Hi folks

Just my routine check in... Still in a deep dark plan B, while dog flys cover...

You one thing I really hate about plan B is you feel so damn alone... When the battle is engaged so many here are always pictching in and helping pull you thorugh, when you go dark, well it really is dark... There isn't anything to say, nothing to report... it is like you drop off the planet...

I also don't like the feeling of giving up control to someone else, even a trusted friend... I know control is a myth but is so very hard to give up the last vestage of what little I felt I had even to possably my best friend dog... Why do I say best friend, Dog has been entrusted with the job of protecting me, (W) current WW and maybe my M... There are very few people I would trust with what I hold dearest.

Dog also has a very good foot and 2x4 and thankfully he is friend enough to use them when I need it and that is often...

But I will say it can be lonley in plan B...

Jim

Let's help u channge your POV and maybe you will see 'sunlight'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

View plan B as putting control back in your life. Your decisions no longer hang on the whim of a WS' actions.

In reality, you have it better than most and in time the WS may try to steal some of your sunlight.

Plan B is a protective aciton for the BS and family.

I know it is also a lonely time but from what I know of you, you have friends. Respect their time and space and they will respect yours. Together you and your support team can form a bond that will make you a better person.

In the meantime use your time to help others. We can really use your help here.

Like Dog, reach out to someone who may need that kick in the pants. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I am not saying you've got boot prints on yours but you know how helpful it was when he provided support.

take care,
L.

weekend Update.

Step-Son #2 came by to pickin up SS#1's stuff from my garage (i called SS1 and said i needed my garage back). There are no longer any belongings in my house that are WW or her kids That was the last load. After loading we went for a ride in my new car then had a nice log visit...

It appears all isn't rosy in WW land...

The WW's roommate (best friend she could count on) has decided to move to Texas As I understand she is packing already and moves soon. SS#2 said WW is worry about money said may have to turn off cable, internet and how she will get by... etc.

He also told me It is his opinion that she is real depressed, tired, worn... She isn't happy she is angry about everything, short tempered, makes rash and bad decisions... She doesn't look "healthy" isn't taking care of herself to well...

He said WW (mom) isn't herself and he said she has changed and the kids don't know her, and don't like her, she isn't mom... Said she is selffish...
He said him and SS #3 are thinking about sitting her down to "talk" and ask her what the H*ll are you doing.

He said she lives in a dump, and that it isn't home... Said SS# 3 no linger visits as he is mad at her for messing up. He said the kids are not happy... said I was still Dad #2 and they all miss me. Said the kids still want to visit me... the Kids still consider my house, to be "home" (along with real dads house) and the dump wasn;t home. he asked if they could visit... I said they are always welcome anytime, Just call first...

He also told me and that the Older kids are aware of the sacerfices I made for them, the family, and their Mom... And that Mom was takin and had not been giving for a while... Said the older kids knew it wasn't me, and she was "full of S**T" , it was her who was "messing up". And that she is "blowing a good thing" and what she is saying isn't what the older kids see.

He asked very bluntly if mom "gets it togeather" could she still come home. would I take her back, is the "door closed".... I said if she was sincere and remorseful and prepaired to do what was needed to rebuild the M, I would agree to return to counsleing, and do my best to to put the M back togeather, but that she would need to be in it for life or no deal. Then if/when the M was back on track she could come home. I also said I courted her last time... she left me, so she would need to court me, prove to me why I should take the risk of taking her back and being hurt again... He said he understood... I also said the clock is tickin and time was growing short. I said in 9 weeks (Jul 9) that was a hard date for me and if she allowed the D to go through, I could never M her again. I said i still hope to wear the wedding rinbg again (and showed it to him) but that the ball was in Mom court... I told him she knows my terms and exactly what she needs to do to come home.

He also mentioned she has all her M stuff pics, rings etc on the closet shelf right on top out in the open... What if anything this means I don't know... I let him know i still loved him and the kid and even W, and I wanted my life (the one we had) back... but not the messed up one last fall/winter... I was till open to recon...

But I said I was looking and considering options and I did have them. he asked about the house and if i was going to sell it... I said possibility after the D I would list it, the house was for WW and Kids not for me...

Then I was getting ready to go out... He saw me changing shirts and said "Man are you working out your looking "BUFF"" I said a little, and I lost alot of weight and was talking care of mysel.. Trying to get back into shape... he said well it really shows... shook his head and mumbled, mom is really messing up.....

Anyway what all this mean i don't know execpt I must have been a good dad... How much or any was this was from or gets back to the WW I don't know and frank.y not sure I care...


Ideas comments?

wow Jim, how sad for the SS's. I hope that you can preserve a relationship with them and help teach them a better way than they are learning from their mother.

On the flip side you sound like you are doing well, glad to hear it, keep up the good work. I admire the peace and control you have managed to achieve given the path you trod.

Plan B is working pretty well for the most part.
Still have my moments here and there, but I am generally getting better and stronger every day...

Jim

Just another day in the plan B

Decent day mood pretty good...
I had a Dr appt and was home early, there was a letter in the mail for the ww... Well ran into the BD #1,2 and gave them the letter said give this to mom... Both looked pretty good, and both came right over and gave me a kiss...

on return from Dr step kids still at sitters... wayed as I went by in the converatble top down...

I did good, I though about waiting and getting a peek at the ww to see how she looked but then said it sin't wort wasting the time... I think I am getting better with this stuff...

Also provided my attorney my idea for the property settlement, she isn't going to like it... I have to wait to see what the lawyer thinks...

what can I say it is about to get ugly...

Jim

not much to say just checkin in.

Had a vivid dream last night started with warming up to Sf then flashed to a major controntation with me demanding to know why. why she pursued she she pused us to get M just to through me away.... I am ajusting to the fact the M is dead, I have to move on I have instructed My ATTY to proceed and not pull any punches, I need to look after my own welfare isrespective of how it may hurt her and it likly will hurt her badly. But is comming down to her or me.

Jim

I know who I'd pick. Do what you gotta do Jim.

I also have some anger and resentment right now. It's all part of the healing process.

You'll be alright

Well i don't want to hurt her, but that isn't the same as I won't hurt her... Lawyer is being instructed not to pull any punches. I took her best shot now she can take mine. It will get ugly for her.

Her roommate moved away in May so june will be the month on her own... Money should get very intresting for her... oh well... I know my lawyer is going to do his best to tag her for 6k of the marital debt... I think she will have a very bad June.

Providing the D goes through and it sure looks like it will I am working on getting a roommate, it is looking pretty good... The roommate is female and a good friend. Her lease is up in the end of Augaust, we can both Save 500 buck sharing my now empty 3 bedroom house. A win Win...
She is afrain she will "mess things up" I told her you mean it can get worse? I would be alot better saving 500 a month that is for sure. I figure I have to do what I have to do and this is in the best intrest of Jim. I have been hanging on by fingernails fininacally since she left, and that needs to change.

more another day....

Jim

Gave the lawyer everything I can think of to help him convince him, told him pull no punches, i have lost and hurt enough. The game is afoot. I hope I come ok...

Jim

Now that it’s all said and done
I can’t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
I fell too far, was in way too deep
Guess I let you get the best of meeee

(Chorus)
Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, time agooo!
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally gettin’ better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you!!!
Lyrics
(End Chorus)

You took a hammer to these walls
Dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say,
And when you slammed the front door shut
A lot of other’s opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for meee

(Chorus)
Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, time agooo!
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally getting’ better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you!!!
(End Chorus)

I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, long time agooo
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you

And I never saw it coming
I should have started running
I’m finally getting better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
And I got over you!!!
And I got over you!!!
And I got over you!!!

The day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you…

Good Morning, I just wanted to give you some Kudos for doing the best that you can right now!

I don't read your thread all the time, but stop in from time to time and just wanted to let you know that you are doing well! Keep up the great work! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Take care and have a beautiful day!

Rin

T -7 weeks and counting...

I wish I was that far along in the process...44 weeks left!

How are you doing?

I am told I am coping well by the IC, making good progress to closure... She says down days are needed for up days to come and you have to "go through the process"

I have significantly more up days then down than god.

I Don't want the WW back under any circumstances, might consider taking the FW (original model) back would have to really think on that one.

So I am managing as good as can be expected under the circumstances. Still alot of unknowns, next 6 wekks I am told could be rough espacally around the time of the D... We will see... I am told when the unknowns are settled that will help a lot. So I guess I am generally doing well..

Jim

Well, it sounds like you are doing great...with the good days verses the bad days...

for the most part that's where I am...i'm just accepting thattoday is not so hot...

and, I'm the same with STBX...don't want him back and would seriously have to think about the orginial...

Good for you!

Not much to say, still in plan B moving to plan Don't give a crap, Will probably come of B in july when Plan D exacutes.

The lack of drama is intense.. Wish there was something to say but you know there isn't. Hope money loosens up soon, that is the hardest part right now. After the D will probaly look at refi the house and resturcture the debt load... That is about it... unless i can find a roomie... I am hopefull but it isn't a sure thing yet...

Jim

LOL...I understand...all of it...I'm looking forward to getting some structure...well, not really structure...not sure what to call it right now...

Just feels like limbo land...waiting on court, moving home, the whole D thing, bills...You KNOW...or at least can relate with your sitch...

One day at a time huh?

So, nice to be thinking about the plans for the future...

It will work out...I think to myself often...perhaps just not the way "I" would like, but for the best...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

like it is said, You don't have to like it, you just have to do it...

Jim

JIM

I am listening to your (archived) radio call to Harley

GREAT JOB !!!!