|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 686 |
I hear this all the time from my exh. Received this e-mail today: I dont understand why you dont care about me at all anymore. YOu dont know how many times I wish you would pick up the phone and call just to see how im doing. Im glad youve completely healed and moved on. I don't respond. What do I say to him? It's manipulation. It's to make m look bad. I have GOOD boundaries. I just would like to know what to say. Recerse babble? Smarty remark? Silence as I have done? It's just getting to me. He's draining and I hardly even talk to him.
Last edited by intexas; 02/10/07 01:19 AM.
BW-me, 29
XH, 29
3 sons-now 6,4,2
Divorce final--Sept. 27, 2006.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 777
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 777 |
I vote for silence. And continue to improve yourself, for you and your kids.
If you engage him at all, he will try to communicate more, and drain more. Who needs that?
Just my .02.
far
foundareason
D: March 2006 (xw - multiple a's)
I have found a NEW REASON!!!!
A Treasure!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464 |
Well how about a restraining order?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
I hear this all the time from my exh. Received this e-mail today: I dont understand why you dont care about me at all anymore. YOu dont know how many times I wish you would pick up the phone and call just to see how im doing. Im glad youve completely healed and moved on. I don't respond. What do I say to him? It's manipulation. It's to make m look bad. I have GOOD boundaries. I just would like to know what to say. Recerse babble? Smarty remark? Silence as I have done? It's just getting to me. He's draining and I hardly even talk to him. Are his finger's broken? Why do you have to call him to see how he is doing? Bleech....WS is still babbling. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> NC is best. RB a close 2nd but I think you are better off with NC. JMHO, L.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
It's always all about him, isn't it? He abandons his pregnant wife and 2 boys for a ho-bag and he cries that she doesn't wonder how he is doing. WOW. Does he ever wonder how you are doing?
I vote for complete silence. Any response would only embolden him to try to manipulate you more.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 5,575
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 5,575 |
my vote is complete silence also....but the nasty side of me wants to say......dear, i dont care about you anymore because YOU taught me NOT to! lol
what we do in life......echoes in eternity!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247 |
You've been divorced for 6 months. You do not want reconcilliation.
I'd give it to him with both barrels.
Something along the lines of what Mel said.
"You abandoned me while I was pregnant. You destroyed our family for your affair. I think there are many reasons why I don't care about you anymore. Now leave me alone."
Put the mirror in his face. Maybe it will help him start taking a good look at what he's done. Why on earth do you need to tiptoe around HIM? Blast him with the truth.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539 |
I vote for Lexxy's response!
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,885
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,885 |
intexas - he just doesn't get it.
I remember telling my husband that the night one of our daughter's discovered he was having an A, I ended up in ER with her having a panic induced asthma attack (she was 10). There was no concern about what had happened that night; instead he replied, "I suffered too; it wasn't all fun you know".
I think when someone is so wrapped up in themselves, it's not worth arguing. It's quite pathetic how they continue to feel sorry for themselves within the mess they have created.
If I were you, I'd remain silent.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247 |
Intexas --
You've given him far too much grace.
You've never made him face what he did. You were always far too nice, he never saw your pain.
He still doesn't. Let him see it.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,885
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,885 |
Fair point. I don't know your history. I only read this thread.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
silence is what hurts him the MOST (he just told you so)
so shoot him between the eyes with SILENCE
if you respond in anger
he'll be happier
kill him dead with NO WORDS
Pep
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,525
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,525 |
Teach him the meaning of the phrase "former" spouse with complete silent indifference.
Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once ~Shakespeare
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 2,873
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 2,873 |
Silence...can be deafening!
Can you not 'block' his email address to NOT receive anymore emails from him?
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 833
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 833 |
I vote for cold, hard, silence.
He's still is WS mode. Any words would be wasted on him and provide him with his Intexas "fix".
..... silence ......
Stay Strong!
WTF
*** Warning *** Make sure brain is engaged before shifting mouth out of Neutral.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 64
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 64 |
Silence is best. Silence is deafening.
But, if you can't resist the urge to respond .. give him the operator script
"WE'RE SORRY, THE PERSON YOU'RE TRYING TO REACH IS UNAVAILABLE OR IS NOT ACCEPTING INCOMING CALLS, PLEASE HANG UP AND TRY AGAIN.."
If he respnds .. at all ... any response from him..on this.... give him the same line ... over..and over..and ..over for the rest of his life.
Good luck to you and God bless
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 686 |
I think I am sticking with silence--thank you everyone for the replies. I guess I was looking for that magic response that would get through to him.
Basically, he's arrogant and selfish and likes to think he can still in his twisted abusive way control me by making me uncomfortable.
I'm not gonna block his e-mail, because that in general is a good form of communication about the boys, (the less on the phone time the better)
If it wasn't for my work phone, I'd not answer. He knows he can call it whenever and I have to answer it since I am on call all night.
Restaining order....like the ring, not the bite.
ANd I agree I have not let him see my pain. If I can be honest with all of you, it's because he has continually threatened to take his own life. I KNOW it's manipulation. I KNOW. But it's hard not to have that fear. He hasn't mentioned it in a long time. But I still have those haunting thoughts in my head.
I'm making good strides with my no-more-pushover-Intexas-self! Thank you all for listening, And if anyone has any more ideas, let em' roll. He's a mean one!
BW-me, 29
XH, 29
3 sons-now 6,4,2
Divorce final--Sept. 27, 2006.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
next time he threatens suicide
CALL 911
no matter if you think it is serious or not
tell them ... my Xhusband who divorced me to be with the OW keeps threatening suicide ... will someone please go check?
call 911 everytime
he'll stop
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 686 |
While I'm talking with a lady I work with--her daughter is a freshman at Texas A&M--her daughter calls to tell her a story. It relates to me and my ex and his blatant infidelity. She puts me on the phone. Here's what the daughter told me (intexas paraphrase, of course!) " Intexas, you'll never believe this. I'm at this coffee shop and I hear this guy talking about *her town.* I ask him if he lived close by, and he said yes. he graduated from *his town.* So we talk a minute and he goes back to his group and I overhear him talking about this cool teacher he had who was having an affair with the biology teacher. He was laughing and going on how the whole school knew he was sleeping with her and how they'd see his car outside of her place. He thought it was cool. I went over there and asked him if he was talking about mr. Intexas. He said yes, you know him. I said of course, I volunteered at his wife's work and my mom also works there on weekends. I asked him what was so cool about a married man sleeping with another married woman when his wife was home pregnant with his third child. And then I told him, Intexas, that infidelity is not cool. And then I walked away." OMG!!!!!!!! First off, I am so proud of that young lady for standing up for me and for what is right and honorable. She even used to word "infidelity"! But what about this kid--young and impressionable, and my ex and this icky OW tromping around town and school for all to see? What a great eduacational role model!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> And it stings to think that I had to expose--when ALL ALONG everyone knew and no one told me--teenagers knew and thought it was cool. That just feels so....uncomfortable. No wonder exposing to the administration didn't help me. But I'm danged proud of my friend's daughter. She's 19 and has a great head on her shoulders.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,863
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,863 |
What an impressive young lady your co-worker has reared. Precious and rare. And courageous. What are the chances of this happening? The confrontation, I mean. Wow. Wow. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
565
guests, and
109
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,035
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
