BC,
chin up! my FWH was in the psych ward twice while I was in Plan B...and then when he hit rock bottom...he asked to come home. as per CJ's list for coming out of Plan B--he was pretty much on target. and now, we're in Recovery...
so--there IS hope! (I agree with SH)
hugs,
cgw

Thanks Jay and cgw,
Somebody needs to have some hope for us. I'm actually going through some anger for WW right now. I guess it's general frustration for the entire situation. I'm glad she's in NH right now because I really don't want to see or hear from her right now. I don't know how long that will last, but in La it takes a year for the D to finalize so I've got some time to get through this. I'm really to the point to where I'm not making any more effort until/if she comes to me. I don't see myself asking for reconciliation any more. I'm not in Plan B because OM is history. For the next year I'm going to move foward in my life and if she wants in she'll have to ask.

I don't know what's going to happen when she gets served, especially if I get temporary sole custody. She's not the kind to accept her responsibilty. She'll probably feel entitled and seek revenge. I don't know. I don't even want to speculate. I just want this week to be over.

I'm going to the A after lunch to sign papers and pay my retainer. I hope to have my custody petition approved by Fri. Then I get to wait and see how WW reacts when she gets back from NH. Right now she thinks she will have DS this weekend.

If you can't tell in my writing I'm all over the place in my head. Trying to figure out what's right, what's best for all parties.

I know it's all normal. I'm just tring to find my feet after getting sucker punched.

2X4- not best for ALL parties...just YOU and DS...when we use the word all we are speaking from our inner child...

LOL...granted I know that you are in touch with that part of you but in this case you need to live in your adult self and just consider yourself and DS...

Yes, you are right these are normal feelings...this IS a difficult time for you...please remember one day at a time...not the end of the week, not even tomorrow...

Okay, today I am signing papers...picking up DS from daycare, and doing whatever TODAY has...

I found that with myself even when I focused on the next day I was sometimes hurting myself...I DO have a tendency to live in the future something I am trying to correct...doing this only creates more anxiety for ME...

I'm not saying that is your case, but if it is only you have the power to be at more peace with yourself...

Another trap that you may find yourself in is the guilt trap...please do not take on guilt that is not your own...You have stated that he feel you have been forced into this sitch in order to protect yourself and your DS...This is (an you can 2X4 me later for repeating, b/c I know you KNOW this) a consequence of her actions...

Own your own anger, depression, happiest, whatever...when you start to feel something new ask yourself: Where is this coming from? Be true to yourself and you will be less likily to sabbotage yourself in the long run...

YOU'RE a smart, intelligence guy...YOU have done some good work...be cautioned about self-doubt...I have battled that problem for years...KNOW in your heart that you are doing the right thing...TRUST yourself...you've made it THIS far...

LMAO...YOU must be doing something right! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Breathe, and stay focused on the goal...recenter! K?

http://www.relationshipjourney.com/divstage.html

Just a little sumthin! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the 2 x 4 Rin,
I think I was going through the self doubt about following through. I just got back from the A and I feel much better now that it is done. I'll probably still be a little messed up until she is served, but I'm much better now than I have been since yesterday when the weekend high wore off.

I think I'll be fine once all the legal stuff is rolling and I can go back to my typical day to day routine.

Anyway, I'm off to the gym for some therapy and then going pick up DS.

I'll post some more later
Have a good evening

Well, I'm glad that you felt better...I agree I was a mess until STBX got served...it was REALLy hard when I was still in the house with him waiting on that day!

If I understand right, you are nervous b/c you are assuming what HER reaction will be? Do you fear what she may do? Our fear is usualy WAY out there in comparsion to what ACTUALLY happens...speaking from experience...LOL...and lots of it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You're right, you will be fine...it's a matter of attitude and we're all scared of change whether it's good or bad!

I have faith in you...YOU are doing SO great! I also want to applaude you for taking some time for yourself yesterday to go work out...I think that you are really aware of what you need and are exercising great self-care!

Keep up the great work!

Oh, no serious advice for me these days? What's up with that! HUH? HUH? HUH? LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I smiled at you!

I was just joking! I had to pick on you today...it was perfect..the clouds were perfectly alinged with the tree outside which sits in front of the door, next to house...

Since that was all set up, I chose to pick on YOU today!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well we wouldn't want to disrupt the space/time continuam.

If we learned anything from Back to the Future it was that.

Oh...and the Flux capaciter is what makes time travel possible...also goo to know

I'll answer your actual post later. I actually have a little work to get done.

Send F I can use him today. Can he work a P-touch label maker?

He's easily trainable...probably works harder than some adults...

He was helping build fences with his Grandpa at 4, carring fence posts, four at a time...he's a great helper...LOL...when he wants too!

this morning he's making airplanes...big project...running outside to see if they fly...LOL...I'm not sure that he'll meet the deadline...you know stressful work building planes!

He's opting out of labeling for me this morning...

Well at least we know the future of air travel is in good hands..LOL

I was hoping to hear from my A this afternoon. There's still time, but I'm getting anxious. A is supposed to run my sole custody exporte past the judge today.

It be nice to know sooner rather than later.

((((BC))))

I can relate to the anxiety that you are feeling...Breathe, and try to relax...like it was asked to me in the past by LA...what's a rush ever got you?

YOU will be fine...breathe...take it minute by minute...you are dealing with OP on this...OP have there own agents(sick kids, sick parents, whatever)...problems in there life...just mentioned that in case it wasn't today...LOL...remember my judge went on vacation!

So, minute by minute...hour by hour...day by day...whatever it takes...

You are NOT going to have trouble with this...but if I'm understanding you correctly you won't feel better until you have it in writing...that's the way I feel about it too...

YOU are his primary care giver...you bathe him, you feed him...come on B, just like me, you got this... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Have faith in the God of your understanding! There was a saying that STBX's GM use to say..."God takes care of babies, old folks, and fools."

LMAO...JJ...You got that covered on two ends! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I might be a Coullion, but I'm no fool!....wait a minute....nevermind

breathing....relaxing....understanding my God

Watch out, don't relax to much...you're at work! LMAO

I've been hearing this song on the radio a lot and stumbled on the accoustic version which is even better.

It could be the BS national anthem. Hits home pretty hard.

Foo Fighters - Times Like These

Lyrics:

I, I'm a one-way motorway
I'm the road that drives away
Follows you back home

I, I'm a streetlight shining
I'm a white light blinding bright
Burning off alone

It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again

I, I'm a new day rising
I'm a brand new sky to hang
The stars upon tonight

I, I'm a little divided
Should I stay or run away
Leave it all behind

It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again

It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again

It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again

OUTSTANDING! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

A called. Judge sitting on paperwork. Scared to sign it. Doesn't like Temp Sole Custody Exporte's. A says he'll probably sign, but not until next week. She says its common for them to hold off until they know they can get a quick hearing since the order is only good for 10 days. I don't understand it all, but basically I'm screwed for this weekend.

Now I have to try and convince WW to not take DS for the weekend and visit him at home or let me stay with them this weekend.

If that doesn't work I'll have to decide if she's a big enough risk for me to hide DS. That's not such an easy decision. DS is starting to ask about her. I want him to see her, I want her to see him. Has the trip done her enough good. Has she gotten over OM enough to be safe. I don't know. Do I start WW3 over this. I don't think she would harm DS. I'm worried about her having another break down or worse.

A says law won't get invovled without a court order. I may just leave work at lunch tomorrow and go get DS before she gets in. She can't legally take him from me without a court order either. As long as I have him he's safe. The law won't get involved.

Calgon take me away! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

OKay...I before E...If I'm hearing you right, you are emotional right now...

Do not make this harder on yourself than it has to be...you have every right to be upset, however, you need a plan...

Have you already agreed that she would visit with him this weekend? What about picking him up like you said and going to your mom's for the weekend? Didn't she agree to the supervised visitation before she left when her mom was there?

You can do this, look innocent and come out smelling like a "red" rose...

I agreed to her having him this weekend only in that it's her weekend in our current custody agreement which is verbal.

She never agreed to supervised visitation. When we discussed it she dropped the subject when I wouldn't budge. Started rambling about our CD collection.

Looking innocent is not going to be easy since I've had DS for 3 weeks now. To accidentally go to Houma the day she comes back from a week long trip is a gamble in court. A doesn't seem to be all that worried about it, so it might not be such a gamble other than that DS is starting to ask about her. Do I deny him visitation with his mommy.

What I'm having trouble figuring out is if she's a big enough risk to go through all that and start a war.

I think I'll call my A tomorrow and see what looks better for court. I think I should have that info before I decide what to do.

I've got to protect DS, but I don't want to shoot myself in the foot either.

How serious do I take her ramblings from 2 weeks ago, the day after being released. She's had a week with her mom and a week with her dad and all of NH family.

I've got till tomorrow to decide. I'm need to put it all on the table so I can look at it. That will be my assignment for tonight.

A also mentioned calling her and talking about it. If she knows what I am doing she may not want to risk her chances in court by doing something stupid.

Just getting my thoughts out. I know it's all jumbled.

The 3 of you go to a park ....

son can play with Mommie ... while you *ahem* read a book from a bench (watching)

bring balls
toys
bubbles
balloons
ice-cream money
sidewalk chalk
trike

you supervise without interfering

would this work?

Pep

BC,

It's hard to tell what state of mind your WW will be in, so prepare for each one, okay?

If she is cooperative and wants to see DS, you might suggest that it would be best FOR ALL INVOLVED if there was supervision--that way she gets her visit and someone else can confirm how she did or did not behave -AND- someone can keep an eye on him for safety for your concerns.

If she is cooperative and willing to wait until next weekend, go for that.

If she is NOT cooperative, I would suggest a supervisor WHOM YOU TRUST (probably not her parents because they are in denial with her). Document this. It will show your willingness to reach an arrangement for visitation, her unwillingness to cooperate, and the steps you took to protect DS.

If she is NOT cooperative and belligerent, I would not even bother to drop him off at daycare tomorrow. Call in sick, head to "the coast" or "the mountains" or some place and just be gone for the weekend. However, document your attempt to reach visitation arrangements, and document her lack of cooperation and belligerence.

No matter what happens or why this weekend, do your best to document everything that happened, everything that was said, and WHY you reached the decision you did. If you can, tape or video tape.

Finally, follow the advice of your A and use your own good sense. You know WW better than any of us here, and I suspect there is some part of you that can tell when you need to protect your son from her. When that little voice whispers inside you, though, listen to it--don't just tell it to shush.

(((((BC)))))

Your faithful friend,


CJ