Life's hard ain't it. Sometimes you wonder what's the point. Then your 2 year old says daddy I have to PeePee. You put him on the potty and he pees. Then you jump up and down like you just won the lottery and give him candy 5 seconds before you put him to bed. CRAZY!

Just BSing for a bump. I hate being on page 2.

Also, the mail hasn't passed since Friday because of the parade and I'm still waiting for SAA. It won't pass till Wed for sure. Stupid Mardi Gras.

I didn't mean that.

LOL...well, I could have sent you my copy faster but WH burned it...it was a threat to him! Burned a few more of my books at the same time...

I'm still holding the evidence...LOL...like Frog has in his sig line...basically lifegives you lemons....it's up to you to make lemonade!

For all that life has handed me, I am grateful...grateful for the opportunity to use it to my advantage...to grow...to outcome...I am grateful for his A...I wasn't at first and still have my days...I had a moment today MOF...I feel that had he not done what he did my eyes would still be closed to my part...

LOL...make that two moments...I had a meltdown with the kids and the house about twenty minutes ago...they are good kids...they put up with me everyday...not I went old school and started complaining how I don't get any help around the house and H sits on his butt after he gets home...

I apologized, joked with F about knowing how to fold clothes...told him he may want to keep that to himself or he'll start folding them for me...

It's just tough trying to keep it together...H working nights...me working days...displincing the kids, washing, cooking, parading so the boys don't miss out, etc...sometimes I feel like I don't get any help and to top it off I haven't been feeling well...still on meds for this bronchitis...yuck...

Just have to keep in mind there's a payoff...I would much rather stay home tomorrow...it's going to be a long day...MOF, I napped for about an hour before going to the parade tonight...and I still need to call H and discuss something that happen today with him that bothered me...something he did...jus hoping I can get the words right...clear...goal to be understood...

Well, i wish you good night...farewell...and sweet dreams! Oh, be safe tomorrow!

SAA showed up late this afternoon. Mail actually passed today with nothing. Then about 5pm I noticed a mail truck in front of the house turning around. Checked the mail box just in case and there it was. THANK GOD!!

I'm 80 pages into it and it is living up to my expectations so far. Lots of good info and explanation. I'm going to finish this book as fast as I can and then probably continue to reread it for awhile. Don't want to miss any vital info.

This is pretty much how I acted when Band of Brothers came out.

WW returned from Texas today. She called and said she wanted to talk. I came home and she layed it on me. I am no longer to make contact with anybody in her life. She hates me more than anybody on the planet. She wants a divorce and she's going to file. I am psychotic and crazy ( though she left without her son again )She is madly in love with OM and he is to (according to her) He is going to make her happy. Son is going to be just fine ( although she left withou him after not seeing him for 5 days ) She kept asking why I wouldn't just let her go. All I would reply is because I am your husband and I love you and I think we have a chance to be happy together. She became irate and started throwing things and screaming I hate you. She gave me the You're ruining my life and it is your fault that my head is messed up. Also gave me the I'll never love you again as long as I live. She thinks OM was fate and it's my fault for bringing her to Louisiana to find him. I remained calm throughout all of this and calmly stated my reasons and feelings about the situation. So yeah, she has gone off the deep end. She is also threatning suicide and that is my fault to.

She finally left and called 20 min later to apologize for the outburst. Then she started crying and asking me if I cared about her I should let her go. I told her I was doing what I was doing because I cared about her. I told her about her psychological addiction to OM and that if she would have NC with him she would start to feel better in about 3 weeks. She said she would be dead in 3 weeks. I told her to please call me or anybody if she truly felt that suicide was an option. I told her I was trying to make the pain go away as quickly as poosible. Of course she replied that I was causing the pain by not letting her go.

I feel like I need to tell somebody about the suicide threat even if it was just an attempt to get me to back off and let her do what she wanted to do. She has other problems from childhood so there is a definate threat of suicide. I am going to try and make contact with her sister and her friends that I can trust. Somebody needs to keep an eye on her. I sure wish she would submit to depression or anxiety meds.

I do feel like nobody is going to help me with this. I get the feeling her family isn't going to speak to me. I hope I can get one of her friends to do something. I am not prepared to take my son to his mother's funeral. I am now definately going to schedule a session with Dr Harley.

Please provide some feedback in the mean time.

I'm hanging in there.

Hi cajun, I'm having a pretty bad night tonight...I would think that the pros would tell you that this is standard WS stuff...the statements about ruining her life and it being your fault...

I do think that you are right in telling someone about her thoughts on suidice...

i would recommend that you go back to your first post and change your title by editting it so that you can give some more advice...

I'm sorry that I can not be of more help at this moment...

That is standard WS talk after being exposed. However, I would treat her suicide talk very seriously. I would talk to the counselor, and her family. Better to be safe than sorry.

BC,

Typical WS stuff. She is extremely conflicted and is taking it out on you. Do you remember Jayban's story. His WW swore that exposure ruined any chance he had, how he was wrong for doing it, how she hated him, etc. Well, 17 days later, his WW was talking about NC with the OM and transferring to a different department where she wouldn't see OM everyday. Exposure was ruinous to her A, she could no longer feed her addiction, and she was furious, so she spewed every nasty thing she could his way. Give exposure a few weeks to work it's magic. Three weeks after exposure it will barely be a topic anymore. Just keep doing what you are doing with plan A and putting pressure on the A. She's trying to get you to stop pressuring the A.

Thanks to everyone for the advice. I am hanging in there, but was naturally shook up after the evenings events. I did call one of her best friends and told her about the events and the suicide talk. She encouraged me to call her IC immediately. I did and now she has an appt tomorrow morning. Of course WW called and gave me an additional earfull. She said I was never to call her IC again. I told her if I was concerned for her safety I would do what I had to. Then she said she couldn't talk about it anymore and hung up.

I sure wish we could get past some of this so I can show her the good side of Plan A. The last 2 weeks have been nothing but exposure followed by her outburts. Although part of the reason she thinks I'm crazy is because of how I have been handling the outbursts. She definately notices that change in me.

Thanks for all the help

Hang in there. This phase won't last long. They always get over the anger quickly. It is amazing.

OK, I have an appt with SH monday morning.

Hurting pretty good today after yesterday's events, but getting along OK. I'm together and calm.

I was hoping to get my appt in before the weekend. We are supposed to have a Bday party at home Sunday. Any advice on how to handle WW until the session. I'm thinking I should just leave her alone other than the party and planning the weekend with her. I'm afraid I'm not far away from Plan B and I havn't had one oppertunity to spend any time with her when she hasn't been irrate from exposure. I'd hate to resort to Plan B without having demonstrated a strong Plan A first.

Any advice?

BC,

Why do you feel like going to plan B right now or soon?

Back off with your wife. She has a lot to deal with in her mind. You reminded her that she is M and and....come closer so I can whisper it....still loves you deep down inside where no one else can see.

Boy will she hate you for this, but not for too long.

Maybe you two should get togther before the Bday party so things can be said before party time. You don't want to make the party too weird.

I don't want to go to plan B. I just didn't know if that needed to be done yet. I was wanting to Plan A for a while. I'm hoping the pressure will kill the A soon. I really get the feeling that her feelings for him are a bit one sided. I don't think OM is wanting all of this. He is 41, single, no kids, and about to get a mentally unhealthy woman with a ton of baggage and a 3 year old. I'm pretty sure he was just wanting to have some fun and got caught up in a horrible mess. He has done this before. What happend to the other married woman? Any guesses. He probably already knows where this is heading. Hopefully a plus for me.

Thanks for the advice.

I agree, you need to stay in Plan A for now.

Have you talked to OM? Any added pressure also helps make the A a burden.

Why not ask your wife to come over Sat to help setup for the party? Give you two a change to air our things. A Bday party is no place for arguing and I'm worried that it would come to that.

This will sound backwards I know. Your wife is hurting and you have to help her out here. How? Bust up the A and bettering yourself at the same time. The more you can make the A look bad and not so appealing at the same time you make yourself look appealing, well there you go then. You will reach your goal.

Lots of hard work to reach that goal, but it has been done and you can do it also.

To my favorite Cajun,

Here's some thoughts I found comforting when I was EXACTLY where you are:

I heard the same DAMN things just a few weeks ago. I discovered my wife on Feb 2nd, exposed Feb 3rd, confronted Feb 3rd, and went through ****** for nearly 2 1/2 weeks. It feels like it is IMPOSSIBLE to do any Plan A while this absolute FOGTALK is spewing out like green pea soup from your possessed wife.

I agree with the "you reminded your wife that she is married and that deep down inside she still loves you". Both are true.

My wife spoke of how much easier it would be to just be dead than deal with this stuff. She hated exposure, she hats MB. (Thus, my post has been deleted - she read it and printed it out. I'm not ashamed of it, I just got tired of jabs at how emotionally devastated I WAS.)

Now is the time for patience. Be calm and cool - I laid off the R or M talk until she cooled down a bit. I left for a vacation a week after confronting and by the first weekend, she was calling me. It was Plan A meets Plan B in a way, I got out of sight and out of mind FROM her during this.

My advice: Don't be needy or clingy. Detach yourself from this fogtalk, and if you can't, give her the impression it's rolling off of you even when it isn't. Stay off the R or M talk. Stay in Plan A.

I've stayed in Plan A, and I considered Plan B EXACTLY when you did. Now I'm actually able to do some Plan Aing with my WW, which will make a future Plan B that much more effective. My WW calls me everynight and talks for hours.

Patience, Cajun, Patience.

Maybe2Late,

I have talked to OM. That is where I get the impression that he's not where she is. Of course he could be lying, but he said he wasn't trying to make problems in the marriage and he was just trying to be a friend. They talk on the phone everynight for hours. WW got a new phone yesterday, so no more snooping there. Anyway, I asked him to man up and back off so my WW could have a chance to get her head together and he said he would. My WW lost it when she found out. She had to run to her S in Texas because she couldn't deal with it. Then I sent the family an email stating my intentions and actions in trying to save the marriage. So when she got back yesterday she really let me have it. That got us to here.

Jayban,

Thanks for the heads up. Coincidentally, I have a conference in Galveston next week and will be gone from Mon - Fri. It would be nice if I got the same results you did. I will have to call a few times to check on son. I am addicted to him since this all started.

Thanks for the good info

That's the important piece. Remember: If anything, you must survive this to live for your son, you can't be broken by this. I know that's a thought for later, but really, it's about the "now". The venomous talk you will be on the receiving end of will have a cumulative effect on you if you let it.

What I did was wait until the end of the first week of radio silence before I engaged her in a true Plan A-ish type of talk. "I've been thinking of you. Do you feel like talking for a bit?" That turned into an 8 hour conversation on a Friday night.

I know where the venom is coming from so it just bounces off of me. It hurts, but bounces. Nothing sticks. I have been very strong this week and don't plan on retreating. I do have to admit that part of the reason is that my own Love Bank is empty and I'm not exactly in love with her either. I do know that one good conversation with her can revive me. That's what keeps me going. My goal right now is to last at least six months. If nothing changes by then I will have to decide If I can take it any longer. I don't see myself waiting 2 years for sure. I was craving the affection of a woman for a while and got plenty of attention, but that has faded. I'm content just enjoying life with my little boy right now. Mardi Gras was a nice distraction and made 3 parades with son. Now I have his Bday and the convention to carry me through next week. Life is moving along pretty good right now.

We'll see what happens in March

Later

BC,

What is your current legal situation (i.e - custody, supports, etc) right now?

Nothing is legal right now. She took her bills and I have my bills. Custody is joint. I kept the house. She's in apartment. I am not supporting her in any way. She really can't afford to do this and that pressure will eat her up pretty quick. I put in a call to my attorney, but she hasn't responded(Mardi Gras). She hasn't asked for anything other than for me to let her go (that's not going to happen). I heard legal seperation can cost just as much as divorce, so I have been reluctant to do it. I know I need to protect myself, I'm trying to figure out how I want to do it. I was going to get the attorney to draw up something to seperate the community property, but that sounds like legal seperation and I'm wondering about the cost. I really don't want WW to feel like she has freedom from the M. She is threatning D so I told her she would have to file. She hasn't done anything stupid financially yet so I havn't been quick to get protection.

Any recommendations?

BC,

At least in SC, legal separation is basically divorce without the actual decree saying you are divorced. The premise is probably that this would lead to an uncontested divorce since you already divided up property and finances, took care of support issues, and the like. It only gets expensive if you can't agree on custody and support issues. Since you are dealing with a WW, and she can't act like an adult normally, it often goes this route as it did for me.

In my sitch, my wife filed for LS and I just had my lawyer play defense for the most part. Where I got offensive was with protecting the kids - and God was with me and brought me a victory because while we have joint custody I have primary physical placement, i.e. the kids stay with me every night during the week and we rotate weekends. The sucky part is I still have to pay her CS because she has no job and does not appear to be trying to find one. But the think is, she is alone every week night in a house she is renting athat nearly eats up all the CS money she gets.

You are doing the right thing by having an attorney at the ready. Just make sure she knows you position - I think it was Mortarman who said on another person's thread that the attorney is your rear guard so you are not caught by surprise by anything.