CW,

My heart wants her back. My head tells me to protect DS and cut WW loose so she can heal and recover which I know will take years as well. I find it impossible to trust her actions or her words right now. If I continue in the M I put DS and myself at great risk. My only option in La to protect DS is to file for D. So that is what I am doing. I can't just trust her to not pick him up from DC and run or do something much worse when they are alone. I want to save her, but find it too difficult to protect DS in the process. She does seem to be reaching out to me now, but I can't risk it. I want her to do this without me so that I know that she isn't letting me clean up the mess she made and not learning from it or finding true happiness. It's time for her to grow and learn to take responsability for her actions. I've always done that for her. I no longer wish to be her care giver. I want my next spouse wether it's WW or someone else to be my wife and partner, not a dependant.

I feel for my Wife too and I don't want explanation of her feelings because I never want to know what it feels like to be in her place. I'm pretty sure I've come close and that was bad enough.

I have not told her that I forgive her. I was going to, but she made her attempt before I had the chance. We're on good enough terms now though and I think I will do that.

Thanks for your insight, it is greatly appreciated

BC,

How about doing something like Plan B. Let your WW know that the D is to protect your son and your love for her; and when she get her act strightened out, you will welcome her back with open arms.

RAG,

I will tell her something like that, but I can't gaurantee her that I will be around when she gets better. I can't wait around forever and I don't know what my time line is and wouldn't tell her even if I did. There's been more damage done than I can possibly resolve on my own. If I'm still around when and if she gets better then I am sure she will be met with open arms. If I have moved on then well, I will have moved on.

I hate this entire mess, but I still have a life to live and a son to raise and I am fully prepared for what life has in store for us.

I guess I just have trouble looking into the future right now.

One day at a time.

BC,

One day at a time is all you can do. I pray everyday that God will give me enough strength to get through that day only - and He does.

I really hate to see how this has gone for you. Be the best man and best father you can be right now.

Nothing much to report. I've put in a call to A and still waiting for call back. I put in a request for a session with SH this morning so I am waiting to hear from him as well. I guess I'm in a different kind of limbo now.

The next few weeks are going to be he//.

Had a guys night out last night. First Tue of the month at Buffalo Wild Wings. 3 years running. I drank a few beers, smoked a cigar, and ate some chicken wings. It did me some good. There was only 6 of us this month so it was more intimate and we were able to talk as a group. I got plenty of therapy from the best drunk professionals in the business.

So I'm feeling bettter today than I did yesterday.

Talk to ya'll soon

Well BC,

If you're ever in need of the "real deal" of drunk professionals step into Plan B and join the Killer Bees. We are as exciting as a night on Andy's porch with Aunt Bea and Opie but we do spike our lemonade. "Mmmmmm Mmmmm Aunt Bea, that's good lemonade. Aint that good lemonade Op?"

It sure is Paw. Can we go fishing after we wake up from our hang overs?

LOL...I'm not much of a drinker but from time to time I'll have a sip! or two or three! LOL

I guess I could join in the fun a time or two...LOL...I'm usually the DD!

Rin,

There's no legal limit on the internet. Drink all you want!

but remember, Tequila makes her clothes fall off.

Well I never know when I post if I'll get some stones thrown at me- <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think with my ex it would have gone a long way into making me feel better if he would have ever said "I forgive you" when I asked for forgiveness, that's all.

CW,

I'm not a stone thrower. It is almost impossible to offend me. It's just not im my nature. I appreciate all the advice I get on this forum, even the stuff I don't agree with.

But in your case I agree with you and will heed your advice.

Thanks

Okay, just a few! More! LOL

Been busy. Quick update.

I had my session with SH and spokw with my A Thu.

A is getting the paperwork together and will have it ready Mon. I am filing temporary sole with joint domicilary permanent. If WW ever demonstrates some stability and gets over the suicide thougts I will go back to 50/50 as long as I am domicilary. I'm sure the judge will want a psyc eval to. he//, I want a psyc eval.

My session with SH was good. I wanted to make sure I was handling this right and for the most part I am. He wants me to make it clear that the D is strictly a legal manuver to protect DS. That way the doors still open to M recovery if WW ever gets there. He has a lot more hope than I do, but I will heed his advice. There are aome things like the brainwashing that I don't know if I can get over. That stuff was pure evil. That goes way beyond FOG thinking.

I think what's doing me in is that for a long time WW was textbook, well somewhere along the way she stopped being textbook and I have lost hope. I don't think I can risk being manipulated anymore. I guess time will tell.

Anyway, my spirits are up again despite the current sitch. Having DS back and knowing he is safe has picked me up a great deal. If I get the legal protection I want then I will feel even better.

Me and DS have been cutting up all morning and we have some good stuff planned for the weekend so WE will be pleasantly distracted for now.

Talk to ya'll later.

Hey BC--

Sorry--I'm a Pacific Northwester, and here at the ocean's coast we don't have "domicilary." What does that mean? Something like "where he lives"? Do you mean you're going for sole decision-making with joint living arrangements? Like, you are the only one who can make legal decisions for your son, but right now, he can visit back and forth with her? Or do you mean you're going for sole decision-making and sole living with you--and he can have supervised visits with her?

Sorry--I just don't understand the terms: "temporary sole with joint domicilary permanent." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Your faithful friend,


CJ

I think you got it about right CJ. Until WW gets it together I want sole custody with supervised visitation. Once I feel DS is safe with WW then I want 50/50 custody, but I am the deciding factor when it comes to DS. I want that mostly so she can't leave the state with DS. She's made threats about moving to TX or NH with DS in tow. She thinks she can just take him and leave.

But, that's for the judge to decide. So here I am hoping and praying for the best once again. Meanwhile, DS is sound asleep in his firetruck bed protected from all the garbage going on his parents lives and that's just how I want it.

I wish it would have been that way all along.

BC,
Good luck, you seem like a good father. I cannot imagaine what you are going through.

I am happy to see that you are taking your DS into account, and not letting him be with her. So often you hear of people that say, "oh, he should just be with their father, or mother" when they should not be.

Good luck to you, I am praying for you, and for everything to go in your favor with the judge! Stay strong!

Sadmo

HI...I'm trying to wind my self down to head to bed...just wanted to check on you and see how you're doing...

You sound like you're in a great place...Good to know... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I can say from my own experience and CJ can back me up, that there will be bad days and good days...please remember that should you feel guilty about your plan of action that this is not YOUR guilt...THIS is a consequence of WS's actions...

I know for me that I had to get out before I started hating STBX...I was running in the red for so long that I could see that happening...

I had to laugh today...I was thinking that "Yeah, I'm in Plan B, NO, I'm not I'm in PLan D with complete darkness." Plan B the WS knows that there's a way home...there IS NO WAY home as far as I'm concerned to much water under the bridge...

I think that you will make an AWESOME single dad! Keep up the great work and have a good weekend! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for your support Sadmo,
I am one that believes that in times like these the children should get all the love they can from both parents. I want WW to be as big a apart of DS's life as she can be. I don't want DS to feel like he's part of the problem. I don't want DS to be a pawn in this sick game. I want him to know his parents love him and I want him to have peace and stablilty in his life. I just have to protect him as much as possible. I didn't have to deal with this garbage as a child at it's killing me that he's been forced to. I'm doing everything in my power to soften the blow. Wish me luck!

Rin,
I'm doing good, but I don't know if I'm in a Great Place. That's what my goal is though and that's where I'm trying to head.
I don't think I feel guilty about much these days. I've finally come to accept that I didn't ask for this. I've been backed into a corner and forced to make decisions with imperfect information. I have been forced to make choices and decisions that I don't want to make, so if I don't get it exactly right I'm OK with that. I tried my best under the most horrible circumstances and I will accept the outcome regardless of what that is. I'm not talking about the immdiate outcome neither, I'm talking about the final outcome. I won't stop fighting until I'm either satisfied or out of options. Then I will rest.
As far as plans go. I'm in Plan BC And DS. I think you're in Plan Rin, F and L. That's exactly where we should be.
So feel good about that.

On another note

DS made out like a bandit this weekend. He got a ton of stuff for Easter and played non stop from Fri to Sun in 2 different cities. He heard how cute he was 10 million times (I counted) So the distractions this weekend did us a lot of good. WW did call Sun afternoon, but DS didn't want to talk to her. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse was more important. 3 year olds have their priorities.

So I feel good today.

Hope everyone else does too.

Later

I am very impressed with the way that you are handling things...you should pat yourself on the back from time to time...

Understandably a difficult sitch, but I have to give you your props! Bravo!

Yeap, I like my plan...life is so much more happier...I like this unknown better than the unknown with STBX...lol

I feel like I can duck and dodge the [email]cr@p[/email] balls that life throws at you better! LOL

I think that I only have one area of self control that "I" really need to work on...I think the others will improve as the stress decreases...

I'm trying hard to laugh more these days...I think it suits me well!

I know that you are concerned about DS, but I have to say that he's pretty strong himself and that's to your benefit...he was not about to tolerate being brainwashed and just from my experience as a kid...it's really hard to make a child not love the other parent, no matter what someone else says...

I was nine or ten when my grandmom really started talking bad about my mom in front of me...at least that was the first time I remember...

Kids are so resilent...amazing little creature...and he's got some great support from you and your family! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Reading your story, I think she was textbook most of the way. The oddity is that she broke down. I heard my wife made mention of suicide a few times earlier in the process, I think suicidal "mentionings" are quite common in our stories at some point or another. When the OP leaves the WS, when the WS realizes the mess they are in, etc, etc.

I see more hope in your story than you do. Keep the door open, eh? I agree with SH. (That's easy to do)

Ditto: You have done very well in all of this. You kicked [censored] in your story and stepped up like a man as father to your son. I'm extremely proud of you, happy for you, and hopeful that I'll read down the road that you are ALL back together as a family. A healthy one.