same there is nothing I can do to help her go through what ever tribulation she is now going though.
I don't know her, I asked and her older kids don't know her right now either. They are hurt and confused.

I would love to know if others have experienced this too, and if so could they enlighten me on what type of behaivior to expect, what is normal, in this abnormal state...
How did this play out for them...

She is making such poor decisions, and those who are leading her down this path of self destruction her so called friends and with friends like that you don't need enemies. She is like brain washed or something...

Jim

Orchid,
Well just checking in... doing ok I guess, lonley, but getting by...

Jim

Jim,

Love and miss your W not the WS.

Don't leave. You can benefit from the support here because part of recovery is personal and fully within your control.

D is not a sign of failure on the BS' part.

Aloha,
L.

Hey Jim,

I think it's a good idea to stay here a while too. And you know where and how to reach me too if you want or need to. Just remember the time difference. lol.

Good luck to you and God bless.

S&C

Hey Orchid!!

Hey bro', howzit!?!?!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

When I remember, it reminds me what I have lost, and that is very painful, So I try not to remember.

I know the WW quit I didn't, not my failuar, true but the end result is still the same...

Jim