DP,
Read through your sitch & I say, Wow! I would like you to see things from your W’s perspective for a moment.
PS - I think your W's on the fence about the D. Probably going back & forth about it in her mind. I think it's a great sign that she gave you "HNHN". That shows, I think, that she's willing to give you one more chance. But she really needs to see your sincerity, not just hear it.
#1 -
About 3 years ago I had a one night stand with a coworker. (mess up 1) #2 -
4 months ago Coworker having work problems wants my opinion on things. I go by to go to sit down over coffee with her, coworker not ready to leave house yet. I get invited inside to wait while she finishes getting ready to go, mistake. I go in I give her a hug, turns into kiss, turns into sex. I’m horrified that I did it again. #3 -
Get a call at 1 am her and husband had big fight needs a place to stay. I tell her she can use the couch. She didn’t stay on the couch comes to bedroom sometime before 3 am while I am sleeping (didn’t think to lock the door). Next morning wife calls, early, going to bring kids 3 and 4 to the house to see me and talk about things. I tell her this is not a good time. She comes over anyway sees car in drive comes in big fight I failed to defend either of them, mistake should have defended wife over comments made. 3 betrayals. That hurts to the core. Believe me, I’ve been there. It’s going to take a long time to get over these. You say you’re committed but then bam, another betrayal. Okay, based on your posts, you know all that, so let me go on to some of your questions.
My problem is that I’m giving my wife my entire schedule access to absolutely everything all passwords to email, electronic phone bills, electronic bank statements etc. But she won’t start checking things to see that I am being truthful. How do I get her to start checking up on what I’m doing? I know it takes time to rebuild trust, but she will never be able to trust me again if she doesn’t check up on me first to make sure I’m doing what I say I am. Or is this just a matter of wait it out until she finally decides to check however long that may be?
How do you know she’s not checking up on you?
met wife and 3 of the 4 kids and went grocery shopping. hung out joked some.
Even if you’re just going grocery shopping, spending time w/the kids, etc., this all counts toward RC. My H & I go grocery shopping together all the time. Can you hold hands w/her in the store? Stroke her hair when she’s looking at what to buy. That might sound a little silly, but it could go a long way. That would satisfy the affection need a little bit anyway. Seems to me that you’re satisfying the communication need by just talking to her. I know that you’re probably not satisfied w/her parents lurking in the background, but it’s your W that you’re trying to regain the trust w/right now, not her parents. That will come later. Work on one thing at a time. All you have to focus on right now is her. Her family can come later.
I think she is telling her parents one thing and me something else. Any suggestions on how to find out?
Have you talked to your W about it when you’re alone together? What does she say?
Maybe you mentioned this already & I missed it, but did you tell your W about the ONS as well as this latest A?