Noelle,

You did great. Espicially the part about not defending yourself because you really do know that there is no defense for your involvement in this. That is hard for most people to admit but you did. I agree with others that no contact with either from here on would be great.

Learn from this and grow.

MrW - As a doctor I do not believe an attorney has ever said a nice thing to me! Most of what they say is pretty darn scary in fact.

I defer to your expertise in this area though....just don't argue malpractice with me! We'd need our own separate board for that.

Seriously though, you have helped me in this relationship area, and I thank you.

Noelle --
I respect your willingness to accept her anger.

I hope somewhere in here you recognize that OM did not tell you the whole truth. That woman sounds far from one who knew the whole story and didn't care....
And was probably not the monster he portrayed her to be...

He's the monster. And you are well rid of him.

FH - Thank you for hanging in here with me. I was seriously distraught about your opinion of me. You had a lot of valid points though, and it stung me somewhat. I think though, that I needed to hear it. Painful as it was. I have faults - plenty of them. But I'm really trying to do the right things, and that is why I'm here.

Thank you for the 2x4. I needed it.

Lexxxy - I know, and I agree with you. When talking with her, I kept my opinion of him to myself though. I'm thankful I'm rid of him. I saw the monster he was when I witnessed what he was doing to her. She evidently still wants him, though. When she was venting and ranting she talked about how many times he had "done this" to her even while dating. And I suddenly understood her scorching exposure of him last year. It wasn't irrational at all. She was fed up.

I don't blame her.

Noelle,

I'm glad to see you came back....and like the others....I think you did well. Obviously, you won't get any medals around here, but I am greatly encouraged by your resolve and honesty to his wife. I think it's good that you were able to understand her previous exposure. Waywards are notorious self-serving liars who paint themselves as the victims and use sympathy to manipulate people. He played you, just like he played his wife. With your life and profession....you'll undoubtedly run accross more players....and perhaps be better prepared next time. Find someone who is emotionally available to you....even if you don't want a family....you'll do no harm to another family. I'm glad this guy's wife is no shrinking violet....but the next guy could have little children....shucks...we see guys in affairs whose wives are pregnant. Take the high road from now on....you won't be sorry. Good Luck.

I'd like to belatedly chime in as well. Totally agree with MrW.

No 2 X 4 from me. You did awesomly well.

God Bless.

Noelle ~

I just read this thread for the first time. Wow, wow, wow, is all I can say about your conversation with BW. Your answers and reactions were right on.

Many of us BSs would pay a lot of money to know or hear that the OP is sorry and remorseful for what they've done. You cannot imagine the pain a BS goes through when betrayed like this. Some of her "hatred" for you had to have softened some in that conversation ~ you were truthful, sorry and honest. That goes a long ways in healing for the BS. Last I heard, the OW in my case was still justifying and making me out to be the demon that I am not. Her fog was still very thick and that is not an easy thing to live with. She's had affairs with other MM before my H, and she'll do it again. That makes me sick.

Sounds like you have learned your lesson and you will not go down that road again. One less OP in the world to break up a M....good for you.

MF,

I would like to point out that this OW is not completely sorry and remorseful...YET. I/we have commended her for doing a great job and "acting" remorseful, honest, apologetic, contrite in her phone call with the BW...HOWEVER, it wasn't natural for her.

She WANTED to rationalize.
She WANTED to justify.
She WANTED to blame shift.

But didn't.

She applied logic, sought out advice on the internet and utilized what she had learned to make a logical choice to behave appropriately. She used her brain.

The "feelings" of sorriness, repentence, remorse will follow her such behavior.

Remember...feelings follow action.

Right now...Noelle feelings still conflict a little with her logic. She could easily backslide if she is not diligent with her actions consistent with her words.

Just like we tell the BS around here with active WS's...DON'T listen to what they say...watch what they do.

I'm very hopeful for Noelle...trusting, not so much...yet (I will reiterate...I still believe this could all be a OW and/or troll ruse)

Mr. Wondering

Mr. W ~



Agreed. But to me, this is the important part:


It takes a big person to be able to sit there and listen to someone call you names, bash you and ream you a new one without defending or justifying or shifting blame. She GETS that it was wrong. Maybe she is still rationalizing in some ways, and/or not completely remorseful, but she's on her way. She is not talking fog talk like many/most(?) OP do.

And what is also impressive, to me at least, is that she doesn't even *really* understand the dynamics of a marriage, and what those marriage vows mean to the BS, and what they should have meant to the WS...she's never been married and doesn't think she ever will be. She doesn't *get* marriage. For all that she's doesn't *get*, she seems to be way more sympa/empathetic than so many OPs out there.

Think about all the OPs out there who ARE married, or WERE married (in my case) ~ they KNOW what marriage means, how sacred it is, the specialness that's involved, yet so many of them never come to the place where Noelle is in *getting* it. And they should, they live/d it!!!

Just my $.02 worth. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Noelle, I started reading yesterday and finished today. I just wanted to say great job! I second what MF said about the BS. Being a BS myself this would have meant the world to me. I pray that you continue down the right road. Take Care