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#1826563 02/15/07 11:41 AM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1
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kcrone Offline OP
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K
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1
I have seperated 3 months ago from my wife of 10 years. We were together for 14 years and just had our first child a year ago. She thinks I left her for another woman and can understand why she thinks that(timing). But I think the marriage was over before that. I was acting out in order to get any attention from her and not recieving it. I understand looking back now that it was childish to go about it that way. She claims that she has changed after I explained my feelings. We tried to get back together and it only lasted 4 days because I was comparing feelings of my "new love" but can't be sure if she is just trying to be together and not out of love. I wanted to go to counseling before we tried but she showed up with her clothes ready to move back in and pretend it never happened. Every night I lay awake looking at all the memories that are left in our home. Is there hope for a marriage that has been let go this far. I still care about her deeply but am afraid to roll the dice and find out. As for the other woman she treats me great but I wish we would have met after my marriage was completely over for the both of us. I am afraid that I might miss out on true love(if there is such a thing) if I let her go in order to try to work things out.I am very torn and the only positive thing is focusing on my daughter and her needs. I feel dead inside.

kcrone #1826564 02/15/07 11:59 AM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 67
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You're in the right place K. Read up on the Emotional Needs section of this site. You are apparently beginning to have an Emotional Affair - you are not divorced so you shouldn't be involved with anyone. You are starting to enter "the fog." This isn't going to help you sort out the true intentions of your Wife nor is it going to be fair to anyone else involved, including your child.

A successful marriage isn't finding the right person-it's being the right person.

Peace.

blue


frankly frank, you should be more frank.
frankly #1826565 02/15/07 04:27 PM
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Did you know the other woman before you split with your wife?

kcrone #1826566 02/15/07 06:01 PM
Joined: Aug 2005
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I'm trying to empathize with your frustration and confusion but I'm going to have to beat you up a little.
Quote
She thinks I left her for another woman and can understand why she thinks that(timing). But I think the marriage was over before that.
It doesn't matter if you think it was over before that. You made a decision to go to the OW rather than stay and work on it with her. So yes, you left her for another woman.
Quote
Is there hope for a marriage that has been let go this far..... I am afraid that I might miss out on true love(if there is such a thing) if I let her go in order to try to work things out.
There is hope but only if the OW is COMPLETELY out of the picture. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
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I feel dead inside.
"I feel" is the problem here. Your so caught up in the fog of the A that you can't see how your wife feels.

Here's my suggestion:
1) NO more contact with OW. (delete and block every phone number, email, etc) Don't even ask friends how she is doing.
2) Get in marriage counseling ASAP even if wife will not go.
3) Read information on this site regarding recovery from A and marriagebuilders principles.
4) Quit letting fear prevent you from devoting yourself to recovery. I'm talking years, not days. Think of it this way. Even if it doesn't work, you will at least be able to look your DD in the eyes and honestly say that you tried.

fbwidow #1826567 02/16/07 07:34 PM
Joined: Nov 2003
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fbwidow said it all

#1 is key. No Contact what so ever.

As long as OW has any means of meeting your EN's then your W has competition.

There is no competition in marriage


Don't pick the scabs or you will never heal
Marilyn Manson

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