It's so great to hear that you have so much support...that a great part of what gets us through the most difficult of sitchs...

Everything happens for a reason, I have faith in that! ANd I know that YOU and YOUR son will come out of this strong than before!

Breathe, and focus! One day at a time!

BC,

I am praying for you and your family. Remember, sometimes God works in mysterious ways. Hopefully, this crash will be the wake-up call that your WW and ILs needed to get her off her destructive path. Personally, I think this suicide attempt was directed at OM because he dumped her after she was giving up everything to be with him. I think it was to "get back" at him and make him feel bad. This will only push OM further away, and get her family on your side. It is sad that things like this have to happen, but hopefully some good can come of it.

BC~~

I'll be praying for you and DS night and day, and I'll pray for your WW too that maybe this is just the wake-up-call she needed to start thinking clearly and get her life back together.

((BC))

Your faithful friend,


CJ

I just got through consulting with my A. Apparently in La there is no such thing as legal seperation unless you are in a covenant M. We are not, so my only legal option is to file for D and get a 15 day sole custody order in which there will be a hearing scheduled for permanent custody. Her unoffical recommendation if I want to leave the door open for reconciliation is to leave DS where he is, which is with my Parents out of town. Give her time to get her treatment and talk to her when she gets out. Try to get her to agree to my requests and see how she handles it. If she refuses or gets aggressive about trying to get DS back then we will proceed legally.

A is concerned with going for the jugular when WW is already mental and suicidal. Legally, going for the jugular is my only option in La. A says WW may go the same rout if she wants DS, but we have our ducks in order to fight it. Also, because there is nothing legal between us right now she cannot use law enforcement to get custody of DS. He is safe at my parents house.

So I think I will give this a week or two to be resolved peacefully without legal action, but if she gets aggressive or hostile then I'm pulling the plug and protecting DS.

So this is it, if she gets the treatment she needs and makes an effort to get better then I will hold off for a little while longer. The first sign of trouble though, it's over.

Oh, I am also going to talk to DC. I want to be notified if WW attempts to pick up DS if and when I bring him home. DC may also be able to deny WW access to DS knowing the state she is in. I want to find out if they can do that. I just want them to be aware of the sitch so they can explain what legal rights they have and if I have any options.

Tell me what you're thinking. This is a lot for me to process.

They can! DC I mean, I have to get a notatory(?) to write up something saying that I am the only one that can pick up the kids.

I think it cost me like ten dollars to get it done! That way if she does try to pick up the kids and starts trouble, the DC can call the police. I'll try to find mine, I have a copy to give you an idea of what it said!

It's legal!

Here goes:

S4B, a person of full age of majority, who lives and resides in the parish of _____ having a domiclie address of _______________, who after being duly sworn did depose and state.

That I, S4B, hereby these presents attest to the fact that no one has permission to pick up my two minor children, namely, F & L from the day care. My Children's day care provider is _________ and her residence is ________.

Hope this helps!
I did it back in May to protect them!

Thanks Rin,

That helps tremendously with my biggest concern.

I would think WW could fight that though, did STBXH try anything?

Nope, not a thing!

I talked to DC and they are checking into it, but they're pretty sure they can only deny WW with a court order.

Rin,
I'm wondering if it's because they're a center and under different state regulations than a private sitter. I know DC has different state classifications and the different classes have different regulations.

They did need to know what was going on though so they could monitor DS's behavior and report any suspicious activity to me. They said they would help any way they could legally.

Again, I just want to thank everybody for their support and prayers. I'm getting a lot of feedback and its hard to address everybody personally sometimes, but I read every response and take it to heart.

Thanks

I don't know how LA is, but you will probably have a hard time getting sole custody. I know I did in California. I had a 3 year battle with my husband. He had 3 drunk driving convictions, and NO license, and the court still made me meet him and let him take the boys.

He finally made the mistake of coming to the court ordered counseling drunk. That was it. They gave me sole custody.

This may wake your wife up so that she sees what she is losing. I imagine by now that she wants OUT. I was in psych lock-up for 3 days 20 years ago, and it was NOT fun. When she gets out, she will very likely be embarrassed and mortified, and ready to make some changes.

I think your attorney is very wise.

Is there any way you could seek an order of protection (restraining order) to keep your WW away from your kids? I think that would be the easiest way to maintain sole custody without having to file for D if it is possible.

Do you have any idea when you will know something from the DC?

If you plan to have your leave your son at your parent's for a while, could that not work for you? The thing that I did?

Just a thought!

Do you think that it's better or worse in Louisiana that we don't have LSAs? I think that it sucks personally...I feel that we as citizens are very limited in our choices! Especially in sitchs like your's and mine!

How's your LB? This has to be a difficult time for you trying to protect the love that you have for her? ANd how is your strenght? Have you checked yourself in the past few days?

You have been through SO much in the past few months, self care...proper rest, eating habits, etc. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Believer,
Thanks for your insight coming from experience. I really don't want permanent sole custody, I just want to protect DS while WW heals. If I do file D then I want whatever it will take to keep WW from leaving the state with DS. I sure hope this is the wakeup call she needs. I want my child to have a good mother.

Jim,
I don't think I could do that. I want her to be with DS, just not unsupervised. If it's that bad then I will proceed with the D.

Rin,
I'll get back with DC later in the week to update them and find out about a notarized letter. DS will stay with my parents until I am satisfied with the arrangements.

I don't know about the whole LSA argument, but it sure would give me an DS some much needed protection w/o having to end the M. Like a legalized Plan B.

Speaking of Plan B, that's about where my LB is right now. This weekend just about finished me off. From what I can gather, her side thinks she needs time away from me and OM for her personal healing. If that's the case then I guess we're in Plan B. I don't even know if I'll have any direct contact with her when she leaves the hospital. I just need to wait and see what the sitch is like when she's released.

As for me. I'm as strong and healthy as I've been in awhile. I'm eating good, working out, I've been to the DR recently, everything's in check. I feel good, still get bouts of anxiety and depression but I cope well. Cigars for anxiety and exercise for depression.

So I'm doing good considering the sitch.

Thanks for all your support and advice

Have a nice evening!

I think this may really wake her up. It is proof positive that she is making poor choices. Stay calm, and see how she is thinking when she gets out.

I hope her family isn't going to enable her to ignore the consequences of her behavior.

I tried posting something similar last nigth...this is from another thread posted by Just learning...

I would like to call your attention to Step 5, the part about read and prepare for Plan B...

Step one is disclose this A.

STep two is to continue plan A a bit more, but really it seems she knows you will meet her needs.

Step three which really should come right after disclosure if not before,is to call the Harley's and get a plan.

Step four, protect your finances, see a lawyer and find out your options in your state. Is a legal separation available, what do you need to do to go to plan B?

STep 5 is read up and prepare for plan B, and that means seeking custody via a lawyer if you can. Here you need info. For example if you go to plan B, does moving out constitute abandonment? Better is to get her out.


You are not in Plan B until you have wrote the letter including instructions for the way home...JMHO, but I believe that right now would be a great time to do this...you can write it, mail it, and she will have it upon returning home!

All WS need instructions on the way back to the M...the rules and guidlines that you need to have a successful M following an A...

This is just food for thought, I understand that your plate is probably full right now...this is just something that you need to consider...in the long run should things not work out...you will have peace of mind knowing that you have done everything you can...

Trying hard to be a good Friend, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Rin

MIL came over last night after visit with WW. WW is in anxiety he// right now. It turns out WW is not on 72 hour observation, she is an admitted patient working with a psychiatrist until she is healthy enough to leave, then she will be on a plan for recovery. So at least she is getting proper treatment and there is no time limit.

Had a knock down drag out with MIL about custody. She finally agreed that DS doesn't need to be with WW alone for a while. Naturally when it was brought up she thought I was trying to take DS away from WW and that turned into a heated conversation and finally I had enough and layed into her with both barrels and after I said my peace she calmed down and we got somewhere. So either MIL or both of us will talk to WW about it.

MIL is still trying to do WW's rationalizing and justifying for her. She keeps challenging me and I have to stand up and give her he//. It's weird, because when MIL starts I tell her everything I've wanted to say to WW but can't and that venting is doing me some good. I feel like I finally have a voice in this crazyness, my side of the story gets to come out.

Also, MIL figured out on her own what OM was all about and wants to kill him. She told me he started back peddling as soon as WW moved by him. He wanted the fantasy without commitment. He didn't want her to leave me, he just wanted his fun. When she made commitment an option he ran for the hills and WW hung on with everything she had. So I'm no longer the bad guy. She even told me my younger BIL felt bad for me. I think he's looked up to me more than I ever realized.

Well I have a meeting in about 1 min, so I'll check in later

Rin,

Thanks for the Plan B post. I need to start working on my letter. I probably will schedule an appt with SH. I have to be careful in my Plan B letter considering the sitch. I also have to consider my custody arrangement. If she consents to supervised visitation that will make Plan B very difficult. I don't have anybody to be a full time intermediary and supervisor. We have no family in the area, I don't trust her school friends to do it, and the one good friend that I do trust lives too far to count on daily. She's a half hour from me and 45min from WW. I have one neighbor that would help, but she'd be right next door at the neighbor's house.

I think I'll start working on the letter, but wait and see what the sitch is when WW is released. Then I need to contact attorney again and explain the arrangements and see if it's time to get legal.

Man, I am wiped out. The adrenalin's fading and I need a vacation from this mess. I need to get to the camp.

Oh, I'm gonna go get DS Wed night. I don't know when WW will be released and I don't have to worry too much while MIL is in town.

Thanks Again

WW called tonight from the hospital. She sounded almost normal. I don't know if she's medicaded or her treatment's working or she's finally starting to snap out of it or all of the above, but she sounded pretty good. Didn't talk long, she was only allowed 5 minutes. I couldn't believe she called. I definately wasn't expecting it.

It looks like she's probably going to go to her mom's or her dad's when she gets out for a week or two. I hope she does. It would be nice to not have to worry about custody for a few weeks.

It also looks like she may be released as soon as tomorrow.
MIL is going to stick around until WW goes wherever she's going to go, so I'm feeling better about DS situation for now.

I'm going to bed

Goodnight everybody

BC,

Just want you to know that I am praying for you and WW.

Maybe this is her rock bottom.

Honestly, this is the BEST thing that could happen for your situation !

Our son had 9 psych hospitalizations in his early teen years ... by the 3rd one, we were old pros

The psych ward feels like a very very S A F E place for the patient ... their physical needs are met and there is ~always~ someone worse off than they are !!! ... and the focus is on perspective of reality NOT fantasy ~~~> while practicing speaking up .... accepting ownership is a BIG thing .... the talk therapy in the hospital (especially group) does not allow victim-thinking without everyone else (staff and patients) calling them on it

It's a pretty neat experience, actually

Pep