1. Do you know how to recongize WS babble?

2. Do you know how to respond?

Just wondering.

L.

I am getting better at recognizing it but I still allow myself to believe it too much.

Responding is another story. When I have a good reverse response, I give it. If I don't, I just stay quiet.

I've read some pretty good (and entertaining) examples of it here - love the wise translations offered BTW.

I personally have little to no communication with me X anymore, but on the rare occasion it's all babble to me.

I try not to take it personally, try not to correct with reality or defend myself. (Mostly I just avoid contact with him because I don't want to hear anymore of it.)

But anyway I'll try to answer your question.

WS babble sounds like:

any and all gushing about how they've found their 'soulmate'

descriptions of the OP as perfect, blameless, superior to the WS, blah-blah-blah

claims that they were 'driven away' by the BS, that THEY (the WS) were the ones who tried, singlehandedly, to make the marriage work, but alas, finally had to give up because the BS wouldn't contribute/appreciate/cooperate/whatever

or that they now realize they never loved you

or maybe they 'love you but are not in love with you'

that the marriage was dead already when they got involved with the OP therefore it's not adulterty - nevermind that the adultery started before there was even a separation let alone divorce, and ignoring the fact that any and all attempts by the BS to get the WS to discuss the marriage, improve the marriage, go to counseling, or even go on dates with them were shot down with 'if it's not broke - don't fix it' or 'we can't afford to go on a date'

My ex once told a marriage counselor (one of the VERY rare times he conceded to attend a session with me) that we couldn't afford to date. The counselor asked if he could even afford to take me out once a month? Nope. How frequently (infrequently) COULD he afford dating his wife? Never! That counselor told WS it sounded like he couldn't afford to date ANY women period! WS was having one-night stands on business trips with the rationalization that the wining and dining of the OW was at the company's expense!!! But when I was the one who had a job requiring lots of travel I took my husband out either just before or just after the trip, in our hometown, charged to the tript expense. Plus on two week business trips I had the option of flying home over the weekend or flying my spouse to where I was. Only a few times was I able to talk him into flying to where I was.... I had a trip to Australia with a stopover on the way home in Hawaii. It took weeks to talk him into meeting me in Hawaii so we could spend a few days there together! He would agree and then change his mind and say no. (He was at that time having an affair - supposedly only emotional not physical - with his best friend's wife and evidently she was trying to talk him out of going. Eventually he did go but refused to have a good time...

OK, side rant over, back to WS babble:

the kids will be OK

if the kids are obviously not 'OK' then the BS must be 'turning them against' the WS

I was told by WS at one point that it was my job to tell the kids that 'they're feelings are wrong'

'no man would want you' (reason given why I shouldn't date or remarry)

'the kids need to see us together' (reason WS thought I should allow him to hang out in my home watching movies with us, having dinner with us, not being excluded from holiday celebrations - also reason he gave for why I needed to come along for his visitation with the kids!)

It all sounds pretty insane and at times even hysterical.

weirdness - so weird that those who didn't hear it directly usually refuse to believe WS really said it.

I'm at the public library because I can no longer afford internet access at home. And when I woke up this morning I just KNEW I HAD TO come to Marriage Builders today to talk to some SANE folks!

My WS's babble has severely infected my youngest DD...

She says to me:

'You're a loser - no wonder Dad left you'

'nobody can stand you'

'nobody likes you'

'you're annoying'

Or on days she's trying to be nice to me:

'nobody stays married forever'

'people just fall out of love - it's nobody's fault'

'normal families have moms who always have dinner on the table at 6 PM' (said on days when I work)

'the only reason we can't afford internet/cable/2nd car/eating out... is because you're too lazy to get a better/second job (said on days when I don't have work - in spite of fact that I have applied for literally dozens of jobs in numerous lines of work, have updated my resume and presented it to dozens of companies and placement agencies)

'we're not a family' (said when I want us to do something together)

BTW Daddy can do no wrong. On the rare occasions she concedes that just maybe the selfish choices he made put us in this fine mess she says: 'well you married him'
Therefore he has zero responsibility for anything he says or does, or fails to say or do.

By contrast, her criticisms of me, on everything from how I arrange the furniture, how I drive, what I wear, just everything no matter how trivial are incessant. (Finally one day I told her to call her Daddy and complain to him because after all, he married me!)

Oh and of course he is a 'good dad' simply because on the rare occasions he does spend time with her he spends money on her (I can't compete)

Reason why she can't EVER complain to he father about any of the numerous things she 'hates' about her life:

'I don't know him well enough to talk about that stuff with him'

'I don't have a problem with him - just you'

'you're trying to blame him - nothing's his fault'

'you don't want me to see him' (She did admit once that she knew if she compained to him about anything that he would just not spend time with her - which BTW is absolutey true)