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Oh man Ace! I wasn't trying to give you hel! for helping me out. The "whole stinkin' thread" comment was a slam at ME for hijacking your thread (like it was really yours, but here I am, help me!). I'm sorry if it sounded bad...

HOW DO I KNOW??? I could go into great detail about all the ways that I can (and have) checked up on him. When he quit that job, he started working with my dad... Just the two of them, all day long... Don't think he has seen or talked to her in front of my dad. It was his decision to do that, because he was trying to distance himself as much as possible from the life he used to lead. He does not ever get on the computer and doesn't have access anywhere else, so I know they don't email. He has no other access to phones when he is at work, except his cell phone, and I check ALL calls in and out, then question, look up, call, etc. anything that I am not sure about... And anything I have had to question has turned up legit.

Again, let me say that I DO NOT trust him. I assume he is hiding something before I assume he's telling the truth. It sucks that it has to be that way right now, but it does.

ML- Yes, I do know for a fact that she is divorced... court records. Thank you for your persistence in asking that though. I truly appreciate people who are looking out for others and don't want them to get hurt. I definitely started this process wanting to just believe everything that my H told me, because that's what I had always done. After starting a thread on H and O a few weeks ago, I got some great advice that I have followed and know that my "snooping" is for the good of our marriage.

This will probably be my last post, since I have decided not to tell the OWXH. My H told me a lot of stuff about how he had been arrested for stalking her, she had a restraining order against him, he sent her numerous death threats (notes on her car), etc. I actually defended the guy saying that he probably just wanted to see his kids and she wouldn't let him, then she called the cops and got a restraining order. And that the notes on the car were probably his only way to contact her about the kids since she wouldn't take his calls. Total LB, but if he was going to take her side, I was going to take the X's. Well, anyway, cut to about an hour ago when I spent some $$$ and had a background check done on him. I'm too tired to elaborate, but he does have a record and isn't really someone who I care to upset. I've weighed all the pro's and con's and there are just too many con's for it to be worth the risk.

Thank you, sincerely, to everyone who offered advice. I appreciate it all.


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Inner Strength,

I applaud you for your courage. I'll be praying for you and I'm glad I could help with your decision, whether I agree with you or not. My most important concern was that you and your H were in agreement. Sounds like you are.

BTW. I was KIDDING about the 'stinking thread' comment...didn't you see my smiley and LOL?)

I hope you meant that this will be the last post on my thread, or, at least this particular thread. Please keep posting and keep us 'posted' on what transpires with your recovery.

Your questions made my day....I was thrilled to use what little I have to 'acquire' help for someone asking.

I'll keep this going as long as it keeps bumping along.

Bless you Inner Strength,
Ace

PS Are you familiar with Trac phones? They can be hidden in a vehicle easily and are virtually untraceable.


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Yes, I meant the last post on this thread, not forever! Of course, I didn't keep my word because here I am again.

Enlighten me on Trac phones... Just wait until tomorrow though <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I am totally drained after "the talk", crying, running background checks, etc.

Bless you as well Ace!


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Hi Inner Strength,

I saw that you were posting again last night but I was wiped, too.

Under your circumstances, I would not expose to OWXH at this time, but don't discard the notion that it may still be an option. You're two months from D Day (hopefully #1 and only). It relates to this thread so if you want, we can kick that around.

Please remember that I'm nearly as new as you so I'm sure it won't be long before others give much more insight than I have for you. I do, however have the insidious distinction of having been stupid, naive, blinded, in denial and too-trusting-too-quickly that I actually created my own fate with the 3 D-days. If by chance, my experience can save you from multiple D days, then I'm thankful for it.

I saw you posted on another thread about trust:

Quote
This is exactly the stage I'm at right now. My husband's affair lasted 2 years and he never let on that he was unhappy throughout the whole thing. He told me he loved me everyday, we had great times together, went on dates, had vacations, made plans for the future, etc. Now he says that the whole time he was unhappy, but he still loved me just the same. Part of me thinks that he was making himself unhappy (or just told himself he was unhappy) so that he could continue the affair and feel justified.


I.S., your H sounds eerily like mine last summer. The day after he confessed to me, he told me all the sordid details, cried appropriately, promised he would never do that again...etc. I asked him if I could be on the other line when he called OW (across the country). He hesitated but said OK. I overlooked his hesitation and trusted that he would wait until he got home from work. Within a few hours, he called me all panicky to say the OW wanted to talk to me to apologize and could she call me at home? I said "YEAHHHHHH....I thought....yeah have her call." She did, we chatted, she apologized profusely....same as my H. She thanked me for my graciousness and I dazzled her with my Christlike-instant-forgiveness character. (Makes me puke now!)

In the middle of our conversation, my H showed up and picked up the extension. He listened to our girl-chat and said "This is really weird." So I said "then get off the phone, ya dork". Then her H called so our conversation came to an abrupt halt. My husband gave me her email address so I sent a brief message a few days later to say I was sorry our conversation may have been cut off prematurely by our Hs but that I was willing to email if our MC said it was OK. (I was actually fearful that her guilt and remorse might lead to her suicide if she didn't finish all she wanted to apologize for.) Am I Queen Stupid or what?

For the next week, my H was the perfect gentleman and I plan A'd without having a clue what it was (We didn't find MB until the fall).

We talked, prayed, laughed, shared soul-searching insights like we never had before. I was so sure his pain in having to confess to me was an appropriate deterrent for any future betrayal.

The dav after our first MC session (a week after D-day #1), I was on our home computer while he was at work. Just as I deleted what I thought was a piece of yahoo spam, I noticed his initials.....and hers......and I physically felt sick. I still had her email address, so I fired off a warning to her since I just knew she was now my friend and would tell me. She never wrote back, but I couldn't be sure if she even got my emails so I didn't panic until the next day and sent a scathing email to the alleged new account.

In the meantime, my H continued his doting behavior as if nothing was wrong, changed or different. He had been involved with OW for about 10 weeks. I thought he could stop it immediately so why would I suspect anything otherwise? Long story short, he had set up a new account, she had secretly emailed him back and asked him how she could deter me, he had received my blasting email, told her I knew, called me in a panic and I left work to come home again to listen to her blathering apologies....which I stupidly accepted again.

And he did it again a week later but I did not find out for a whole month.

Not only did I forgive too quickly and blindly trust my H, I also hid my pain and tried to compete with his memories of OW by showering him with all the wonderful things he said she represented in his life.....ENs actually without knowing the term for them.

I said all that to say this: Your H was involved for 2 years and acted as if nothing was wrong between you and him.

Has he seen your pain?

After D-day #1, I left in my car to cry and wail so he would not see me. I was trying to compete with OW....not only did it not stop his reconnection, but he did not see enough of my pain to help dissipate his fog.

Withdrawal takes longer than a few weeks, I think....it took my H 4 months and 2 more reconnections and my suicide attempt to send the NC email (which I found out later she thought I had written!)...hopefully someone else will give us both some insight on withdrawal and how long one should figure it will last after a 2 year involvement.

If he is still connected, "just to make sure she's OK" (puke again), he could be using a Trac phone you can buy at any store (Walmart, Target, Radio Shack etc.). They are a pre-pay phone that requires no ID, credit check or billing. You just buy one ($10-$20) and can initialize it from any land line (or PC at the library). You can add minutes with credit cards, not sure if you can with cash, maybe not. But if he has one in his truck, you would never know. And he sounds like a master cover-up artist if he could carry on for 2 years without you suspecting anything.

Be vigilent, I.S. even though it feels horrible. If you do have to prepare for D day #2, don't delay. We'll all help you through it.

Sorry so long but I hope this helps.

Ace


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Ace-

I tried to send you a private message, but it wouldn't let me click on the icon. Email me at mom2campbell@aol.com and I'll elaborate on more details about my situation and answer questions from your last post...


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Thanks,

Ace

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It's been 4 weeks since I registered and started asking for help rebuilding our trust. Although I took two weeks off from posting myself, the 3 threads (Integrity of BS, Don't Get Stuck, Mr/Mrs LG) contributed a major missing link to helping us rebuild my trust.

On this Valentines Day, the first one I feel like I truly am 'in love with my husband', I want to thank everyone on MB for your time and efforts in creating my new upbeat attitude towards our marriage. For once, I believe we will make it.

As Mr. Wondering suggested I will update our progress but I posted it on the Recovery Board. I know we'll have ups and downs, but it's great to know we have a place to get help (when needed) or to just vent.

My sitch includes some very unique components and I may share on the Recovery Board occasionally. My new signature line tells a big part of the story. If what God has done with our flailing marriage has inspired at least one person to keep hoping, that's my wish.

Ace


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Ace:

Speaking of marriage renewal after an affair can cause alot of hurt around here.

Because it does happen, it sounds that way with you and also with my marriage.

However, I still believe that if you and your H and me and my BS could have gotten here without the A it would have been alot better.

Because the hurt of betrayal for the BS will always be there.

Your in a honeymoon right now, and you really need to grasp as much of that as you can, to be ready for some of the letdown that will come off of this high. But with your H on board, it makes it alot easier.

I'm glad your here. Things will be alot better because of it. Both for those of us here, and for you.

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Thanks for caring enough to say what others may think, LG. The last thing I want to do it flaunt our joy at the expense of others.

Your "Honeymoon High to Letdown Low" warning is very helpful. I think it comes down to choices and perceptions and my choices to be upbeat create a perception of relief more often than not. I know this could be good or bad.

But our 'honeymoon' is contiuously tempered by triggers, which I know is going to be happening for a long time. For the last week (since we exposed to OWH) our 'highs' seem even more euphoric because my H's total support and encouragement during the exposure process has helped rebuild my trust to a level that's a little scary. (I will never totally let my guard down, but it's nice to be able to relax a tad.)

Can anyone refer me to resources dealing with radical honesty in recovery and the triggers RH creates? Sometimes, I wish I did not want to know what I now know so the 'image' would not be a trigger.

Because of your heads up, LG, I will move this to the Recovery forum unless someone has any other suggestions.

Thanks,
Ace


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I'm all confused. Haven't read the thread, and sadly don't have the time to now. Ace, got your note and will be replying when I've had time to think it through.

Talk of renewing vows is offlimits in the GQII forum? Am I misinterpreting what I did read? Gotta say I can't get on board with that idea.


[color:"#39395A"]***Well, it's sort of hard to still wonder if you were consolation prize in the midst of being cherished.***
- Noodle[/color]

Devastation Day: Aug 26, 2004
[color:"#2964d8"]"I think we have come out on the other side... meaning that we love each other more than we ever did when we loved each other most." [/color]
[color:"#7b9af7"]
~Archibald MacLeish[/color]

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I *think* that LG's post was just a warning to Ace to take things slow...This soon into recovery, many of us have a tendency to be living on an adrenaline rush from the shock and devastation of it all...I think the "admonishment" was merely a "heads up" that recovery is still VERY hard and that she shouldn't let it knock the wind out of her sails when some of the tougher stuff comes along later on down the line...Slow and Steady wins the race...

I could be wrong about LG's intent...If I am, LG come in and let me know, k?

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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Mrs. W,

I gotta say, "ain't that the truth!"

It is a rollercoaster ride after all. I have the Chili Peppers on my ipod, and every time I listen to "Love Rollercoaster" it's what I think of.


[color:"#39395A"]***Well, it's sort of hard to still wonder if you were consolation prize in the midst of being cherished.***
- Noodle[/color]

Devastation Day: Aug 26, 2004
[color:"#2964d8"]"I think we have come out on the other side... meaning that we love each other more than we ever did when we loved each other most." [/color]
[color:"#7b9af7"]
~Archibald MacLeish[/color]

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M4L/10Swords...

I just have to tell you that your posts (not just this one above where you were agreeing with me-lol) have really become wonderful for me to read...I really apreciate you...Quite some time ago, we had a bit of a run in on the recovery board...I wanted to tell you that I am sorry for that...I don't remember what it was about, or even what I said, but if it was hurtful to you, I really hope that you can forgive me...You are a valuable asset around here...I'm glad to know you and glad that you are here-we'll you know what I mean-I really wish none of us had to be here! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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Mates and Mrs. W.

I am so honored that my thread posts can provide a place of peacemaking. Thanks to both of you. I appreciate your input and the fact that you care. I will lean on your experience as we embark on this transition in our recovery.

My H and I were talking this morning....and I mentioned that I wondered (as always I am wondering about something) what it will be like when our "honeymoon high" lets down.

He replied, "why does it have to let down?" And I said "because that is reality, you have ups and downs in life".

He actually said, "that may be true, but we never need to come off our honeymoon.....you'll see."

When I asked him what he meant by 'you'll see' he reminded me that he loves to be challenged to do things never before done. So....we'll see!

Mrs. W, you mentioned on my recovery thread about letting you know when I'm going to be on the radio with Dr. H. Did you misunderstand my post (I was on 1/31) or do you think I should call again?

And Mates...check out the Romantic Experiences forum....you inspired me, thanks!

Ace


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LG Clarifies:

ACE:

You WH got on board quickly after Dday. That is a tremendous help to facilitating the renewal of your M.

Mrs W. added insights that I could have explained as well.

And I reread this:

Quote
Speaking of marriage renewal after an affair can cause alot of hurt around here.


And wonder if I missed something????

Because darned if I can really figure out that sentence, now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> The rest of the post makes some sense. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I believe I was trying to point out, that sometimes you can get some 2x4's if you talk about how your Marriage is better now, than it was before the A.

I am not saying that very well, but I didn't the first time, and not now.

Sometimes, I just should close down the keyboard. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Ace:

Stick around, your story can help many others.

I didn't get to the discussion boards until 1 year after DDay. My journey isn't over, and I certainly can not detail it for others like you can now.

Good fortune!

LG

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Thanks for your clarification, LG. I appreciate your honest "I have no clue" explanation. I think I know what happened and it's not your fault.

When I first posted about our exposure to OWH and subsequent renewal transition, I included a statement similar to the "Scott & Bonnie - Redbook article" comment that they were thankful for the affair as it brought them closer together.

When I read your one and only reply, and moved most of the post as noted over to the Recovery forum, I edited that comment, but I see it was not marked as 'edited'. Sorry, my bad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Actually, this was all a test just to see if you would respond......just kiddin' LOL

Seriously, I want to be sensitive to those who are currently undergoing prolonged intense pain like my H and I are beginning to overcome. At the same time, I want to provide inspiration to those seeking it, to encourage them to continue (or begin) seeking God and allowing His guidance to be a part of their healing process.

I have mentioned that I do believe that God did NOT want the A to happen and it was never a part of His plan. But that does not stop us from now using the results of the A to become stronger in our marriage and utilizing this experience to help others overcome their challenges, too.

And LG....don't shut down your keyboard! Your keyboard and your 'cut to the chase' style has impacted us in a major marriage-building way. Thanks.


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I'm just wondering if the discussion raised by Mates, Mrs. W. & LG regarding "marriage renewal" talk on the GQII forum might be an unspoken issue that may be a valid topic to kick around.

In the midst of my trauma, I never ventured to any forum except GQII. In fact, I only 'found' the Recovery board when MarriedForever posted her "Just for Fun" questions and it piqued my interest on the "Active Topics" listing.

LG mentioned that my H seems to have made a rapid change based on the fact that it's only been a month since I registered and started asking for help rebuilding my trust. (And I actually took 2 weeks off from posting when my thread took on a life of its own.)

When I initially shared my sitch (1/14/07), I asked if time and was the only solution to rebuilding trust. I got some great help with other 'exercises' to speed up the time and lessen my pain in the meantime.

But when I inadvertantly stirred up the "Expose or Not" hornets nest by trying to 'help' someone else, I discovered that the missing link to rebuilding my trust was delayed exposure to the OPS. (As a side note to lurkers or posters only seeking help....start spouting what you think you know to help others and you'll receive even more insight with the ensuing thread jacks you cause. I say that in jest, sort of... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> but it actually worked for us!)

With that "Exposure to OPS" chapter closed (and my trust rebuilding rapidly), our marriage has spun upwardly to new heights I only dreamed about for 32 years. As mentioned before, it was not the exposure that helped as much as my husbands total support, encouragement and cooperation as I agonized over the exposure process.

It may seem like a short time, but our marriage had been detaching for 32 years. For the first 30, I tried everything....counseling, books, tapes, videos, marriage seminars, conferences, retreats, advances.....et al. In fact, it was while we were attending a marriage seminar that we got into a fight and I decided that if we were ever going to another 'marriage building' event, it would only be if it was my husband's idea. I virtually gave up.

Obviously, we detached even more over the next two years which, coupled with his job loss and mid life crisis led to his EA in April 06. 10 weeks later - Dday #1 -he called our MC to make the first appointment (and weekly appts.) during which he lied to me and our MC for the next several weeks. That's why my trust was shattered and I began visualizing myself selling the house, paying off debts and starting over....alone.......at 52.

Last fall I found MB (SAA, HNHN, LB, FILSIL - and after the holidays - web site, discussion forum, radio show) and our marriage now appears to be an MB success story. I say that with guarded optimism, knowing we will have ups and downs, even though my H claims we will live in our 'honeymoon' forever and he's embarked on a life-long mission to prove that to me.....we'll see.

LG's comments made me realize that our sitch is unique. I had already started a thread in the Romantic Experiences forum that, to my surprise, had 21 views and one comment in only 1 day. (That forum had not had a new post in over 2 months.)

To be sensitive to those who might be hurt or offended, I feel comfortable sharing our joys in the Romantic Experiences corner, accessible, but not blatantly 'flaunting' in the face of someone entrenched in the pain my H and I are beginning to overcome.

But maybe hearing a developing success story might inspire someone whose only focus is on the GQII forum and who might miss a potential ray of hope otherwise.

I shared all that to ask this:

Could "marriage renewal" talk help or hurt, inspire or offend if it is posted on the GQII forum?

One person I asked said it would inspire her, "but it would depend on her mood at the time. People can choose to read what they want to." Does placing it on the GQII forum enhance that choice?

What do you think?

Ace


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Quote
Could "marriage renewal" talk help or hurt, inspire or offend if it is posted on the GQII forum?

One person I asked said it would inspire her, "but it would depend on her mood at the time. People can choose to read what they want to." Does placing it on the GQII forum enhance that choice?

Ace, I know you are fairly new in the recovery process, but you should feel free to post your trials, tribulations, successes and failures here just like everybody else. If you check out the other threads, you find many others like yourself who are new in the recovery process. You can be a great help to one another.

Recovery is a long, hard process that can take anywhere from 18 to 24 months. So, brace yourself for the long haul and continue to come here for support. Good luck.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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I encourage you to post your recovery here. There have been so many folks that I've posted to who leave MB. That leaves a lot of unrecovered people posting here. It is very important for the rest of us to see that it DOES happen.

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Thanks, Mel and Believer,

I have always been an upbeat person, but this is not about me....I truly want to help others as much as you all (or "y'all" - right Mel!) have helped me. I never planned to stop posting on GQII, but I want to be sensitive, too.

You're right....this is new and in my naivete I just wanted to understand protocol, especially when LG made the comment he now can't remember why he made it....but, hey, he's a CPA and it's tax season so we can cut him some slack. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ace


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