Exactly. Let the attorney be your rear guard - he (or she) talks LSA and Divorce, you talk M.

I would only get wrapped up legally with defensive measures at this point, and not throw that around with WW.

Empty Love Bank? I have a favorite picture of her that I look at to remember my W when the WW drains me. Time away will help as well and give you new energy. If you are looking for strength to continue, take a drive and look at where you met, places you have been and have had pleasant memories. The time to avoid all of that and put away the pictures comes with Plan B. It's worked for me thus far, and I think most of us get this down feeling in the weeks after confronting & exposing.

***drive by jacking****

Jay, you know that your wife can do a search on your name?? You might think that your hidding in these posts, but a search can find you. Maybe go to that other thing you were doing before if you want to stay around.

***jacking done****

Thanks for all the advice. I have a convention all next week, so I probably won't get in touch with attorney until first week of march. Right now I just want to be ready. So far we have been in total agreement of property and son.

I just got a call from one of her friends. They put her on prozac today. I wonder if that will help reduce the intensity of the feelings she has for OM and also the anger she has towards me. Anybody know how long before the drug takes effect? Is it immediate?

Thanks

WW just hit below the belt. Called to talk about Bday party. Then she informed me that she is considering moving out of state and taking my son. She has convinced her entire family and IC that I am evil, controling, and it is me that is making her crazy. They all think that she needs to get away from me forever.

This is not going to end well. The same people that loved me and took me in as family have now turned on me. They will try to make sure that she never comes back to me.

What can I possibly do now?

I begged her not to take my son and to give it some time.

I did make one mistake and told her I would fight for my son to the death.

Now I have to mount as much evidence as possible to get ready for court, if she goes there. God I hope she comes to her senses.

She's actively trying to destroy me now.

Have you seen an attorney yet.... call one ASAP she should not be allowed to take your son out of state. That is not good for your son.

Still

The prozac should kick in in 21 days. It will make things better. Don't worry about her threats to remove your son, but you do need to see an attorney to find out what to do. All of this is probably just her anger.

BC,

This CAN work in your favor. My WW did the same thing, took the kids to her mom's in NC over Christmas and New Years and I did not see them for three weeks, only talked to them on the phone.

Now, you have the parental right to go get them wherever she takes them. You cannot stop her because she has the same right to take them. I know it sucks, it really does. But you can use this to your advantage if you don't turn it into a tug-of-war over your son. It will hurt, but you need to document every time you make an attempt to see him and what her response is.

It will hurt, I know it will because I am not that far removed from it. Those three weeks are some of the worst days of my life.

Stay strong!

I have an attorny.

She called back. She apoligized for making the threat. She said she just wants me to know if we get divorced, then she doesn't have any reason to stay here. I could have layed out plenty of reasons, but decided not to restir the pot. She did listen to me tonight, but doesn't think she will ever love me again. I told her she needed time to get over OM and anger she has towards me. She really doesn't believe that will do it, but I told her time is what we needed right now. We had the most rational conversation that we've had in 3 months tonight. That restored some hope inside me. She didn't realize it, but I finally had a chance to make some deposits in her LB. I sure hope I can start making more.

Praying and Hoping
Later

This is when the rollercoaster REALLY begins Cajun, you'll never get used to it, but accept that. Things will go one step forward, two steps back.

Your AD's should help, but I'd also remind you: Plan A your W, Plan B your WW. She will be hot and cold.

I experienced a "turning" from the ILs when I exposed too. Maybe they will get over it, maybe they won't. Don't stress on that right now, lay low and let things settle a bit. It's going to probably be the most anxiety-filled week you have had since this started. This is the worst part of it, how you handle this is key.

I won't tell you to act happy, but I will say Act Calm and Cool even when you are suffering more anxiety than you probably ever have. You will probably worry about EVERYTHING right now. Don't.

On another note: Thanks M2L, no worries on this. So long as my story is out of the picture, I'm not concerned. Actions predicated on love are not something I have shame for. I'm proud of the things I've done in the fight to save my marriage, and I can respect myself for it if she won't.

Cajun, hang in there and remember to hold your head high in these dark times for the same reason: All of your actions are predicated on love for your wife, your son, and yourself.

Way to go with the calm, cool talking and acting. You were a man in the face of this storm. Hard to do, but women to respect this in a man.

This was the best way to act on your part.

Very good job. Keep this up and you become the lighthouse to your wife.

Thanks for the support and advice. I know the next few weeks are very critical. I scheduked an appt with SH for Mon morning as to give me the best chance of not screwing up. I have got to play my cards right while she is riding the rollercoaster. I noticed today I still have a little rollercoaster in me, but now it's more like the one at the fair for the kids. The last 2 days have put the sting back in my gut though. I think it will fade pretty quick since I still feel strong.

Thanks for everything

BC,

You certainly are a quick learner...

For me, the turning point was in finding this place, finding out I wasn't alone and wasn't even all that unique. Once I had a plan, I set about executing it to the best of my ability instead of reacting to everything that happened or was said. To me, that is the key. Plan! Then act but don't react. It saved my sanity. It might have saved my marriage (still not sure on that one). It sure saved me a lot of wondering about what I should do next.

Keep up the good work, Dude!

Mark

Cajun,

Although it seems like a bloody mess, everything you are going through is pretty textbook up to this point. Her volatility and outburts are all signs of the addiction she is under. No different than an alcoholic or drug addict resisting the intervention of those who love her. Ignore her threats and anger.

The OM is playing you along. Don't bother talking to him, especially if you are buying his words. He knows what he's doing and he's definately telling your wife more than he stated to you.

Talk of suicide is not uncommon, my wife did the same. Your wife is in a very desperate situation here, chosing between her family and her drug. She wants both, but can't have both. Remind her that you and your son need mom, and that she will feel better in time. This is temporary.

Good luck.

Mark and Sundog,

Thanks for the replies. Finding this site stopped me from filing for D. I had pretty much given up on any reconciliation until I stumbled onto this site. I'd even consulted an attorney. I never called back. I started out weak like everybody else, but it didn't take me long to gain some momentum and start putting together a decent Plan A. I am getting stronger everyday and my textbook WW is remaining textbook, which is what I want. I've clued her in to a lot of the concepts that I am using, which I didn't want to do because now she can conciously fight the process just to spite me. Although, as weak as she is right now I don't know if that's possible. The exposure blew her mind and she has been drilling me trying to find out why I am doing it. In her state of mind exposing to pressure the affair doesn't make sense so she keeps asking thinking she's going to get a different reply.

I have told her that son would be fine if we D'd, but he would be a hole lot happier and better off if he had his mommy and daddy married and in love. I also told her that her feelings might change after some time has passed. I know she doesn't want to hear any of this stuff, but now's the time to plant seeds.

Thanks for the good advice

Alright. I made it through another weekend. We had a Bday party at home for son. WW, MIL, BIL, and SIL were there. Everything went pretty well. We all got along just fine.

There were a few interesting things that happened though.

When WW first showed up with MIL she started showing her the landscaping around the house and talking about some things she wanted to do. What? WW moved out 2 weeks ago. Then a few minutes later we were in the house alone and she noticed that I had installed a home theater and she seemed sort of exited about it and wanted to know if I was going to mount some of the speakers on the wall for surround sound, so we talked about that for a little while. There was no need to put on a show, we were alone. Later she told me that the family wanted to stay after the party to watch the Oscars. I usually cook when her family's in town, so I made a Jambalaya.

This is where it gets really interesting. While I am cooking, a female neighbor shows up (our sons are best friends) and takes a sudden interest in my cooking. She was watching me cook from a distance that even made me uncomfortable. She wasn't touching me, but you would've had trouble getting a piece of paper between us. Sure enough, my WW makes her way into the kitchen and I take a quick glance and see the reaction on her face which was priceless. It wasn't a minute later and WW was standing in between us looking to see what was so special about my cooking. That was the best I've felt in 3 months. I don't know if neighbor did it on purpose, but there was a definate affect. After that it seemed like the magic of the day was gone. I'm wondering if that shook WW up a bit.

There were a few other even bigger events that happened today to wake up WW, but they would take a long time to explain.

All in all, I thought today was a good day for reality checking with WW. Plus, we had a typical afternoon party that made things feel normal. Plus, I was able to spend an entire day with WW making love deposits, except for the little jealousy bit which was unintentional.

If any of today's events got throught to WW, then I think we're moving in the right direction.

I am leaving for Galveston tomorrow, don't know how much time I'll have to post.

Praying and Hoping for the best

Later

Aye! Great job BC!

Your tale is developing nicely, and I see some positive signs. Just remember: WS's are hot and cold, and it's a consistent approach by you that wins in the end. My money is on she will have a day which is as "cold" as this one was "warm". I would (personally) drop lines subtly (or not so subtly) suggesting that there is a way out of this mess, everything can be fixed, and moreso, better than ever.

It's funny how WS's will exhibit jealousy when presented with a reason. I don't think that is unusual at all. For an interesting spin on that, read Mimi's "My Gift To You - Please Read" thread. There is talk of a Plan A meets a 180 approach that you may find interesting.

Strength and Confidence wins the war Cajun! Exude both and you'll "win" no matter what.

Well, i was just reading up on your sitch...things are going good and you have some great advice!

I hope that you're trip and conf. goes well! Take care and we look forward to hearing from you...

Oh, my "fog" lifted when I got my meds right...the recent bronchitis that I had and my meds really messed me up...

Feeling better and doing better...I pray the smae for you!

Thanks Rinder and Jayban,

I am too casser'd (ka-say-d), (Cajun for drunk or tore up, not sure about the spelling) from the hotel bar (Rinder may get it). That is how oil field conferences are. Lots of drinking and schmoozing. I will try to put together something intelligent later, but this is the best I can do for now. I had a session with S Harley this morning. WOW! These guys know their business. I have something to put together tomorrow when I am sober. Best money I ever spent. I will fill in details later.

Thanks for the support

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

That's one good nights sleep

Hi, Cajun...

Yeap...I'm familiar with the term...MOF, I know a little Cajun French adn what I do know I try to pass on to my boys...

I'm glad that you are enjoying yourself...I'm sure that it will be profitable in the long run for you! It's how the industry is...LOL...remember to hydrate today...

Take care! Wishing you the best!