My husband and I are in recovery. He was the WH, I am the BW. We are only a two weeks in to NC and things are improving slowly. He is still in withdrawal - it was an EA for two months and maybe a PA but I am not sure about that.

We both agreed SF was not ideal for the past year at least, and it turns out neither us us where ever happy with it. We got in to a 'routine' (sex the same way every time, WH asked for it 3 times a week or so, I provided 2 times at most, he felt rejected a lot, I felt the sex was no long enough / satisfying enough for me)

We both feel we are great friends and I think are now serious about recovery. Dinners out are nice, dates are nice, sitting together is nice, but neither of us feel anything sexual right now. I have trouble because of what he did, he has trouble I think out of guilt for what he did and likely a remaining attraction for the person he at least had an EA with (and maybe a PA too).

Some people here say you should make it till you feel it, however, WH says last few months during his EA he didnt 'feel anything' for me during sex other than physical. I fear I may have same issues as we have not had sex since the DD and NC. (3 weeks or so)

What should we do - wait till it feels right or (this sounds odd) 'force' outselves to do this until it feels more natural??

You both get STD testing first.....

then sex is only a part of sexuality and intimacy....

you flirt
you touch
you dance in the kitchen
you bring him treats
you speak your admiration for the things you admire...

you tease
you allude to
you buy new clothes....

you romance eachother on all levels every day....
just like you did when dating..

you smile at him

neither of you felt anything for eachother...because he was placing all his energy in to the emotional affair..

robbing from his marriage giving to someone else...

and you probably weren't giving any thing to him...

and the cycle begins...

and for some reason that I can not fathom or even begin to grasp people believe that married people become disconnected and unattached as a natural process....

and that sparks and flirting and teasing are not necessary...

and that thinking is wrong....

just ask mimi about her high heeled black boots...ooh la la


ooops if it was an emotinal affair only without sexual contact...
then get cracking!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
ARK

Good advice - we will try what you say!