About 10 days ago, my H told me that he was in love with his best friend, a woman who conveniently left her husband mere months after we moved to her city (we've known her for years--went to college together), who moved in to an apt less than a mile from us, who insists that my H is her "BFF." She's been crying on his shoulder and he's refused to set any boundaries with her.

I've seen this coming for ages and repeatedly begged him to curtail things with her. He always insisted they were "just friends." Now they know they have feelings for each other. When he told me, he was sobbing, saying "You're amazing...you're the perfect wife...I'm so sorry." But he also said he didn't know what to DO about these feelings--ie, he did not indicate that he wants to try to work on our marriage. He says nothing physical has yet happened between them; I don't think I believe that (it seems possible yet unlikely).

I left as soon as he told me to stay with my parents for a while (about 2 hours away). Since then, we've talked and he says that his feelings for her are so strong that he's no longer in love with me, and that he needs a few months to sort out what he's feeling.

I don't really know what to do at this point. Obviously he has ENs that weren't being met by me, but he doesn't seem to realize that (since he thinks I'm "perfect" and didn't do anything wrong). I guess I went right to Plan B, since there didn't seem to be much point to Plan A (I have tried for ages to be warm and loving and understanding, and it has been for naught since he's been focusing only on her).

Any thoughts/suggestions would be welcome. Thanks.

Go HOME! call the Harley's immediately! Expose this affair. Read here.... gain knowledge... gain strength.

If you don't think the M is salvageable or you cannot forgive... or can't handle the big fight ahead of you....perhaps it would be better to cut your losses and leave. I assume there are no kids involved and that you both are relatively young.

If you want to save this though... the first thing you need to do is go home.

How long have the two of you been married?

sorry to disagree

it is NOT obvious that you were not meeting most of his MOST important ENs

in fact, it is likely you were

affairs like this one don't evolve because a good & decent spouse was NOT meeting every single EN the WS has

no no no no no

and

NO!

Pep

1. get your butt back home
2. read SAA
3. keep this site your little secret until WH is over OW
4. do not dispair

Pep

Yes.
Read the following letter from a WS and analyze what his wife did when he told her of his affair. She sounds confident, decisive and is showing SELF RESPECT. Notice how things have completely turned around in HER FAVOR. Notice how he ended contact completely on his own. Your husband has told you that you are the perfect wife and you admit yourself that you have always tried to meet his needs. He is testing your self confidence and self respect. Stand up, be strong and show him that you do not share and love MUST be exclusive. You do not need to be mean or spiteful. Just be firm and confident. I have seen this type of response work much better and with far more success than any other.
His thoughts will immediately change from "how do I get out of this marriage", to "am I making a mistake and am I losing something very important to me?"

There are two things that tug at our emotions.
1)the challenge of pursuit
2)the threat of irrevocable loss

Give him those.......


This BS now has the POWER to negotiate any NEEDED changes in the relationship. All because she had the self respect and self esteem to NOT TOLERATE this behavior.

Think about it. Good luck

Been married 7 yrs, both 33, no kids.